5. Chapter Two
Chapter Two
Rose
M y red hair fell in waves past my shoulders. I didn’t have a speck of makeup on, and my light eyebrows and eyelashes differentiated me from the woman I normally played. In the busy streets of Nashville, no one recognized me.
I was no longer Lila Wilde. I was Rose Hill, the nobody from nowhere.
My tour was over. I’d been given a long break that I wanted to use to catch up with Dad. I was supposed to be writing, but other than songs obviously about the man I met in Movers and Shakers, I couldn’t muster anything.
Blaze wasn’t happy.
Mia wasn’t happy.
And eventually, my fans wouldn’t be happy.
I was trying to play cool about it, but anxiety pressed into every inch of my body.
And that led me back to Nashville, to where the man who’d saved me lived.
“Isn’t this a great town, Rosie?” Dad asked, smiling over at me. “Listen to all the music playing!”
The last time I was here on Broadway was when I was running from Blaze and paparazzi. That night had been cemented in everyone’s memory as the night I was almost kidnapped. Blaze had made a massive story of it, saying how worried he’d been about me and my whereabouts. The official press release said I’d just gone to my hotel early.
And considering I didn’t even plan to have a hotel in Nashville, the lie felt wrong.
But now I was back in Nashville as me . I hadn’t been Rose in . . . forever.
No one was looking for Lila Wilde here. As far as they knew, I was in LA, either spending my time with Blaze or writing my next album.
I nodded along, eyes looking for the bar I’d waited weeks to get us into. Movers and Shakers was incredibly busy, and they limited who could enter to keep the experience exclusive for all customers. I’d joined the waiting list when I found out Dad wanted to visit Nashville and catch up with me.
We didn’t talk daily. And despite knowing he wasn’t the kind of man who would fix all my problems, I still needed him around.
Mom was the responsible one. Dad was . . . well, Dad .
And her always being there for me was the reason why I was so determined to fix her problems.
“I hope you’re ready for something other than country,” I told him as we walked. “Where we’re going is different.” I had to yell to be sure he heard me. My hand was tight on his wrist and I was worried we’d get separated in the sea of people.
But I also enjoyed it. I couldn’t be in crowds like this as Lila.
“I love all types of music equally,” Dad said.
And it was true. He was a decently famous songwriter, which was where I got my talent from. When I was a kid, he moved from rental to rental, always chasing his muse. The flavor of the week was Nashville.
After helping me get discovered, he offered more advice about the semi-famous life in the beginning. He’d helped cultivate some of my early songs when we talked on the phone and it helped me grow as an artist. And then he’d leave and do whatever.
I hadn’t told him about my writer’s block yet. He’d probably tell me to travel.
Dad wouldn’t understand the reasons why I couldn’t. I had to sneak out of LA to even be here . I doubted he wanted to know my problems anyway.
We walked up to the line for entry and I showed my ID to a very serious-looking bouncer who nodded and let us both in.
It was somehow more magical with people in it. Pop music played on the speakers and people danced without a care. The pink and teal neon lights were otherworldly, lining the tall wooden beams on the ceiling, illuminating everyone in a different kind of light.
“Wow,” Dad said. “This is something.”
“I’m so glad I finally got in,” I replied. “It’s why we had to go tonight.”
“I’m always free for my favorite daughter. Especially when you’re not touring.”
“It’s nice.” I pushed back the doubts in my mind. Was he really free? Not usually.
“Do you know what’s really nice? This music! Come on, Rosie. Let’s dance!”
Dad shook his hips like he wasn’t a man nearly in his sixties. Instead of following him to the dance floor, my eyes searched the bar for the man I was desperate to see again.
I hadn’t ever finished that song. I wasn’t able to once he wasn’t in front of me, but I’d at least kept his promise to remember him. He just wouldn’t know who I was.
Dad was busy enjoying himself, so much so that I doubted he would notice if I wandered off. And I didn’t want anyone to see just how hard I was looking for Barry.
Lila might have been with Blaze, but I held to that even as Rose. Though tabloids wouldn’t see this, I would, so if I did talk to Barry, it would only be as a friend. If Dad saw me, however, he would have questions.
Despite my not-so-single status, I felt a little freer coming to see Barry like this. I could talk to him as me .
Not the pop star.
But all I could see was a bartender with seriously incredible dance moves. As cool as it was, it wasn’t what I came here for.
I tried to stop myself from frowning. Where was he?
“Sorry to slow things down,” I heard over the speaker. My heart skipped a beat as I turned toward the stage. I found Barry, but he looked different today. His hair was down, falling over one of his shoulders. There was volume to his hair, something I could never manage with mine considering it was constantly shoved under a wig.
He leaned against a stool, eyes on his guitar. His movements were fluid. Barry looked relaxed as if all of the attention on him didn’t bother him. How? The first time I was on a massive stage, I nearly passed out.
“I had a band coming to play tonight, but the singer lost her voice. They were going to do a pop mix for you all, but I’m afraid you’re stuck with me and my guitar.”
“Go Barry!” the dancing bartender called.
“Now, this is a song you’ll know,” he said, “but I wanted to put a new spin on it. A friend of mine gave me this idea. I haven’t spoken to her in a while, but I hope somehow she hears this.”
He smiled as if he were remembering someone he was very fond of. Whoever she was—she was lucky.
But then Barry played a chord. I recognized it as one of my own.
No. He can’t be.
He got close to the mic, singing one of my biggest hits, but slower and in that lower register I’d played for him when I’d been here.
My knees went weak. He played the song like he’d done it a million times over. His voice, low and rough, said my lyrics with ease. It rocked me to my core.
He said he’d listened to every word of music. Now, I believed him.
As it came to an end, the crowd cheered for him, and I wondered how the hell he’d been here and not on massive stages in front of thousands of people.
“Oh, what’s that look on your face?” Dad asked.
I jumped. “Don’t sneak up on me!”
“Sorry. I walked up while the performance was on. You didn’t come and dance, so I wanted to check on you, and here you are, staring at the lumberjack onstage.”
“Do you think he looks like a lumberjack?” I asked, eyes still on Barry.
“I think you were looking at him like you used to look at someone else.”
“I’m . . . He’s just cute.”
“I’d say he’s hot. For your age group, of course.”
“I can’t say that. I’m not single.”
“I know, but I haven’t seen you look at him the way you just looked at that man on the stage in a long time. Want to tell me why?”
I didn’t know why he cared. He didn’t have to.
Thankfully, before I could answer, the music started again, drowning out any possible words. Barry got off the stage and was instantly pulled into conversation by one of the women who’d been fanning herself during the performance. I don’t know why my chest sank. I wasn’t single anyway.
Dad was still looking at me expectantly, so I gestured for him to follow me and led him to the lobby.
“Things with the boyfriend and I aren’t great,” I said.
“And?”
“And I . . . I don’t know. People want me with him. You know how it is.”
“I don’t tend to look, but I know how much you care. What did Blaze do?”
My throat felt dry. I hadn’t told anyone anything yet, and no matter how much I wanted to trust Dad, the words wouldn’t come out. “We’ve just been together awhile. Both of us are struggling to feel the spark.”
“Are you sure that’s it?”
“Yep.”
Dad looked back in the direction of the stage. “Maybe you need a break, then. A break to follow where your eyes lead. If they tell you to go for someone else, there might be a reason.”
This wasn’t surprising advice. He was the one who went to whatever city he wanted to. He’d followed his heart his entire life. And that included leaving Mom shortly after they had me.
My eyes went in the direction of the main area. My heart was with my fans. They’d changed my life, made it so Mom could quit working and Dad could travel without a care in the world, more so now that I gave him the same stipend as Mom. The fans had made it so Blaze didn’t have to worry about money a day in his life.
I couldn’t let them down.
So I would stay with Blaze.
“I’m okay,” I said. “Want to finish out the night?”
“Is that what you want?”
“Yeah, I haven’t gotten to dance very much.”
“Sounds good, Rosie. I wouldn’t mind dancing more.”
We walked back in and I took a deep breath. I pointedly didn’t look for Barry. Seeing him hadn’t filled me with peace at all. It had given me a buzz, and the feeling wanted me to find him and make him mine.
I walked through the crowd, the music taking me over. The DJ was playing some incredible songs and they knew exactly how to play to the people.
I danced, avoiding any routines that would make me look like Lila. It took me a moment to warm up, but eventually, the music invaded my mind, pushing out all thoughts of Barry.
I lost myself, dancing for me and only me, which I hadn’t done in a very long time.
My worries were gone for a few blissful seconds, but then a man got a little too close. I stepped away, trying to give him the hint that I wasn’t interested.
He only followed.
Okay, it was time to use words.
“Um, no, thank you.”
He didn’t move, his eyes dark.
My skin prickled as I tried to get away from him. I looked for Dad but couldn’t find him. Would I seriously have to punch out a guy in the middle of this bar?
An arm came between us. “All right, buddy. If her pulling away and saying no wasn’t enough for you, then I’ll be clear. She’s not interested.” I knew that voice. It was the same one on the stage just a moment ago.
Barry.
“But—?”
“I will make you leave.” Barry’s voice left no room for argument. My eyes trailed over him, catching on his long hair. Now that it was in front of me, I wondered what it would be like to run my hands through it.
“Try me,” the guy challenged, puffing up his chest.
Barry moved away from me and grabbed him by the arm. “Gladly.”
My jaw went slack as I witnessed them disappear, my skin sizzling with a ridiculous heat just from witnessing Barry’s muscles working to remove the man from my space.
He was back within five minutes.
“Sorry about him. Can I get you a drink? On the house.”
“You don’t have to give me a free drink,” I said, shaking my head. My hands buzzed with nervous energy and I twirled my hair through my fingers. His eyes caught on my movements and I stilled immediately.
Some saw it as flirting. I did it all the time. It was the one thing I allowed to be the same between Lila and Rose.
“I pride myself on not letting tools like that mess with people. When they do, the people who get messed with get a free drink.”
His eyes were on me and my heart was in my throat. “They do?”
“Yes. Everyone deserves to have a good time,” he said, his lips turning upward. Good God . His smile had to be illegal. “Now, about that drink?”
His focus on me never wavered. My heart lurched. I watched him closely, looking for any sign that he knew who I was.
But he was as reserved as ever.
“Sparkling water.”
He nodded and walked behind the bar. I regretted my drink choice as soon as I said it.
“Can I also get cranberry juice in it?” I asked. He paused, and I wondered if he would remember that cranberry juice and soda water were Lila’s drink of choice. He finally nodded. I chewed on my lip as I watched him.
How could I have been so stupid ? Anyone knowing who I was would ruin everything.
“So, who do I thank for this drink?” I asked when he returned. I obviously knew his name, but I desperately needed to cover for myself.
“Barry.”
“Thank you, Barry. For the drink and for telling off that guy.”
“It was nothing. I don’t like it when people don’t respect a no.”
“Me either,” I said. “I’m just here to dance. And see you perform, apparently. You’re incredible.”
“I can hold a tune. I was only a stand-in for the night.”
“The crowd loved you.” The words came out flirtier than I meant them to. I needed to divert before I accidentally gave him the wrong idea. “So . . . will your boss be mad that you gave away a free drink?”
“Considering I own the place, no.”
It wasn’t a surprise since I already knew, and yet it still sounded like such a feat for him to have built this bar. “What are you, like, twenty-five? Is that even possible?”
“Twenty-six.”
“Only four years younger than me,” I said.
He smiled, but his eyes shot back to the bar. I knew he was about to leave. My heart sank. He hadn’t been like this with Lila at all.
“Enjoy your night.”
His reservation made me desperate.
“I’m Rose, by the way.”
He turned and I held out a hand.
“Nice to meet you, Rose.” We shook and I wondered if he felt the same electricity that I did.
“I liked your song,” I blurted. “Lila Wilde, huh?”
Oh, God. Why would I bring up my alter ego?
“Yeah. She’s an interesting artist.”
“She’s popular, that’s for sure.”
“I’m guessing you’re not a fan.”
“Why do you say that?”
“You have that look on your face that many people get when they don’t like her.”
“I wouldn’t say I don’t like her. But I’m not her biggest fan. Her newest songs are . . . repetitive.”
It hurt to say, but it was true for many of my longer-term fans. I couldn’t seem to make everyone happy.
Barry had hinted he had been a fan for a while and I knew he had to be in that boat. I wasn’t a fan of hurting my own feelings, but I had to know his honest thoughts when he wasn’t faced with the pop star herself.
He would be nice to Lila—everyone was to her face. But the real opinions were online or when I wasn’t around. It was the only way to get the real feedback.
“I guess you could say that. But even the repetitive ones, I like figuring out their meaning. She puts something into each one. You have to listen very hard to find them.”
The lyrics he referred to were usually background vocals or some hidden line I snuck into the song that got past Mia’s eyes. He had to have listened a lot even to catch that.
“What would you do if you met her?” I asked. I was playing with fire here, but I couldn’t stop.
“I’d treat her like anyone else, which is the best I can.”
“And what would you say ?”
“I’d say hello like a normal person.”
“But what if this was your one chance to say whatever you wanted to her?”
“Why do you want to know?”
“I like to think about the what-ifs.” I shrugged, wondering if he was going to answer at all.
“Fine, then. If you really want to know, I’d say that she’d be the one person who gets me, even if she has no idea who I am.”
My heart pounded. There was no way I should see this man again—not as Lila. But those words had me rearranging my schedule in my head, wondering when I could come back.
Barry
“That is . . . a very romantic thing to say,” Rose replied. Her cheeks were red, and I wondered if it was because of the heat in the building. She was almost as tall as me, but she hunched in a way that made her seem shorter.
“Well, when dealing with Lila Wilde, you have to go all out.”
“I think you’re right.”
I didn’t know why her smile was so wide while I talked about another woman, but it was captivating. The woman before me was beautiful with subtle freckles and full lips. If I hadn’t just spilled my guts to her about Lila, I’d be considering having an entirely different kind of night with her.
“You should go back to dancing,” I said. “You were having fun.”
“Oh, yeah. I should probably get back to it.” She turned away but then paused.
“What?”
She turned back to me. “I hope you get to meet her one day.”
Again, I added to myself.
“Thank you. That’s very nice of you to say.”
She returned to the dance floor, resuming the smooth movements that had caught my attention earlier. She was beautiful when she danced, reminding me of a certain woman who refused to leave my mind.
I tore away my eyes. I never wanted to be the kind of man who compared women, and I certainly wouldn’t pursue anything with Rose because she reminded me of Lila. In fact, I wouldn’t pursue anything at all with either of them. I had a bar to run; I didn’t have time.
When the bar closed at four, my mind was mostly cleared.
“What a night,” Liam said, brushing away his blond hair from his forehead. “Did you like my shout-out?”
“Thanks,” I said. “And nice moves. How much did you make in tips?”
“Enough to pay my bills for a month. I love this town.”
Everyone wanted to see the dancing bartender, and I didn’t blame them. Liam was a local legend; people rewarded his moves with huge tips. He was also one of the fastest bartenders I’d ever met. When I interviewed him two years ago, he was the only person who’d almost outpaced me.
“People are still lined up outside,” my other employee, Audrey, announced. Liam’s eyes lingered on her as she walked in. “The sign says we close at four.”
“I can chase them away,” I said.
“I’ve got security on it,” she replied. “If you go out there, you might get accosted by a bachelorette party.”
“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Liam snickered.
“You guys are good to go home. I’ll clean up shop,” I offered.
“Nope,” Liam said. “You did it alone twice last week. Let us help.”
When I’d hired my employees, I never expected them to offer as much as they did. Movers and Shakers was my venture and I was used to doing most of the work alone. I didn’t know how to stop feeling guilty when they stepped in to take over the responsibilities. They didn’t have to do extra for me.
“You guys can go,” I reiterated. “You did great today and I don’t want to overwork you. Maybe you can still have a social life.”
With each other, if I had a choice.
It was no secret that Liam had a crush on Audrey, and if I was right, she reciprocated it. I’d been hoping one of them would make a move for a year.
“Seriously,” Audrey said. “We can—?”
“Enjoy your night,” I interrupted. “I can do this alone.”
“Fine,” Liam grumbled. “But we do it tomorrow. No takebacks.”
“I can agree to that. I have my family dinner anyway. Will you two be okay staying—?”
“Yes,” both Audrey and Liam said. He glanced at her, a blush darkening his cheeks. They were so obvious it wasn’t even funny.
“We can take care of the bar,” Audrey continued, “even if your dinner goes over.”
“You deserve time with your family.”
I pressed my lips together. They didn’t know I was looking for a way out of being with my family. I hated going to see my parents every week, hearing the same lecture over and over again. But Tom and Ruth wanted me to go, and even though I hated every second of it, they were the two people I somehow still didn’t want to let down.
They’ll come around, that nagging voice in the back of my head said. Keep waiting.
I hated that I listened every single damn time.
Tom, my older brother, was there first. But as usual, he was talking about Murray and Sons with Dad.
Out of all of us, Tom was the only one who’d been what our father wanted. He was his right-hand man and the sole one out of the three of us who worked in that glass tower that was the family business. When I first opened the bar, I wondered what Tom would think of it.
And he never said a word.
But I didn’t expect him to. When he wasn’t working, he was drinking—up until my sister and I told him he had an addiction. After that, we all hadn’t talked at all, other than these family dinners.
Some days, I didn’t know why I was here. I didn’t have to see any of them, but whenever I thought about storming out for the final time, I would remember the last night we felt like real siblings. There had been a tornado and Tom protected us. I didn’t remember much of it, but I recalled him hugging us close, being there in ways Mom and Dad weren’t.
I wondered where that boy had gone.
Walking into the kitchen, I readied myself for the lecture I’d get from Mom about my lack of a college education. Sometimes, I’d wait for Ruth to get here so she could take over and hear about how much Mom wanted her promoted. Sometimes, Mom even compared the two of us, pitting us against each other to get us to do what they wanted.
But that trick hadn’t worked in years. At least not on me.
“I don’t know why you’re wasting your life in a bar of all things rather than owning up to your maximum potential,” Mom said.
Damn it. Where was Ruth?
“Because I don’t want to work all hours of the day to be your idea of my maximum potential. I want to be happy.”
“Don’t you want a better life for yourself?” She shook her head. “Stability? Regular paychecks? Insurance?”
“I have all those things.”
“From a bar ,” she insisted. “Don’t you want something more than that?”
“I’m happy where I’m at,” I said. “I always will be.”
“You sound so much like—?” She stopped, closing her eyes.
“So much like who?”
Her lips pressed together, and for once, I eagerly awaited her answer. But then Ruth walked in and the conversation shifted to her. The exchange stuck in my mind. Just who did I remind her of?
“I know I’m coming up on twelve months,” Ruth said, sighing. “I know I need to get promoted.”
And she would try. Ruth worked her ass off, probably more than Tom. She worked at some banking company that I didn’t care to know the name of, in a high-level position, making either close to or more than six figures with her salary. She’d done it all without her family name carrying her, something that Tom couldn’t claim. Out of all of us, she was the most impressive and hardest working.
I would never get why they didn’t see that.
Mom didn’t let up, even as both of us got tired.
It didn’t get better at the dinner table, either. Dad joined in on the questions, and even though Tom made a half-assed effort to try to take the heat off us, nothing would work.
I left dinner annoyed and having not said anything to Ruth or Tom without our parents present. I knew my life wasn’t conventional, but I was happy. I got to sing on my stage and manage one of the best bars in Nashville. I always said I wouldn’t come back when I was alone in my car.
Stay. For them.
I always told that voice to fuck off. I’d wasted my youth fighting for my siblings. I’d lost my chance to pursue music instead of the bar because I was still hanging around, hoping they’d do something other than what was expected.
And here we were, never changing.
I didn’t even know if Ruth had friends or if Tom would stay sober. My siblings had never been to the bar since I opened it. They’d never heard me play guitar. Sometimes, I wondered if they even cared. Maybe they were destined to turn out like Dad.
Once, a long time ago, I finally put down my foot and didn’t come to the family dinners. They were desperate for me to return, and I did. For some fucking reason, I did.
I wanted them to know something about me. I hoped they would aspire to be more than Dad’s little minions, and then they’d see they could have more. That little shred of hope inched closer to death each week.
And yet, I still came back.