Chapter 10
Conner
“How’d you find me?”
Nick and Bennet carry two camping chairs through the woods, heading straight to me.
“Your location, idiot.”
I close my eyes and relax into my hammock again.
I’ve been here for a week, and this is the first day I’ve finally felt a lick of peace.
The first day was all busy work setting up camp.
Second day was me pacing like an animal.
Days three to six I wandered through the woods, swam in the stream, and fought the urge to pack up, head home, break my lease and move.
Today, I’m better. Marginally.
Nick sits down a good distance away from me while Bennet pulls three sodas out of the cooler. “Are we going to talk about this or play pretend?”
“Nothing to talk about.”
“Okay then.”
We stare at the fire I’ve kept going because I like the smell and it gives my inner cave man something to be proud of.
One thing I love about these guys is they really don’t push for answers.
Mainly because if it’s their turn to be in the hot seat, they don’t want to be pushed or pressured either. It’s hard to open up.
“Any luck with the fish?” Bennet finally asks after a couple of silent hours.
“Yeah. Enough to not starve.”
“Sweet.” He gets up and grabs my rod and heads to the stream.
Shirtless, Nick closes his eyes and tips his head up to the sun. I think the only one who really understands my dilemma would be him.
“What would you do?”
He doesn’t open his eyes, but calmy lifts his hands in the air as if to say, “don’t know.”
“I’m a train wreck.”
“Who isn’t, bro?” Nick sighs. “Hearts are weird.”
That’s unhelpful. “Mine’s been in a bear trap for a long time.”
“Sounds painful.”
“Mmph.” We fall into silence again and I dose off. When I wake up, Bennet’s carrying two decent sized fish over to us with a big smile on his face. “Who’s hungry?”
Nick and I both get up and start fileting the fish and making a spit to roast them on. It’s always been this smooth when camping with them. We’ve been doing it since as far back as I can remember.
It’s this easy, familiar vibe that has my heart finally beating right again.
I don’t feel like a live wire anymore. My head isn’t screaming either.
We eat lunch and laugh and joke and give each other shit.
Bennet suggests we make a bunch of thirst traps for our accounts and that sounds like a solid plan to me because even though I tried to quit and was told by my boss that I couldn’t, I still plan to leave the company.
I’m just giving the old man what he wants by following his orders so he knows he did all he could to make me stay and I’m still an asshole who will leave. I have to or I’ll go insane.
Thirst traps will have to supplement my income big time until I figure out a new plan.
We make so many, it’s overkill.
“Are we done yet?” Bennet grabs his shirt.
“No way. This is the best lighting,” Nick argues. “We gotta make a few more while there’s still time.”
Bennet growls with frustration. “Doing what?”
“Rugged man out in the woods stuff. You know, like stretching. Tossing huge logs around. Stripping down to our boxers and wading out into the stream and dunking under, just to come up all wet and dripping.” Nick smacks Bennet’s gut.
“Flex the abs. Show off the pecs. Showcase everything below the belt draped in wet fabric.”
“This is exhausting,” Bennet grumbles, tossing his shirt back on the ground.
“You’ll thank me later when we’re all making bank!” Nick submerges himself in the stream, that’s always higher this time of year, and lets the water sluice off his body as he saunters towards his cell phone that’s propped up with some rocks.
“He’s such an attention whore,” Bennet sighs.
“And you’re not?” I dunk Bennet under the water.
We splash and carry on and I laugh for the first time in forever. We forget our cell cameras are rolling and just be ourselves. No posing. No edits. Just us. The tightness in my chest almost eases. At least my head isn’t pounding anymore.
A good cold-water dunk cures a lot of things.
“I think I’m going to head south,” I say as nonchalantly as possible when we head back to our seats.
“South?” Nick runs a hand through his wet hair. “What’s south?”
“Don’t know.”
They probably think I’m crazy.
“For how long?”
I glance at Nick and shrug. “Not sure.”
“You can’t leave,” he argues.
“You sound like Russel.” I pull on my cargo pants. “He said I couldn’t quit either.”
“He’s right, you can’t.”
Fury rushes through me. “You know, I’m getting sick and tired of taking orders from everyone. It’s time I do what I want.”
“Then going South isn’t the right direction to do what you want,” Bennet chimes. “Going to Taylor’s is.”
My heart stops and my headache returns. So much for having fun.
“Taylor’s is the last place I should go to. She probably never wants to see me again.”
“Oh, come on, man.” Nick balls his shirt up and throws it at me. “She’s worried sick.”
My belly clenches with guilt. “She knows I can take care of myself.”
“She also knows you tried to resign. And that you turned your location off for her, and only her, really has her crystals in a twist.”
“She’ll get over it.”
When I left my house to disappear, my emotions shut down. I’m not ready to turn them back on yet, so this feeling in my gut needs to go away or I’m going to lose my shit. “I think I need therapy again.”
Neither of them object nor confirm.
Nick pokes the fish cooking over the fire. “You need to be honest with her.”
“And say what?”
“I love you, Taylor. I’m crazy about you, Taylor. You’re the only one for me and that’s why I’m such a Rottweiler.”
“A Rottweiler? The fuck’s that mean?”
“You know. A guard dog.” Nick adds another log to the fire. “All vicious and ferocious and aggressive when it comes to protecting their girl.”
“Is that a thing?” I ask Bennet. “Or did he swallow too much water?”
“It’s a thing.”
“I’m not a Rottweiler.” They’re fat headed and slobbery.
“Fine. You’re a dragon, bro.”
Now Nick makes me sound like a dork.
“You’re Conner,” Bennet says. “And everyone knows Conner Montgomery doesn’t play about his Taylor. If you disrespect her, he’ll disrespect you. Put your hands on her, he’ll put his hands on you. Treat her nice, he’ll be nice to you.”
Exactly.
“And what’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing,” Nick says. “Except if you’re her boyfriend or your girlfriend and then it’s painfully obvious that it’ll never work because you’re Conner.”
I think I’m offended. “Is that an insult? I can’t even tell.”
“It’s just a fact.” Bennet grabs some plates for us. “You two are meant to be together. None of us know why you won’t give in.”
“Because she doesn’t like me like that.”
Nick and Bennet both freeze, and I catch them staring at each other.
“What? It’s true. I’m just her friend. Her bro.”
Nick busts out laughing so loud, it scares the birds out of the trees.
“It’s not funny,” I grumble.
“It’s fucking hilarious, man. Holy shit, you’re an idiot.”
“I know her better than anyone. She doesn’t like me like that.”
“Did you ask her?”
“Hell no. Her actions speak loud and clear. If she wanted me, she could have just… I don’t know. Done something.”
They stare at each other again and I swear to God if Nick doesn’t wipe that smile off his face, I’m going to drag him back to the stream and drown him.
“Did you ever try?” Bennet asks.
“Try what?”
“Telling her? Showing her?”
“I wouldn’t know how at this point. Our friend zone comes with five-foot-thick concrete walls and barbed wire.”
Nick gawks at me. “You literally spend the night at her house.”
“So? You crash at Dean’s all the time.”
“He doesn’t keep my clothes in his dresser,” Nick argues. “Or my favorite foods in the fridge.”
“We like the same things, that’s all.” Keeping steak in the freezer isn’t romance. It’s nourishment.
“Have you ever… you know…” Bennet makes a kissy fish face, and I throw my empty soda can at him.
“Yes.”
They go motionless again.
“How did I never hear about this?” Nick sits down and drags his chair closer as if he’s getting the best tea of his life. “When? How? Tell us everything, Queen. Leave no details out.”
I flip him the bird. “It was a long time ago.” When Bennet fans himself, I laugh a little. “You’re ridiculous.”
“This is literally the best kept secret in our friend circle,” Nick says, and I know for a fact that’s not true.
He’s the one with the best kept secret… I just can’t tell him I know about it.
So here I go, giving them the tea on me and Taylor’s one and only kiss and how I fucked it up by pushing her away.
“And?” Nick waits for more.
“That’s it.”
“You pushed her away, she cracks her head, her rocks fall out of her bra, and we all just go to Dean’s for a bonfire?”
“Yyyyup.”
“And you never tried again?” Bennet asks like this is bullshit.
“Hell no. Once scarred me for life.”
“Then you don’t know,” Bennet says, his leg bobbing up and down. “You seriously don’t know how she feels about you. You’ve never made a move on her to find out.”
“No. Because I respect her boundaries and I’ll never push myself on her like that. She wants to be friends so we’re friends. End of story.”
Nick leans back in his chair and gives me the side-eye. “Those were your boundaries, Conner. Not hers.”
“It was a trend. That’s all.”
“Is that what she told you?”
I glare at Nick. “Yes. That’s what she said. And then she laughed and never did it again.”
“Wow.” Bennet buries his head in his hands. “You really are the village idiot.”
Okay. That’s it, I’m drowning them both.
“She just did it to annoy me, probably.” I can’t even look at them anymore. I feel small and humiliated all over again.
“Since when does Taylor ever do something only once?” Nick asks. “Especially when she knows it annoys you.”
I can’t really answer that. She’s forever annoying me, and I like it because she’s so cute when she does shit that annoys me.
Nick leans in from across the fire. “If it was just a trend that meant nothing, she’d have made you do it.”
“I pushed her away.”
“And the Taylor we all know would have just seen that as a challenge to push your buttons more and she would have jumped on top of you, tackled you to the ground, and kissed you all over just to make you mad and then she’d have laughed in your face.”
Time stands still.
Nick’s right.
My heart clunks around in my chest as I rehash that night and see everything differently. How flustered she got. How quiet she was at Dean’s afterwards. The long time she spent with Carly talking alone between the cabins…
“It wasn’t just a trend.” I stand up and don’t know what to do first—pack my camping stuff or head to my car and leave it all behind. “I gotta go.”
Running into the woods, I ditch my friends and head to the only place I’ve ever belonged.