Chapter 22 #3
Her aunt’s words about him were like a jagged blade in her side.
Alina’s abduction wasn’t like the others.
She’d seen the money change hands, and she knew she’d been targeted for personal reasons, at her aunt’s instigation.
The thought that the purpose of her kidnapping was to make Xavier more desperate and even less dependable than he was already perceived, was a very bitter one.
Because, remembering the raw fear in his eyes when he’d told Alina he wouldn’t let her put herself in danger, Alina knew with certainty that her aunt was right. Her disappearance would crush Xavier.
Her mind flitted over the impossibly perfect kiss they’d just shared, coming to land on Lilah’s words the night before, and all the thoughts they’d elicited as Alina lay in bed.
Her walls had been up too firmly to acknowledge what Lilah was saying.
But now…her aunt’s betrayal felt like the shattering of her last defenses.
And with them down, she could no longer deny the picture created as all the puzzle pieces came together.
Xavier’s charm and recklessness were never more than a mask.
She’d seen him put it on and off to protect himself, but in the short time since they’d reconnected, he’d shown her much more evidence of dependability than waywardness.
From the very first night, he’d had no desire to entertain himself at the expense of a tavern worker who didn’t welcome the flirtation.
Only one who understood it for exactly what it was.
Even believing her a total stranger, he’d used his position to defend her from unwanted attention, and done all of it without a hint of suggestion or expectation.
And once he’d known it was her…yes, he’d flirted.
Outrageously, at times. But if Lilah was to be believed, it was only with her, not with everyone.
The only exception she’d seen was the incident at the castle.
One incident, which she still didn’t know the full story of.
He’d tried to explain, and she hadn’t let him.
She’d told herself it matched with all the rest, but once that lie was stripped away, the weight she’d given to what she’d seen, and the assumptions she’d made, were suddenly so unjust, her tears leaked out yet again.
There was no doubt he’d made irresponsible decisions, probably many of them.
The behavior of the young ladies of the court showed the kind of foolishness they’d come to expect from him.
But once they’d found each other again, he hadn’t met their expectations.
And it wasn’t because he was too busy flirting with her.
He’d spent the week focused on his duties, doing exactly what she’d accused him of neglecting since the moment they reconnected, and taking the investigation seriously.
If she’d really believed him untrustworthy, she’d had no business letting him kiss her mere minutes ago.
She was the one toying with him, not the other way around.
Some part of her had known that every moment of that kiss was real, that Xavier was playing no games.
But she’d been protecting herself so long, every instinct shied away from admitting she wanted it to be real.
That would leave her open to losing it, like she’d lost so much else, and make it so much harder to convince herself she was content with the life she had.
But she wasn’t content. Xavier was right that her life was not only hard, but lonely.
She’d isolated herself from her family, because she’d always been able to sense that she wasn’t really welcome.
Tears pricked at her eyes. She’d always felt like an imposition, but she’d never dreamed just how little sense of family love or loyalty her aunt had felt for her.
Every hint of affection had been false, all for show.
When she’d been so warm the most recent time, it had all been because of Xavier, because of how her aunt could use their connection in her schemes.
She had Benji and Lilah, Alina reminded herself.
And she would do anything for them. But Xavier had been painfully accurate when he described her as hopeless.
She’d kept cheerful by focusing on today, but she avoided considering the future.
Since her parents died—maybe even before that, when the future she’d dreamed of with Xavier had been shattered—she hadn’t allowed herself to expect anything good on the road ahead.
And then Xavier had burst onto her path, as captivating and desirable as he’d always been to her.
He’d done everything in his power to be near her since then, and she’d chosen to focus on his flirtation instead of on his companionship, his consideration for her, his fierce determination to protect her at every turn.
She’d spent a decade trying to convince herself she wasn’t crushed by his loss. Against all expectation, he’d miraculously returned to her. And she’d thrown him away in the name of protecting herself from losing him again.
And now it was too late to make a less safe but infinitely wiser decision.