Chapter 24
Conner
I had every intention of proposing last night at the bar.
The ring burned a hole in my pocket since I bought it that afternoon and it continued to grow heavier and heavier in my jeans throughout the night.
But when Nick asked when the wedding was, I felt a shift in Taylor’s demeanor.
She was too quick to say, “No time soon,” and I guess her wink was supposed to make me feel like she saved us both from a headache, but it just made me feel like shit.
No time soon, she’d said. How about not soon enough? Like geez, how much longer am I supposed to wait to have forever with this woman?
But maybe she’s right to pump the brakes a little. We’ve been dating for what, a minute? And “date” isn’t the word for it. We’ve been fucking like rabbits and hydrating in between. Then it’s work and life and back to bed again.
“I’m gonna come,” she moans against the mattress.
My pace stays hard and fast, our bodies clapping together, the sound of her wet pussy filling my ears. “Squeeze my cock with your cunt.”
I look down and watch her obey. Her asshole contracts and pussy squeezes and I’m seeing stars. Rubbing her tight hole with my thumb, I probe her just a little. “I want to take this hole next.”
She moans again, her breaths turning to rasps, and she detonates. “Conner!”
Once I know her climax is over, I pull out, flip her over, and dive back in. “You take my cock so well, don’t you?”
“Yes.” She rides up the bed with how hard I fuck her.
“Your body is built to take this dick.”
Her eyes roll back in ecstasy.
Taylor told me I didn’t have to ask for permission to take her whenever I want, so this is the third time since we got home from the bar that I’ve been inside her glorious body. I stuck with water all night and she only had one beer. We can go all night long.
“Where do you want it?”
“In my mouth,” she says, clawing down my chest. “Holy shit, you’re an animal.”
I’ll take that as a compliment. “Ready for it?”
“Y-y-yes.”
Quickly pulling out, I jack off while she sits up and the first shot lands on her chin. The rest pulses down her throat and I’m roaring with my release. We both collapse on the bed, and I can’t get my heart rate to slow the hell down.
“Are you okay?” I ask in the dark.
“Mm hmm.” She rolls out of bed and makes her way into the bathroom. I hear the shower start and something in me stirs to life.
Fear.
Don’t ask me to explain it. I don’t know why I feel the feelings I do, nor do I have a clue how to handle them. Which means when I walk into the bathroom and catch her stepping into the shower, I follow her like a shadow because I’m clingy. “Am I being too much?”
She’s quiet as she saturates her long hair.
I think I’m going to be sick. I am too much. I’ve burned her out already. I’ve exhausted her and gotten on her nerves and—
“Not at all,” she says, looking up at me. “I’m just…”
“Worried,” we both say at the same time.
Sharing a brain wave with this woman began in high school.
We’d say the same thing at the same time or do the same goofy dance at the same time or laugh in the same way at the same time.
Corrine used to say we were cosmic twins.
We even have a little thing we do where we wiggle our fingers together whenever we jinx. But we skip that step today.
“What are you worried about?” I lean back on the tile and ignore how cold I am while she takes all the hot water. Being physically uncomfortable is a bit of a peaceful place for my brain.
“That this is too good to be true.”
I don’t have that worry at all. “It’s good because it’s true.” I kiss the top of her head, getting splashed in the face. “Am I suffocating you though? I feel like I’m being too much.”
“You’d think that but no.” She washes her beautiful body with soap while I watch. “It felt like I was walking around with a limb missing yesterday when you left to go wherever you went all day.”
If she’s fishing to find out where I was, I’m not about to take the bait. Saying I went out and bought an engagement ring will make me sound crazy. “I know the feeling. You’ll get used to it.”
Her brow pinches. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve walked around with my heart missing for most of my life, Taylor.” When I see she doesn’t understand me, I add. “I left it with you a long time ago. Never got it back. Never wanted it back either.”
The air in the shower seems stifling.
“So yeah,” I clear my throat. “Walking around with a missing piece takes some getting used to.”
“Does it still feel that way, Conner?”
“Yes. I still feel like my heart is gone.” I’m not going to lie. “But it’s nice to come home to it now.”
What a great transition to discuss living together, but that’s not coming anytime soon either. She’ll say we’re rushing things.
Taylor kind of slows down, as if she’s thinking way too fast and forgot her body is attached to her brain. “Move in with me.”
“What?”
“Move in with me, Con.”
She has no idea how badly I want to say yes to that. “Aren’t we going too fast?”
“Are we even moving fast enough?” she counters. “Honestly Conner, what are we even waiting for?”
She’s right. It’s time to put things on a better speed now that we’re together and never ever breaking apart. However, I still have shit to figure out on my end of life.
“How about we get through the Blossom Festival first then we can discuss it.” The lease on my apartment is up for renewal in a few months. That’s a decent timeline to get our ducks in line. Maybe. Hopefully.
Except all my ducks have no clue what they’re doing for work and they’re not in a line, they’re planning a mutiny and—
“There it is,” she points at me. “There’s the look that has me so worried, Con. What’s going on with you?”
I shake my head. “Nothing.”
She gets mad and turns off the water, leaving me cold and half soaked.
“Taylor, wait.”
She’s out of the bathroom before I can grab a towel and go after her. Damnit.
“Taylor!”
“I want the truth.” My girl spins on her heels and jabs me in the chest with her finger. “Tell me what you’re worried about.”
“I did. I’m scared I’m too much and I’ll annoy you.”
“Of course you’ll annoy me. You always annoy me.
It’s what you do.” She crosses her arms. “That’s not what has you all flustered up here.
” She pokes my forehead. “I feel it, Conner. I feel your worries and your fears, and you don’t have to believe me when I say that, but have I ever been wrong?
In all the years you’ve known me, have I ever been wrong about knowing when there’s something deeper going on with you? ”
No. Never.
“I don’t want you to get mad.”
Great. I sound like a kid. A bad little kid that does dumb shit and is about to get in big trouble for it. And look! She’s already getting madder. Her face is turning colors, and her eyes are getting bigger.
I’m so fucked.
My confession comes out so fast, it’s one long word. “I’m-not-sure-I-still-want-to-work-for-your-dad.”
Taylor freezes. Her brow pinches and she folds in a little like she’s confused. “What?”
I repeat it, feeling like a traitor to the Larson family.
“Conner.” She sits down on the edge of her bed and takes a deep breath. “Are you serious?”
Dropping to my knees in front of her, I keep my tone soft and calm because I have no clue how to tread in this Taylor territory. Disappointing her is new for me. “I’m so sorry.”
She cocks her head at me, again with this confused expression on her sweet face. Then it morphs back into anger, and she smacks the top of my head. “Idiot.”
“Hey. Ow. What the—”
“You’re not beholden to Russel Larson, Conner. It’s business. Not personal.”
It’s all personal to me. That man gave me a chance when no one else would. He gave me everything… and now I also have his daughter.
I stare down at my hands that are always rough and cracked. “All I know is how to work in dirt.”
“And?”
She’s not understanding what I’m trying to say. Let’s try again. “I want to give you a good life, Taylor. The best life. I need to do more than mow lawns for that to happen.”
“Define best life, Con.”
“Everything. Anything. I want you to have whatever you want. I want to provide for you. For us.”
“And you don’t do that already?”
No. I haven’t had a chance.
“Oh my god, Conner.” She rests her elbows on her knees and grips the side of her head. “Have you not supported me in every way I’ve ever wanted?”
“No.”
“No?” She looks up and points behind me. “You built me a greenhouse because I wanted one of my own instead of always going to the big one at the nursery.”
“So?”
“You drop off groceries when you see I’m running low.”
“So?”
“You watch Hallmark Christmas movies with me every year.” Her gaze narrows. “And I know you hate them.”
“I don’t hate them. Okay, I mean I used to hate them but then they grew on me and now I like them.”
I’ve always considered it some kind of warped Stockholm syndrome thing. She makes me watch them with her every year and now I look forward to it because she loves them so much and I love that she loves them, which somehow turns them into great movies I can’t wait to watch too.
“My point is you’ve always provided me with everything I could ever want or need.”
“You don’t understand what I’m saying. This isn’t about movies and plants, Taylor.
” My blood pressure spikes. “I don’t want my wife to struggle.
To suffer.” My hands are shaking. “I want my kids to be safe and warm and fed.” Fury and fear clash in my chest when I yell, “I don’t want my son to have to work at sixteen to keep the fucking electricity on! ”
The silence that follows is deafening.
Shit, I’ve screwed up. I shouldn’t have yelled like that. Dumping my trauma on her lap isn’t fair. When will I learn to keep my mouth shut?
This hurts.
Taylor stares and stares and stares at me. It’s awful. I can’t stand it. But I can’t look away either. This is the real thing. The ugly rawness of my heart filled with insecurities and resentment that I’ve covered up with laughter and bad jokes and daredevil moves and fist fights my whole life.
It’s all exposed for her to see.
“Conner…”
She’s going to break up with me.
“You don’t have to work for my dad anymore if that’s not what you want.”
My ears are ringing.
“You’re not beholden to anyone.”
Mayday. Mayday. My eyes are leaking.
Rolling my shoulders back, I drop the last bomb in my arsenal. “What if I walk away and want to start my own landscaping business?”
My brain runs in panicked circles, and all my wires are on fire and sparks are flying and it’s chaos in my head. I just blew everything up. I’ve ruined us before we even had a chance.
Put me in the wood chipper, please. End my misery.
Taylor’s expression is unreadable, which terrifies me most. I don’t think that’s happened since the night of the kiss-your-best-friend-trend.
“Say something,” I beg.
She holds my face and kisses me. “I think that’s an amazing idea.”