28. Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Five
Lila
L ila: Why didn’t you tell me my fans were so upset?
Malia: What did you see?
Lila: The comments. Most of my fans hate what I’ve done.
I’d never felt like this. While I knew how much my fans thought Blaze and I belonged together, I thought it was fine. I thought they’d accepted it.
Malia had told me everyone was happy and that I’d done well with this album, but this told me I’d made a mistake.
They all wanted that apology to be about Blaze. They wanted to see us doing events again because he was the thing that made me my best.
I’d gotten it all wrong.
And now I saw why Blaze thought his threat of an album would be devastating. Judging by many of the comments on my videos, they were waiting for him to speak out in song about what I’d done.
Maybe he was the one who was going to come out on top.
Tears gathered in my eyes. I was frozen, unable to consider what to do to begin making my fans happy again.
Every single thing in my life was wrong. This was why I lived for everyone else; the second I was selfish, people got hurt.
There was a knock at my door. I shut my eyes, knowing it was Juno wondering where I’d gone. She needed help cleaning up Blaze’s mess, yet I was stuck here like a fool.
“Juno,” I said. “I still need a minute.”
“It’s not Juno.”
When I heard the voice, I thought I had to be dreaming.
Because it sounded like Barry.
But there was no way he was here in LA.
However, when the door opened, the man himself peeked inside.
“Well,” he said, “I’m glad you’re not naked, or else I’d have a lot to apologize for.”
“Barry?” I asked. My voice cracked as all of the regrets I felt mixed with pure confusion. The tears threatened to fall; he saw them immediately. When he did, his entire demeanor changed.
“What’s wrong?”
I didn’t get it. Why did he even care? I’d hurt him. He was mad at me. Didn’t that mean he was done, that he’d leave and never look back?
“Why are you here?”
“I’m here to talk. You can’t just write a song about me and expect me to sit back in Nashville and not come find you.”
“You came across the country just to talk to me?”
“Sunshine, I’d do a lot more than that for you. Just say the word.”
My jaw dropped. “But—?”
“No arguments.”
“No, you shouldn’t be nice to me. You shouldn’t care about me. Not after what I did.”
“You know I never listen to what people tell me I should do. I do what I want. And I want to be here, Lila.” His lips twisted. “Rose? What do you want to be called?”
I blinked, still baffled by everything that he was doing. “I . . . I don’t know. My mom only calls me Rose because she doesn’t really like Lila. My dad lets my name slip sometimes , but I’m not around him enough for him to call my name often.”
“That’s not confusing at all.”
“Yeah, sorry. Just call me whatever person I’m playing.”
“You’re the same person no matter your hair color,” he said.
“I’m not supposed to be.”
“But you are. I thought I was losing it, but I saw the similarities.”
It should have worried me, but the fact that he still saw me made me feel better than anything else today. “That’s why I don’t let people see both sides of me, but you’ve always been different. God, I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry for all of it. Breaking up with you and then reconnecting as Rose and then waiting so long to finally admit it and—?”
“Breathe,” he instructed. “We can talk about it all. Just do me a favor and don’t come up with any other alter egos, okay?”
“I have no more.”
“And be honest with me. Even if you’re telling me you never want to see me again. I don’t need to be protected, okay?”
“Of course,” I said. “I don’t think I can ever lie again. At least not to you.”
“Can I know the story of how all of . . . this happened?”
I nodded, sitting up. My phone was forgotten on the bed.
“I got my songwriting talent from my dad. He’s a songwriter. A free spirit too. But those were the two things my mom hated, especially the fame he had. It only got worse when I wanted to be famous too.”
“Juno told me a little about her. And it’s . . .”
“Yeah, it’s bad. She keeps moving farther and farther away from cities to escape the idea of anyone knowing her, and that’s even when I’m hiding who I am. If I didn’t . . . who knows. Maybe she would have stopped talking to me. Being two people was better for us all. I told no one.”
“Blaze didn’t know?”
“Nope, and neither does Mia. Juno only found out because I was trying to get into Lila’s room as Rose at one point, and even then, when Mom found out, she begged me not to tell anyone else. But I’m not the only one. She told Juno not to let me tell you either. And threatened her .” I shook my head, trying not to think of the conversation that had just happened.
“You were just on the phone with her, right?”
“Yeah. She’s not happy that you know, but it was the right thing to do. It was a mess—everything was. But I know I should have stuck to my guns and told you the minute I knew you wouldn’t tell anyone, but I tried to make Mom and Juno happy.” I shrugged. “It didn’t help.”
“You don’t need to make others happy. The only one that matters is you.” It seemed to work for him. He’d found the balance of being kind to others and living for himself. I just didn’t know if that kind of life was even possible for me . “I’ve been thinking about how it went down. I was treating you differently because you’re Lila Wilde.”
“I don’t blame you. She’s interesting. And has all of this.” I gestured to the things around me. “Rose is . . . just Rose. It makes sense that you were beguiled by Lila and not—?”
“Remember what I said in the car? I said I liked Rose, but I met Lila first. Now I don’t have to worry about it. The two women I like are the same one.”
I blushed, looking at the ground, but then a thought hit me. “Just so you know, once you’re seen with Lila, Rose is off the table.”
“Wait, why?”
“Because if you’re in Lila’s orbit, your privacy is gone. You’re seen and then you’re followed. And if you’re seen with Rose, then you’re a cheater, or someone will see who I am and then—?”
“They might put it together.”
“This, all of this , is a mess. Even more so now that I’ve released these damn songs.”
“Wait, what’s wrong with the songs? Is that what you were upset about?”
“Have you seen the fan reaction?”
“No. I don’t pay attention to that stuff.”
“It’s bad,” I said. “So bad that I feel like I’ve ruined my career because I’m mad at Blaze.”
“Let me see.”
I wordlessly handed him my phone. I was still on social media, looking at all of their reactions. As he read them, I waited for understanding to dawn on his face. Instead, his brows furrowed.
“Why are these people worried about your relationship status?”
“They’re my fans and I’ve always been with Blaze.”
“But it’s none of their business. Why do they get any say in your life? They don’t know what went on behind closed doors.”
“They gave me everything.”
“Everything?” he asked. “Did you not do any of it yourself?”
“I-I mean, I wrote the songs and danced onstage.”
“Don’t you hold the record for the longest note held during a dance number? Against Broadway professionals?”
“Yes, but what does that have to do with the fans?”
“You’re forgetting that your talent got you here. Sure, your fans bought your albums and saw your shows, but you made the thing they love. If you want to do more, then you can write more and do more shows, but only if you want to. But your personal life? That’s yours . No one else’s. And besides—?” He looked at my phone again. “Did you not see the ones who love the album?”
He turned my phone to me, displaying a comment saying that they loved the new sound.
“I saw some, but the bad ones outweigh the good.”
“Why does the bad outweigh the good?”
“Because they’re the ones who I need to get on my side. That’s how I got to where I am. I made everyone happy. It’s what—?” As I started to say it, I stopped. It was what Mia and Rick had told me to do.
“Exactly,” he said. “You made an album from your heart. That is what you owe the fans. Nothing else.”
“But Malia didn’t even tell me some were upset.”
“I can think of a few reasons why she didn’t.”
“But it was wrong not to tell me.”
“Yeah, it was. She did it to protect you, which historically, never works out.”
I looked at the ground, knowing I had lied to protect someone, whether it be Barry or Mom.
“Come on,” he said. “Let’s go talk to Malia.”
“Talk to her? Why?”
“Because I find getting everything out in the open does wonders for making someone feel better.”
I let him pull me to the door, wondering if he had all the secrets to the universe. Because having him here made my problems seem solvable.
“Okay, let’s try it. But before you do,” I rushed to say, “maybe we should hide your hair or something.”
“Why?”
“We haven’t really decided who you’ll be with. If you wear a hat and maybe some sunglasses, you’ll look like part of my security team. It won’t work forever, but it will for a bit.”
“I don’t mind being seen with you and I don’t care what kind of shit people say about me.”
“I know, but this is a big decision. My life is a mess and I’m overwhelmed with everything and I’d hate to rush into something that we might regret later on.”
“Fine,” he said. “But I don’t know if a hat will work.”
“Oh, I can make it work. I am the queen of hiding long hair. And Juno can be getting the car ready while we’re working on you.”
Malia was able to see me immediately. She guided me to her office and I sat with a nervous tremor shooting through my whole body. While I’d confronted Blaze, I’d been furious. This time, I wasn’t in the same headspace, which made this terrifying.
What if she was like Mia? What if she told me off for even feeling the way I did?
“Lila,” she said. “It’s good to hear from you. Who is this?”
“I’m Barry,” he said. “A friend.”
After I’d meticulously gotten his hair into his hat, he looked like a different man. His jawline was more pronounced with his hair up and so were his stormy eyes.
“Nice to meet you, Barry.” She smiled and then turned to me. “I know we have a lot to talk about.”
“Why didn’t you tell me about all the controversy from this album?”
“Because Sasha warned me that you were nervous to make it.”
She wasn’t wrong.
“But I should have known.”
“Would it have stopped you from making it?”
“M-maybe, but—?”
“None of the buzz is really that bad. Some people are upset and some people are calling it a conspiracy, which they always do. They’re social media comments.”
“But I take them to heart.”
“I know you do, and that can be dangerous. I’ll admit that I wasn’t sure if not telling you was the right call, and I’m sorry I upset you. But you’re so talented that I didn’t want you to water it down because of people you don’t know.”
“I could have changed things to make it more palatable.”
“Have you ever had an album that everyone liked?” Barry asked.
I looked over at him. “No, but I’m sure it’s possible. Other people have done it.”
“No one has made everyone happy,” Malia said, shaking her head. “It may seem like it, but every artist has someone who hates them vehemently. We don’t often notice it because it isn’t us.”
“Mia said it was possible, though.”
“She has a history of not being truthful,” Malia reminded. “Though, I know I’m not perfect either. I should have asked more questions about why you were so worried about opinions rather than making the decision. This is a new working relationship and I made a bad call. But this album is great, Lila. It’s true to you , and you were happy making it. You deserve to release it, no matter what the world might think.”
I looked at my hands, knowing she was at least correct about that. I glanced over at Barry who was somehow staying by my side despite my own misguided lie to him. If he could do that for me, then I could try again with Malia.
“I don’t want to be lied to again,” I said. “I want to know if there’s controversy. But not the details. I was happier without seeing the comments.”
“I will be sure to let you know,” she said.
“So then, what is the general consensus? The good and bad? What I saw were people begging me to get back together with Blaze.”
“There are a lot of younger fans who feel that way. They think this is you straying from your roots, but many feel this is a great new direction for you. What is your consensus about the album?”
“I like it,” I said, and I glanced over at Barry again. “I got to write it with a good friend.”
Malia’s eyebrows rose and I wondered if I should have even made the comment in front of her, but she didn’t say a word.
“That’s good, then. Your opinion is the main one I care about. You deserve to be happy with what you release.”
“She’s right,” Barry added.
I looked between them, feeling more grounded with the two on my side. “Okay, then. I’ll try to focus on me more.”
“So, Barry,” Malia asked. “How long are you staying?”
“Only for a few days. I have a . . . thing at home I have to get back to.”
“Well, I’ll be the first to say that I’m happy Lila has some good support. She definitely needs that.”
I did, and selfishly, I wanted him here for longer. I was sure he was stretching it by being out as long as he was, but it still didn’t feel like enough time.
Maybe it never would.
Barry
“Do they ever lay off?” I asked from the limo. I’d been told to go with Juno, before Lila, since she didn’t want anyone to pick up on who I was. I’d grumbled about it but listened since she was the one who would be affected if people did catch on.
“No,” Lila said. “But it’s worse than usual right now because of the buzz about the album. They’re just trying to get a reaction.”
“I don’t like that they treat you like a piece of meat.”
“To them, I’m just a way to get paid.” She shrugged. “I’ve made my peace with it.”
I didn’t like seeing her walk with her head down as she avoided their gazes. She stood tall, as she always did when she was Lila, but she nearly ran to the limo.
“So this is how it always is for you?”
“Yes. And if it’s too much, I can send a car for you.”
“I didn’t mean for me . I can just see why you guard this secret with your life.”
“Yeah.” She nodded. “Did I tell you about my first outing in Nashville by myself? I went to this coffee shop and I saw a camera and panicked . I thought they had somehow tracked me down. But they were there for Knox Price.”
“Knox Price? Like my sister’s Knox Price?”
“Is there more than one?” She laughed. “I think it’s funny I encountered your sister and her boyfriend before I even knew who they were.”
“They weren’t dating then. Knox was just annoying her like he always did.”
“Are you sure? They looked like they were.”
“Ruth is stubborn, and he knew that from the day they met.”
“How did they meet?”
“They went to high school together, but they were rivals then. Well, Ruth thought he was her rival, but he didn’t feel the same way. I don’t think he ever did.”
“I’d love to meet them both officially someday.”
“You can. Maybe come back as Rose.”
Her smile grew wider. “Thank you for coming out here.”
“It’s no problem. It’s nice to see a different part of the country. In a different life, maybe I was a guitarist that toured the world or something.”
“You’d be incredible at it, but I think you’re incredible at most things you put your mind to.”