Chapter 13 #2
Nika gave him a small smile. “Hey.” She rested her fingertips lightly on Rick’s forearm. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, and it didn’t feel entirely like a lie. “I’m okay.”
“Really?”
Her hand hadn’t moved, a barely-there impression of weight. He knew he couldn’t actually feel the warmth of her skin through his hoodie and flannel, and yet heat radiated out from where her fingers rested.
“I’m okay enough, Moose,” he said.
The corner of her mouth quirked up. “Upright and not crying?”
His mouth did the same, curling until they were uneven reflections of each other. “Something like that.”
“It would be okay if you weren’t,” Nika said, her voice hushed. “Okay, I mean.”
It was like they were the only two people in the world. Rick marveled at the different shades of brown in her eyes and tried to think if he’d ever seen anything quite so beautiful.
Nika seemed oblivious to his staring, her expression earnest. “My dad says there are lots of ways to respond to trauma. People try to put a stamp on it, shove it into a happy corner, but that’s not good for anyone. You’ve got to let yourself feel what you feel.”
“Your dad sounds really smart,” he said, his attention dropping for a second to the curve of her lips, the small furrow right above.
It felt good to put everything aside and focus on only one single thing at a time.
The freckles across her nose. What the furrow above her mouth might feel like if he touched it.
“Is there something on my face?” Nika asked, her voice still at that same, hushed volume.
This was the point where Rick would normally flush, stammer nonsense, and hate himself later.
But he was just so tired, all his anxious circuits blown from the overload of everything, that he couldn’t seem to dredge up the energy for all of that.
Instead he was drifting in a peculiar lassitude.
It was almost nice. “What’s that called?
” With her hand on his arm, his restraint crumbled away, and he reached out and put one finger on that furrow. Gentle. Barely touching the soft skin.
Her eyes widened, and she sucked in a breath. “What?”
He moved his finger away with regret and touched his own face. “This little thing here. What’s it called?”
“The furrow or the dip at the top of the lip?” Nika said. “Because if you mean the furrow, that’s called the philtrum.”
She was leaning over the back of her chair, close enough that Rick didn’t think he’d have to lean far if he wanted to kiss her, which he really wanted to do but was also terrified to do. “What’s the dip called?”
“Cupid’s bow, or at least it’s part of the Cupid’s bow.” Nika swallowed. “Philtrum is kind of fun to say, but Cupid’s bow seems more poetic, I think.”
What would happen if he kissed her right now?
He was pretty sure she wouldn’t run away screaming.
Then again, even though it felt like they were in their own world, they very much weren’t, and he didn’t want any kind of first with Nika Page in front of anyone he went to school with. “Why Cupid’s bow?”
She lifted one shoulder and dropped it in an abbreviated shrug.
“When your upper lip curves like mine does, it’s supposed to resemble the shape of Cupid’s recurve bow.
Not everyone has it, but I’ve always kind of liked mine.
Because if my lips are a bow, then my words are like arrows.
” She blushed. “Maybe that’s weird. I don’t know.
What do you think?” She tilted her head, waiting for his response.
And there it was right there—why he was so ridiculous about Nika Page. It wasn’t just because she was pretty. It wasn’t just because the idea of touching her set fire to his veins. It wasn’t just because she was smart, and funny, and a little bit weird.
It was this, right here. He liked talking to her, and he liked this feeling, right now.
The heady, drunken feeling he got when all of her attention was focused on him, her head cocked slightly, patiently waiting for what he was going to say.
She treated him like his words meant something. Like he meant something.
It made him feel important, and there weren’t exactly hordes of people lining up in front of him that made him feel that way. In fact, he was either related to them or their last name was Lopez. Well, and Shauna, but he included her in the family category.
And after being treated like worse than trash by the Paxtons of the world, Nika’s brand of attention felt like ambrosia.
“I don’t think it’s weird, and I like Cupid’s bow,” Rick said. “The world probably needs more poetry.”
She didn’t smile or laugh, but Rick caught amusement in her eyes. “Do you like poetry?”
Rick wished he could be the kind of guy who had poetry in his back pocket, so he could take it out now and impress her with it.
Rattle off a sonnet or some really good line about her eyes or her hair.
But his uncle Vic had always taught him to never lie to someone he thought of as a friend or hoped for as a lover…
because Vic could say words like lover with a straight face.
He shook his head regretfully. “I don’t know.
I haven’t read much of it—only a few dirty limericks. Do you like poetry?”
“Sometimes.” She seemed like she was about to say something else, but right then, there was a commotion at the door as their teacher came bustling in.
“Sorry, sorry,” Mrs. Haffenbeck said, setting her coffee and a stack of papers on her desk.
She ran a hand through her short gray hair and blew out a breath.
“You know the drill. Everyone get out your notebooks—five minutes of freewriting before we delve into today’s discussion.
” She clapped her hands sharply twice. “Let’s go, people. ”
They dutifully took out their notebooks, and all conversation stopped.
—
Rick’s phone vibrated when Mrs. Haffenbeck was halfway through her lecture on…
Well, he wasn’t entirely sure anymore. He’d gotten sleepy and had been nodding off, despite his best efforts.
Only the occasional nudge from Martina was keeping him awake.
Mrs. Haffenbeck was turned toward the board, writing down some notes, so Rick snuck his phone out of his pocket.
He didn’t bother to keep it in his lap—Mrs. H would catch that in an instant.
Instead he tucked it into the crook of his left arm, which he had framing the notebook on his desk.
He had several notifications from the Survivor Club group chat. He scanned past the first one, a message from Martina about their chat with Lola.
Zara: The last version I can find of the original yearbook was last March 15. Whoever changed it had to have done it shortly after that, so whatever happened that set the murderer off, it was before then
Paxton: Shouldn’t this group be called the walking dead?
Alexis: Oh fuck off Paxton
Landon: Yeah not funny, dick
Paxton: Delicate are we?
Alexis: People are dead, you insensitive ass. Can we remove him from the chat?
Paxton: If anyone should be removed it should be you
Landon: WTF R U talking about???
Paxton: I’m just saying, I bet the police are talking to our darling Alexis a little extra, aren’t they? I wonder what the statistics are on the likelihood of the person who found the body being the murderer?
Camryn: If you really thought one of us did it you wouldn’t be talking to us
Paxton: That’s where you’re wrong. I’m getting the inside scoop here. Unlike the rest of you freaks I’m not convinced anything’s going on. $50 says Bryce OD’d and some angry ex or something killed Mr. Stephens
Martina: You’re the kind of guy who would go through a battlefield after just to pick dying people’s pockets
Paxton: Not like they need the money
Zara: Paxton, if you try to print anything from this chat in the school paper or anywhere else, I’ll publish that picture I have from Hannah’s party
Paxton: Blackmail, Zara? Really???
Zara: Don’t push me, Pax
Nika: We should probably get together soon. Might be helpful to go over the facts. Any idea what connects all of us yet?
Landon: I got nothin
Rick glanced up to make sure Mrs. H was still going. She was pointing at her notes on the board, gesturing wildly as she talked. Rick took the moment to write a few things down in his notebook in case she looked over before he went back to the chat.
Zara: Talked to Lola (thanks, Martina ) and will fill Bryce’s spreadsheet with the info next period
Landon: Alexis and I can fill in some of that stuff too
Paxton: Not that I’m giving any of this credibility, but because I’m good at my job, you should know that Mrs. Porter gave Bryce detention like five times
Camryn: Mrs. Porter loves me. I’ve got her next period. I’ll see if I can get her to spill any tea
Nika: Thanks!
Martina: It also looks like Mr. Stephens was dating Ms. Macnamara
Zara: When did they break up? She wouldn’t be the first person to lose it after a breakup
Paxton: I can find out…again not to feed this delusion, but because I want the dirt
Camryn: If it wasn’t before March, it doesn’t matter
Nika: Right, but those breakups give us someplace to start. If Paxton is looking at Macnamara and Stephens, someone should look at Bryce’s exes from last year
Alexis: Last year…Lola obvs. Allison and Kylie?
Landon: What about Aubrey Miller?
Alexis: No Aubrey was months later
Landon: I think she ditched him anyway to bang Josh Stone
Nika: So we just need to talk to Kylie and Allison?
Zara: Good luck finding Allison
Camryn: wdym?
Zara: She deleted her social media. She’s not here, so either she transferred schools or she’s being homeschooled. I haven’t seen her since last year
Paxton: You mean when you snitched on her for grade tampering?
Zara: I didn’t snitch. I wrote an article for the school paper. That’s my job, Pax
Paxton: Whatever helps you sleep at night, Moxley
Alexis: You’re such a hypocrite
Paxton: Never said I wasn’t
Zara: And anyway, I saw her in school after that
Nika: I forgot all about the grade thing. Was Bryce or Mr. Stephens the source for the story?
Zara: Source was anonymous
Camryn: Allison’s mom is still in the booster club. We could ask her
Nika: Good idea. Volunteers?
Zara: Not it
Landon: Not me, I had to kick Allison off the cheer team
Paxton: I can do it
Alexis: You’re being so helpful, Paxton…it’s a little sus
Paxton: I can be very helpful. Besides I got no beef with Allison or her mom
Nika: Well, I’ve got no beef with her either, so I can go. Cam can you drive me?
Camryn: As long as you chip in gas money
Landon: Maybe u can find out what actually happened to Allison. I heard a bunch of rumors, but I figured that’s all they were
Alexis: Yeah, I remember hearing she got pregnant, but I also heard she had a breakdown. Everyone had a theory
Paxton: I heard she went to rehab
Martina: That’s the thing though. We’ve all heard something, but none of us know
Rick heard footsteps, and he looked up from the chat. Mrs. H had left the front to move about the class asking questions. He quickly tucked his phone away. He wasn’t able to check it again until ten minutes later, but he hadn’t missed much.
Zara: We should meet up again soon. Paxton, feel free to be busy
Nika: Anyone that can make it, my place tonight. 8. We can fill you in on what Allison’s mom says
Then she put her address.
Rick glanced over at Martina, who was staring at him with a diabolical grin. “We’re going,” she mouthed.
Rick nodded.