11. Chapter Eight
Chapter Eight
Lila
T wo months later, I was still in Nashville. We’d traded out the hotel for an Airbnb in Juno’s name, which gave me a little more breathing room. Juno proved to be incredible with wigs, helping me put one on every time I went out as Lila. I gave her a raise during the first month she was here.
The album was coming along slowly, but I still hadn’t changed the lyrics. At first, Mia was angry, but Blaze had offered to change his looks to match what was in my album, which curbed my agent’s rage. I’d seen paparazzi photos of his new muscular build.
Unfortunately, those pictures did nothing for me.
I hadn’t gone back to LA once, yet no one had gotten wind of me being in Nashville either. Blaze talked like I was with him every second of the day. I knew I should have felt bad for sticking in Nashville so long, but instead, I felt like I could breathe here. I didn’t realize how much Mia and Blaze stressed me out. Talking with them on the phone was far easier than being in person.
Still, I wasn’t blind to the fact that Juno was stuck with me. She didn’t talk about her personal life much, but being away from her home for this long had to be weighing down on her.
“If you need to go home and see some family,” I told her one morning over breakfast, “I won’t stop you.”
“I’m only going back to LA if you’re returning.”
“I can just hang out here as Rose.”
“And miss time with Barry where you’re working on the album? No thanks. And besides, my family isn’t the biggest fan of me.” She looked at her coffee cup like it had offended her.
“Oh, I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I know I’m not supposed to make anything about me when I’m guarding you—?”
“Who said that?”
“Mia.”
I sighed. Mia had a habit of talking to anyone who worked for me before I did. “It’s fine. I don’t mind if you tell me things. We’re spending all of this time together anyway.”
“I work for you.”
“So? I’m a chill boss. Except when I sneak out as my other identity.”
“I’m still mad about that,” she said, leveling me with a sharp stare. “But thanks. I don’t have much to report since I don’t talk to my family, but it’s nice to know I don’t have to be a wall of protection at all times.”
“Or a stick-in-the-mud.”
She laughed. “You know, when I took this job, Mia made it sound like you were the most selfish person on the planet. It’s so not true.”
“She made me seem selfish?”
“She’s done it with everyone. It’s like she has a vendetta against you.”
I frowned. Had I done something to her without realizing it?
“Or maybe she’s just like that.” Juno shrugged. “She never seems content with anything.”
“That’s true,” I said. “Even when I break records, she asks when I’m going to break the next one.”
She rolled her eyes. “I know she’s your agent or manager or whatever—?”
“She’s kind of all of them.”
“But she could stand to be nicer.”
I nodded. “It’s nice being here where she can only call me. It’s probably why I’ve been working so much.”
“Speaking of working so much, would it be rude of me to say your voice is sounding a little rougher than usual?”
“No.” I rubbed my throat. “It happens when I sing too much.”
“Do you need more tea?”
“Yeah, but I want to go get it. I need to not be Lila for a bit.”
“I’ll go with you.”
“I can—?”
“I need some milk anyway, but I’ll keep my distance. I know the rules.”
“Still, I want to talk to you at least. Maybe we can while we’re driving there?”
“I can work with that.” She smiled before I walked to my bedroom to throw on clothes.
Juno told me bits and pieces about her family as we drove. I would have listened longer, but she paused when we pulled into the store parking lot, telling me to go in first and she’d follow.
She stayed an aisle away while I went to find the tea. In the unfamiliar surroundings, it took me a second to find my favorite brand. I normally had it delivered to my LA house, but here, searching for it in person was taking longer than I’d have liked to admit.
I was about to grab the box when I felt someone walk up next to me. Out of habit, I looked to make sure it wasn’t someone with a camera.
But then I did a double take because I knew the man who was only a few feet away.
I’d seen Barry only a few days ago when he helped me write yet another song that could easily be a hit. I knew the crease between his eyebrows, the way one laugh line was deeper than the other, and the way his eyes squinted when he smiled.
Well, Lila knew those things.
But I wasn’t her right now. I was Rose, who he had only met once.
My eyes moved over to where I knew Juno was and I found her looking at us like someone would look at a train crash.
But then she ducked into another aisle and I imagined it was because she knew if Barry saw her with me, there would be questions.
I turned to him, heart in my throat. “Fancy seeing you here.”
He looked over at me, a slight smile on his face. It was the exact opposite of how he usually looked at Lila.
“Sorry,” I said, laughing awkwardly. “You might not remember me. I was at your bar and you—?”
“I remember you.” His voice was low. “But I don’t make a habit of bothering someone at the grocery store.”
My face flamed. “I didn’t mean to bother you. It’s so rare to see someone you know out in public.”
“You’re not bothering me . I just know how some women might feel about a stranger talking to them.”
“Good thing you’re not a stranger,” I said. But then I cursed myself. The best thing to do would be to let this go and not talk to Barry as Rose.
I was bad at doing what was best for me. Something about him made me want more.
He changed the subject with a fond smile on his face. “That’s a good brand of tea. A close friend of mine really likes it.”
There was no doubt in my mind he was talking about Lila. My heart flipped at his gentle tone.
I fanned my on-fire cheeks. “Is it hot in here?”
“It’s pretty chilly for October. Usually, the heat hangs around, but we’re having a false fall.”
“I’m from Canada, so this is summer weather for me.”
“What are you doing in Nashville then?”
“Work, but the city is charming me.”
“You’d be surprised at how many people love it here. My sister’s boyfriend just moved here permanently.”
He was talking to me about his sister? Besides the few tidbits I’d gotten from him as Lila, Barry usually avoided the topic.
“Maybe I’ll join them.” And I truly wanted to, especially if Barry would talk to me more about his personal life.
I wanted to keep the conversation going, but his phone rang.
“Speak of the devil,” he said, a faint smile on his face. “I should take this. I’m trying a new thing where I answer my sister’s calls.”
“I won’t keep you then.” I gave him an awkward wave. With a smile, he walked away, the same tea that I came for in his hand.
“That was close,” Juno said, coming to my side. “If you’re going to talk to him as two different people, you’ll have to work on your poker face. You looked at him the same way Lila did. And you stopped shrugging your shoulders as much.”
I knew she was right. It seemed I wasn’t the best at pretending to be two people where he was concerned.
“I’ll work on it.”
“You’re used to being Lila around him. But Rose is a very different person.”
In more ways than one.
It was like he was embarrassed about his family when it came to Lila. Like he didn’t want me to see him at his lowest.
And I got it. If I was meeting my favorite pop star, I’d be the same way.
But I wondered if we could have been more if Rose had met him first.
Barry
As I listened to Ruth’s fifth run-on sentence in the call, I stopped her.
I was walking back to my apartment. She called often these days, but she was never this scatterbrained.
“Is everything okay?” I asked. “I know we’re supposed to talk about life, but you seem . . . off.”
“Yeah, of course I’m okay!” Her voice was high. “There’s no major news or anything.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Then why mention major news?”
She groaned. “I would tell you, but I don’t think I can . It doesn’t affect you, though.”
“Then we don’t need to talk about it.”
“But it is about our brother.”
I paused in my walk. What could be going on with Tom? He and I hadn’t talked since I found out he had outed Dad. But why would we? Tom and I never had a close relationship; he wasn’t like Ruth. He didn’t seem to want to be. The man was allergic to connection.
“I’m sure everything is fine.”
“That is definitely not the case,” she said. “Our family is fucked.”
“You can say that again.”
“Our family is fucked .”
A shocked laugh startled out of me. We hadn’t been doing this for very long, but Ruth called me crying when worried about Tom. I’d been so shocked that I agreed to reconnect.
That little voice had won out once again.
I couldn’t bring myself to regret it. Ruth was hilarious when she tried to be, and now that she was focused on living and not just working herself to death, I enjoyed it.
But I knew that I would never have this with Tom. He’d always been the kind of man to do his own thing.
Then again, so was I.
I didn’t like seeing the similarities. Being like him went against everything I’d set out to do. Moments like this were why I didn’t look too closely at him.
“He’ll figure it out,” I reassured. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”
“But he was the one around Dad the most. That did damage.”
“Poor him, being around Dad.”
“Yes, poor him . Imagine always being around those lectures. It’s awful.”
“Are you helping him, then?”
“Only because I forced my way in. You could do the same.”
“Not my style.”
“Come on, Barry. What if he needs us?”
“How about this, if he asks for help, I will help.” It was more than I would usually offer, but this was Ruth , and she seemed to genuinely care. “But I’m not the kind of person to do more, and besides, I doubt he’d want me to.”
“I guess I can agree to that,” Ruth said.
“Now, can we take a break from talking about Tom? I can only do so much family talk.”
“And yet you’re on the phone with your sister. Fine. What’s new in your life, Barry? Have Liam and Audrey gotten together yet?”
“No, but they’ve been around each other more since…” I trailed off. “Since I’ve been busy.”
“Busy with what?”
Lila Wilde.
“Nothing too important,” I said. “Don’t worry about it.”
“You know I will.”
“It isn’t a big deal. But I can’t talk about it. An NDA is in effect.”
“Oh, okay,” she said. “I fucking hate NDAs, but I can admit they’re useful. Will you tell me when it’s over?”
Lila’s NDA was very long-term. “Eventually.”
“I guess I’ll have to guess until then. You coming to the family dinner?”
It wasn’t with our family but with people Ruth met and liked. My skin still itched at the idea of another family dinner, regardless of who they were. I didn’t doubt that Ruth cared about these people, but now that I was free, I wasn’t interested in returning. “Not this time. Maybe soon.”
“I’ll hold you to that. I promise it’ll be fun.”
I wanted to believe her, but the idea of a family was ruined for me a long time ago.