Chapter 14 Rae #2
He clicked his tongue. “I look forward to my next delivery, Rae.”
With one last skim of his nose against my neck, he pulled away and stalked back toward his bike, leaving me standing there with a box of condoms.
I tugged the cardboard monstrosity free from the top shelf and cradled it as I sank to the carpet in my closet.
This entire situation with Davis was pulling at the armor I’d built over the past four years.
With every encounter, I could feel a piece chipping away, revealing how pathetic my attempts had been at putting it all together.
Pulling out my leather-bound journal, I gently thumbed open the first page and swallowed the lump in my throat.
October 27th, 2016
Dear Diary,
It’s October, and there’s a festival in town. I think Davis might go, and I think this might be my chance to finally tell him who I am. If he doesn’t show, I told Nora that I have a plan B…I just hope it goes the way I think it will.
Shutting the journal, tears lined my eyes as humiliation clogged my throat.
I was so naive. So in love, and with a man I had never even talked to, but there had been no way to convince me that he didn’t love me back.
I remembered what happened after that festival, and it jogged my memory about “plan B.”
“Oh God,” I gasped, remembering that I had left him letters.
Did he ever get them?
A stark memory of him briskly leaving the library one sunny day, gripping a wad of papers in his hand and shoving them into the garbage can, rattled against my heart.
Of course he got them, because I took advantage of the fact that he reserved so many books on such a regular basis.
I would stuff the letters in between the pages of his books.
I couldn’t pair the two, the man I loved from the time I was sixteen to eighteen. I couldn’t compare him with the man who had touched me today and made me feel the way he did. The way he spoke, his velvet voice rolling over my skin like thunder, zipping along my arms like lightning.
“This is insane.” I pushed hair off my forehead and dug through the rest of my box. High school yearbooks, my journalism notebooks, and photographs. I dug out a pink, spiral bound notebook, creasing my brows.
What had I used this one for?
June 16th, 2017- Davis seen at Post Office wearing blue jeans and white T-shirt.
June 30th, 2017- Davis seen interacting with another woman at the grocery store. Nora saw it first, text to get more information from her. Get specifics on the woman, and whether she’s someone we need to keep tabs on.
I slammed the notebook closed and threw it against the closet door as angry tears streamed down my face.
A crater existed inside my chest where shame, resentment, and humiliation lived. I had been so utterly pathetic. I had stalked him.
I actually had physical proof of stalking him. Could I go to jail for this?
Groaning, I picked up the box, hauled it out of my bedroom, and out into the hall.
“Rae?” my mom called, likely curious about my determined gait.
I moved without speaking, not wanting to let a single word slip past my lips, but I knew if I didn’t give her something, she’d harass me.
“I’m going to Nora’s. I’ll be back soon,” I muttered, slipping on my fuzzy slippers.
My mother’s puzzled expression only worsened as I exited the house without a jacket or any other form of clothing beyond my pajama shorts and tank top.
Her voice echoed down the drive as she called after me. “What on earth are you doing, Raelyn Jackson?”
“Nothing, I’ll be back soon.” I hurried down the street, ignoring the bite of cold that dug into my skin.
I had no idea if my mother was on my heels or not, but she had to know that I was old enough to leave the house half dressed, carrying a box of memorabilia, without having to explain myself.
One block down, with my breath clouding in front of me, I finally made my way to Nora’s front door.
It was only eight at night, so there shouldn’t be any reason she wasn’t home.
Pounding my knuckles against the wood, I began shifting from foot to foot, pushing down the ache growing in my fingers and along my arms.
Finally, the door swung open, revealing my best friend.
“What are you doi—”
I cut her off, pushing inside, the promise of warmth too tempting.
“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Petrov.” I smiled at Nora’s parents in greeting, walking back to her bedroom.
They smiled, looking a little confused at my sudden appearance, but honestly, they shouldn’t be that surprised.
Nora and I were once inseparable and were constantly at each other’s houses over the years.
“Okay, what is going on?” Nora shut and locked her bedroom door.
Setting the box down on Nora’s desk, I stood there and stared at it.
“We need to burn this.”
My best friend stepped closer, about to peer inside.
Embarrassment rose like bile, forcing me to guard the box. “No need to look inside. I just need help with burning it, and a witness to attest that any and all criminal activity regarding Davis Brenton has forthwith been burned.”
Nora’s eyes widened, her dark eyebrows arching with surprise. “Wait a second.”
My face burned red hot. “Nora…I just—”
“Oh my gosh, is this the box of—” Her eyes met mine, her body leaning closer.
She knew.
Stupidly, I had included her when I had started the journals and surveillance.
I gave her a swift nod, unable to even speak the words.
“So, in here is everything?” She inched closer to the box.
Mashing my lips together, I gave her another swift nod.
“I have to see it.”
“No way,” I argued, moving to block her, but she was faster.
Grabbing it, she carried it above her head and moved around me, toward the door.
“Please, Rae, pretty please? Let’s have an old-fashioned slumber party, where we dish about Davis, and we go through your notes.”
I reached for her. “No way! I have to burn all the evidence.”
“Why are you so hell bent on suddenly burning all the evidence, when you could have destroyed it at any time over the last four years?”
“One” —I swiped at her, but she dodged me—“I honestly thought I could look back through them and laugh, seeing as I’d never see Davis again.”
“Two” —I stood up straight, eyeing her position and trying to gauge where to attack—“I haven’t really thought about it, and I’ve been in New York.”
“You could have asked me.”
I put my hands out. “I’m asking you now!”
Rolling her eyes, she finally lowered the box. “Fine, but you’re no fun at all. We should go out back and drink while we burn everything.”
That actually sounded amazing. “Do you have anything?”
“Psshhh, I’m half Russian, half Moldavian. Of course I do.”
Once I pulled on a pair of Nora’s sweats, I bundled under several blankets while she started the small fire pit in her back yard. Cuddling on her cushioned patio furniture, I reached for the bottle of vodka and took a swig.
“Your parents don’t care that we’re doing this?”
Sure, we were both twenty-two, but I still felt like her mom was about to come out and lecture us about drinking.
Nora tipped the bottle back and then poured a little on the fire. “They’re already in bed. They said goodnight to me when you were changing. They just told me to be sure the fire was out before we passed out or went back inside.”
Laughing, and feeling a bit warmer, I started digging items out of the box. “Okay, first…the location journal.”
“Nooooo, we worked so hard to track his every move.”
Snort laughing, I shook my head, thumbing through the journal again. “I can’t believe I kept this. I can’t believe we did this to begin with! What were we thinking?”
“Well, you were thinking you were in love, and I was just your supportive best friend.”
Sipping from the bottle once more, I pointed it at her. “You should have stopped me.”
Nora leaned forward and grabbed the bottle. “It was endearing to see your love. It was vibrant and alive, Rae. I looked up to you for it. Hell, I still do.”
Thinking back on how I had loved Davis only made me feel stupid and ashamed. I was completely unhinged when it came to him.
“This stuff is illegal, Nora. I legitimately stalked him.”
It was her turn to snort. “You were completely harmless. You just loved him. You didn’t even say anything when you saw him with that hussy in the library.”
That hussy being the reason I ended up cracking mentally and leaving Macon as soon as I had a chance. Yeah, no harm done.
“I just want to burn it all and forget.” I tipped my head back and drank.
Nora studied me for a second then leaned closer. “But he’s back in your life, and he kissed you. That has to mean something, like the universe is finally giving you your chance.”
“I don’t want it,” I snapped. “I don’t want him, I want nothing to do with him. I just want to carve out a tiny piece of life for myself and leave him in the past.”
Nora’s concerned expression left me feeling raw. I didn’t want her pity, and whether she meant to or not, that’s what her face was delivering.
I had to put a stop to all of this, so I ripped out several pages of the book and tossed them into the fire.