17. Miles #2
Even when the pills finally hit and the edges of the world start to blur into something soft and distant, she never fades with them.
If anything, she becomes clearer. It’s her. It will always be her. I knew it the first time I kissed her, and I refuse to believe that one mistake erased everything between us. I don't care how long it takes. She can’t ignore me forever. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.
My phone buzzes in my hands as I send Chase a quick text letting him know I’m on my way. I know I should probably stop taking this shit, and I will. I’ll stop when I get her back.
Every morning I wake up with a pounding headache and tell myself today’s the day. Then I remember it all—the silence, the empty apartment, the insane amount of unanswered texts, and suddenly one more week doesn't seem so bad.
I’ll quit, just not today.
I grab my keys from the bowl beside the front door, lock up, and head for my jeep.
“Damn brother.” Chase lets out a low whistle as he climbs into the passenger seat. “You look like shit”
“Fuck you, dude. Do you have the shit or not?” He gives me an ugly look, so I give him one back. “What?”
“What's your problem, man?”
I let out a short laugh that holds absolutely no humor. He crosses his arms and keeps his stare on me when I don’t answer him, and I scoff. He needs to mind his fucking business and just give me what I came here for.
“Right now? My problem is that you’re all up in my business and won’t give me my shit. Do you want more money or something?” I reach for my wallet and he grabs my arm, stopping me.
“I’m worried about you, brother. This isn’t like you. A few pills every once in a while is one thing, but this? You’ve even bought coke a few times. You’re here every week for more and I don’t know, man. I’m just concerned.”
I rake both hands through my hair, pushing it back off my forehead. It’s gotten too long, hanging in my eyes because I haven’t bothered getting it cut in almost two months.
I don’t need this shit right now and I really want to break and yell at him for not minding his fucking business, but I just want what I came here for and I’ll say whatever I need to get out of here.
“I’m fine, man. I’ve just been stressed, but I’ll be fine, alright? You don’t need to worry about me.” I force myself to meet his eyes, because if I don’t, he’ll know.
He studies me for a long moment, and I wonder if he’s about to call my bluff. Instead he sighs, reaching into his hoodie pocket and extends his hand.
Hidden in his palm is the familiar plastic baggie, and relief washes through me before I can stop it. I should probably be afraid of that feeling but all I can focus on is grabbing the baggie.
I clap his hand, pulling him into a quick hug while slipping the folded cash into his palm. “Thanks, man.”
He pockets the money but doesn’t smile. “Text me if you need anything, alright?”
I nod, “Yeah, alright. Thanks, man.”
“Seriously.”
If only he knew what I actually needed.
I unlock the door to my apartment and step inside, tossing my keys into the bowl on the entry table like I always do. The metallic clink echoes through the apartment, and I freeze.
A folded piece of paper sits in the bowl beneath my keys. My stomach sinks, there’s no way that motherfucker came back.
Every muscle in my body locks as I stare at the note. My apartment is dead silent, but suddenly every corner feels darker and every room feels violated all over again.
He was here, walking through my fucking house again, touching all my shit. I snatch the note from the bowl and unfold it, my fingers shaky with unspent anger.
Kiss your memories of her goodbye. She won’t forgive you now. She’s mine.
“FUCK!” The roar tears from my chest as I crush the paper into a tight ball and launch it across the apartment.
It bounces off the wall before rolling beneath the couch. I fist both hands in my hair and begin pacing the living room, trying to think of how this piece of shit keeps getting into my damn apartment. I run my hands along my face when it hits me.
“Jesus Christ!”
The fucking cameras. I’ve been so wrapped up in Maddie, I’d completely forgotten I’d installed them. I practically sprint to my computer, nearly knocking the chair over as I yank it back and wake up my computer.
Come on! Faster you useless piece of junk!
The security software finally loads and I rewind through hours of footage until a figure steps into frame.
“There you are, you fuck.”
My heart rate quickens when I see him. A tall looking man with wide shoulders walks up to my door. The hidden peephole camera is so small it's impossible to notice unless you know it's there, but somehow…
The son of a bitch looks directly into it and I pause the footage. He’s wearing a black hoodie with black jeans and black leather gloves, and he has a skull mask on so I can’t see his face. The only part of him you can see are his bright blue eyes.
I watch him kneel in front of the door to pick the lock like he’d done it a hundred times, and walk right in.
“So that’s how you’ve been getting in.”
I scroll through the rest of the footage. There’s really nothing here other than him walking around and looking through my shit—opening drawers, looking through cabinets, touching things that belong to me.
Eventually, he walks over to the entry table and places the folded note in the bowl on my table and walks out, locking the door behind him so I wouldn’t know he was here until after I found his note.
Wow, how polite of him.
I need to show this to Maddie. I call her, and once again, she doesn’t pick up.
Damn it.
I text her again, hoping maybe she’ll answer me this time.
She turned her read receipts off the night she kicked me out of her dorm, so I never know for sure if she’s seeing my messages or deleting them the second they come through.
I know she hasn’t blocked my number because the texts are going through, she’s just ignoring them.
I stare at my phone for several long minutes, willing it to light up, but it never does.
“That’s fine, Maddie.” I mumble to myself, shoving my phone into my pocket. “You don't want to answer me? Fine, I'll come to you.”
She needs to see this shit whether she wants to talk to me or not. We’ve had enough space.
By the time I pull into campus, my foot is still heavy on the gas from the drive over.
I scan every sidewalk from inside my Jeep, finding nothing but jack and shit.
I kill the engine and climb out, making my way toward one of the benches in the middle of the courtyard.
If she’s around, she’ll have to walk past me.
Twenty minutes crawl by, students bustling around me, but I barely register any of it.
All I’m focused on is a flash of auburn hair, but I find nothing.
I start to bounce my knee against the bench, a familiar restlessness starting to crawl beneath my skin.
I realize that I haven’t taken a pill since this morning and my hands are starting to shake.
I also haven’t eaten anything today, but all that shit can wait. All I can think of is finding Maddie.
Finally, movement catches my eye. There she is.
She’s walking with Kaitlin, holding a small stack of books to her chest as they leave the library.
She’s smiling at something Kaitlin says, and I can’t help but to stand there like a fucking creep and just watch her, but I don’t care. I’d watch her forever if she’d let me.
She reaches for her phone, and one of her books slips from the stack, hitting the sidewalk with a dull thud.
Without thinking, I take a step towards her, and that’s when I know she senses me.
She grabs the book off the floor and looks up at me, our eyes connecting like two strong magnets desperately needing to connect.
Those copper eyes lock onto mine, and something in my chest tightens so painfully that it’s hard to breathe.
Kaitlin notices a second later, following Maddie’s gaze until she spots me, the smile disappearing from her face with a fucking quickness.
Great. Wonderful. Super hopeful right now.
I start toward them with a purpose, weaving through the students crowding the courtyard. The second Maddie notices I’m on the move, her smile disappears as she lowers her head and turns away, picking up her pace.
I’m fucking done watching her walk away from me.
Before I can reach her, Kaitlin steps in front of me, throwing her arm across my path like some goddamn security guard. I shove her hand aside and keep going.
“Stop, Miles!” she snaps, planting herself right back in front of me. “She doesn’t want to fucking talk to you, you goddamn freak.”
The words barely register as I watch Maddie pull on Kaitlin’s shoulder, willing her to leave me alone and walk away with her. But she doesn’t budge, just continues pushing at my chest until I stumble backwards.
“I just need to talk to her, Kaitlin. Shit!” I throw my hands up in frustration, trying to keep what little patience I have left from snapping.
She shoves me again and I’m getting fucking pissed, but I won’t hurt her. She’s the only friend Maddie has right now, and I don’t want to piss her off more than I already have. Or add to the reasons why she hates me.
“I already told you,” Kaitlin says, glaring up at me without an ounce of fear, “she doesn’t want to fucking talk to you, Miles.”
Maddie gives up trying to pull Kaitlin away from me and starts to walk in the opposite direction.
Everyone has already stopped to look at the scene we’ve created, but I don’t fucking care.
I need to tell her what I saw. Maybe she’ll recognize him from his eyes.
Maybe we can figure out who he is together.
“Maddie, wait!” I yell, as Kaitlin tries to block me again. I sidestep her before she can plant herself in front of me once more, closing the distance between Maddie and me in only a few strides.
My fingers wrap gently around her forearm as I turn her toward me.
“Don’t Miles! Don’t you fucking touch me!” she screams, jerking her arm out of my grip.