8. Harle
HARLE
I lounged on my deck, the warm glow of the setting sun painting the sky in shades of orange, pink and mauve, perfectly mirrored in the surface of the lake.
The animals were all bedded down for the night, with my two Irish wolfhounds, Max and Buddy, settled at my feet.
Stretching my legs out in front of me, I took a swig of beer, letting the peace of the day wash over me. Of course, as they so often did lately, my thoughts wandered to Cassidy. It had been a few weeks since we last spoke but I had to admit, the woman was well and truly under my skin. I’d thought about texting, just to see how she was doing, but didn’t want to crowd her. Our situation was weird enough as it was.
My phone buzzed, breaking into my train of thought and the tranquil silence. I reached for it, expecting a message from my sister or maybe a work update. Instead, Cassidy’s name flashed across the screen.
Cassidy : No dice this month, either.
My heart sank, a heavy weight settling in my chest. I’d been so hopeful for her. I could just imagine the look on her face as she typed out those five simple words. Could imagine her disappointment. Letting out a long exhale, I replied,
Me: Darlin’, my heart really hurts for you right now.
Cassidy: Thank you. That really means a lot to me.
Three dots appeared, then disappeared. She waited so long to type again that I figured she wasn’t going to. Then,
Cassidy: It’s so weird. Except for Hannah, you’re the only person I can talk to about this.
Me: You haven’t told anyone else?
Cassidy: No . I even only told Hannah because I didn’t want to be alone that first day, when you came by.
Cassidy: Sorry, that sounds rude.
Me: No, it doesn’t. It sounds sensible.
Cassidy: Thanks for understanding.
Me: No problem.
Cassidy: It’s really hard for me to open up to people, even my close friends. I just don’t want them to have to deal with my shit.
I frowned at my phone for a long moment, trying to think of how best to respond.
Me: I bet your friends don’t think of you as a burden, but I get it. It’s hard to open up sometimes.
Cassidy: Yeah, it is.
The three dots that followed that message let me know another was coming, so I held off replying.
Cassidy: I just wanted to say, even though you agreed to more than two rounds, if you’ve had enough, I understand.
I straightened in my chair, because that sounded an awful lot like she was throwing in the towel. Max whined softly, sensing my shift in mood. He nudged my leg with his wet nose, those soulful eyes peering up at me. I scratched his ears, grateful for the distraction.
“What do you think, boy? Should we offer to try again? Or has she had enough?”
The least I could do was reassure her that I was willing. I knew it wasn’t my place to push, but the thought of Cassidy giving up on her dream twisted something inside me. So,
Me: I don’t think the fact that it hasn’t worked after two rounds means it won’t. If you’re not ready to give up, then neither am I.
Again, she took so long to reply that I just started thinking I’d crossed a line I couldn’t walk back from.
Cassidy: Are you sure? It seems like so much to ask.
Me : Yes, I’m sure. It’s not that much effort. There are 30 days a month. This doesn’t even take up five of them.
Cassidy: Well, when you put it like that…
Me: I’ll see you in two weeks, then.
Cassidy : That’s amazing. Thank you. Really, thank you.
Me: No problem.
I lined up another nail, my grip tightening on the hammer. The goats on the other side of the fence watched me curiously for a few moments before going back to playing.
The sun was hot on my back, a reminder that summer was really just around the corner. Whack. The nail went in with a satisfying thud and I couldn’t stop thinking about Cassidy.
To check in, or to not check in. What an annoying fucking question. We weren’t friends, so I had no idea if she would find it intrusive. But I couldn’t stop thinking about her. And hey, what’s the worst she could do? Not answer back. That’s all.
Dropping the hammer onto the grass, I dusted off my hands and stepped back to inspect my work. Solid enough. With the fence patched up for now, I wandered back to the house, tugging my gloves off as I sat down on the edge of the deck.
Grabbing my phone, I scrolled back through our messages from the night before.
Cassidy: You’re really the only person I can talk to about this.
Yeah, that’ll do it.
Me: Hi. Just checking in to see how you are feeling today.
Barely ten seconds had gone by before the dots appeared to let me know she was typing a reply.
Cassidy: Not so great. I didn’t sleep well.
Me : I’m sorry to hear that.
Cassidy : Thank you. At least work is really busy, so I’m good and distracted.
Me : That’s something, at least.
Cassidy : Yeah. How about you? Are you having a good day?
Me : I am. Just picked up two cats from the local shelter, so I’m just home making sure they settle in well.
Cassidy : How’s that going?
Me : Pretty good so far. They’re in an enclosure on their own for now, but I’ll move them to the bigger one when I see how they are with the other cats.
Cassidy : First the chickens, now the cats. What else have you got there?
Me: What else have I got? Let’s see… two very nosy goats, a couple of parrots who won’t stop telling me how pretty they are, and a miniature donkey named Derek who thinks he’s a dog. Plus, two actual dogs. Oh, and I’ve got my eye on a pot-bellied pig that needs a home. Thinking of naming him Kevin Bacon.
Cassidy: Fuck off! You have not got all that!
Me: I have.
I stepped off the porch and held my phone up, lining up the shot. The goats barely acknowledged me, staring at the camera like they were too important for this kind of thing. Derek, on the other hand, started trotting toward me, his curiosity getting the better of him. Beyond them, the lake shimmered under the sun, the pine trees framing the whole scene like a postcard. I snapped the photo and checked it. Satisfied, I tapped out a quick message.
Me : Proof incoming. Try not to fall in love with Derek. He’s a heartbreaker.
Cassidy: Oh my god, that’s just made my day. Where did you get them all from?
Me: Rescues, mostly. Or sometimes people bring them to me.
Cassidy : I love it. I have to get back to work, but thanks for making my day brighter.
Me: You’re welcome.
Sap.
It was nearly ten o’clock at night, but my success rate for not thinking about Cassidy Hayes was zero. Her sadness, her stoicism, her sweetness, all pulled at something deep inside me that I didn’t have the strength to resist.
The fact that she felt she didn’t really have anyone to talk to made it even worse. Because she did have me. And I couldn’t just leave her on her own. Making sure she was okay was my new personal mission.
Me : I know it’s late, but I just wanted to say I hope you have a good night’s sleep.
Her reply came through immediately.
Cassidy : I appreciate the sentiment, but no dice, it seems.
Texting had definitely been the right thing to do.
Me : What are you doing right now?
Cassidy : Just paperwork.
Me : Can I call you?
Cassidy : Yes.
I pressed the dial button, and Cassidy answered on the first ring. “Hello.”
“Hey there.” I leaned back in my chair. “Rough day?”
“No more than usual,” Cassidy sighed. “Just feeling edgy about everything. Can’t get my mind to focus. Overthinking everything, just for a change.”
There was that self-deprecation again. “Sounds like you could use a distraction.”
“I really could, thanks.” Her voice had a weariness to it that hurt to hear.
“Unless you want to talk about it?”
A pause. “Not really. But I wouldn’t mind listening to you talk about something else for a while.”
“Alright, how about I tell you about the time I accidentally entered a lumberjack competition?”
“You what?” The soft laughter in her voice was a welcome change from the fatigue.
“It’s a true story, but tell me something first.”
“Okay.”
“Now, this isn’t meant to sound creepy, but what are you wearing?”
“Yoga pants, a t-shirt and a hoodie.”
“Is that what you’ll wear to bed?”
“No, I usually?—”
Sleep naked? Fuck.
“Wear pjs to bed.”
I was almost certain that she had just cut herself off from saying naked. Ignoring the way my dick twitched, I said, “Okay, here’s what you’re gonna do. Put the phone down, go change into your pajamas, then go to the kitchen.”
“Wow, bossy all of a sudden.”
“Yep.”
I heard the rustle of movement on the other end of the line as Cassidy presumably followed my instructions, walking down her hallway to her bedroom.
A few moments later, her voice slightly muffled, she said, “Tell me about this lumberjack competition.”
Doing my absolute best (and failing spectacularly) not to picture her getting undressed, I settled back in my chair. “Alright, picture this: I’m fresh out of college, road-tripping with my buddies through the Pacific Northwest. We roll into this tiny town in Oregon, right in the middle of their annual festival.”
“Mmhmm,” Cassidy hummed, slightly further away now. Taking her top off?
Don’t do that.
“So, we’re wandering around, taking in the sights, when this guy in a flannel shirt approaches me. He’s got a clipboard and a desperate look in his eye.”
“Oh no,” Cassidy laughed softly.
“Oh yes. Turns out their star competitor had food poisoning, and they needed a last-minute replacement. The guy takes one look at me and decides I’ll do.”
“But you’d never done anything like that before, right?”
“Never. But my friends thought it was hilarious, so they egged me on. Next thing I know, I’m standing in front of a massive log, holding an axe I had no idea how to use properly. By the end of it, I’d managed to chip away maybe an inch of wood, while the other guys had practically turned their logs into toothpicks. But you know what? The crowd loved it. They gave me a participation trophy and everything.”
“I love that for you!”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.”
“Okay, I’m dressed. Back to the kitchen, right?”
“That’s right.” I pushed to my feet, walking into my own kitchen.
“I’m here. What am I meant to be doing?”
“Put the kettle on the stove.”
“Yes, sir.”
I was pretty sure she hadn’t done that on purpose, but I’d gone from slightly twitchy to rock hard in a fucking nanosecond. I had to lean against the counter for a few moments to steady myself before putting the kettle on the stove.
“Harle?”
“Sorry. Got a bit distracted. Let me know when the kettle is boiled.”
“Okay.”
There was a long moment of quiet, with just the sound of Cassidy’s breathing coming across the line and the sound of the kettle whistling in the background.
“Done.”
“Alright, now I want you to make some hot chocolate.” I grabbed a mug from the cupboard.
“Hot chocolate?” Cassidy’s voice held a note of surprise. “I don’t think I’ve had that since I was a kid.”
“Perfect time to remedy that, then. I’m making some for myself too.”
I heard the soft clink of a mug being set on the counter, followed by the rustle of what I assumed was Cassidy rummaging through her cupboards. “I’m not sure I even have any.”
“Check the back of your pantry. There’s always a forgotten tin of cocoa powder hiding somewhere.”
A moment passed, then a triumphant, “Found it!”
I grinned, stirring the chocolatey mixture in my own mug. “Told you. Now, make it nice and creamy. None of that watered-down shit.”
Cassidy giggled. “I kinda like being bossed around,” she teased.
You fucking bet my brain just short circuited. All the more because I was almost certain she didn’t have any clue as to the effect she was having on me.
We chatted idly as we prepared our drinks, the routine somehow more intimate for being shared over the phone. When I heard her take her first sip, followed by a contented sigh, I said, “Okay, now for the final step. Take your mug and get settled in bed.”
“In bed?” Her voice held a hint of hesitation.
“I’m not about to ask you to have phone sex, if that’s what you’re thinking.”
“I kinda was…”
“I wouldn’t do that, Cass.”
A drawn-out moment followed. I couldn’t even hear her breathe.
“I’m sorry. I’ve offended you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut for a moment because she sounded so forlorn.
“No, you haven’t. It’s a reasonable assumption to make.” And yeah, I was rock hard and doing my best to pretend otherwise. “Do you trust me?
“Yeah, I do.”
“Good girl. So, turn all the lights off and go lie in bed with your hot chocolate. Lemme know when you’re there.”
I listened to her moving about the house, the click of light switches, then the whisper of what I could only assume was her sheets as she settled into bed.
God, grant me patience.
“Okay, I’m here.” Her voice was a touch quieter now.
“Good.” I took my mug and headed back to the living room, sinking onto the couch. Max and Buddy perked up from their spot by the fireplace, tails wagging hopefully.
I clicked my fingers and pointed to their mat near the door. “Go on, boys. Bedtime.”
They gave me twin looks of disappointment, but obediently trotted over to their designated sleeping area. Max circled three times before flopping down with a dramatic sigh, while Buddy simply plopped onto the mat, resting his chin on his paws.
“What was that?” Cassidy asked, curiosity coloring her tone.
“Just sending the dogs to bed. They were giving me the ‘please let us on the couch’ eyes.”
There was that soft laugh again. “Sounds like you’re a pushover.”
“Hey now. I’ll have you know I’m very strict.”
“Uh-huh. Sure you are.”
I leaned back, resting my head on the back of the couch. “So, comfy?”
“Mmm. Very. This was a good idea, Harle. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“So, uh. What are we going to do now?”
“We’re just gonna chat until you’re tired enough to go to sleep.”
“Well, that might not happen until, like, three AM, the rate I’ve been going.”
I shrugged, cursing under my breath when some of the hot brew spilled over. “I don’t have anywhere else to be. How about you?”
“No, me neither. Okay then. What are we gonna chat about?”
“Anything you like.”
“How about we play a little tit for tat?” I could already tell she was feeling better.
“How do you mean?”
“We take turns asking each other questions.”
“I’m game,” I agreed, settling deeper into the couch. “You can go first.”
There was a brief pause, then Cassidy asked, “Do you have any siblings?”
“One sister. Sarah.”
“Oh, that’s right. The one that struggled with fertility.”
“Yep.”
“Sorry, I should have remembered that.”
“Don’t always have to be on your A game, remembering all the details of every person you meet.”
“Right.”
“What about you? Any siblings besides Hannah?”
“Just Hannah,” Cassidy answered. I could hear the smile in her voice. “She’s enough of a handful on her own.”
“I can imagine. Go ahead and ask another question.”
“Umm, what’s your favorite color?”
“Green. Yours?”
“Pink.”
“How’s the chocolate?”
“Delicious. Yours?”
“Same.”
And on we went, tossing inane questions back and forth, deliberately steering clear of anything too personal. Or anything that might trigger Cassidy. Finally, I heard her yawning and glanced at the clock. It was after eleven.
“How’re you doing there?”
“Good.” Another yawn. “I think I might actually be able to sleep.”
“I’ll let you go then.”
“Okay. Um, thanks very much for this.”
“You’re welcome. Good night.”
“Good night.” Her voice was so soft, barely audible. Then the line went dead, leaving me sitting in my shadowy living room with my mind spinning.