Chapter 16
Chapter sixteen
Rays of amber sun stole the brightness from Baz’s desktop, making it impossible to decipher the words of the trial brief he was drafting. He swiveled his chair toward the window, twiddled a paperclip between his fingers.
The orange sunset swallowed the blue of the day, backlighting the majestic downtown buildings and the scattered dark, dense clouds dotting the sky.
He could close the blinds and ignore it. Or, since it would take another hour for the sun to cease its sabotage—would it be preposterous to invite Sami to dinner?
Perhaps if Baz casually texted him that he thought about going to a restaurant, Sami would understand that as an unspoken invitation and join. Or Baz could turn the tables and surprise him at his place for once—only now he realized that he had no idea where Sami lived.
That ought to be corrected soon.
Tonight, though… The sunset really was breathtaking. How handsome Sami would look, coated in the golden light that would make his skin glow and his hair shimmer light brown. It would be a shame to waste such a divine sign for a break on a Friday night.
Maybe Baz could score a reservation somewhere high up above the city, see Sami’s eyes sparkle as he marveled at the changing colors…
Knock knock.
Ugh. Work.
Baz spun around—his insides froze at the sight of his own face, thirty years older. The same square shape and muddy eyes, except with deep frown lines carved into the pale skin.
The paperclip snapped between his fingers.
“Hello, Baz,” his father said. Jack’s voice was deeper than Baz remembered it, rumbling through him like an earthquake, shaking the walls of his composure.
Baz clawed into the desk. It was the only thing standing between him and committing a crime. The dull pain in his fingertips wasn’t nearly enough to still the urge for destruction that coursed through him.
“Do not call me that.” That was Mom’s name for him. Jack didn’t get to sully it when he was the reason she was gone.
“Sebastian,” Jack corrected. His bottom lip quivered under the glassy eyes. He wrung his hands. “Look at you. All grown up, in your own office.”
Oh, he could shove the proud dad act up his ass.
“Get out,” Baz growled.
The scissors on his desk looked way too inviting, and he refused to go to jail over Jack, no matter how badly he deserved to feel just a fraction of the pain he inflicted on others.
“I know I have no right—”
“Damn right you don’t.”
“—but can we talk?”
“No.”
“Baz, I-I mean Sebastian, I…”
“I said no!” Baz slammed his hands on the table as he stood up. “You don’t get to show up here unannounced after thirteen years and demand to speak to me!”
Jack held his hands up in surrender. “I know! I just…” The sentence faded into nothing. How could he not know what to say? How could he force himself into Baz’s life without an apology ready?
Evidently, Jack was still the same selfish jerk they had left behind in their childhood, and that was where he should remain.
“You have five seconds to leave before I call security. Five.”
Jack’s nod was heavy. “Right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.”
Oh, so he was capable of an apology, just not for making their lives miserable. Baz glared at him with the fury of a lifetime of neglect boiling inside of him. “Four.”
Finally, Jack retreated. Taking the wrong turn for the exit.
He could fall off the roof for all Baz cared.
Baz dropped into his chair. It rolled back under his weight; he crashed head-first against the window. Fuck! He slammed his fist onto the desk. The pain shot up his arm.
How dare Jack? This was what happened when a good person like Eevee opened the door just the tiniest bit. The vipers slithered through and took took took anything they could get their venomous little fangs into.
Did she know? Was this her twisted idea of a family reconciliation?
God, Baz needed to calm down. Eevee would never do that to him. This had Jack’s entitlement written all over it. Baz could strangle him! He wanted to demolish his office with a sledgehammer, he wanted the hole in his chest to stop burning, he wanted… he looked at his phone.
Fuck it.
Annoying Stalker
I nearly killed your twin earlier
the resemblance is uncanny
Underneath, a picture of a pile of dogshit. Oh, for fuck’s sake.
Despite the shadows from the past clawing at him, Baz’s groan turned into a laugh.
He buried his face in his hand, dragged it down.
He was such a mess. But so was Sami, and right now, what Baz needed, what he craved, was more of that disarming humor, the softness in Sami’s eyes that made him feel like maybe, he wasn’t so goddamn alone all the time.
Thank god. A funeral is the last fucking thing I need today
why?
wanna talk? <3
(just so I can feel better about what an awesome day I’m having)
Baz hit the call button. It rang twice before Sami picked up.
“Hi, honey.” His slightly muffled voice was a balm for Baz’s strained soul.
“Unfortunate encounter after work,” Baz said in lieu of a greeting.
“Was it Ian? Because if so, I had no idea.”
Baz’s heart jumped at the implication that Sami would have told him if Ian had planned an ambush—which was precisely what was not supposed to happen between them, so he pushed it out of his mind.
“No. It… it was my dad.”
“I gather that’s bad?”
“We haven’t spoken in thirteen years. For good reason.”
“Oh. Damn, that’s heavy. Did you tell him that coming by unannounced is my job?” It was a terrible joke—even calling it that was generous—and yet, Baz couldn’t help but smile.
“Yes, Sami, I’ve told everyone that you have exclusive surprise-me rights.”
“You better. You wanna talk about it?” The humor in his tone disappeared in favor of a softness that reduced the storm inside of Baz to a gentle breeze.
“No. It’s just shit. I mean, what right does he have to show up here?”
“None,” Sami was quick to say.
“What has possessed him?”
“Maybe he’s dying?”
The words hit him like a punch in the gut. Was that what this was, the final attempt for penance from a dying man?
That changed nothing, of course. Jack could have died at any point during the past decade, and Baz would have popped a bottle of champagne.
Although the thought that he wasn’t out there anymore, that Baz would never get to confront him or hear an apology, never find closure…
“I’m sorry, that got dark.”
For once, a ‘sorry’ out of Sami’s mouth sounded genuine. And over Jack Hadley. What a waste.
“For all I know, you might be right. I just don’t know how I’d feel about that.”
“Who would?” A woman’s laugh overshadowed the words, quickly replaced by a crackling sound. Baz’s heart dropped into his pants.
“Are you out?” He should have expected that. Sami was sociable and fun, of course he wouldn’t spend his Friday night waiting around for Baz to call.
“Eh, yeah, but don’t worry about it. Actually. Do you want to join? I’m at Dorothy’s Friends with the gang. Queer Trivia starts at nine, if you want a distraction?”
“Dorothy’s Friends?” Baz echoed. That was the most overrated gay bar in town. He’d been there once, shortly after his twenty-first birthday, and it had been awful.
The floors were sticky, the space cramped and weirdly red, and the drag queen on duty that night had been mediocre at best. Even the guy he went home with, who had been so insistent on being a power bottom, had turned out to be a huge disappointment.
“Yeah, you know. The place where boys talk to boys and girls talk to girls,” Sami said.
“That’s cisnormative.”
“I know, but it’s what the Lift driver called it when he dropped us off here and I thought it was cute. Picture that with a thick Russian accent.”
“You sold your soul to the devil and can’t afford a cab company that pays their workers a living wage?” Baz bit his tongue, too late. That wasn’t fair, especially not when Sami was being kind.
“Bold of you to assume the devil pays me a living wage,” Sami gave back. “You don’t have to come, it was just an idea. I know you don’t like having fun, but we can leave when it gets too much? Your apartment isn’t that far from here.”
Navigating an unfamiliar social setting was high on the list of things Baz avoided on any given day.
But Sami would be there. Sami, who had helped him get through Sullivan’s party with mere words.
Sami, who, somehow, managed to make him laugh even now.
Sami, whom he could drag into the bathroom and catch a break with.
It was that or being alone with his thoughts in his empty apartment.
“Why the hell not?”