Chapter 20
Conner
I pack up my campsite about an hour after Taylor left. I don’t need the silence or distance to get my head on straight. I need Taylor.
She’s all I’ve ever needed.
I yearn for her like a caged bird craves flying.
But while packing up my gear and loading my truck, my mind wanders to all the what ifs again.
I try to shut them up. Truly. I do. It’s just that they’re loud and I’m insecure and it is what it is.
Using some of the coping skills I learned in therapy a while back, I try switching my thought process from doom to bloom.
What if it doesn’t work out turns into what if this works out better than I ever imagined.
What if I screw us up turns into what if I am the best man she’s ever dated?
What if I can’t figure out my job situation turns into what if I lean into my pie-in-the-sky dreams and make it all happen for not just me, but all of us?
By the time I get home, my worries aren’t as heavy. Perspective is a wild mental ride.
After unloading everything, and starting some laundry, I take a shower, shave again, and put on fresh jeans and a t-shirt.
Shit, I gotta hit the gym. I’ve skipped way too many days.
Switching my jeans for sweats, I go put in the work at the gym and blast music in my ears to keep myself in the zone.
I don’t call it quits here yet and run to Taylor’s too early.
Although, fucking hell, bro, I might need to call it quits just because my muscles are screaming from not coming here for a week.
My abs are burning. Damn arms are like noodles. I’m hungry.
Out of the corner of my eye, I notice two women looking and pointing at me in a not-so-discreet way. Once I used to know most of the people in this town, but that’s changed a lot over the past few years. I have no clue who these women are, but they’re approaching me like I should.
“Hi,” the taller one says, dropping her water bottle down on the bench next to mine.
I pretend I can’t hear her and continue counting my reps.
She waits, busying herself in the worst kind of shameless way, and her gaze shifts to her friend who I can see in the mirror’s reflection. I should move to another station. Pick another muscle to focus on. Get out of here.
The taller woman taps her ear, signaling for me to take out my earbuds. I do, because I’m not trying to be a rude asshole. Yet. “Yeah?”
“Sorry to bother you, but are you Flirt In Dirt?”
Damnit. I don’t know what to say, so I go with the truth. “Yeah.”
Her eyes light up and she nods to her friend who saunters over. My gaze flies around the gym. Ah, sweet, there’s a free leg press machine over there. “Have a nice workout.”
The taller one puts her hand on my arm. “Wait. Can we take a selfie?”
“I’d rather not.”
And I don’t want her touching me, so I move away fast.
Why does she look dejected? I’m not being mean. I’m setting boundaries. Isn’t that a good thing? I’m not in the habit of taking pictures with people I don’t know, or letting stranger dangers grope my biceps.
“Okay.” Her cheeks redden. “Well. Bye then.”
I nod and move myself over to the other side of what now feels like a very small gym. When I finish my routine and get back to my truck, I pull up my socials to check my notifications and stats.
Aaaaannd a bubble pops up with: GymBarbie34 tagged you in a post!
Uh oh. Why do I have a feeling GymBarbie34 is the tall girl inside?
Sure enough, I click on the tag and there she is, with me working out in the background.
“I just found him!” it says across the screen and then she zooms in on not my face.
Not my back. My ass. I’m bending over, doing squats, having no clue she’s recording me.
I’m double cheeked up too. Hitting her comments section, there’s a lot of, “Hey daddy” and “10/10 clappable material” and “I want him to squat over me while I hold my tongue out.”
Closing the app, I get a new worry. Will Taylor be okay with me keeping this account now that we’re together?
I make good money from it. Money, I plan to invest in us. But if she says she’s not comfortable with me doing this anymore, I’ll give it up. Get a second job if I have to. I don’t know. On a whim, I go into my drafts and post one. Might as well make all the money I can, while I can.
Heading back home, I take another shower.
Switch my laundry. Start a grocery list. It’s only four in the afternoon at this point and I’m driving myself nuts.
Fuck it, I’m going to Taylor’s. Maybe she can put me to work pruning plants or setting crystals out in the sun or washing her yoga class mats.
I don’t care as long as I’m being useful.
When I pull up to her place, her car’s parked in its normal spot and all her windows are wide open.
Her shop sign says, “Come in for a spell” and the door is propped open with a large potted snake plant.
Music plays out back, so I meander towards it and find her in the greenhouse, singing and dancing to Fleetwood Mac.
She spins around and giggles to herself.
Man, I love how carefree Taylor is. From playing naked in the stream under the full moon last night, to wiggling her butt to one of her favorite songs while repotting succulents, she’s perfection.
I wish I had an ounce of her positivity.
I think it’s one of the most attractive things about her. She’s the sun and I’m a prickly pear cactus that thrives under her warm rays.
Taylor suddenly turns around, gets startled by my unannounced presence, and jumps back like I’m going to attack. That’s when she knocks over a tray of sprouts, two pots of aloe and a full watering can.
“Damn, woman!”
“Oh my god, you scared the crap out of me!” I rush over to pick up all the things that fell over when she stops me. “Leave it.”
“But…”
“There are more important things you should be doing, Con.”
Yeah. There is. But we might not be on the same page with what those things are. Time to find out.
I grab her gently by the throat and kiss her like I haven’t seen in her days.
She moans against me and opens up so I can slip my tongue against hers.
She groans louder and turns feral on me.
We end up crashing into the bench, a wagon, and the fallen watering can before I hoist her into my arms and take her out of the greenhouse before we demolish it by accident.
She’s in another sundress. I swear she must own a thousand of these things. And she looks incredible in each one.
“Bedroom,” she orders, pulling my baseball hat off and putting it backwards on her head.
“Yes, ma’am.”
After some stumbling and fumbling, I navigate us to the bedroom and lay her down on her perfectly made bed with it’s too many pillows and extra blankets folded at the foot of it. Taylor watches me kick off my shoes and bites her lip. These hungry looks of hers make me feel like a god.
Time to worship.
Kicking my shoes off, I crawl up her body and kiss every inch along the way.
“I’m starving,” I growl, rucking up her dress. Kissing her inner thighs, I work my way to the best place on earth and go for her clit without hesitation. Her legs slam shut around my head.
“Conner, wait.”
I pause. Lift my gaze to hers. Cock my eyebrow and don’t move.
She’s red-faced already. “I don’t want this.”
My heart crashes instantly and I back off. “Okay.”
Wow. That was not where I thought this was going. At least not so soon. Sitting back on my haunches, I’m at a loss on what else to say.
Taylor sits up. “I want this.” She grabs my hard dick through my jeans. “Inside me. Now.”
My insecurities have whiplash.
“You sure? Because this is the last step. Once I’m in, I’m not coming out.”
“I’ve never been more sure of something in my life.” She tugs my shirt off and kisses me frantically. “Please. I’m dying for you.”
My ego is a monster.
“I’ve been waiting for you to get back, stopping myself from texting you to hurry up all day.” She pulls on my zipper. “The wait is killing me.”
And here I’ve been wasting the day, trying to stay away so she could have space and time to get shit done without me as a distraction.
We really need to work on our timing skills. I feel like I’ve once again left her hanging when all I wanted to do was be with her.
“Do you have any condoms?” I bought some for camping, just in case we went for it last night, but I left those at home.
“No.”
Shit.
“I’m on birth control though. It’s for my periods, not for sex. I mean…” She swipes a curl from her face. “I’ve never let someone…” She’s so flustered, she can’t look at me. “I’ve never gone bare with anyone before.”
Don’t be happy about that. Don’t be happy about that. Don’t be—
I’m so fucking happy about that.
If this makes me a complete neanderthal, so be it. I want to be the one and only man who feels her with no barrier.
“It’s up to you.” She takes a deep breath and waits for me to make a move. When I don’t, she jumps back into yapping mode. “Have you done that before with someone? Gone… raw?”
“Hell no.”
I always strap up. The last thing I ever wanted was to knock-up my fling.
Because that’s all I have. Flings. My heart belongs to Taylor, so giving it to someone else was never going to happen.
That means marriage and family and a future with someone else has never been in the cards for me and I’ve proceeded with caution because of it.
I’d resigned to the fact that I was going to live half a life, loving my soulmate from the friend zone and made peace with that years ago.
“I’ve always used protection,” I promise. “And I’ve been tested several times just to make sure all’s good.”
“Oh.” Her gaze drops to her lap. “Do you want me to get—”
I tip her chin up and claim her mouth with mine to shut her up. The demons in my head are cheering that she hasn’t been with anyone the way she’s about to be with me.
“We’re going to go slow,” I warn her. “I don’t want to fuck this up.”
“Con, you’re not going to screw anything up.”