Chapter 13 #2
I’m sorry if it blindsided you at what I’m sure was a very emotional event. I bet you looked beautiful up there on that stage.
I’m also sorry I left you alone to face life yourself, and not because I think you can’t handle it.
Because I know you can. I’ve always known that.
I just didn’t always know I could handle it.
But because you shouldn’t have to go through life without backup.
I know your grandmother will try, but I also know you’ll never really forget what she did.
So she might not be the best backup out there for you.
I swallowed at her word choice. Backup. That’s what Wes had said two months ago in Master Derek’s office.
But I know who is. And so do you. It’s the face that just flashed in your mind’s eye.
He’s your backup. We both know it. So stop being stubborn and start being true to who you are.
And who you are, is perfect. I know you’re a submissive.
And I should have told you there’s nothing wrong with that cause there isn’t.
And here comes yet another apology… LOL.
I’m sorry I didn’t push you more to follow your dreams. Take the money.
Take whatever help your grandmother offers.
And don’t let it feel like a bribe or a condition.
She isn’t doing this to pay for her mistakes or earn a relationship with you.
She’s doing it because she wants to change.
She wants to make up for being an asshole. LOL. And I, for one, think she should.
And speaking of dreams. You got this. Now, go get your backup so he can follow those dreams with you.
Love forever,
Mom
I set the letter down on top of the stupidly large check. Then I whipped off my gown and kicked my high-heeled shoes aside. Not bothering to dig for another pair, I ran out of the building. I ran all the way to the resort building.
“Wesley Lake’s room?” I called as I almost slammed into the desk where Luna stood. She blinked at my probably frantic expression and then got onto her tiptoes to look over at my filthy bare feet.
“Um, are you okay? Should I be worried?”
I calmed myself, slowing my breathing so I appeared less crazy stalker and more normal person looking for a friend.
“I just need to talk to him, Luna, please.”
She grinned. “Of course. I got you.” She looked down at the computer.
“He was scheduled to check out today, but I haven’t seen him yet.” She winked, wished me luck and told me his room number. It was our original room from when we first met.
I ran the whole way there although I was scolded several times. I banged on his door before I had even come to a full stop.
“Wes, please.” I banged again. “Please. Daddy, open the door.” I leaned against it, tears starting to well.
The door flew open then and he was there. In all his beautifulness, he was catching me.
“Mira?”
“Wes! You haven’t left.”
“No.” He turned and pointed to his bags by the door. “Was just about to though.”
“Don’t.”
His brow furrowed. “Don’t?”
“Don’t leave yet. We never finished our conversation.”
“Our conversation?”
“You asked me why it was so wrong that you care about me. And I never answered.”
“Okay,” he replied still looking unsure about what was happening at the threshold to his room with his luggage laid out. “But I’m running late. I have a plane to catch.”
I ignored him. “I would have told you it was because it made me weak to need you.”
He didn’t speak.
“Dammit, Wes, what would you have said?”
His brow went up in warning at my bossy demanding words.
“Please, I need us to have this conversation,” I pleaded.
“I would have said, I’m weak,” he said quietly. “Because I need you.”
“And I would have said, you don’t. I would have scoffed softly and said, nothing in your life would change if you never saw me again.”
“And I would tell you you’re wrong.”
I sniffed, seeing my own stupidity in real time. “And I would have rolled my eyes.” I pantomimed it.
“That’s one,” he said pointing at me. “Or rather that’s what I would have said.”
I deliberately rolled my eyes again.
“Two. I’d have warned you to stop and let me finish.”
I swallowed hard. “And I’d have said fine. Go on.”
“Yes, I need you. We all need someone. Some of us just aren’t caught up in proving that we don’t.”
“And that would have given me pause, but I wouldn’t have been fully convinced.”
“Okay, so then I’d say yes, Mira. I do need you.
Not because I think you need me, but because I want you.
And only you. And if you were to walk out of my life, something would change.
Every breath would feel like razorblades, every moment would weigh heavy like unfulfilled dreams. The sky would be duller, and yet the sun too bright. ”
I felt that. Deep inside, but I couldn’t stop now. “I’d have pointed out how poetic that was, but—”
He cut me off. “Zip it so I can finish.” He shot me the crooked grin that I loved so much and continued, “I need you because you’re the one I want to talk about my day with.
I need you because you’re the one I want to hold at the beginning and the end of that day.
I need you because when you pop into my head and I think about you throughout the day, it makes my day better.
I need you because you’re the one who accepts and thrives with my Daddy side.
I need you because you accept that I also have a softer silly side and it doesn’t make me less of a man when I show it.
I need you because being with you makes me whole. ”
I took a step toward him, my heart hammering.
“I’d pause here for dramatic effect but also to wait for your possible rejection, because this would be it. I wouldn’t push you anymore after this. I’d accept your decision and move on. But my final words would be…”
“Mira, I’m half a person without you.”
I didn’t move, not a muscle. Even my chest stopped rising and falling and the seconds felt like days as I tried to control my emotions enough to get out what I needed to say. Finally, I blinked and as he started to blur in front of me, I said, “I don’t want to live life without backup.”
“Then don’t—”
I held up a hand stopping him. “Can you zip it now, so I can tell you what I have to say? I’m trying to be poetic here too.”
My chest fluttered as his brow arched in the most deliciously menacing way.
“I don’t want to face life without backup, but not because I can’t, but because it’s lonely.
And exhausting. So you’re right. I’ve been trying to prove that I can take care of myself by myself this whole time.
But why would I want to? Having people to turn to in difficult times isn’t a bad thing.
It’s actually a privilege that not everyone gets. ”
A few tears spilled over my lids and down my cheeks as I thought of my mom, but I didn’t sweep them away. “And these”—I pointed at the tears—“I once thought they showed weakness, but they don’t. They show that things matter, people matter, and I care that they do.”
I walked toward him, this time placing my hands on his chest and pushed him back inside the room. And then, without even breaking eye contact I closed the door with my foot.
“Here’s where I get poetic…. Needing you is weak. But wanting you is a choice. And choosing to go after what I want, that’s strength.”
“Are you done?”
I nodded.
“Good because it’s been killing me not to do this.” He swept me up in his arms, and planted his mouth on mine, kissing me like I was everything. And I kissed him back because he was my everything.
When we finally parted, I whispered, “Thank you for being the most patient Daddy a girl could ever ask for.”