Chapter 17
Dean
I thought I was doing the right thing by giving Grace privacy and not dragging her back to my bedroom to fuck. She’s helped me do so much work and needs sleep. But the idea of having her upstairs, instead of in my room where I can hold her in my arms all night, doesn’t sit well with me.
I try to hold off as long as possible, which has been what? Ten fucking minutes? My ass is at her door before I even have the sense to slow down. Just when I’m about to knock, I hear her crying.
My stomach drops.
Her voice cracks when she says, “I’m just lonely.”
“Aw, babe. Come stay with us for a while.” It’s a woman she’s talking to.
“No, I’m not leaving where I am. I just… I’m just sad for no good reason. And I’m tired.”
“I thought the mountains helped you with that.”
“Usually yes, but this time? Not so much.”
My heart shrivels in my chest. Grace is already miserable, and she’s not even been with me for a full twenty-four hours. I knew this would happen. I fucking told her this was a bad idea.
I numbly head back down to my bedroom. Sinking onto the corner of my bed, I brace my hand on the post and try to breathe. Okay. New plan. I’ll just tell her that something’s come up and that I’m really sorry, but she has to go. I’ll load her car, kiss her goodbye, and that’s that. No hard feelings.
Better to kick her out on my terms than let her abandon me when I’m least expecting it. If I can manage to hold my shit together so she can’t see how devastated I am, she won’t feel guilty and try to stay for my sake.
Fucking Hell.
I don’t want her to leave. Ever.
Maybe I misunderstood what she was saying. I mean, she’s tired, right? We both got up before dawn and haven’t stopped all day. Hell, we haven’t stopped since we met. Either I’m working or fucking her. The poor thing hasn’t had a minute to breathe. She came up here for peace and quiet and I’ve not let her have it. Maybe I should just back off and give her more breathing space. Yeah. Definitely. Being in separate rooms tonight wasn’t a dick move, it was the right one.
Grace’s sudden laugh carries through the cabin.
My pitiful ass hops back up, that seed of hope in my heart breaking through the dirt when I hear her laugh again, even louder. Oscar watches me from her bed by the fireplace as I creep back up the steps. Staying still against the side of her door, I listen again.
“If he found out you’ve done this, he’d go ballistic.”
“Which means you can’t tell Kerrington and Landon either.” Grace says to her friend. “You know how they get.”
Who the ever-loving fuck are Kerrington and Landon? And who else is she talking about ?
“I’ll divert them,” her friend says.
“Take one for the team.”
“I’ll be taking two .”
Christ, how many are there total? Jealousy rears in my gut, making me want to scream.
“So, he’s nice, huh?”
“He’s so different from what we’re used to,” Grace says, and I’m plastered against the door listening harder. “He even has huge callouses on his hands.”
They’re not that big , I think, checking out my palms.
The woman on the line groans. “I bet they feel rough and amazing on your thighs.”
“They’re amazing everywhere .”
They both laugh.
“Your mother will have a coronary if she finds out, Gracie.”
“I know.”
Why? I might not be made of money, but I’m a good fucking person. Wouldn’t Grace’s mother want that for her daughter?
“I kind of want to tell her, just to see her head explode,” her friend says.
“Can you imagine what family dinner would look like if he came with me?”
“In a flannel shirt, I’d hope.”
“Dirty boots, too.”
That’s it. I’m out.
Are they seriously talking about me like this? So, what if I wear flannels? They’re warm and comfortable. And yeah, my boots have dirt on them. I live in nature. I’m a hard-working motherfucker, and if Grace’s family and friends have a problem with that, then fuck them.
I storm back to my bedroom and…
Shit .
Am I just some kind of itch she’s trying to scratch? Is she attracted to me because I’m the big no-no she’s not allowed to be around? Like I’m some kind of forbidden fruit to chomp on? Is she hooking up with me because she’s truly attracted to me, or is it because I’m the opposite of what she’s “supposed” to want? Maybe I’m just a phase. Hot lumberjack dudes are a thing on the internet. It’s why I started thirst trapping to begin with.
But Grace was supposed to be different.
I thought she saw me. I thought she loved this mountain like I do. Opening my heart and showing her my sacred places around here was a big leap on my part. The look on her face? The understanding in her eyes? It wasn’t there. Not like I thought. Overhearing this conversation with her friend proves that I only saw what I wanted to see, and the reality is I’m not good enough for her and she knows it.
I’m a good time. A temporary distraction.
A fucking joke.
Stuffing my boots back on, I grab my keys and march out of my house to sleep in one of the cabins. I don’t trust myself to be this close to what I thought was a miracle.
Guess, I was right all along. I’m not meant to find love.
I’m just a convenient fuck.
The next morning, my back is so stiff I can barely roll out of bed. Wow, these mattresses are awful. I can’t believe no one’s complained about them before. Should I replace them or leave them be?
I’ll think about this problem another day. There’s too much I have to finish right now. With a mask on my face, I sand the drywall down and pretend I don’t see Grace when she walks through the door with Oscar.
I left my dog with her last night because even though I may have needed to get away, I’m not about to leave Grace stranded and abandoned completely. Oscar would alert her if there were any problems, which there never are because my house is a fortress.
“Good morning,” she says, a little flustered. “You got up super early.”
I don’t take the bait. Maybe she didn’t even realize I’d left her in the middle of the night.
“I brought you down a coffee.”
“Thanks. Just leave it on the table.” I grab a fresh piece of sandpaper and continue working.
“It’s snowing.”
I keep quiet.
“We’ve got to make more videos today and stockpile them.” She shimmies out of her coat and hangs it on the dining room chair. “I also need to do some mini shoots for my clients, too. I’m a little behind schedule.”
My mouth stays shut .
“I emailed the outdoor clothing company on your behalf. I’ve got pull there, so we should hear back from them pretty quickly.”
I still don’t say anything.
Carrying our coffees over, her brow furrows. “Are you okay, Dean?”
“Yeah. Why?”
“You seem… off.”
My stomach twists because this isn’t how a grown man should behave. But do I really want to pick a fight with her?
You know what? Yes. Yes, I fucking do.
“Grace, we need to talk.” I pull my mask off and rest the sander on the floor. “I think it’s best if you just leave.”
She freezes, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. “Why?”
I don’t want to have hard feelings between us. Being mad at her doesn’t feel right. I didn’t get a wink of sleep last night because being angry at Grace hurts more than letting her go does.
See, Dean? This is why you should never fuck your guests .
I brought this onto myself. Ice packs around my heart as I prepare to get this over with.
Her brow furrows. “Are you… breaking up with me?”
“Honey, we were never together.”
The change in Grace is instant. It’s not a shut down, it’s a demolition.
“Oh.” She saunters over to the table and places both my to-go cups down. “I see how it is. ”
Oscar stands between us and chooses Grace. Sitting at her side, tail barely wagging, my dog whines.
“Come here, girl.” I whistle for her.
Oscar comes over to me and sits.
The last thing I want to do is hurt Grace, but I don’t know how to stop this fire I’ve started from spreading.
Grace swallows hard, her gaze falling. I can see her cheeks turning pink and my entire being screams to make this stop before it gets worse. I don’t want to hurt her. I want to love her.
“Whatever I did, I’m sorry,” she says. “I… I really thought…” She shakes her head and leaves without saying another word. She doesn’t even grab her coat.
Her car engine starts up and nausea brings me to my fucking knees.
This is wrong. So. Fucking. Wrong!
Scrambling out the door, I race to my truck, frantic to go after her.
I don’t want her to go. I need to communicate better except I don’t know how to do it.
She beats me to my house, already storming inside as I pull up behind her car.
“Grace!” I trip up my own steps as real panic sets in.
If she leaves, I’ll never see her again.
When she goes, that’ll be the end.
That was the deal, right? I told her when she left, to never come back.
“Grace!” I barrel into my house and take the steps, two at a time, stopping when I get to her bedroom. Her bags weren’t unpacked yet. She’s been ready to go since she got here, I suppose.
“Get out of my way.”
“Listen to me.”
“I did. You want me gone, so I’m fucking leaving.” She tries to shove me out of her way. “Move, Dean.”
“Give me a second.”
“You’ve said all I need to hear. You don’t want me. You literally left me all alone last night to prove it.”
Is that what she thinks? How the hell did I mess this up so bad, so fast?
“That’s not it.” I block her way out. “Please just let me talk to you.”
Her bags thud on the floor when she drops them. Crossing her arms tightly, she hugs herself and glowers at me with daggers in her eyes.
“I thought I was doing the right thing by letting you have the night to yourself. You’ve been working your ass off and…” Fuck, the pain in her expression is killing me. “I just thought I was giving you want you needed.”
“Bold of you to assume anything about me or what I fucking need .”
She’s probably right. Once again, I’m reminded of how terrible I am with people and relationships.
“I came back to get you.” Am I really going to tell her I spied on her last night? Guess so. “I heard you talking to your friend about me.”
Her eyebrows rise to her hairline. “And what I said lead you to kicking me out?” Something must dawn on her because her eyes grow wide and she gasps, quickly putting her hands over her mouth. “Oh my god.” Grace goes into damage control. “It’s not… I mean I was just… shit.” She won’t look at me now. “It’s not like that, Dean. I swear.”
“What part?”
She stiffens as if she’s said too much and needs to tread carefully. “What part do you think?”
“How about the two of you laughing at the idea of bringing me in my dirty boots to family dinner? Or the fact that you’re hiding up here and keeping it a secret from multiple men?”
She looks confused. “What?”
It’s too late for either of us to back out of this argument now. “I heard you say to not tell Kerrington and Landon and some other guy where you are. And that shit about my callouses.” I sound like a child. But it hurt my feelings and I’m not one to bottle shit up. If she wants a clean-cut man with soft hands and a loaded bank account, I’m not the one.
I fucking hate that I’m not the one.
Grace opens her mouth to speak, but I cut her off. “I heard how your mom would flip her shit if she ever met me. And you know what?” I step in closer. “I could have dealt with that. But the fact that you laughed, like I’m a goddamn joke for you and your rich ass friends, that hurt the most.”
Her expression changes again. I can’t read it at all. She’s pulled her poker face on me, which means I’m screwed.
Caution controls her tone when she asks, “What else did you hear?”
There was more ? I’m glad I didn’t stick around to find out. “That was all I could fucking stomach. ”
And now that I’ve said all this, and she’s not even denying it, I turn around and leave before she sees how truly hurt I am.
My legs are rubber as I take the steps. Instead of going out the front door, I head out the back and brace my hands on the railing of my back porch. The snow falls heavier and is finally sticking. The whole sky is cloudy. The mountain is soundless. The cabins look so small from here, it’s hard to believe they’re the biggest bane of my existence.
I want to burn them to the goddamn ground.
Grace slams the front door shut and leaves while air whooshes from my lungs.
And that seed that sprouted hope in me dies as ice freezes my heart again.