Chapter 14 #3
“Yes! All you gotta do is nod along and laugh at their jokes and act like whatever success they had recently is the greatest achievement ever. People love talking about themselves. But this? This is barbaric! I-it is so loud and crowded and everyone is drunk, and… a-and…”
The onslaught of loud music had him spinning around. The couple disappeared back inside, thankfully closing the door behind them. The phone trembled in Baz’s hand.
“Hey, it’s okay. I get it. That can be overwhelming.” Sami’s gentle tone soothed his pounding heart. “Do you never go to parties or is this one especially awful?”
“The last one I went to voluntarily was the graduation party from law school, and I hated every second of it.”
“How come?”
“Aside from the horrible music, and the drunk and high idiots wreaking havoc?” Baz sighed. “There was this girl, Bernila. She tried to kiss me. And when I turned her down, she puked all over both of us. I drove her home after to make sure she was safe. My car smelled like vomit for a week.”
“Damn. That was nice of you.”
“The others didn’t see it that way. They thought I took her home to hook up, and since then, rumors about me seducing women left and right have been following me around. Women, Sami.”
As long as Collin was around to keep them alive, Baz would never live those accusations down. Not without coming out of the closet—and he wasn’t planning on doing that until he was on top of the food chain and above the DEI accusations.
“That’s how those started! I was wondering why people said you were straight. I thought it was good old heteronormativity, but wow. Look at you, being a good person.”
Baz huffed. “Regretting that, believe me. I mean, not getting her home, but going in the first place.”
“At the risk of stating the obvious, if you’re having a bad time, why don’t you just leave?” The words sounded too gentle to be accusing.
“I can’t. You know the kind of people who are made partner?
The kind who go wild with the existing partners at ridiculous parties like this.
If they don’t see me at Sullivan’s birthday, they won’t invite me to exclusive client events, which means they won’t think of me for the big cases, and they’ll promote their buddies over me. ”
“You’re right, it’s much better they think of you as the guy who hides away at parties instead.”
Was that supposed to be helpful?
“Gee, thanks. I’m feeling much better already.”
“Hey, I’m just being honest. There are gaps in your master plan.”
“I know. I just…” Baz closed his eyes. “I’m not good at this. People.”
Let Sami laugh at his social incompetence. Everyone else had, too, at some point.
“I don’t know about that. You know, being fun at social engagements is no different than sucking up to someone professionally.
People still love to talk about themselves, if you can stand being bored.
Or find the other outsiders to hang out with, there’s always some.
Or flirt with a few guys, that’s what I do. ”
A sting pierced through Baz’s chest. “You do?”
Him not being enough shouldn’t be a surprise. They barely saw each other and Sami had made it clear that there were others. But picturing Sami flirting with someone else the way he did with Baz burned a hole in his stomach.
“I mean, not recently. I prefer my men one at a time.”
So the list of people he had to visit had been a joke? And Baz was his choice, out of the thousands of gay men in this city? That was more than a plaster; the burning pain evaporated into a warm fog, embracing Baz’s heart.
“Me too.”
“Good to know.” Sami’s tone was warm like a summer day. “Hey, listen to me. You’re gonna go back in there, and you’ll propose a round of shots.”
“I have to drive.”
“Fill yours with water, doesn’t matter. You just need to initiate it.
Laugh at their stupid jokes, make a few of your own like I know you can, get another round of shots, and then—oh no!
—you have a family emergency and gotta leave even though you were having the best of times.
You were seen to be the life of the party, everyone knows Baz Hadley can have fun, and you’re home before midnight. ”
That… might actually work. How had he not thought about that? Sure, it would be awful while he was in the thick of it, but Baz pretended every day. He could pretend a little more, for the sake of making it back to the safety of his bed. Or to Sami’s, falling into his arms…
Baz shook his head to dismiss the thought. More people were the last thing he needed after an event like this. Strange for his brain to forget that.
“I guess I can give that a try.”
“I know you can. You’re better at this than you think.”
“How would you know that? Are you here? Are you watching me?”
Sami chuckled. “You project confidence, Baz. That’s why you were such an intriguing challenge for me too.”
He really meant that, didn’t he?
“Thank you,” Baz whispered.
“Of course, at a closer look, you’re a total mess.
I mean, you’re so high-strung, you lost your shit over a coffee stain.
You are majorly obsessed with what people think of you, and you have a stick up your butt so huge, it would make the most well-hung guy on the planet feel insecure.
But I’ve seen you loosen up after an orgasm. I know you can do it.”
“Thanks again, really,” Baz deadpanned.
“Anytime. I’m really good with people,” Sami hummed.
“I hadn’t noticed.”
“Rude!” Sami rolled the r in a way that scratched an itch in Baz’s brain he hadn’t known was there. “You’re lucky you got me.”
“As far as frivals with benefits go, I suppose you’re right.”
“Aw. Now stop stalling and give them hell, honey.” The smile seeping through Sami’s words was nearly as beautiful as the one Baz imagined on his face. Soft, cheeky. The kind that made the stars in his eyes glow.
“I’ll try. Have a good night, Sami. And… thank you. I mean it.”
“Anytime. Good night, Baz.”
The line went dead.
Anytime. The promise echoed in his mind.
Since Sami believed in him, maybe this was destined to end in disaster.
“Here goes nothing,” Baz muttered to himself. With a bracing breath, he opened the door to the lion’s den. A wall of hot air and horrible music punched him in the face. The numbing fog crept into the edges of his mind. Baz willed it away.
Offer alcohol. Feign interest. Laugh.
He could do this.
Collin and the other guys were still in the center of the living room, though the beer bong had thankfully disappeared. Baz forced a smile on his approach and clasped Collin’s shoulder.
“Who wants shots?”
It actually fucking worked.
The exhaustion sat in every cell of Baz’s body when he got home; he bonelessly collapsed onto his bed. His head hurt like a car had run over it three times, and yes, he’d need forty-eight hours in a dark room to recover from this charade of being fun, but he had done it.
The guys had laughed and partied, accepting shot after shot. He had endured pats on his back and strangely lingering hugs from allegedly straight men, but after forty-five minutes, Eevee had suddenly, desperately, needed him and though it broke Baz’s heart to leave, ‘family had to come first’.
No one mocked him, no one called him boring.
Quite the opposite, he got sympathetic nods and comments about what a shame it was he had to go, how good it was that he had come.
Sullivan even said he would stop dumping annoying cases on him, now that he knew Baz had a cool side.
Baz hadn’t realized Sullivan had been doing that in the first place, but it sounded like a compliment. Of sorts.
He felt as though he had unlocked the secret to human interaction, and it was all thanks to Sami.
Look at that. For once, something you said wasn’t full of shit.
Thank you. <3
The response was immediate. Did Sami ever sleep?
glad to hear it!! im sure you were amazing <3 <3 <3
Baz traced his thumb over the message. So much faith in him, for no reason.
Unless there was one.
He hugged his phone and surrendered to the fuzzy feeling blossoming in his chest.