Chapter 28 #2
“No way. My heart shattered once and I still haven’t recovered. He’s not into me like that, Carly. Stop bringing it up because it’s never going to happen.”
She looks out at the greenhouse one last time and sighs…
“Aw, you guys are the cutest.” Grace bats her lashes and sighs. “I always thought Dean, and I had the best love story ever, but you and Conner might have beaten it.”
“I don’t know. Yours was pretty epic.”
“We’re lucky ladies.”
“Totally.”
The church pew is loaded with plants, most of which need to be repotted because they’ve gotten so big.
“Lettuce Pray” has faded from constant sunlight.
The paint on the windows and doors is peeling and cracking, but I can’t bring myself to put a fresh coat of color on any of it. It’s aging so beautifully.
“Let’s get to work,” I say with a surge of joy. “Put on that podcast, baby. Let’s get dirty.”
Grace hooks her phone up to my Bluetooth speaker and we listen to our favorite serial killer stories while soaking succulents, propagating other plants and have tea on my patio.
“This is such a great day,” Grace sighs.
“Yeah, it is.”
“Everywhere I look reminds me of a whimsical fairy world with practical magic vibes. You should make content to post online.”
“Yeah, that’s not happening. I don’t have the energy to put into that.”
Grace shrugs, because she knows better than most how much time it takes to be an influencer. Her cell buzzes and she reads a text. “Dean and Conner are coming over with dinner.”
“Perfect.”
We kick back and soak in the sunset while we wait for our guys. The instant I hear Conner’s truck pull up my insides get all excited.
Dean and Conner walk around the side of my house and Grace whistles and cat calls.
Dean shakes his head and chuckles. “Have fun today?”
“So much. Look at me.”
Grace is covered in dirt. I swear it takes talent to get more on herself than in the actual pots. I love that for her.
Conner kisses me and then heads inside to shower and change. By the time he’s done, we’ve got a spread of food covering my patio table.
“I’m starving.” Conner grunts and groans as he sits next to me. He must be exhausted.
“So.” Grace pops the top off a beer and hands it to him. “Did you ever hear about the Finger Man?”
Conner snarfs his beer. “The what now?”
“The Finger Man.” Grace leans in. “It’s not like it sounds. That wouldn’t be so bad.”
I cover my mouth to hide my smile. This is going to be good. The podcast we listened to today was such a doozy.
Grace dives into story-telling mode. “This Finger Man cut off the fingers of all his victims and built sculptures from their phalanges.”
Dean pinches the bridge of his nose. “Holy hell, Grace. Why do you listen to this fucked up shit?”
“I love it.” She’s not even done yet. “And apparently his sculptures were really impressive. He used coral glue to keep them together.”
Conner cocks his eyebrow. “Coral glue?”
“Like for corals under the sea,” I say, adding to the mix. “He had thirty-six sculptures in his house. All made of finger bones.”
Con looks appalled. “What did he do with the rest of the person?”
Grace shrugs. “Dumped them in a lake by his house.”
Dean leans in. “You’re telling me he killed people for their fingers?”
“Babe. It’s not like he could let them go after he chopped their fingers off. They’d call the cops.”
“And that would be the end of his art making,” I explain, then Grace and I clank our beers together.
Dean looks over at Conner. “They’re terrifying, aren’t they?”
“Who?” Grace pouts. “Us or the serial killers?”
“You.”
“Aww.” She leans into Dean and bats her lashes. “You love it.”
Conner grins and tips back his beer.
After dinner, we play cards for a while then Dean and Grace go home. Conner and I are still sitting on the back patio, staring up at the stars.
Serenity engulfs me. “They’re really pretty tonight, aren’t they?”
“Beautiful.”
Déjà vu hits me and I turn to look at Conner. He’s not staring at the stars. He’s looking right at me. We’ve said those same two things a dozen times over the years, and never once have I looked at him to see if he was looking at the sky like I was.
My gaze sails to the greenhouse he designed for me.
Then to the amethyst infinity ring on my finger.
“Oh Conner.” Tears fall and I don’t even try to hold them back. “It was all right in front of me and I didn’t see it.”
“Shh.” He settles on his knees, between my legs, and kisses my hands. “It was there for when you were ready to see it.”
“But what if I hadn’t? What if I missed it and you fell in love with someone else and we never got to be?”
“That wouldn’t have happened, Taylor.”
“How do you know?” The flurry of rage and jealousy and sadness that swarm in me because I could have lost him to another woman is choking me. “How do you know some other woman wouldn’t have come into your life and been the one?”
“Because that’s impossible.”
“Says the boy who’s had how many girlfriends?”
“And none of them ever had a chance of being the one for me. I couldn’t fully give my heart to anyone. I always held back just in case you wanted it.” He swipes the tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. “It isn’t in me to love anyone but you, Taylor.”
His arms are warm and strong as they wrap around me. It feels so good.
“I’ve only ever had one regret,” he says, quietly.
“Just one?” Because I have a million when it comes to him.
“I never should have pushed you away in that kissing trend.” Conner rubs my back while he talks. “My instincts kicked in and I went into protection mode.”
“Protection from what? Did you think I’d suck your face off?”
“No, I was protecting myself and what mattered most in the whole wide world to me, Taylor. Our friendship.” When I pull back so I can see his face he adds, “When you came at me and kissed me, I lashed out from fear. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. I get it, Conner.”
“I don’t think you do. I even made a U-turn to go back into your room and kiss you for real, the way I’ve always wanted, but then I saw you crying and your head had that big ass bump on it and I couldn’t take your tears or the thought of you in pain and it all just derailed so fast. I convinced myself that it really was just a trend and nothing more. ”
“Yeah. Because I lied and told you that.”
He tilts his head and gives me the saddest smile. “That’s the worst part. I always know when you’re lying, Taylor.” He sighs and shakes his head. “Even when you said it was just a trend.”
I wish I could rewind time and do it all over again now. Be braver. Be bolder. Be the way I am now. Because I would go back and kiss the ever-loving shit out of him until he pried me off his slobbered up, lipstick-stained body.
“I convinced myself you told the truth, and that it was no big deal.” Conner’s voice shakes. “I was scared out of my mind that I’d lose you. I didn’t think I deserved you and wanted you so badly I could barely eat sometimes.”
“You do deserve me, Con.” I hold his face in my hands. “You deserve everything wonderful and good because you are wonderful and good.”
His eyes say what his mouth can’t.
He doesn’t believe me.