Chapter 58 Tilda
Tilda
The plane shakes through another patch of turbulence, and I grip the water with both hands.
Breathe.
Relax.
I repeat the words in my head over and over.
And I remind myself that I’ll find my happy.
Not today.
Today is…
Well, today is going to stand as a good reminder. A life lesson.
I can count on myself. And no one else.
I inhale.
Exhale.
Relax.
I squeeze the water bottle tightly, glad it’s made of metal so it doesn’t crinkle under my hold.
It’s not fair to be upset at Ethan. He’s done nothing wrong. I just… forgot. For a moment.
The kisses.
The… bed.
It’s blurred my vision.
It was fun. But it meant nothing.
I start to bite my lip, then stop myself.
I’m not nothing.
I’m just not for everyone.
Memories of my mother shouting at me try to wedge their way into my psyche. But I ignore them.
You’re such a little shit. No one is going to put up with this stupid, fanciful behavior. If you ever want a man, you need to grow the hell up.
Okay, so I don’t ignore them as much as I’d like to.
But staring out the window at the bright blue sky beyond, I think about that ribbon. The one Ethan bought for me. The spool he left sitting in my living room without saying a word.
That was fanciful.
Indulgent.
And even if it was just his way of apologizing for destroying the ribbon I put on the fence, it wasn’t nothing.
He’s not nothing.
I take another breath, a calming one to steady my voice. “Thank you for the ribbon. That was really nice of you.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him glance my way. But I keep my attention forward.
After another heartbeat, his voice rumbles through my headphones. “It was nothing.”
I let the side of my mouth pull up into a smile. “It wasn’t nothing.”