26. Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Three
Lila
I wrote on the plane ride to New York City. As much as I was tempted to redownload and doomscroll social media in a feeble attempt to make myself feel better, I kept my phone on airplane mode to focus.
Plus, Malia had told me not to and I couldn’t take disappointing anyone else.
As we neared the city, I realized performing was going to be next to impossible, considering I’d written most of the song with Barry and it was going to be a constant reminder that he was mad. I was tempted to cancel, but then I’d be sitting in misery, which seemed worse.
I jotted down what I wished I had said to Barry when I was on the bar’s rooftop. I poured my heart and soul into it, feeling only a little lighter once it was done.
Immediately, I knew the chords I wanted to use. I knew how the bridge would go. It all snapped into place.
When the plane landed, my heart was in my throat. I knew there were some paparazzi here. There always were whenever Lila’s jet landed. I’d had it stocked in another state for a bit but flew in under my other name to switch it up. Because people tracked it, I sometimes used a rental to avoid others knowing where I was.
Malia was waiting for me at the airport and smiled when she saw me.
“You flew out to New York?”
“I wanted to see you perform.” She gave me a tight hug. “How was hiding out? Did it help?”
“Kind of.”
“I don’t mean to push you, but we do have to start talking about touring soon if you want to have it ready in time for the scheduled dates.”
“Right, we have lots to do.” I knew I couldn’t stay in Nashville for long and it seemed my time was finally up. “But first this performance . . .?” Dread filled me at the idea.
“Not excited?” she asked.
“I . . . I’m not in the right headspace. I don’t think I’m angry. I’m sad. I even wrote this.” I showed her my notebook, and her eyebrows raised.
“This is good. Sasha would love it.”
“It’s what I’m feeling. I messed up something good in Nashville but had to leave before I could say I’m sorry.”
Malia’s lips pressed together. “You know, your fans are happiest when you feel what you sing. You could perform this.”
“It’s not even on the album. Plus, you said I should monopolize on ‘Goodbye, Good Riddance’ being number two.”
“But it could be a bonus track—if you go record it right after this. And any performance you do is going to make waves.”
“That isn’t how I usually do things,” I said. “But . . . I’d love to perform it.”
“Do you have everything you need to do it?”
“I do,” I replied.
“Good. We can have it out in a few days. Let’s go get ready.”
I nodded, and as she walked off, I thought of Barry. I doubted he would even see this or if he would even care. But it was my apology, and until I knew he was okay with me apologizing in person, this would have to be a good start.
Barry
“Jesus, man,” Tom said, lifting the last weight. “You’re probably the only one who works out more than me.”
I refused to admit it, but my arms were sore too. I just didn’t want to feel the mix of all the emotions from the day.
Tom looked across the empty gym. “Want to talk about it?”
“It’s a long story.”
“Yeah, but I have time. Max said that teaching his grandma to play Mario Kart was a long process.”
I sighed. “It’s just . . . still hard to open up about things.”
“Take all the time you need.” Tom started to walk away, but the words spilled out of me before I could stop them.
“I got lied to by Lila. And I’m mad.”
He stopped and turned. “What did she lie about?”
“She has a . . . secret that I found out. She said she hid it to protect me, but I didn’t need that protection.”
Tom’s lips twisted. “I get how easy it is to say you’re protecting someone when really you’re just scared to admit the truth. It’s a coward’s way out, but I’ve taken it before. You have the right not to forgive her, but know that her life has to be a whirlwind that we can’t even imagine. You saw what happened when Ruth was just seen with Knox, and he’s not even a mainstream celebrity.”
I blew out a breath of air. “I know. I get it. And with this secret, it makes it all the more complicated.”
“Did she apologize?”
“Yes.”
“Did she promise to do better?”
“We . . . we haven’t gotten there yet. She had to go because she’s . . . you know. Her. ”
“You probably needed time to cool off, which you’re taking.”
“Until she goes back to LA and it’s over.”
“Barry, you didn’t see the way she watched you when you found out about Wilfred or the way she promised Ruth to check in on you after you found out. Even if she didn’t do it—?”
“She did, actually. In her own way.”
And I’d opened up to her as Rose.
What was her real life like when it wasn’t split in two? What was she , the woman behind both Rose and Lila, like? What were the moments in between the two?
And in that moment, I knew I wanted it more than anything else. I still needed time to process, but once I was ready, if she could promise to be honest with me and hold true to that, I would be more than happy to know every part of her.
“Then—?” Tom frowned and pulled out his phone. “Hang on, Max is texting.” His eyes widened.
“What did he say?”
Tom turned his phone around so I could see.
Max: DAD THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Max: LILA PERFORMED ON GOOD MORNING AMERICA
Max: SHE DID A NEW SONG!!!
“A new song?” I asked. “I thought the album was done.”
Another text came in and Tom moved his phone so we could both see.
Max: It’s like an . . . apology song? It’s really sad but I stg if this is her apology to Blaze I will gag.
“Maybe you should look up this performance,” Tom encouraged, and I couldn’t grab my own phone fast enough.
The video was trending. Lila was performing on a morning show, wearing dark clothes. She only had her guitar, no band. As she sang, the lyrics were powerful. She blamed herself in the song, wishing she’d shown a mystery man every side of herself instead of lying about it. She apologized for his pain and said she wished she could redo it all.
As far as apologies go, it was the best one I’d ever fucking heard.
“I’m going to LA.” The announcement blew out of me the very second the video ended.
“Barry, wait—?” Tom began.
“I need to talk to her. Don’t try to stop me.”
“I know better than to do that,” he said. “But let’s think about this. How do you know she’s in LA? She would have performed in New York City.”
“Her house is in LA and I know for a fact that she hasn’t recorded that song yet. She’d go back to do that.”
“Okay, so you do know where she might be. Have you been to her house?”
“Well, no.”
“Then how do you know where she lives?”
I bit my lip, but then I remembered I had Juno’s number. I never thought I would need it, yet here I was. “I might.”
“Start there. See if you can get there.”
I took out my phone and called Juno. She answered on the third ring.
“Barry?”
“Yeah. Can you talk for a second?”
“For a second, maybe. I’m about to board a flight.”
“Is Lila there?”
“Yes, but she’s finishing up her song right now so she can record it.”
“I want to see her,” I said. “Where’s she going?”
I expected her to say no, or to keep me away from her. I got the vibe that she didn’t like me very much.
“LA. She’d want to come and see you , but—?”
“I’ll go to her.”
“You’ll what ? Just fly out to LA?”
“After a song like that? Yes. I will.”
“And you haven’t told anyone?”
“Not a soul,” I replied. “And I won’t.”
Juno was silent for a moment. “Then she was right to trust you.” It was admitted quietly. “Okay, I’ll give you her address.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” I wanted to get there as fast as possible, but I was due to work tonight and I needed to talk to Liam and Audrey about it. “I’ll need to wrap up a few things with the bar, but I’ll be there.”
“And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“For what?”
“For my part in all of this. I was part of the reason she didn’t tell you. I told her it was a bad idea because a member of her family threatened my job.”
“Oh . . . I didn’t know that.”
“It’s a long story. I’m sure she’ll tell you it all when you get here. She’ll be happy to see you when she gets back and settled in. See you soon.” She hung up.
I looked up at Tom, who had a smile on his face. “Figure it out?”
“Yep, and now I have a lot of things to take care of. Sorry to cut this short, but—?”
He held up his hand. “Don’t apologize. I’m just happy I could help.”
I thanked him, still in a state of disbelief over the man Tom had become, before going to my apartment to shower and wait for Liam and Audrey to come into work.
When six rolled around, I was nervous, thinking of all the things I could do if they said no.
“Hey, boss.” Audrey gave me a wave. “Ready for a long night?”
“Actually, I have something to ask you,” I said to the two of them. “Can you manage the bar for a few days?”
Liam’s jaw dropped. Audrey’s eyes widened. “You want us to watch the bar?” she asked. “By ourselves?”
“Yes. But only for a few days. I know it’s a lot of responsibility, so I won’t ask for more than that.”
“When?”
“I have to get a flight and everything, so maybe tomorrow?”
“Yeah, of course we can,” she said with a smile. “Where are you going?”
“Across the country to . . . see a friend.”
“Rose?”
“Y-yeah. Rose. She’s out of town and needs me. If it’s too much—?”
“No, it’s not. We have it all taken care of.”
“Are you sure?”
“Very. Now go get ready to get your woman.”