190. Courtney
Chapter 190
Courtney
“I know,” I tell Ben.
He gives me the side-eye.
“I know.” I say it more forcefully this time. “I’m aware I’m being petty. But it’s all I have right now.”
My perfect dog huffs, then lowers himself to lie on the women’s room floor.
I have absolutely no reason to come shower out here, other than pettiness. And the fact that I don’t want to be naked in Sterling’s house.
He sent a text saying that he was coming home and not to leave.
That was it.
I’m coming home. Don’t leave.
But it was enough to have me crying on the floor with Ben curled in my lap, bony butt hanging off my knees because he’s too big to fit.
I wasn’t going to just leave.
True, I’d already grabbed an armful of my clothes out of his closet and carried them over to the Laundry Cabin. But it was just some of my belongings. And Ben’s dishes.
Because if tonight ends in a fight—or a breakup—I needed to have enough of my belongings in my old cabin to get me through a few days.
My reflection blurs as I drag my brush through my wet hair .
I blink the stubborn tears away.
It didn’t sound good, Sterling admitting he forgot about my replacement. But I’ve had hours to dwell on it, and I know I need to hear him out.
Because I know Sterling.
I know him better than I think most anyone does.
And if he wanted to break up with me…
I purse my lips and blow out a breath.
I’m trying so hard to be mature about this, but even thinking the term break up sends my pulse into a tailspin.
If Sterling was planning on ending it, he wouldn’t have gotten me a dog.
I look over at Ben, who is watching me from the floor.
Then again, Sterling could maybe see giving me a companion before kicking me out into the cold as a decent thing.
Except for the cost.
Eyes locked with the golden ones watching me, I feel another traitorous tear slip down my cheek.
“No matter what,” I promise Ben in a shaky voice. “No matter what, I’ll take care of you. Okay?”
Ben blinks up at me.
And I make a mental note to google if dogs can eat ramen.
On cue, my stomach growls.
As a surprise to no one, I did not attend dinner tonight.
Simpson didn’t come back to the house after showing Dale around. There was no need. And when he appeared in the Food Hall with my replacement, I’m sure the rest of the guys pieced it together.
Thankfully Sterling left all the food in the Laundry Cabin when he moved the rest of my things into his house two months ago.
Two months.
Such a short time.
A lifetime.
Long enough to fall for someone.
Short enough to doubt their intentions.
That damn tightness twists around my throat again.
I don’t want to doubt Sterling.
I don’t want to move out.
I don’t want to search for my passion without him.
My shoulders slump.
I want to trust him.
I want to stay.
I want to have a home here.
My lungs burn, and I open my mouth, sucking in a deep breath.
“One day at a time.”
Blankly staring at my reflection, I twist my hair into braids, then wrap my clothes into my towel.
Just like old times.
“Okay, Ben, let’s go.”
I pull open the bathroom door, and Ben steps out ahead of me.
I won’t leave, but I won’t wait for Sterling in his house either.
It doesn’t feel right.
The sky is clear tonight. The half-moon isn’t especially bright, but the light glows off the snow lining the path, making it bright enough to see by. And since I forgot my flashlight, I appreciate it.
It’s been nice these last few days, but nightfall always brings the cooler air.
I fill my lungs and work to calm my nerves.
I don’t know if Sterling sent that text the moment he left or sometime later, so I don’t know when he’ll be getting home. But it could be soon.
And I know I won’t be able to sleep until he gets here and we talk.
My eyes are focused down on where I’m walking when Ben starts whining.
“What’s—”
A man-shaped form steps onto the path in front of us.