Chapter 23 Not Long Ago
Not Long Ago
Now that she’d heard every detail, Paloma couldn’t parse Livvy’s reaction. Her PR officiousness was gone; she had no retort or advice at the ready. Instead, she was quiet, her lips tight, her eyes thoughtful. Paloma was about to ask if she had any other questions when Livvy finally spoke up.
“How well do you know my mom?”
“We met several times. Really nice lady. A lot like Jace, but more easygoing. She came to a couple of my shows, and of course, we all spent your first Christmas together at your house.”
“Did she ever tell you why she adopted us?”
“No. We mostly made small talk, and we never had a personal conversation. It was clear she adored you, though. I’m sure she still does.”
“She’s someone who can’t keep still when Kristi and I are home because she wants to do everything for us,” she said, chuckling.
“It’s become a running family joke. Kristi will put a glass on the counter on purpose and start a stopwatch to see how long it’ll take before Mom wanders by and puts it in the dishwasher. Her record is six seconds.”
Paloma smiled. “That’s great.”
“She’s great,” Livvy said. “When she adopted us, Kristi was seven, and I’d just turned four.
The day before the adoption ceremony, Mom talked us through what to expect: We’d get all dressed up, then we’d meet a nice man in a black robe called a judge in a special building called a courthouse, and he’d ask her lots of questions before he signed an important piece of paper and banged a wooden hammer on his desk, and then she’d be our mom forever.
I burst into tears and said I didn’t want to go.
Mom was caught off guard, so she tried to make me feel better by telling me about all the good things that were going to happen: We’d each get to choose a stuffed animal from his toy box to take home, and we’d go out for pancakes for lunch.
Didn’t work; I was terrified. So she rocked me and said, ‘I love you and Kristi so much. I want to be your mom more than anything else. Nothing matters more than you two, and I will never leave you. Ever.’ Then I said, ‘I know that, Mommy, but don’t let that man bang a hammer! That would be scary!’ ”
Paloma was glad to see Livvy’s sly smile, giving her permission to smile as well. “Oh, you poor girl.”
“Mom says that’s why I’m hopeless with a toolbox,” she said wryly. She tilted her head and looked at Paloma as if she were trying to read her mind. “Is that what you felt, back in New York, knowing you were pregnant? Nothing mattered more than that kid?”
Paloma nodded. “Not my stardom, not my career, and I hate to admit it, not even Jace.”
Livvy sat back. “I still don’t support what you did, but at least I can understand why you did it.”
“Thank you,” she said, relieved and grateful. “So what do you recommend I tell the reporter if any of this comes up?”
She thought for a moment. “Tell him you chose to step away from performing for personal reasons, and just like you did in 2001, you’re keeping the details private. And if your son decides to share his story, hopefully it can be on his own terms.”
Just then, Paloma’s phone pinged with a text message:
Mom, can I call you?
Her brain went on high alert. “Livvy, I need to take a call. Can you sit here until I’m done?”
“Actually, I was about to text Rennie to pick me up. I’ve got all I need for now, and I’ll touch base with you the day before the interview.”
“Okay. I’ll see you then if I’m not done before you go.”
Paloma left Livvy on the deck and went into her office, closing the door. She texted him Yes, and he FaceTimed her immediately. Her heart ballooned as soon as she saw him, his scruffy beard completely grown in, wearing the Beatles in Berlin T-shirt she’d bought him last Christmas.
“Hi, honey. I’m glad you called.”
“Hey,” Kaden said. He was sitting in his bedroom at Nolan’s, with the Hollywood Bowl lithograph over the headboard. “I have to tell you something.”
Her stomach tightened. “Sure. Go ahead.”
“A few weeks ago, Dad set me up to shadow these engineers at a recording studio in Burbank so I can learn the equipment, get some hands-on experience, all that. These guys have worked with everybody, and they shoot the shit all day about all the recording sessions they’ve done.
They know Dad and assumed I grew up in LA, but when I told them I’m from Michigan, that must have rung a bell, because Sol started talking about working on an album twenty years ago for ‘that Detroit chick with the song on TV right now—you know, Paloma Doralle,’ and before I could stop myself, I said, ‘That’s my mom. ’ ”
This wasn’t the direction she’d expected this conversation to go. “Oh.”
“Sol was impressed, and he remembered a lot about you,” Kaden said, sounding surprised.
“He said you were really disciplined in the studio and knocked out each song like your life depended on it. He said he always knew you were going to break big. I don’t think he’d lie, by the way; it sounded like he really respects you. ”
The fact that an engineer admired her work ethic was remarkable. The fact that her son would pass along a compliment after not talking to her for weeks was incredible. “Thanks for letting me know. That’s really nice.”
“Mom, I don’t get it.”
“What do you mean?”
“You weren’t just popular,” he said. “You had talent. You were admired in the industry. You had a hot career going when most musicians can barely get a gig. How you could walk away, give everything up, just to have a kid? It doesn’t make sense.”
She looked at her son, with his outsize talent and limitless possibility, just discovering love and adulthood.
“I didn’t give anything up. Raising you was what I wanted to do.
I made the right choice, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
” She caught herself. “I mean, other than this fucking mess I created and dragged you into.”
“Yeah, other than that,” Kaden said with an eye roll.
“Can you forgive me?”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah, Mom. Of course.”
Her body felt lighter, freer. She had nothing to hide anymore. She could finally be herself.
She smiled at him. “So, if you’re talking about me as your mom, may I talk about you as my son? Not that I’m going to spill our family business to a reporter, but you’re on your way to having a stellar career, and I’d like to brag about you if I have the chance.”
He winced. “I guess so, as long as I don’t come off as some sort of nepo baby.”
“And it would mean the world to me if you and I could perform together at some point.”
“Um, sure. We could do that.”
Paloma smiled. “What are you doing September ninth?”
Once she and Kaden wrapped up, Paloma walked out of her office and onto the deck.
Livvy had departed, so she was alone with the waves and the breeze and the sun, all joining forces to create a ribbon of undulating light across the water to the shore.
She leaned on the railing and looked out to the horizon, so distant and vast it seemed to bend with the Earth.
All that open water; so many journeys ahead.
She heard a sharp knock at her front door. Thinking Livvy might have left something behind, she glanced through the house on her way through for anything out of place.
Paloma opened the door to find Jace staring at the floorboards of her porch, her hands in the pockets of her denim jacket. She raised her gaze and asked, “May I come in?”
Paloma nodded dumbly, too stunned to respond. It wasn’t until Jace was standing in her entryway that she was able to speak. “I didn’t know you were up here.”
“I knew Livvy was coming to meet with you, and I hitched a ride, hoping we could talk,” she said. “I won’t stay long. I just wanted to say something.”
Paloma braced herself for the official, inevitable parting of ways. “Sure.”
Jace looked pained and weary, as if she hadn’t slept well the night before, or the night before that. “I haven’t been honest with you.”
Paloma was confused. “What do you mean?”
Jace ran her fingers through her hair and exhaled. “When you came to my house, I told you I was searching for a way to live on purpose, as if I didn’t know how. But I already knew.”
“You did?” Paloma asked carefully.
She nodded. “After New York, I built a wall around my life. I told myself I had to focus on my business, and I already had my family and plenty of friends. I thought that would be enough, but it wasn’t.
And when I leaped at the chance to save the Artemis and be the hero, I thought that going back to managing musicians was what I needed to feel complete, but that wasn’t it, either.
Then I saw you again, and I realized we forged a molecular bond the moment we said hello to each other at that club in Ann Arbor that’s never broken.
” Her shoulders rounded, and her eyes were rimmed with tears. “What I need, what I want, is you.”
Paloma’s heart caught in her throat. “You deserve so much better than how I’ve treated you.”
“That’s in the past. We know how to do things right this time.”
“By being open and honest with each other,” Paloma said, stepping toward her.
“Listening,” Jace said, putting her arm around Paloma’s waist.
“And not running away so we can work things through,” she said, catching a stray tear with the back of her hand as Jace pulled her closer. “Because I love you, too.”
Their first kiss in a long, long time was sweet. Jace’s lips were soft, her touch tender. She cradled Paloma’s head with her hand, and as their kiss deepened, Paloma was glowing with desire and grace and overwhelming joy.
They broke the kiss, and Jace still held her tight. Paloma adjusted Jace’s glasses and stroked her soft, silvering curls. “So, open and honest is how we are now?”
Jace released her. “Yes.”
“Then I have to tell you: I’m not leaving Stone Beach.”
“I understand.”
“My life is here.”
“We’ll figure something out.”
“My son is here—well, not anymore, he moved to LA—shit, I’m an empty nester now—and oh, he’s the drummer I just locked in to play on the ninth, by the way, but—why are you looking at me like that?”
“I just love hearing your voice,” Jace said, her eyes blissful.
“I love how the more worked up you get, the more your hands move around like you’re conducting a symphony.
I love that even after years away from the Artemis, you stride across that stage like you own it.
I love that you survived your awful parents with your heart and your voice intact and that you gave your son the commitment and protection you never got as a kid.
” Jace was very close now, her fingers threading through Paloma’s hair and tracing her cheek.
“I love that you cook like a pro, and you still sing along to the car stereo, and you have never looked as beautiful as you do now, with the light and the lake behind you.”
Paloma slowly licked her lips. “You sure you can’t stay a little longer?”
Jace replied with another bone-melting kiss.