Chapter 20
Chapter twenty
The earthy smell of grass after a night of rain enriched the air.
Breakfast on the living room balcony, the bigger one of the two, had been Sami’s idea since it—allegedly—was the only inviting part of Baz’s apartment.
Baz objected to the statement. Sami clearly had a great time in his bedroom too.
Even Sami couldn’t argue with that, but that didn’t stop him from finding other hangups.
The crunch of teeth biting into plain, almost-burned toast was cut short by Sami’s chuckle, way too amused that bread was the only food in Baz’s kitchen cabinets.
How could Baz have known he’d have a guest to feed in the morning?
Besides, coffee and toast had served him perfectly well as breakfast for five years now—another fact Sami deemed hilarious.
“Why would you choose to live like this? Why spend all your money on a fancy apartment and expensive suits you freak out about when they get dirty if that means you can’t afford groceries?”
Rude. Baz could afford groceries. They simply were a pointless investment.
No one cared what he ate at home, they cared if he could afford to pick up the tab at a networking dinner in a fancy restaurant.
Plain toast in the morning didn’t harm him, but running around in subpar suits like Sami did would cause him a rash at best and hinder his promotion at worst.
“If I’m gonna be a partner by the time I’m thirty, I have to look the part. What you wear, where you live, matters.”
He could swear that was Aya’s voice that had just come out of his mouth. Maybe he should risk showing up in a cheap suit once, that might break the ice between them. Or she might give up on him altogether… His throat thickened. He wouldn’t risk that. Still, he missed her.
“All right, Elle Woods,” Sami huffed. “Existing just to be seen sounds exhausting.”
“It will be worth it when I’ve made it.”
“Hm.” Sami planted his feet on Baz’s lap and sank deeper into the lounge chair. “Remind me why that is your goal?”
“Why shouldn’t it be? I can do it, therefore I should.”
Sami cocked one eyebrow. His pervasive stare went through Baz like an X-ray.
Fine.
“My father is a cop. He hates lawyers, so I vowed to myself to become the best there was.” He would have gone down the criminal justice road to really piss Jack off if that didn’t mean a higher chance of seeing him at court or—god forbid—having to work with him.
“I vowed to myself to become an astronaut and be the first human on Mars, but then I developed motion sickness on rollercoasters. Goals can change.”
“Why should mine?” Why should he aim to achieve less than his potential allowed?
He had invested so much into this, as had Eevee and Joel by picking up extra shifts so he could focus on studying.
Succeeding was the least he could do. He owed it to himself and to them.
“I’m well on track. And it’s a good goal to have.
If you’re the best, you’re untouchable.”
“And that’s desirable?” Sami’s tone suggested he didn’t believe so. If he was happy to exist in Ian’s shadow, that was his load to carry. Baz had bigger dreams.
“You wouldn’t understand.”
“No, I do. I was the smart kid too. Being perceived as the best was the foundation of my self-image for years. Nearly killed myself to stay on top of my class and ace my exams. But the moment you get arrested for drug dealing, you lose a lot of external validation. Makes you wonder what the point of trying so hard is when it takes one misstep for everyone to throw you under the bus.”
“The trick is not to misstep.”
“Smart.” Sami nodded. “Just stop being human. Why didn’t I think of that?”
“Yeah, why didn’t you?” Baz traced his fingertips over the tops of Sami’s bare feet, up his right ankle, just to elicit that smile from him—the one that was soft and reluctant and made his eyes sparkle. It did not disappoint, though it faded too quickly.
“You know, I think as a society, we are so obsessed with perfection and individual success, we never stop to consider the peace that is being happy with what you got. What’s the point of being the best if you’re too burned out to work another day?”
Please, Baz wasn’t burning out. Though the level of concern that seeped through the layers of Sami’s judgment made his heart soar. “How sweet of you to care.”
“Bet your ass I do, because you know what the problem with being untouchable is?”
“Enlighten me.”
“No more sex. And that’s gonna affect me too. It’s the only tolerable part about you.”
Baz chuckled. Sure it was. “So, what I’m hearing is, you want me to descend to your level.”
“I do like you underneath me.” Sami’s toes glided up Baz’s inner thigh. Well. That could be arranged more often.
“Good thing I’m getting the scandalous affair out of my system now, huh?” Baz shimmied to the edge of his seat. Sami was leaning in to meet him halfway with a filthy grin Baz couldn’t wait to taste. The tips of their noses touched, he cupped Sami’s cheek—the doorbell rang. Oh, come on.
Sami’s head spun to the door. “What are the odds that’s Aya again? Should I hide?”
If only there was a chance Aya came by. Baz would much rather get yelled at again than keep receiving the cold shoulder, but he’d made his bed. And what a comfortable bed it was, the kiss he stole from Sami reminded him.
He got up and walked to the door.
Knock knock knock. Oh. Someone who had clearance to come up. Unless he had another stalker like Sami, that left: “Eevee.”
“I’m so sorry, Baz!” She threw her arms around his neck.
Her shoulder crashed into his throat. Ugh.
Downside of hugging someone his own height.
“He said he saw articles about you and asked if you were still working at Dunkeld Wilson, and I bragged about how well you’re doing despite him, and I swear to god I had no idea he would visit you out of the blue! I should have warned you—”
“Eevee! Breathe.” Baz inhaled deeply, down to his stomach, waited for Eevee to follow suit before he exhaled. “It’s okay. Jack’s choices are not your fault. But thank you.”
“Oh. I thought… I assumed you’d be furious.”
If she’d wanted to see anger and tears, she should have come over before Sami had gotten into his head.
Baz hadn’t found answers yet, but what he did know was that Eevee was his family, and she’d always done her best. She hadn’t deserved his anger when she first mentioned Jack weeks ago, nor did she now.
“I’m okay, really. We are just having breakfast, if you want some?”
“We?” She pushed past him into the room and froze—her eyes were on Sami, lingering in the doorway to the balcony. Sami, who in turn looked like he saw a ghost.
“Mrs. Johnson?”
Wait. What was happening?
“I know you. You’re, eh…”
“Sami. Adam. Hi.”
“Right! I remember. Hello.”
The silence felt loaded with something Baz couldn’t grasp. He looked between Sami’s slack face and Eevee, who wore the same puzzled expression as she did while doing a crossword.
“I’m sorry, how do you know each other?” he asked.
“Uh,” Eevee started, “Sami went to UChicago Law. We met at Student Services.”
“Really? How did I not know you went to UChicago as well?”
Admittedly, there was a lot of vital information he had missed out on. This was the last time he let Aya do the research for him.
“I don’t know,” Sami muttered. Baz had never heard his voice this meek. “I-I should go. Leave you two to talk.”
“No!” That was Eevee, somehow beating Baz to it. “Please, stay. I’m the one intruding.”
Sami nodded and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Not leaving, which was a win. Eevee stood still too, and Baz was caught in the middle of the awkwardness that pressed down on the room like a descending ceiling trap.
“Something the matter?” he asked.
Granted, Eevee had never met any of his lovers.
If she remembered what Sami had gotten into trouble for, she’d be twice as surprised to find Baz spending the morning with someone who had been caught selling drugs, even if they were his own meds.
And Sami must be surprised to see his student service worker turn out to be the sister he had heard so much about yesterday. That was probably it.
Shaking her head, Eevee offered a not-quite-there-yet smile. “No. Sorry. I’m just surprised. You never mentioned you were seeing someone.” Accusation colored her words.
Called it.
“It’s complicated,” he said, trading a side-eye with Sami. The blood had returned to his beautiful face.
“Look,” Eevee said. “I know Dad surprising you was wrong. But he’s coming to our place this afternoon to talk, and since you’re taking this better than I thought, maybe you could join?”
“I don’t know, Eve.” He still had so many questions that he wasn’t sure he wanted answers to.
“I think he really means that he feels sorry and wants to do better! You know why he reached out again?”
“I don’t care.” He squeezed his lips together. The snark was too ingrained to just turn off. “Why did he?”
“Because he’s working with a therapist to become the kind of person we’d reconcile with. That’s good, isn’t it? I know you want to protect me, but if I can hear him out, don’t you think you can too? For your sake, not his. If just to move on.”
Admittedly, he did feel lighter, having spoken about the memories last night. If there was a way to heal that wound for good… that wasn’t just up to Baz, though.
“You really think he’s suddenly this brand-new person?”
“Maybe he doesn’t have to be brand new to be better,” Sami said. His bare feet padded across the floor. “I didn’t change in the past three months, and you went from refusing to buy me a drink to serving me dry toast on your balcony.”
“That drink again? Still?” Baz smiled. He might never hear the end of it, and that was fine by him. The thought of any kind of forever with Sami, even in the most obnoxious sense, was strangely comforting.
“Hey, I looked really hot that night and you were too busy pitying yourself to notice, so yes, I took offense. Sue me.”