Chapter 21 Gwen #3
It was a post that had made Gwen feel even worse about the idea of going back to work.
How would she live with herself if the day care she and Jeff had so carefully chosen became the target of some madman with a gun?
A truly dedicated mother would stay home during the young years.
They were so fleeting, those years. Children needed so much consistency and attention in those years.
“I’m seriously considering homeschooling now,” Leigh said.
“You are?” Nathan asked, reentering the conversation.
Leigh didn’t turn her body to face him but said, “Yes, I am.”
“I don’t know if I could do that,” Gwen said.
She’d never, ever considered homeschooling before. She wasn’t cut out for that—lesson planning, teaching her own child, organizing every moment of the day with the goal of ultimate enrichment. Was that the expectation of mothers now?
“I think it’s important to consider. Maybe a homeschool pod where the moms take turns with a group of kids. That way the kids still get some socializing,” Leigh said.
“Were you going to talk to me about this?” Nathan asked.
“At some point,” Leigh said, her back still to him. “Our kid is an infant, so we have time.”
“You know, some women want to go back to work,” Nathan said.
Leigh whipped around to face him finally. “Is this a commentary on my choice to stay home?”
“Not at all,” he said, blithe and calm.
But of course that had to be exactly what it was.
“Nathan wants me to get back to my career,” Leigh said to Gwen.
“I just think you would be happier if you had something to focus on besides just Belle,” he said.
“What makes you think I’m not happy focusing entirely on Belle?” she asked him. “I just said I want to homeschool her.”
He shrugged. “You seem to tell me often that you’re not happy.”
Gwen distracted herself with June, making silly faces at her to get her to smile. She needed something to look at besides these bickering married people.
“Oh, you misunderstood,” Leigh said. “I’m not happy with you.”
Nathan didn’t sound the least bit alarmed. Instead, he seemed inexplicably bored. He pushed his giant body up from the ground and brushed crumbs from his pants.
“I’m going to head back to the office.”
He rewrapped the remaining half of his sandwich, tucked it under his arm, and stooped to lift Belle from the grass. He gave her a kiss on her cheek before handing her off to Leigh, who smothered Belle’s face with her own kisses.
“I’ll pick up Thai for dinner,” he said to Leigh. Then, “Bye, Gwen.”
Gwen raised her hand in a wave, but he had turned around and stomped off before she managed to say anything.
Leigh turned her attention back to her sandwich, taking rapid-fire bites.
“Is that how you always are with each other?” Gwen asked.
Leigh looked up. “Hmm?”
“That fight,” Gwen said.
“Oh, that wasn’t a fight. That was just . . . sparring.”
“Sparring?”
“It’s just what we do.”
Gwen wasn’t naive. She knew all couples had their things. Some people liked whips and chains. Gwen wouldn’t be surprised if Leigh was one of those people.
Gwen watched Leigh consume her sandwich in just a couple of minutes. She was like an animal, wild and unashamed. Gwen’s appetite was still gone.
Leigh, ignoring how little Gwen had eaten, said with enthusiasm, “Is this not the best sandwich you’ve ever had?”
They walked back to Leigh’s place, and Gwen gathered her things to leave.
“See you tomorrow?” Leigh said.
“Are you sure you don’t mind me coming over so much?”
“Oh my god, Gwennie, you are starting to drive me crazy. You ask me that every day. Stop. It’s unbecoming.”
“Okay,” she said, her voice as small and silly as she felt.
“I mean, don’t you like spending time together like this?” Leigh asked.
Suddenly she was the one who sounded small and insecure.
“Of course,” Gwen said. “I just don’t want to overstep or impose or whatever.”
Leigh twisted her mouth to the side. “I guess that makes me sad. I thought we were better friends than that.”
Gwen was confused.
“Good friends don’t worry about overstepping or imposing,” Leigh explained. “There’s this trust that they are there for each other, that it’s never a burden to be there for each other.”
Gwen nodded, taking in this definition of friendship. She didn’t think she’d ever had a friend like this, wasn’t sure she’d ever wanted one. It seemed too intertwined, too vulnerable, too messy. It seemed like it would ask too much of her.
“I hope we can be friends like that,” Leigh said.
Gwen wasn’t sure what to say. She felt both honored and intimidated.
“Do you hope that too?” Leigh asked.
This woman had been holding her hand, often literally, through the hardest phase of her life, so there was no other answer besides “Of course.”
“I’m so glad,” Leigh said.
They stood at the front door of the condo.
Leigh wrapped her arms around Gwen and June.
As she pulled away, she kissed Gwen’s cheek, not long, but longer than a relative would at a family reunion.
Gwen had no idea what to make of it. She thought of that word, said in the British accent: indiscretion.
Instinctively, she put her hand to her cheek, as if looking for a clue left there, something to explain the meaning of such an intimate gesture.
There was nothing on Leigh’s face to suggest that this little kiss meant anything at all.
This was probably how Leigh was—showing affection with a reckless abandon that was unfamiliar to Gwen.
What was most bizarre was that Gwen, who had once been described as a “cold fish” by an ex-boyfriend, kind of liked it.
“Okay then,” Gwen said. She held June’s hand, waved it at Leigh and Belle. “See you ladies tomorrow.”