Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Willow
The last thing I want to do is talk. What I really want to do is snuggle into Cal's arms and forget that today ever happened, but one look at him and I know that's not going to happen. Besides, I owe him more than silence.
A lot more.
The walk back to the cabin feels longer than it should.
Every step gives me a fresh opportunity to think about how I’ve screwed things up.
Instead of appreciating and respecting everything he’s done for me, what did I do?
I betrayed him at the first opportunity.
The screen door creaks as Cal pulls it open and waits for me to step inside.
The familiar scent of pine and wood smoke, with a touch of motor oil, wraps around me, and for one ridiculous second, I wish we could go back a week.
It’s hard to believe now that I could ever think Cal was like other men.
I walk straight to the kitchen window, place my hands on the counter, and stare outside for a moment before taking a deep breath and turning around to face him. “I should have told you.”
He doesn’t speak right away, his handsome face completely unreadable.
For a man who spends most of his time pretending not to care about anything, Cal is annoyingly good at silence.
The longer it stretches between us, the worse I feel. Finally, he crosses his arms over his chest and blows out a breath. "Yeah, you should have."
I expect him to raise his voice. To yell. To be angry at the danger I put him in. That I put all of us in. But he just stands there, calm and controlled. And then he says, “I’m sorry you didn’t think you could trust me, Willow.”
I take a staggering step backwards, knocking into the counter. “What?”
“I’m sorry,” he says. He drops his gaze and looks down at his feet for a moment. “I never want you to think it’s not safe to tell me the truth, and I hate that you felt you had to hide that from me. I never—”
“No,” I stop him. “It’s not your fault, Cal. It’s mine.”
The words come out sharper than I intend, but I can't stand here and let him take responsibility for this.
“Willow—”
“No.” I shake my head. “You don’t get to apologize for this.”
I push away from the counter and start pacing across the kitchen floor, too wound up to stand still.
“I saw Bryson standing there and I…I just didn’t think,” I admit.
“He’s my brother, and he was exhausted and dirty and skinny and…
” I look up. “Scared,” I say. “He looked scared, Cal.” It’s the first time I register that for myself.
In all the years, Bryson’s been getting himself into trouble, and I’ve been bailing him out, he’s always been cocky and self-assured and way too overconfident for his own good. Not once have I ever seen him scared.
I take a breath, letting that sink in, before I continue. “So I did what I always do,” I tell Cal.
“And what’s that?”
I let out a humorless laugh and shake my head. “I fixed it.”
The answer hangs between us, and I can see clearly that despite all of my efforts over the years when it comes to Bryson, I have never actually fixed anything at all.
I lift my hands and drop them as that realization settles over me. “At least, I tried to,” I say, quieter now.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a moment before opening them and looking Cal straight in the eyes.
“I think at some point, I managed to convince myself that if I tried enough, I could keep everything together.” My throat tightens.
“After Mom died, we all kind of fell apart. Every problem, every mess, every…well, everything became my issue to deal with.”
Cal doesn’t interrupt. He simply stands before me and listens, which makes it easier to speak the words I’ve been holding inside for far too long.
“Nobody else stepped up, and pretty soon, everyone just expected that I would handle things. The problem is, after a while, you just get so used to carrying the load on your own that you don’t even realize how heavy it is.” I shrug helplessly.
The silence stretches for a minute.
“So, when I saw him standing there, I just reacted. I didn’t even think about what it might mean to you.”
The admission hurts because it’s true. And that makes it even worse.
“I fell right back into old habits without considering how hard you’d worked to protect me, or the danger I could be putting all of us in by hiding him.”
A tear slips down my cheek, and I swipe at it roughly before wrapping my arms around myself. “I didn’t think what it might do to us.”
The words hardly make it out, because now that I hear them out loud, I know that’s the part that hurts the most.
Us.
Because that’s what this has become. And now, I’m afraid I’ve ruined us before we even got a chance.
“I’m sorry I hurt you.” My voice shakes, and Cal’s expression shifts.
“You’re not just the grumpy mountain man whose cabin I’ve been hiding in.” I let out a shaky laugh as another tear slips free. “This strangely protective man who sleeps outside my bedroom door while I try to figure out why exactly he’d sacrifice so much for a girl he doesn’t even know.”
My throat tightens, but I keep going.
“Somehow, between the cups of tea you made me every morning, organizing your mess of a garage for you, and winning over your dog, you became a whole lot more than that…” I risk a smile. “You became someone I care about.”
The admission leaves me feeling exposed, but I no longer care about being vulnerable.
I drop my arms and take a step toward him.
Then another. “Nothing Ronnie Hatch could have done to me could have been worse than knowing I hurt you, Cal.” I reach for his hand, my fingers trembling slightly as they close around his.
“Because the truth is, you’re the very best thing that’s happened to me in a long time. ”
The confession slips from me on a breath.
His hand turns mine over, his rough thumb brushing across my palm. The simple touch almost undoes me. For a second, neither of us says anything.
Cal stands there looking at me like he's trying to see straight through every wall I've spent years putting up. Maybe he can, because for the first time in my life, the words that I've been trying not to say don't seem nearly as terrifying as the thought of leaving them unsaid.
“I wouldn’t blame you if you sent me off the mountain to get your peace and quiet back.
I would understand. I know I’m not easy.
I come with baggage and an attitude and a terrible habit of getting mixed up in trouble.
” I blow out a breath and force myself to continue.
“You don’t owe me anything. So, if you want me to, I’ll leave.
” I look up into his dark eyes, blinking back tears.
“But I really hope you don’t. Because I’ve gone my whole life without feeling this way, and I think if I walk away now, I’ll never feel it again. ”
I finish speaking on a sob, but I don’t have time to pull myself together before his arms are around me, my chin held between his thumb and finger as he stares deeply in my eyes. “Darling.” His voice is rough. “You’re not going anywhere.”
Cal
One minute I’m standing in front of her, listening to the woman I love tell me she’s willing to walk away and leave me to live my quiet life on the mountain in my peace, and the next, I’ve got her in my arms.
“Darling,” I murmur, my voice rough enough that I barely recognize it as my own. “You’re not going anywhere.”
And then my lips are on hers, because there’s nothing I can say to properly express to her everything I’m feeling.
There are no words to properly convey how terrified I’ve been.
Not for her safety. No. I would have torn Hatch limb from limb before he laid a finger on my girl.
I’d been terrified I’d lost her trust. That she didn’t feel she could confide in me. That I’d gotten it wrong between us. And that one bad decision and stupid mistake had managed to destroy the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
The kiss is everything I don’t have words for.
My hands slide into her hair as I pull her closer. She comes willingly, fitting into my arms like she was made just for me.
Because she was.
A sound escapes her throat as she melts into me.
God. This woman.
This stubborn, fiery, gorgeous, absolutely impossible woman.
I kiss her until neither of us can breathe, and even then, it doesn’t feel like enough.
When I finally pull back, my forehead rests on hers, and I close my eyes for a second, giving myself a moment to feel her in my arms and remind myself that she’s still here.
From the moment I set eyes on her in the Rusty Nail, I think part of me knew that this woman was going to change my life forever.
“Willow,” I say quietly. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
Her breath catches. I can see the flash of uncertainty in her eyes, like she’s bracing herself for the worst.
Something about that pisses me off, because even after everything we’ve been through, this woman has still convinced herself that somehow I could send her away, watch her walk down this mountain, and carry on without her.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
“I love you.”
The words come easier than expected. Because it’s been true for a while now. And after today, pretending otherwise feels totally impossible.
Her eyes widen, and God help me, I think she might be holding her breath, but I’m only getting started.
“I love your sassy mouth.” I brush my thumb across her bottom lip. “I love that you argue with me even when you know you’re wrong.”
A laugh escapes her. “I’m never wrong.”
“Right?” I raise a brow and shake my head, happy to see her relax.
“I love that you care too much.” My voice drops. “Even when it gets you into trouble. Even when it drives me crazy. Even when it makes me want to lock you up in the cabin to keep you safe.”
She rolls her eyes.
“I love that about you, because it’s who you are, Willow. And I love you.”
I kiss her forehead to punctuate my point.
She laughs, and this time the sound settles deep inside me because I can no longer picture this place without that sound.
Without her throwing the ball relentlessly for Murph.
Without her walking around my shop in my old t-shirts that she’s modified into the sexiest clothes on the planet.
I can’t even begin to think about nights without her wrapped around me.
Hell, I can’t picture any of it. And I never want to.
“I spent a lot of years convincing myself I was better off alone,” I admit to her now. “That I couldn’t be of use to anyone. Not anymore.”
“Cal, you—”
“But then you showed up, and that all went out the window,” I stop her, needing to get this out once and for all.
“You showed me that I don’t have to be alone.
I don’t have to close myself off from the possibility of love again.
And that even though it will always be my instinct to keep you safe and protect you from the world, it’s not my burden to carry. ”
She shakes her head.
“There was a woman once,” I admit on a breath.
“It was a long time ago, when I was serving overseas.” The words come slowly.
“A local woman, her name was Mara, and she was caught up in the middle of someone else’s war.
I cared about her more than I had any business doing, given where we were and our circumstances. ”
Willow stays quiet, her hand still in mine as she listens.
“There was an op. I told her to stay hidden, locked in. I swore to her I’d come back for her as soon as I could.“ My jaw tightens. “I meant it. But things went sideways, the way they do. And by the time I made it back…” I can’t bring myself to say the rest.
A tear slips down Willow’s cheek.
“She trusted me to keep her safe, and…I couldn’t. I’ve spent twenty years telling myself there was nothing I could have done.” I shake my head.
“Today, when Hatch showed up, and you were standing right there in the middle of it…” I suck in a breath. “It took me right back to that day. I thought I was going to lose you, too.”
She puts her hand on my cheek, forcing me to look at her. “You didn’t lose me, Cal,” she murmurs. “You won’t. That was a long time ago.” I nod. “And I’m not her.”
“No,” I agree. “You’re not.” I wipe the tear from her cheek. “But I needed you to know why I am the way I am.”
“Thank you for telling me.”
“Don’t go,” I blurt out. “Not now. Not ever.”
“What?”
“Stay.”
My hands settle on her hips. “Today. Tomorrow. Forever. I don’t want a life that doesn’t have you in it.”
She waves a hand toward the road. “My dad…”
“We’ll figure it out,” I tell her. “Together. But you deserve to live, Willow.”
More tears slide down her cheeks as she nods in agreement.
“Marry me.”
She sucks in a breath. “What?”
“I don’t care if it makes sense. I don’t care that it happened fast. I just know that I’m a better man with you. Marry me.”
“That’s your proposal?” She tilts her head and gives me a sharp, sassy look that makes me laugh.
“I wasn’t really planning it,” I tell her. “And maybe it’s not the most romantic, but..yes. That’s my proposal. Marry me, Willow. Together we are—”
“Yes!” She shouts her interruption so loud, Murph rouses from his spot on the steps, and he runs down to join us, barking at our feet. “Yes,” she yells out. “I’ll marry you. I’ll stay. I’ll…well, I don’t know what else. But, yes!”
We’re both laughing and kissing as I pull her into my arms and spin her around because I’m never letting her go. Not again. Not ever.