Chapter 21
Chapter
Twenty-One
Alina stared straight ahead, barely seeing the road her horse was plodding down. One good thing about the time in the capital was that it had been long enough to replenish her energy to a normal level. She could ride again.
Of course, there were other things from the week in the capital that had been less restful in their effect. She tried to tell herself that her heart was heavy because of Benji’s situation, but it wasn’t Benji her mind kept circling back to.
Much as she tried to keep a level head where Xavier was concerned, her reaction to his invitation the day before had betrayed the truth. The thought of escaping together to their waterfall had been intoxicating. It had sent her looking for him immediately.
And the sight of him cozied up to some random girl she’d never seen before had been much more painful than was logical.
She knew what he was. She’d seen repeatedly during their time in the capital the kind of behavior his presence elicited.
Why should she be surprised that he was doing what he was so famous for doing?
She’d personally enjoyed his flirting numerous times.
She wasn’t under any illusions that she was the only girl he flirted with.
She had no right to feel the flash of betrayal that had stopped her in her tracks.
And if she’d wanted a balm for her vanity, she’d received it when the prince chased after her, clearly caring what she thought.
She knew she had no reason to be troubled by his behavior, and she’d tried so hard to show him that she wasn’t.
But she couldn’t pretend to herself. Not when she’d lain awake all night picturing him smiling down into that other girl’s eyes.
Not when she still couldn’t stop imagining what it might have felt like if she’d let him kiss her when he tried the same tactics on her immediately afterward…and wondering if she’d made the right decision to prevent it.
She gave her head a shake, pulling her attention back to the road.
Of course she’d made the right decision.
It was the same one she’d made ten years ago, and that one had proved sound.
So much had gone wrong in her life, and her own wise decisions were all that had protected her through it.
She couldn’t afford to question them now.
Her mind turned back to Benji, who was riding in the carriage with Lilah, and her spirits sank further.
“Are you sure you’re recovered enough to be riding, Miss Alina?”
The solicitous question came from Xavier’s servant, Charles, who was riding just behind her. She turned in the saddle to smile at him, a small jolt going through her as she realized that the prince was right beside him.
“Yes, I’m perfectly strong now, thank you, Charles,” she told him.
“I only ask because you look troubled,” he said kindly. “If there’s anything that can be done to make you more comfortable, I hope you’ll let me know.”
Alina thanked him.
“Unfortunately, you can’t help with what’s troubling me, but I appreciate the offer.”
She felt Xavier’s eyes fly swiftly to her face, and realized how he might construe her words.
“I’m sad for my friend,” she said quickly. “Benji. He took an assessment at the Craftsman’s Guild while we were in the capital, competing for a scholarship. We were all hopeful, but he was unsuccessful.”
“I’m sorry,” Charles said, his voice sympathetic.
“Benji didn’t get in?” With a casual movement, Xavier directed his horse forward, to Alina’s other side. “You didn’t tell me that.”
Charles melted respectfully back as Alina turned to the prince.
“I didn’t get the chance. We only learned yesterday.”
“He must be very disappointed.”
Alina was glad to see no hint of the teasing Xavier loved to direct to the over-zealous teenager.
“We all are,” she acknowledged. Her forehead creased.
“And surprised. I mean, we knew it was never a sure thing. But he was so optimistic after the entrance test. He thought it went very well, and the demeanor of the one administering the test encouraged him to think he had an excellent chance. Even yesterday, when we heard that a member of the guild had come to see him at the castle, it seemed a good sign. Surely they would simply send a letter if it was a rejection.”
She glanced toward the carriage some way ahead of them, Xavier’s eyes following. Zuzu had decided that perching right on top of it was the best way to travel, the anzu swaying steadily with the vehicle’s movement.
Alina dropped her voice a little. “But when Benji came out of the meeting, he was very tense. He said he hadn’t gotten in, and he made light of the whole thing. But something was off.”
Xavier’s eyes were intent on her face, and she found herself lowering her gaze. He was listening closely, his focus on her words about Benji. But the earnest expression brought the previous day’s encounter to mind, and it was hard to hold his eyes.
“That’s strange,” Xavier said. “I wish I’d known this before we left Sindon. I could have spoken to someone at the guild and found out what exactly their decision was.”
“I don’t want to put you to any inconvenience,” Alina said quickly.
“Maybe I want to be put to the inconvenience,” Xavier said unemotionally. “I’ll speak to someone on his behalf when I return to the capital. Surely something can be done.”
Alina’s instinct was to reject this offer of help, but she felt she couldn’t do so on Benji’s behalf.
“That’s kind of you,” she said, her voice stilted.
Her eyes strayed toward the carriage again, only to encounter Captain Mitchell riding alongside it.
He was watching her and the prince, and when their eyes locked, she looked quickly away.
A prickle of discomfort went through her.
The captain had never been warm toward her, and given the way Xavier flirted at times, she didn’t blame him.
But his scrutiny of her during their week in the capital was something different.
She didn’t understand it, and that made her uneasy.
“Alina.” Xavier’s soft voice brought her attention back to him. “There’s something I need to say about what happened yesterday.”
Alina raised a hand. “Please, Xavier. You don’t need to explain—”
“You’ve made it clear you don’t want explanations,” he cut her off. “But I have to be allowed to make a correction. You said I was looking at you like I was going to call you a coward. I wasn’t.”
Alina fiddled with the reins in her hand, less able to meet his eyes than ever.
“I’ve never been as brave as you thought I should be,” she said. “There’s no point pretending that’s changed.”
“I’ve already apologized for what I said to you all those years ago,” Xavier said, frustration below the measured words. “Why won’t you trust that I mean it? Alina, I can’t believe how brave you’ve been in all you’ve gone through.”
Alina shook her head. “It’s not bravery,” she said, a weak smile pulling at her lips.
“It’s just carrying on. If I was brave, I would have pushed for more answers about my father’s business and all my family’s misfortunes.
But I can’t afford to pay the price of my peace, because it’s all I have left, and I’ve had to fight so hard to maintain it. ”
Xavier was silent. Peeking up at him, Alina realized that his eyes weren’t on her. They were resting on Captain Mitchell, their expression thoughtful. She looked between the two men, questions on her lips.
But Xavier didn’t give her a chance to ask them. He sent her a strained smile.
“I’m sorry for my part in disturbing your peace.”
Urging his horse forward, he pulled away from her, moving further up the group, and leaving her unsure of what she was feeling.
They arrived in Alina’s town late in the afternoon of their third day of travel. It felt strange to be back. The place no longer felt like home, and the realization made Alina uncomfortable. It was the only home she had, so she’d best make the most of it.
The thought reminded her of her family, and how she’d promised to let her aunt know when she arrived safely back from the capital.
Xavier had carried her from her aunt’s house so abruptly, she hadn’t even said goodbye to them.
When they’d stopped to collect Lilah and Benji, she’d sent a hasty note.
Her aunt had replied via letter to the capital, assuring her they weren’t offended, and asking her to keep her informed as to her safety on the road.
Now that she was home in one piece, Alina dutifully wrote out a letter to travel with a supply cart to the forest city.
There was really no more justification for her to have an official role with the investigation, and this time, Xavier hadn’t fought it when she withdrew.
For the next couple of days, she gave most of her focus to Benji and Lilah.
Settling back into normal life was hard for them both, not only in light of the excitement of a trip to the capital, but the loss of the life that had come just within their reach.
Alina didn’t tell Benji that Xavier had offered to intervene.
She didn’t want to get his hopes up if nothing came of it.
“I’m fine, Lilah,” Benji told his sister in a resigned voice, on their second day back.
“You can stop fussing around me. Obviously it’s disappointing, but we can’t lose something we never had.
” He glanced at Alina, hitching a smile onto his face.
“We may not be guild-trained, but we still have our magic, right? I’ve been thinking of a way to use Dust from the sheep’s movement to speed up the shearing process out on the farm. I’m going to try it tomorrow.”
“Just remember that we still need to be careful using our magic, Benji,” Alina said. “We’re not in the capital anymore, and they still haven’t caught whoever’s doing this.”
“But they will,” Benji said dismissively. “Don’t they have some new, grand plan? And in the meantime, the prince and his team are here. I doubt there’s much danger.”