Chapter 39
39.
As soon as Birdie left Rafi’s bedroom, Rafi dropped his plaid blanket toga and headed over to lock the damn door. “Guess the word is out.”
Ash arched a brow. “Guess so.”
Rafi climbed back into bed, next to Ash. “That cool with you?”
Ash shrugged, smiling. “Yeah. Cool with you?”
“Yeah.” Rafi pointed between them. “Should we get back to it?”
“Yep,” Ash agreed, and they did.
—
It was early evening by the time they emerged from Rafi’s bedroom.
Jin-soo was in the foyer, zipping up their winter coat. They were getting the Amtrak back to Queens.
“Merry Christmas.” Rafi gave them a hug. “Hope you avoid any neighborhood carolers.”
“Thanks Raf.” Jin-soo wagged a finger between the two men. “Also this is cute.”
Rafi blushed, knowing he was grinning like a goofball and not caring one bit.
“Goodbye, my treasure.” Babs swept in, dressed in a candy-pink 1930s-style robe with a floaty, feathered trim, nabbed from a period film early in her career. “See you in a week.”
The hug between his mother and her assistant was longer than Rafi was expecting.
The trio followed Jin-soo outside, into the twilight. Standing on the steps of Belvedere Inn, Rafi, Ash, and Babs waved at Jin-soo’s taxi until the taillights vanished.
Ash draped himself around Rafi like the world’s best wearable blanket. He leaned back into Ash, cozying into his heat.
His mother faced them. “So. What’s going on here?”
Rafi glanced up at Ash, who smiled back, a permissive glint in his eye. “I guess Ash and I are…”
Babs planted a hand on her hip. “Gayer than Christmas?”
Ash let out a puff of amusement.
Rafi felt his cheeks redden, unable to stop smiling. “Guess so.”
Babs nodded, looking impressed, as if she didn’t think Rafi had it in him. “Since?”
Since always wasn’t right, even if it sort of felt that way. “The holiday party?”
“Ah.” Babs nodded, unsurprised. “It is the most wonderful time of the year.” She tipped her head to one side. “And something’s going on with Liz and Violet, isn’t it? So that means…How did all my kids end up gay?”
Rafi gestured at the dressing gown. The diamond earrings and half dozen rings. “Mom, look at you. How could we not?”
Babs let out a loud honk of a laugh, which turned into a rolling, lustrous guffaw. She drew them close. “Come here.”
Rafi hugged his mother back. His face was buried in her gown’s feathered trim as she leaned her full weight into him. This really was shaping up to be the best Christmas of all time.
Babs pulled back first, steadying herself with her cane. “I think I need to rest my eyes before dinner.”
“Okay.” Rafi put his arms around Ash’s waist, his head fitting neatly under Ash’s chin.
Babs went back inside, the dogs dutifully trotting after her. The early evening was smoke blue and as quiet as a shrine. Pearl-gray clouds feathered the waning moon. An owl gave an experimental hoot. They stood there for a long time, holding each other, watching the growing night. An evening star blinked awake in the night sky, and Rafi made a wish.
—
Inside, in the foyer, Rafi proposed that they exchange their gifts before dinner, which was always simple and preprepared—Siouxsie spent Christmas Eve with her own family.
“My gift is sort of personal,” Rafi explained. “I’d rather give it to you when it’s just us.”
Ash gave Rafi’s butt a squeeze, turning his spine to silly string. “Give me two minutes to wrap.”
The two men didn’t usually go overboard with Christmas gifts, tending to choose one thoughtful or, more often, funny present. But this wasn’t a typical Christmas. Rafi’s idea had come to him a few days ago. He’d pulled the trigger last night. It was an assurance. A heartfelt declaration.
Ash entered Rafi’s bedroom holding a box with a bright red bow. He sat cross-legged across from Rafi on the bed, looking cozy in his gray cashmere sweatsuit.
Rafi handed Ash a flat envelope. “Although it’s been said many times, many ways…”
“Merry Christmas.” Ash handed Rafi his gift. “To you.”
Rafi ripped off the wrapping paper, excited to see what Ash had come up with. Rafi assumed his first in-person gift in two years after they’d started making out in the kitchen pantry would demonstrate the seriousness of Ash’s intention, the depth of his heart. A stunning piece of jewelry or a watch engraved with the day they met. Rafi wasn’t quite expecting: “A mug.”
An ordinary white mug with a picture printed on its side. A sepia-toned candid of him and Ash: Rafi recognized it from their first Halloween together, both dressed as pirates, smiling big. Which made it not just adorable but also a nod to how long the two boys had been in each other’s lives, side by side. But even as Rafi felt touched by the sweet idea, he started to regret his own choice.
“Cute, right?” Ash smiled at him, slipping one finger under the envelope’s lip to tear it open. “I went through a thousand of your mom’s old photo albums to find it.”
“It’s fantastic.” Rafi’s words were enthusiastic, but he was watching Ash open the envelope with slight alarm. “My present’s a bit different…. Actually, maybe I should—” He tried to pluck the piece of paper Ash was unfolding, but Ash was too quick, pulling it away.
“No backsies, Belvedere,” he teased. “What do we have here?” He scanned the printed words. “A flight receipt! For…you.” Ash frowned, continuing to read. “A one-way flight from New York to London. Leaving next week. Same day I do. And, wow—that was not a cheap flight.” He looked up at Rafi with a confused expression. “Sorry—is this my gift?”
Rafi’s gaze dropped to the mug in his hand. The understated but charming kind of present he should’ve gotten. His cheeks heated. “I—I wanted to show you how serious I am…. But I should’ve gone with new underwear.” He tried to take the printout back.
Ash didn’t let him. “You bought a flight to London? To…visit me?”
With every passing second, Rafi regretted his “gift” more. It no longer seemed romantic. It seemed over-the-top and crazy. Hadn’t he promised himself not to jump into things? To take things slow, so he could see things clearly?
“Raf?” Ash prompted, his face a study in confusion.
Rafi steeled himself. “You already know I want to quit my job. London sounds like such a vibrant city. I think I might really love it there.”
Ash’s eyes became saucers. “You’re moving to London? Next week?” He stared at the flight receipt, then back at Rafi. “Doing what? Living where?”
Shame and dismay crowded Rafi’s throat. He tried to smile through it. “That is the last time that I Christmas shop on eggnog. I was obviously blitzed.” He snatched the paper back, balling it in his fist. “Forget you saw this and please act surprised when you open new underwear tomorrow morning.” He aimed at the fire.
“No, wait!”
Rafi threw the crumpled paper into the flames, resolving to cancel the stupid flight as soon as he could get online.
“Raf!” Ash released a stunned laugh, which blossomed into a look of amazement. At the situation or at Rafi’s nerve, Rafi couldn’t tell. Ash’s gaze fell to the mug. Ash’s words were soft, as if to himself. “And I got you a cup. Fuck.”
“I should check on my mom.” Rafi scrambled off the bed.
“Raf, wait.” Ash was off the bed and in front of the door, blocking his exit.
“You’re obviously freaked out!” Rafi accused, half knowing he was angry only at himself.
“I’m surprised,” Ash corrected. “You moving to London isn’t something we’ve discussed.” A smile twisted his frustratingly kissable lips. “Weirdly relating to Sunita right now.”
Rafi knew Ash was kidding, but it landed like an insult. His mouth fell open. “ What? ”
“Babe, I’m joking.”
Rafi’s first babe, a pleasure overpowered by the reminder of his highly embarrassing breakup. “Proposing to Sunita was a huge mistake.” Rafi flashed back on his ex-girlfriend’s look of horror. “Are you saying this is a mistake too?”
“No,” Ash said. “I’m saying you move fast. Faster than me and most rays of light.” Ash tugged Rafi toward him, looping his hands behind Rafi’s head, pressing their hips together. “I want you to come to London, Raf. I do. How about you come for a week or two in January, get a handle on the city, see what you think?”
Even though that sounded perfectly reasonable, Rafi couldn’t help but feel disappointed. He was expecting tears of joy. Not a gentle compromise as if he were a child. “Totally. It’s a refundable flight.” It wasn’t. He untangled himself from Ash’s arms. “I’m going to check on Mom.”
But that was just an excuse.
Hurrying out of his bedroom, Rafi headed for Babs’s room. Why didn’t he ask her, or his sisters, about the move to London before making such a rash decision?
The three Poms were whining outside Babs’s bedroom door. Rafi nudged them aside and knocked. “Mom?” He knocked again. “Mom? You in there?” Nothing. Rafi opened the door.
His mother was lying face down on the carpet, still in her robe with the feathered trim. Her head was turned to one side. She wasn’t moving.
The dogs ran to her, barking in distress.
For a moment, Rafi thought it was a joke. That his actress mother was playing dead.
“Mom?” Time stopped, suspending Rafi and everyone in the house. His voice was tiny. Not even a mouse. “Mom?”
Babs continued to lie there. No giveaway grin, no gotcha!
Babs. Wasn’t. Moving.
“Mom!”