14. Cassidy
CASSIDY
F uck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!
I should never have made a move on him last night. I’d gone and ruined every fucking thing. Now I was frozen on the spot, watching Harle outside, swinging the axe as my blood heated. I couldn’t even tell if I was turned on or just embarrassed. Fuck. Grrrr!
I sucked in some air, trying to calm my racing heart as I made my way to Harle’s bedroom. The tension between us was so thick you could cut it with the axe he was wielding. I pushed open the bedroom door, my eyes immediately landing on the small cup on the nightstand.
There it was. The whole reason I was here. Not for Harle’s piercing blue eyes or his strong, capable hands. Not for the way he made me laugh or how safe I felt around him. Certainly not for his kisses. No, I was here for that little plastic cup and its contents.
I moved to sit on the edge of the bed, my fingers tracing the soft quilt. Fuck, this room smelled so good. Harle’s scent was all over it. It was intoxicating.
“Stop it,” I muttered to myself. “You’re here for a baby, not... whatever this is.”
But as I reached for the cup, my hand trembled. Images of last night’s kiss flashed through my mind. The warmth of Harle’s lips, the strength of his arms around me. God, I wanted that again. And more.
I flopped back on the bed, covering my face with my hands. This was such a mess. How had I let things get so complicated? I was supposed to be in control, dammit. I had a plan.
But here I was, lying on Harle’s bed, completely torn between what I wanted and what I thought I needed.
I took a few deep breaths, trying to calm my racing thoughts. This was ridiculous. I was a grown woman, for crying out loud. I could handle a simple medical procedure without falling apart.
My hands shook slightly as I prepared the syringe. I’d done this before, but never with this much tension. Never with the object of my attraction just outside, probably glistening with sweat as he chopped wood.
Nope. Not going there.
I dropped one of the pillows in the middle of the bed and lay down. This was Harle’s pillow. I closed my eyes for a moment, allowing myself one brief fantasy before getting down to business.
Lifting my hips, I slid another pillow underneath, then raised my legs, resting my feet against the wall behind Harle’s headboard. The position was awkward and not particularly dignified, but it was supposed to help with conception. Taking the rubber syringe, I reached down to position it between my legs. As I did so, I accidentally brushed the tip against my clit. The bolt of pleasure that shot through my system had me gasping.
I had to take a moment to steady myself before I squeezed my eyes shut and pushed it inside me, gently depressing the other end all the way down. Dropping the syringe on the bed next to me, I took a few moments to allow the sperm to settle, squirming a little as some of it leaked out.
I reached down and swiped the tip of my finger through it, raising my hand to look at it, glistening in the light.
“Fuck,” I breathed. Closing my eyes again, I dropped my hand to my clit, lightly rubbing Harle’s cum against myself once, twice. Stop!
My heart was racing and my breathing was ragged. How fucking creepy would I have to be, to make myself come in Harle’s bed, with his own cum?
Not fair to him. At all.
Wiping my hand against my skirt, I lay there, legs up against the wall, trying to focus on anything but the man outside. Instead, I focused on the ticking of a clock somewhere in the house. The soft breeze coming through the open window. The faint smell of Harle that clung to his sheets.
Fuck. There I went again, thinking thoughts that had no business being there. Fucking stop it, already .
After what felt like an eternity, I lowered my legs and sat up slowly. I tidied up, disposing of the syringe and making sure I hadn’t left any embarrassing evidence behind. As I smoothed down the quilt, my hand lingered on the spot where I imagined Harle usually slept.
I shook my head, trying to clear it. This was getting ridiculous. I needed to get out of here before I did something stupid. Again.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped out of the bedroom. The sound of chopping wood had stopped, and I wondered if Harle was waiting for me. Part of me hoped he wasn’t. I wasn’t sure I could face him right now. But another part, a part I was trying desperately to ignore, wanted to see him one more time before I left.
I made my way through the house, my footsteps echoing in the quiet. As I reached the front door, I hesitated, my hand on the doorknob. Should I say goodbye? Thank him? Pretend nothing had happened between us?
Before I could decide, the door opened, and there he was. And he didn’t look happy to see me. Actually, by the way he backpedaled, he was very fucking annoyed that I was still there.
What’s a girl gonna do at a time like that? Babble, that’s what. “I’m all finished, thank you. I’ll just get out of your way.” I moved by him, heading for my car. “Sorry to take up your time, I didn’t mean to be in the way. I’m sure you’ve got stuff to do, so I’ll just…”
“Cassidy.”
I stopped in my tracks, my back still to him. My heart was pounding so hard I was sure he could hear it.
“Yes?” I managed to squeak out.
“Are you okay?” His voice was softer than I expected.
There was something in his tone that made me turn around. I couldn’t quite place it. Concern? Regret? Whatever it was, it made my stomach do a little flip.
I looked up at him, taking in his furrowed brow and his hands shoved into his pockets. He looked... uncomfortable. And suddenly, I was terrified that I’d ruined everything.
“Are you mad at me?” I blurted out, my voice shaking a little. I hated how vulnerable I sounded, but I couldn’t help it. The thought of Harle being angry with me, of losing this, whatever it was we had, it scared me more than I was prepared to admit.
His shoulders dropped and he huffed out a breath. “No, darlin’, I’m not mad at you.”
“Then what is it? Because if I did something wrong, I’d like to apologize.”
“It’s nothing you did.” He hesitated for a moment, then when he spoke again, it was like the words were dragged out of him, against his will. “It’s just that the very idea of you standing there, dripping with my cum, makes me want to fuck you so bad it hurts.”
I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. His words hit me like a punch to the gut, leaving me breathless and dizzy. My cheeks burned, and I felt a rush of heat spread through my body.
“Oh,” I managed to squeak out.
He ran a hand through his hair, looking as flustered as I felt. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. It’s just... this situation is...”
“Complicated?” I offered, finding my voice.
He nodded, his blue eyes intense when they met mine. “Yeah. Complicated.”
We stood there for a moment, the tension between us crackling like electricity. I wanted to run to him, to feel his arms around me again, to taste his lips. But I also knew that would be a terrible idea. I was absolutely not equipped to face whatever this was.
“I should go,” I said, even though every fiber of my being was screaming at me to stay.
Harle nodded again, his jaw clenched. “Yeah, that’s probably for the best.”
I turned towards my car, fumbling with my keys. My hands were shaking so badly I could barely get the door open. As I slid into the driver’s seat, I risked one last glance at Harle.
He was still standing there, watching me, his expression a mix of desire and frustration that I’m sure mirrored my own. I wanted to say something, anything, but words failed me. Instead, I started the engine and backed out of his driveway, my heart hammering against my ribs.
As I drove away, I couldn’t shake the feeling that something had fundamentally changed between us. And I had no idea what to do about it.