15. Mandy
15
MANDY
“ I just don’t understand how he has the right to do this, to treat me like this,” I say. “It should be illegal.”
No, not Salinger. Sure, he’s flown into a rage in the past, but it has never been directed at me like that. His hatred for me was shocking, deeply unsettling. It probably would have kept me up at night with anxiety and worry if I didn’t have the threat of Pepper being thrown in dog prison looming on the horizon.
“How can Jaxon have Pepper taken? She was just trying to protect me.” I blow my nose. “She was just doing what dogs do. He attacked me.”
Randy, my lawyer, grunts from where he sits texting someone on his phone.
“Did you get everything down?” I ask Randy, who has barely made any notes on his legal pad. “I have a timeline and a copy of all of Jaxon’s recent text messages to me.” I push the folder with all my documentation closer to him.
He looks up, giving me a slimy smile.
“Don’t worry, little lady—I’ll make sure you keep your pooch.” He reaches over to pet Pepper, who curls her lip, exposing her teeth.
“Woof, that’s a nasty little bitch you got there.” Randy laughs like he’s made the world’s funniest joke.
I force myself to laugh pleasantly. Do it for Pepper.
When I went into Salinger’s office yesterday, I had almost, almost, been desperate enough to ask him for help hiring a lawyer. He had seemed like he didn’t completely hate Pepper after the charity evening was over. But now? After that display?
The man is unhinged, violent, dangerous, and probably a bigger threat than Jaxon.
Jaxon is an obnoxious, spoiled boy. Salinger is an apex man-killing predator. Now I’m stuck between the two of them. Trapped.
“Has Pepper bitten anyone before on record?” The lawyer is even greasier in person—and older. His photo on the website must have been at least fifteen years out of date. Unfortunately, he was the only lawyer I found who I could afford, and I didn’t have time to do more research.
Pepper, sitting on my lap, licks my fingers.
“Of course not.” I am seriously about to cry.
“Now, I know you’re worked up.” His fingers, swollen around his class ring, comb through the glass dish of peanuts next to his elbow. “This is typical when relationships end. Men don’t like it when you disrespect them. Jaxon probably just wants an apology.” He cracks a peanut with his teeth. His wet tongue licks the salt on the shell, then he throws it in an empty coffee mug overflowing with old shells. “It’s unfortunate that you two couldn’t have ended things on better terms.”
“We were not in a relationship. We met at a singles mixer then went out to a bar three days later,” I repeat, trying not to sound hysterical. “Jaxon got mad that I wouldn’t, um… go home with him and has proceeded to make my life a living hell for the past four months.”
“I bet you probably wish you’d just slept with him.” If he is trying to give me a kindly fatherly smile, he is failing miserably.
The tears are threatening again.
“Kidding, kidding,” Randy says hastily.
Is he, though?
“Look.” The lawyer picks up my folder and taps it on the table. “Let me make some calls, see what I can do. We can straighten this whole thing out. Don’t you worry about a thing, little miss. You and your dog are in good hands.”
“Thank you.” My voice sounds dull to my ears.
Feeling like I’m pushing through cotton candy, I trudge back out through the shabby office onto the street.
“It will be okay,” I promise Pepper, or maybe myself. “I just gave the lawyer three thousand dollars. He has to help me—there is no other option.”
Even the thought of going back to the Rainier Equity office doesn’t offer as much comfort as it normally does. I still don’t feel safe.
I am being crushed under the weight of the stalker issue. All I want to do is curl up in bed with my ancient MacBook overheating and warming my chest as I watch one of my comfort movies. Instead, I am stuck in this chilly, lifeless office, heating up Salinger’s lunch .
Despite the fact that my boss has decided he hates me more than anyone else on the planet, he still, of course, eats the food I make. If he knew I cooked his favorite meal, he would probably just detonate and take out half the block with him.
Salinger doesn’t acknowledge me when I creep into his office with the tray. In fact, he purposefully turns his back to me, the phone still pressed against his ear as he snaps at someone in German.
Once I finally deal with the stalker, I promise myself that I will find a new job, far away from Salinger Svensson.
But what if the stalker is never dealt with?
The utensils clang against the glass of water as I juggle the tray while trying to clear off Salinger’s desk.
Salinger turns, his cold gray eyes regarding me.
He doesn’t help.
I’m suddenly not sure I can survive another month—year? Decade?—with this man, trapped between his temper and Jaxon’s threats of violence.
The lawyer will take care of it. He took my money, three thousand whole dollars. He’s going to help.
I’m loading the dishes in the office dishwasher that afternoon when the text messages start.
Though being served papers from Jaxon’s lawyer about custody of Pepper had been traumatic, the silver lining was that I’d stopped receiving creepy texts and calls from Jaxon. Maybe his lawyer had told him such messages would ruin his case.
But apparently, he can’t help himself.
Unknown Number: You think you can just ruin people’s lives ?
Unknown Number: I know where you live. I’m watching you.
Unknown Number: I’m going to make sure you pay for what you did to me, how you humiliated me. Tried to take what’s mine.
Unknown Number: Your dog is going to be mine, and the first thing I’m doing is leaving her in a ditch.
My hands shake as I take a screenshot and send it to the lawyer.
Salinger barks behind me, making me jump, “Mandy, seriously, what is taking you so long? How much time does it take to load a dishwasher? I emailed you three minutes ago. I need the stats on the Cormack account. Now.”
I can’t turn around to look at him, afraid I’m going to break into hysterical tears. “Sorry. I’ll send it.”
Salinger’s waiting for me, not leaving until I do his bidding.
Head down, trying to think about dry things like deserts and split ends, I hurry to my desk and pull up the data while Salinger paces next to me, listing out every grievance I’ve racked up that week.
“And where were you earlier? You aren’t allowed to just leave in the middle of the day. I need to know where you are. At all times. Where were you? You weren’t messing with those interns, were you? I bet you’re the reason Austin hasn’t quit yet. You’re probably buying him treats or pep-talking him. News flash, Mandy, Austin is legally an adult. He has to sink or swim—you can’t coddle him. You’re not doing him any favors.”
Clamping my teeth together, I hit Send on the data .
“You have a call at four,” I remind him, hating how my voice trembles. “Data is in your inbox.”
“Next time, I shouldn’t have to stand over you to get you to do your job.”
His door closes.
My phone dings.
Randy: I’ll have the paralegal add it to the file, but I really think you should just give this guy a chance. Just go on a date with him, maybe sweet-talk him into dropping the case.
I can’t stop the tears that flood my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I stuff my sleeve into my mouth to stop the sobbing as I race to the bathroom, locking myself in a stall.
With sudden surety, I realize I made a horrible mistake with the lawyer. I misjudged a man again , put my faith in one again , and was being screwed over again .
I don’t have any more money to hire another lawyer.
I should report Randy to the bar association, right? Or blast him on social media? But then everyone would know. They would know how I screwed up.
The bathroom door opens. Claws and boots click on the tile floor. Pepper struggles to crawl under the door and nuzzles my leg.
“Mandy?” Jess’s voice is full of concern. “Mandy, open the door.”
“I’m fine.”
“No, sweetie, you’re not.”
The lock slides with a metallic clang, then Jess is in the tiny stall, too, wrapping her arms around me.
I sob into my friend’s shoulder. “I can’t do this anymore. ”
“I know—he’s a horrible boss,” she says, soft and soothing. “We’re going to find you a new job.”
I want to tell her, desperately needing to share the burden with someone. But I know Jess. She would go all Wonder Woman and declare war on Jaxon, then my stalker would come after her, maybe do to her what he was doing to me. Jess supports her mom and disabled sister. Jaxon could really mess up her whole family’s life. I can’t let that happen. Clearly, I am the one who makes bad decisions—this is all my fault. I’ve already sucked Pepper down with me. I am not going to do that to Jess.
Jess’s arm is a comforting weight around my shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” I tell her as she dabs my face with a wet paper towel. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Probably hormones.”
“You mean the self-involved six-foot-four ball of testosterone that you have to deal with? Yeah, I’d say that’s definitely hormonal.”
“I look terrible.” I wipe at my eyes. “I am not an attractive crier.”
“You need a mental health day. You were already here at seven when I got in. ”
“Just because I had that eye-doctor appointment,” I lie.
“Salinger didn’t even give you overtime for going to the charity ball with him, so you’re leaving early today. You need margaritas and nachos. Girl’s night at my place. Nope.” She cuts off my weak protest. “No excuses. Salinger can suck it.”
My friend ushers me to the sink.
I blow my nose in front of the mirror. “A break does sound nice,” I say carefully.
“Of course it does. We’ll do a rom-com marathon, laugh at how unreasonable the guys are because, like, no man is ever that amazing. We’ll drink away our work-related sorrow and toast to Salinger hopefully getting hit by a falling piano in the near future.”
“Shh! Someone might come in.”
“I don’t care.” Jess is emphatic as she pulls open the bathroom door. “I hope someone does hear me say that Salinger Svensson is the biggest asshole in Seattle.”
“Eep!” I clap my hands over my mouth as Pepper barks.
Salinger is hovering in the hallway by the restrooms. His lips part like he’s going to say something, then his mouth clamps shut.
“Excuse us.” Jess doesn’t even try to hide the disgust in her voice.
“Is she…” Salinger begins.
There’s something in his eyes, not anger or hatred. If it were any other man, I would say he looked almost… concerned?
No, it can’t be concern. Maybe pity or derision. But no, not Salinger. Not my boss. He gives zero shits about me.
“She’s leaving early.” Jess sounds stubborn.
My boss works his jaw. “She’s supposed to come with me to the Quantumcore and Van de Berg insurance meetings at the Soundview Hotel.”
Jess hugs me closer protectively, and Pepper puffs up.
“You’re just going to have to write your own notes.” My friend’s tone leaves no room for argument.
Salinger’s whole body is tense. He spins on his heel then walks away, long legs taking him quickly back to his office.
“Come on.” Jess soothes me, petting my hair, rubbing my back. “Let’s go get an alcohol slushie. This will be good for you,” she continues as she prods me to my desk. “You need a break from your sister, too, and I’m just going to be honest and say she needs a break from you as well, Pepper. You are clingy and have separation anxiety. Maybe we need to tell Salinger to include pet mental health insurance in the benefits package.” She hands me my purse.
I know she’s trying to make a joke, so I force out a laugh.
“Movie night and Mexican sounds good.” I sniffle. Then I have a horrible thought. Jaxon has me in his sights again. What if he shows up at my apartment? Lauren likes to go out late. What if he catches her?
“Actually I can’t go, Jess. I need to go home.”
“Girl…”
“I can’t leave my little sister alone. Lauren’s been in a state ever since Amy’s big announcement. She might do something crazy.”
Jess shakes her head. “Geez, he really did a number on you.”
In his office, Salinger is not pacing. More unnerving, he’s just standing there by his desk, watching me.
Jess crosses her arms. “Look, I can’t believe I’m offering this, but Lauren can come.”
“I don’t understand why you’re not going to a club or a bar to pick up guys. A movie night is so lame,” Lauren whines.
I check the car’s mirrors for signs of Jaxon. It isn’t abnormal for me to go home then return to the office. I’m planning on driving to the office, going into the parking garage, then driving out again to try throwing him off the trail. Jaxon won’t think it suspicious, and hopefully, he won’t follow me to Jess’s apartment.
“We’re having margaritas on a work night. We’re living on the edge.”
“You are so old.”
I’ve only been in the car with her for three minutes, and I am already seriously regretting inviting my little sister.
“I’ve skipped trying to hold onto my youth. I’m ready to be a fifty-something divorced lady who wears New Balance shoes to the grocery store and answers the door for the cute FedEx guy in her bathrobe. What’s wrong with Mexican and Reese Witherspoon movies?”
“It’s lame!”
“Reese Witherspoon is way better than any smelly, expensive club.”
“Oh my gawwwd.” Lauren draws out the last word. “Ugh, Amy. Look!”
“I’m driving, Lauren,” I remind my sister when she tries to stick her phone, displaying Amy’s latest Instagram post, in my face.
“He took her to the same hotel he used to take me.”
“I’m sure Kenny also took his wife there.”
“No.” Lauren sniffs. “He didn’t. It was our thing.” She reaches to change the radio station. Hip-hop music blares out of the car’s speakers.
I let out a loud sigh as I head down the street to the Rainier Equity office tower, backlit by the setting sun.
In Lauren’s lap, Pepper echoes the sigh.
“Seriously! Amy’s not even showing. She’s not that far along, and she’s just trying to make her baby bump look bigger than it actually is. Oh my god, like, who are you looking for?” Lauren demands as I drive into the parking deck then slow to a crawl, not wanting to park and cause questions but just linger and run out the clock.
“No one.”
“Yummy!” Lauren crows as we approach the elevator bank where Salinger and another man with his same coloring are arguing.
Cursing, I duck my head down as the car crawls by.
Please don’t see me, please don’t see me. I send up a silent prayer.
Lauren, who cannot take a hint, blatantly turns around in her seat to stare behind her. “I knew it!” She jabs me in the side. “You have a crush on your boss.”
“I do not,” I hiss as I circle the parking deck, hoping I can string it out so Salinger drives out before me.
“You came here to creep on your hot boss! You slut!” Cackling, my sister grabs my arm.
“Salinger? No way.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Just habit. You know how people are so used to taking a certain route that they automatically go that way?”
“Uh-huh.” Lauren isn’t buying it.
“So has Amy said anything about an engagement party?” I quickly change the subject. That thankfully sets Lauren off, and she forgets all about Salinger as we head to the Mexican restaurant.
“As if I would go to her baby shower,” Lauren declares.
We walk up to Jess’s apartment after picking up the paper sack of mouthwatering Mexican takeout.
Jess throws open her door before I even have a chance to knock. “Let’s get this girls’ night started. ”
“So lame. You both are so lame. I’m taking you out clubbing with me next weekend, Mandy.” Lauren huffs into Jess’s apartment.
“Amy’s been posting a lot,” I tell Jess. “And everyone finds it very upsetting.”
“Yeah, I’m really digging Amy’s inspo pics for her nursery.” Jess snickers.
I poke Jess as Lauren wails from the living room.
“I stole the leftover cheesecake from the tenth-floor fridge.” Jess hugs me after ushering us into the tiny kitchen. “Johnny brought some for his team to celebrate the deal they landed. I figure we’ve earned it.”
“Yum!” I take a bite of the rich chocolate dessert. “I am already feeling better. You want some cheesecake, Lauren?”
“Gross. No.”
“Don’t you want some queso?” I offer her. “Did you eat lunch? I can make you nachos.”
“I don’t know how you’ve survived, what, two weeks with her?” Jess mutters under her breath.
She didn’t need to bother. Lauren is glued to her phone.
“She’s my sister. What am I supposed to do?”
“I don’t know—kick her out before she earns tenant rights?”
“My parents would be so upset,” I say lamely, not wanting to admit that my safety-in-numbers philosophy.
Jess makes a noncommittal noise and turns on Sweet Home Alabama , a movie we’ve seen dozens of time. “This is a self-care evening. Margaritas—we toast to the first of many. Mexican, because we’ve earned it. We’re also going to find new jobs. ”
“I don’t know.” I grab another slice of cheesecake and dish up taquitos, guacamole, and queso. “That sounds drastic. Isn’t the job market bad?”
“Anything’s better than working for Salinger, right? Look.” Jess points to her tablet. “See? There are tons of options, none of which will end with you crying in the bathroom.”
“I don’t think I’m really in a good headspace to look for a new job right now.” I fix a plate for my sister.
“I think this will be good for you,” Jess argues. “At least explore some options. It will get your brain working. You can stick it to Salinger.”
But the thought of actually leaving him, even though he is so awful, is making me anxious. What would I be without him? In danger, that’s what. Exposed.
Lauren feeds Pepper pieces of chicken. “You’re getting a new job?”
“Yes, Lauren.” Jess raises her voice. “A job. It’s a novel concept. See, this place is looking for a receptionist. It’s a high-end skin-care boutique. Look at how cute that office is.”
Yeah, an office right off the sidewalk, no security. My desk would be out in the open, not under the watchful eye of a six-foot-four muscular CEO with a hair-trigger temper who I know one hundred percent for sure is keeping Jaxon from coming anywhere near me.
“You’re wasting your time.” Lauren dips the barest corner of her tortilla chip into the guacamole.
“She just needs a push,” Jess says.
Lauren smirks. “You’re never going to find anything to compete with that man. ”
“Of course we will.” Jess waves her tablet. “Rainier Equity isn’t the only high-end corporation in this city. It’s Seattle! Look at this company—it’s a swanky hotel, and they need a night manager.”
A manager in a hotel, at night, in the dark, all alone, and anyone could come in...
My heart starts racing. Suddenly I don’t feel like eating.
“Did you not tell Jess your secret?” Lauren cackles.
I close my eyes, willing myself to calm down. I am not taking that hotel job. Just eat a taco. I stuff the cheesy tortilla into my mouth and chew. It tastes like sawdust.
“What is she saying? What secret?” Jess looks between us.
“Oh my god!” Lauren is such a shit-stirrer. “You didn’t even tell your best friend?”
Jess looks hurt. “Tell me what? Mandy? What’s she talking about?”
“Lauren, shut up.”
“She is totally in love with him. Like head-over-heels completely obsessed with him.” Lauren claps her hands.
“Him who?”
“Salinger, y’all’s boss!”
“No, she’s not!” Jess throws a pillow at Lauren.
Pepper yelps as it narrowly misses her.
“Mandy made us drive to the office just so she could creep on him.” Lauren feeds Pepper the rest of the chip to calm her down. “In all realness, he is insanely hot.”
“Mandy, for real?”
I want to tell Jess the truth—I really do. I want to share the burden with someone, but it is my burden to bear.
“I… Yeah, I guess so.” I cough out the lie .
“Why?” Jess is horrified. “You were sobbing in the bathroom today, like, literally sobbing, because of him and how he bullies you.”
“Kinky!” Lauren crows, and Jess throws a chip at her. “Ow!”
Jess gives me another margarita refill.
“I don’t know.” I fumble around to a plausible explanation. “I guess when you spend that much time with someone, you just…”
“Turn into an obsessed stalker.” Lauren giggles.
“See, this is why you need to get a new job.” Jess frowns. “Salinger is just the worst. He’s literally making you crazy. You’re not attracted to him—okay, maybe you are attracted to him. I can admit he is attractive when he keeps his mouth shut. But you’re not in love with him. You hate him! You’re going to get a new job and start dating, and life will be better. You need to raise your standards, girlfriend.”
But maybe the worst is what is best for me right now. Or maybe I need to grow a backbone. Stop letting men walk all over me.
I sip my margarita. Who am I kidding? It isn’t like I’m going to go confront Jaxon. The thought is terrifying. I grab the bottle of tequila and slosh some extra into my margarita, stirring it around.
“You want to have some nachos to soak up all that—oh, okay.” Jess raises an eyebrow as I chug my alcohol slushie.
“You have any more of that?” I wave my empty glass at her.
My phone rings as I’m chugging my third margarita.
Jess glances at the name on the screen. “You’re not going to answer that are you? It’s girls’ night.”
I ignore the phone. Then the text messages come in.
Salinger: Mandy, come to the office.
Salinger: Now.
The phone rings again.
Salinger: Answer the phone.
“She’s going to go. She so wants to be there with him.” My sister sips her tequila.
Jess frowns.
My phone beeps. Salinger has left a voicemail.
“This man sounds unhinged,” Lauren remarks as we listen to him rage on the recording. “Bet he really fucks, though.” Lauren claps her hands to her mouth. “Wait, is this a booty call?”
I feel trapped in the lie. “No! I’m just good at my job. He needs me.”
Jess makes a disgusted noise.
I feel like shit. A shitty friend, a shitty feminist, and a shitty dog mom. I down another margarita.
Salinger calls again. The phone rings and rings over Reese waxing poetic about love.
“You’re not seriously going in.” Jess’s eyes search mine. “We didn’t even finish the movie.” She looks so hurt.
Suddenly, I’m just furious at Salinger. Between him and Jaxon, they’re both ruining my life, costing me my sanity and now potentially my best friend. One of the last few sources of joy in my miserable constrained life. Jess, who always has my back.
Eff that.
“Girls before self-absorbed A-holes. ”
The phone rings again.
I grab the bottle of tequila and slosh it in my glass.
Then I answer the phone.