3. Cassidy
CASSIDY
T wo weeks. Two weeks since the Viking god had dropped off his... contribution. The image of Harle’s broad shoulders filling my doorway flashed into my mind again. I shook my head, trying to push the memory away. This was about science, not some fantasy. My hand instinctively went to my abdomen, a weird flutter there that made me suck in a quick breath. The last two weeks had been a blur of hopeful anticipation, trying not to dwell on the ‘What ifs’ and ‘Maybes’. My period was due in three days, and those days felt like a countdown to a bloody nuclear explosion.
I pulled up to my office, my beat-up Subaru looking even more pathetic next to the gleaming Mercedes parked beside it.
The quaint building that was home to my firm, Wright & Hayes, Environmental Law, sat tucked in amongst towering pines, about a mile out of town, just behind the business park. It was a bit shabby, with peeling paint and a worn sign out front, but it meant the world to me.
As I climbed out, I caught sight of my partner, Scarlett, and her billionaire husband Rhett crossing the parking lot. Rhett pushed a double pram, looking every bit the doting father.
“Morning, Cass!” Scarlett called out, her glossy dark hair catching the sunlight.
I waved back, fumbling with my oversized tote. “Hey, you two. And hello, little ladies.”
Rhett grinned, peering into the pram. “They’re out cold. Even all the noise at breakfast couldn’t wake them.”
“Lucky you. How’s life in twin land?”
Scarlett laughed, but I caught the shadows under her eyes. “Oh, you know. Twice the fun, twice the sleep deprivation.”
“Wouldn’t trade it for the world though,” Rhett added, his arm snaking around Scarlett’s waist as he pressed a kiss into her hair.
My throat tightened. Envy, sharp and bitter, twisted in my gut. I needed to get inside. “Well, you both look suspiciously well-rested for new parents.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere, Cass,” Scarlett winked. “Can you help me for a minute?”
“Sure, of course.”
Ever so carefully, she lifted a sleeping baby from the pram and handed her to me.
“Who have I got?”
“Ava.” Scarlett’s eyes glowed as she took Isabella from the pram, stepping back so that Rhett could fold it and put it in the back of the car.
I inhaled. Big mistake. That smell: a heady mix of milk and powder that nearly brought me to my knees. I rocked Ava gently, willing myself not to fall apart right there in the parking lot. Yearning wasn’t a strong enough word. It was a soul-deep ache that burrowed into my bones. So strong I had to squeeze my eyes shut to hold back the emotions. Holy Christ, you’re being a psycho! Get a grip!
“You okay?” Rhett’s expression was gentle as he took Isabella from Scarlett.
“Sure. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” Could they tell how hard I was trying to sound natural?
“No reason. Just…”
“Actually, Cass. You look amazing. Practically glowing.”
I felt my cheeks heat up at Scarlett’s words. “Must be that new face mask I’m trying.”
“Well, you’re going to have to give me the details, please and thank you.”
“Sure.” I very carefully handed Ava over and fished the office keys from my tote. “I should probably get inside. I’ve got a stack of briefs to get through.”
“No problem. I’ll be in in a minute.”
The office door was always a pain to open, the metal sticking inside the lock and grating against the tumblers. I cursed under my breath, and gave it a quick, sharp twist. It finally gave with a satisfying click.
As I pushed open the door, the familiar scent of old books and coffee wafted out. I stepped inside, my heels clicking on the worn hardwood floor. Behind me, I heard Scarlett’s laughter, light and musical. I didn’t need to turn around and look to know that Rhett was wrapping his arms around her, pulling her in for a kiss.
“Love you, my girl,” Rhett’s deep voice rumbled.
The words hit me like a punch to the gut, stirring up a cocktail of emotions I wasn’t ready to deal with. Jealousy, longing, and a touch of bitterness swirled inside me.
Don’t be a bitch, I chided myself. You’re happy for them, remember?
I walked into my office, closing the door firmly behind me and sinking into my chair. As I reached for the power button on my computer, my mind drifted. What would it be like, having my own little one?
The gentle whir of the computer starting up faded into the background as I imagined tiny fingers wrapping around mine. A soft, warm weight nestled against my chest. The intoxicating scent of baby powder and milk. Someone to love that was entirely mine. No one could take them from me.
My hand unconsciously drifted to my stomach. Would I feel different? Would there be a glow, like everyone always talked about?
And then that image of Harle, so unexpected, flashed again. His eyes. His smile. The way he’d looked when he told us about his sister.
I shook my head, trying to dismiss the image as ridiculous. He was a donor. Just a donor. Nothing else. I reached for my mouse as my mind went into overdrive.
What would our child be like? Would they be laid back and kind like him, or high strung and serious, like me? I caught myself smiling and snapped my expression back to neutral. What the fuck are you doing? This was ridiculous.