Chapter 37 One Day till Christmas
37.
One day till Christmas
Liz awoke to the sound of the rain, a light, persistent patter. The bedspread wasn’t Tiffany blue, it was Marilyn white. Violet was beside her, still asleep. Memories from last night rushed back, as if they’d been eagerly waiting all morning to relive the play-by-play.
Her nipple in Violet’s mouth. Her fingers between Violet’s legs. An arched back, a scream, a laugh. A kiss. So many kisses. Feeling sexy, in her own skin. Liz couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt sexy—confident, alluring, her body a meal to be enjoyed. If only she could Groundhog Day it all, do it again and again and again.
Liz checked her breath. Not great. With the skill of a cat burglar she slid noiselessly out of bed, tiptoeing to the bathroom. There, she washed her mouth out with Vi’s toothpaste. Her hair was a mess, but the face in the mirror looked flushed and bright-eyed.
Wow, Liz thought in surprise. I look pretty.
Slipping back into bed, she snaked an arm around Vi’s waist, snuggling close. Vi shimmied back into her. The sensation sang in Liz’s body, her heart hitting the sort of high C that’d shatter glass.
Vi’s voice was smudgy with sleep. “So, you’re the big spoon?”
“I’m whatever piece of cutlery you want.” Liz kissed her bare shoulder. “Spoon. Fork. Spork.”
Violet giggled. She rolled onto her back so they were face-to-face. Even first thing, she was a Renaissance level of beautiful, hair splashing liquid gold across the pillow, eyes the color of uncut amethyst. “Hi.”
“Hi.” Liz bent down, pressing her lips to Violet’s. Vi’s breath tasted clean and minty. Toothpaste.
They broke apart, laughing. “Great minds,” said Violet with a smile, rolling on top of Liz and nudging her legs apart.
Rain beetled down the windows. It was one day until Christmas and all they had to do was shop for gifts and send off the pitch, in order to meet Liz’s goal of crossing everything off her to-do list by December 25.
After another, quieter, climax each, they lay tangled together, wordsmithing the final line.
“Take a bite out of the second season?” Liz tried.
“Sink your teeth into Sweet Valley,” Vi riffed. “Two’s better than one.” Then, in a stage whisper: “Because twins.”
“Perfect.” Liz made the change. “We are done.” She sent it off to her agent, a few trusted friends, and Cat, underlining that she didn’t expect feedback until after the holidays. Now they just had to cross their fingers and wait. “Do you want to get up?” Liz asked, putting her laptop on the bedside table.
Violet’s smile was coquettish as she shook her head.
Liz didn’t believe in magic, but each time Violet’s lips touched her own, she felt something like it. Burning herbs, refracted light. The orphic energy all around that our brains evolved to ignore. Being kissed by Violet was like downing the bottle marked Drink Me . An invitation into another world.
Liz was drowning in emotion, willingly so. Her desire was as uncaged as the wind, in the air, beyond her control.
—
Hours later, Liz drove them both into town to shop for presents, parking in the small lot behind the store. Before they got out, Violet caught Liz’s gaze cautiously. “We should…play it safe. Inside.”
It took a moment for Liz to understand what Violet meant. No affection. No coupledom. “Of course!” Liz rushed to reply. “Totally. Operation Safe.” Liz gave Violet a reassuring smile, ignoring a silly pang of disappointment.
They huddled under an umbrella, hurrying around the side of the building and into Woodstock’s nicest general store.
Last-minute holiday shoppers thumbed through cookbooks, examined linen napkins, and sniffed hand-poured soy candles. Twinkling fairy lights hung from above, and garlands of holly and pine made the whole store smell like Christmas.
Liz picked up the gifts she’d had her eye on for weeks. A neon-yellow beanie for Birdie, a photography book on the male nude that’d absorbed Rafi when they’d last popped in. Oversized sunglasses for her mom. Shearling-lined slippers for Ash.
Violet was tucked into a quiet corner, examining a tray of tiny, beautiful things. “This is pretty.” She fingered a gold ring set with one tiny sunstone and one crescent-shaped sapphire, Vi’s birthstone. “Reminds me of the phases of the moon. How everything is cyclic but some things are stable. The moon is always there. I find that comforting.”
Liz remembered thinking something similar at Lover’s Lake. It was so appealing, Vi’s soulful depth. It made Liz want to sit at her feet like a disciple. “I want to buy it for you,” Liz said. “For Christmas.”
Violet smiled up at her. “You don’t have to do that.” She checked the price tag. “It’s kind of expensive.”
Money had never meant less. Liz wanted to give Violet the actual moon and all the stars. “If you like something, I want you to have it.”
Liz brushed Violet’s cheek with her fingertips, letting her gaze linger, happily lovestruck. This feeling wasn’t just a post-sex glow. It was a soul-deep connection. It was peace. Liz leaned in for a kiss.
Caution crossed Vi’s face like a change in the weather. She backed up, darting an almost imperceptible glance around the busy store, and said she’d meet Liz outside.
—
After making her purchases, Liz returned to the car where Violet was waiting, under the umbrella. Liz didn’t say much until they were out of town and on the road back to Belvedere Inn. “I’m sorry about before. I…forgot.”
“You don’t need to be sorry.” Violet flicked Liz a complicated smile before returning her gaze to the passing trees. “I just never forget.”
“That must be exhausting. To always be on guard like that. Constantly aware of yourself.”
Violet shrugged, no trace of self-pity in her voice. “It’s what I signed up for.”
Which sounded practical, even humble, but also sad. The atmosphere in the car wasn’t strained, but the cozy warmth of the morning had cooled. Liz wasn’t sure what her next line was supposed to be. “So…we’re a secret?”
“I think it’s the best option.” Violet shifted in her seat to face Liz. “But not wanting to kiss you in public has nothing to do with how I feel about you. It’s about me protecting you, and myself, and us. ”
Liz understood. But it bugged her. Beyond Violet’s lack of privacy, how long would this secrecy last? “I’m just trying to imagine, like, still being under wraps while we’re in production. Sneaking around? Lying to everyone we work with?” The idea seemed emotionally unsafe. Not how two adults should conduct a commitment that’d last. “If we get green-lit,” she added, responsibly. “And if this continues.” Liz forgot that wasn’t a given.
A pause. Violet spoke slowly. “Well, I like to hear you’re thinking that way. But attention will just ruin what we have. I see it all the time.”
This was true. Two of the other cast members, Xiao and Cashmere, had casually dated for a few weeks, but interest from fans and the press took the relationship to a boil before it had a chance to simmer, and it quickly fell apart. But this was different from a casual romance. Wasn’t it?
“I really need to keep things private,” Violet said. “For us, and for me.”
“Makes sense.” Liz kept her tone even, but she couldn’t help feeling worried.
Violet seemed to sense it, glancing over. “Maybe, after a few months, we just tell a few people. A need-to-know basis. If, y’know…we’re still doing this.”
Liz couldn’t imagine ever not doing this. “I really hope we are.”
They traded a smile.
Violet squeezed Liz’s thigh, the sensation melting her bones like butter. “Me too.”
Liz let out a breath of relief. For just one moment, she let herself imagine arriving hand in hand to set with Violet or, even more impossibly, attending an industry event as a couple. The image was as bright as a spotlight, and Liz couldn’t look at it directly. For now, they’d made it through this slightly awkward conversation to end on a hopeful note. All things considered, it seemed like a huge step.
Liz eased up on the gas. There was no rush to get home. They could just enjoy the ride.
—
Back at the Inn, Liz was eager to escape to Vi’s bedroomand pick up where they’d left off that morning. But halfway up the staircase, she was stopped by Jin-soo. “Liz. I’m leaving in a few hours to spend Christmas Eve with my family.”
“Oh, cool.” Liz’s focus was on Violet, who’d paused in the second floor hallway, frowning at her phone. “Merry Christmas Jin-soo. Safe travels back.”
Jin-soo tried to catch Liz’s gaze. “Keep an eye on Babs. Make sure she takes her meds.”
Violet darted a confused look at Liz then continued toward her bedroom.
“Sure, will do. Sorry, I have to…” Liz hustled after Violet, following her into Vi’s bedroom and shutting the door behind them. “Everything okay?”
Violet was chewing a thumbnail, eyes on her phone. “Cat asked me to call.”
“Cat—Hunter?” Their publicist. “Why?”
Violet had already dialed.
Cat picked up, her voice direct. “Are you with Liz?”
Liz stared at Violet. “Um—yes?”
“Someone just posted a story of you two. I’m sending it now.”
A ping. A link to someone’s social media. A video. Taken inside the general store. In the smartphone-filmed footage, Violet admired the sunstone-and-sapphire ring. Liz’s stomach dropped as she watched their flirtation play out, intimate and kittenish, until Liz touched Violet’s face, leaning forward for a kiss, prompting Violet to coyly, guiltily, glance around the shop. Zero room for misinterpretation.
Cat was speaking. “…would’ve appreciated a heads-up. Do you want to make a statement?”
“A statement?” Liz was lightheaded. The video had herself and Violet tagged. Comments were flooding in faster than she could scroll. OMG IS SHE GAY? and who’s the fugmo tryna kiss her? and that’s her BOSS @lizbelvedere .
Everyone would find out. The execs, the crew, the rest of the cast. It was already gossip. Panic surged into Liz’s system. She couldn’t speak, couldn’t think, couldn’t move.
“A statement,” Cat repeated testily. “About your relationship.”
Liz stared at Violet. Violet stared back, her face a darker version of Liz’s unease—eyes angry and scared, lips pressed tight.
“Guys?” Cat prompted.
For one unhinged moment, Liz imagined Violet announcing, Screw it. We’re dating!, Liz co-signing, and just like that, they were together together, laughing about being U-Haul lesbians because why wait? They were meant to be.
Violet looked away from Liz, addressing the phone. “No statement. We’re just friends. We’re not together.”
An arrow, right in her heart.
Cat said, “Liz?”
“What Violet said,” Liz said, trying to mask her disappointment.
“Okay.” Cat sounded thoroughly unconvinced. “Company policy says all workplace relationships have to go through HR. But more important—in the court of public opinion, secrets can very quickly become scandal. And scandal is what we all want to avoid. Right?”
Liz didn’t know if this was a tactic to get them to confess or a genuine warning. The idea of being a scandal was terrifying.
“There won’t be a scandal because there’s no secret,” Violet snapped, and hung up. “ Fuck. ” She sank to the ground, continuing to scroll. “God, it’s everywhere. ”
The video had already been reposted fifty, sixty times. As Liz scrolled, it kept appearing, populating like a virus. She was having trouble breathing.
Liz tapped open her work email. Her treasured inbox zero was obliterated by an entire screen of new messages. When were you two going to tell me??? and Wow, congrats, you are viral and UGLY BITCH HANDS OFF from an address she didn’t know. Liz’s pulse spiked, a seasick terror. “Jesus Christ. ” She tried to laugh but it came out more like a gasp.
“What?” Violet’s face was as gray as the clouds outside.
“Nothing. Nothing. This is—nothing.” A lie and they both knew it. “I’m so sorry, Vi. I never should’ve—I should’ve known better.”
“Yeah, you should’ve.” Violet’s sharp response cut through Liz’s shock.
Liz’s phone was radioactive in her hand. Messages flooded in, emails and texts and notifications . So happy for you! and and You guys are cute.
Liz looked up from her texts. “A lot of people are being supportive.”
Vi was scrolling through the comments on the video. “A lot of people are really homophobic.” She sounded like she was already regretting everything. “This is exactly what I didn’t want. Now everyone knows, and not on our terms.” She read one of the comments aloud. “ Okay, now I understand Violet Grace. Another dumb blonde who fucked her way to the top. ” Her voice was strained. “Already has a hundred likes. It’ll be a thousand in three minutes. Tomorrow, gossip. Next week, fact.”
Liz’s heart thumped in surprise. “That’s not true.”
Violet’s response was bitter. “You have no idea how this goes.”
“No, I mean, it’s not true you slept your way to the top.”
“That doesn’t matter.” Violet looked at Liz as if she were completely stupid. “I told you how important privacy is. I told you how much this stuff can get to me.”
Liz felt herself getting defensive. “But this isn’t my fault.”
“You were pressuring me!” Violet’s eyes were filling with tears.
“No, I wasn’t.” Was she? Liz was aware they were in the logic-free zone of a fight, adrenaline and emotion messing with their minds. “Why can’t we just own it? Tell Cat we’re together?”
“Together?” Violet barked an incredulous laugh. “We only just slept together. Last night!”
Vi’s phone started bleating. Cat was calling back. Violet tapped accept. “What?”
“Looks like one of the caterers got a photo of you two at Liz’s mom’s holiday party, so this thing is snowballing. Autostraddle is picking it up, and I’ve missed calls from The Cut, them, New York Post —”
Violet threw her phone across the room. “ Fuck! ”
The caterers. Liz had a slippery memory of being asked to have them sign an NDA. She hadn’t.
“I can’t do this.” Violet paced, panting, hands raking her hair. “I can’t handle it, I’m sorry.”
Liz scrambled for the right thing to say. “But we said we’d tell people in a few months, right? We’re just ahead of schedule—”
“No, I can’t do this. ” Violet sawed the air between them with a frantic hand. “A public thing. I can’t. I just can’t.”
Liz’s blood turned to ice. “You don’t mean that.”
“Don’t tell me what I mean!” Vi yelled. Tears were slipping down her cheeks. “I can’t handle this. I don’t want this.”
Liz sucked in a breath. This was her nightmare. Exactly what she knew would happen. She’d opened her heart to Violet and now Violet was running away, taking all the broken pieces of it with her.
“So, that’s it?” Liz’s voice was harsher than she meant it to be. “One hiccup and you’re out?”
“This isn’t a hiccup!” Vi shouted back, eyes furious. “This is my life. God, you don’t get it. You don’t get me. ”
A sick kick to the gut. How could this be happening? “What can I do?”
Violet turned away, sobs rising up her throat. “You can go.”
Liz’s heart split down the middle. The unfamiliar feeling of tears almost stabbed at her eyes. “Vivi—”
“Go.”
Liz went back to her room in a daze. Her bedroom didn’t look familiar—the bedspread, her clothes: all foreign. Only when Liz became aware of the carols playing over the house speakers did she remember. It was Christmas Eve.