49. Mandy
49
MANDY
“ M om, is this really necessary?”
A giant portrait of Salinger is hanging over the fireplace when I come downstairs from crying in the shower. The mantel holds candles and cutouts from business magazines with his stupid quotes and has generally been turned into some sort of shrine for my ex-boss.
“People will think he’s dead, Mom.”
“He saved your life,” she reminds me.
“And he got rid of Jaxon too.” Gran makes a slicing motion over her throat. “Have some more wine.” She has a bag of wine under her arm, and she sloshes some into a tall glass.
“Still no sign of Pepper,” Amy tells me.
“I posted all over social media that I’ll show my tits to anyone who can get the dog back,” Lauren adds .
“I offered too.” Gran slurps her wine. “I didn’t get near as many offers as Lauren. I did get some, though.”
“Why don’t you call Salinger and have him help you find Pepper?” my mom coaxes.
I frown. “I’m not talking to him.”
“Mandy, you need to lower your standards.” My mom drops some ice cubes into my glass. “Don’t drink that warm—it will make you sick.”
“If you’re not going to date Salinger, can Amy have him?” Gran asks. “She needs a father for her unborn child, and we need a wealthy man in this family.”
My dad wanders over to me. “Rain’s going to be stopped for a few days. Good time for planting grass.” He hands me a pair of pink gardening gloves. “Some yard work might make you feel better.”
My dad and I work in silence in the yard, raking out the clods and smoothing the surface. It’s zen and relaxing being out in the sunshine. After months of being hounded like prey by Jaxon, it is nice to finally be present and be outside without worrying that he’s going to show up and harass me.
Well, it would be great if I had Pepper. Tears start dripping as I think about poor Pepper out there somewhere, all alone.
“Oh, Mandy girl.” My dad drops his rake and wraps his arms around me, hugging me to his barrel chest. His mustache scratches my cheek. Then he leans back to look at me. My dad smells like fresh earth, and his gardening gloves leave streaks of dirt on the old corgi shirt I’m wearing .
“I really screwed up,” I cry. “I’ll never forgive myself for hurting you like this. I know you’re really angry and upset with me.”
“When you were born, it was the happiest day of my life.” He takes off his gloves and cups my face with a rough hand. “I was a father, and I had the most perfect little angel. You were so small in my arms. I swore to God I would protect you, keep you safe from the world.”
He sighs. “But keeping you safe would keep you from experiencing life. I try to step back, let you and your sisters make your own choices and have your own experiences. I will always be there for you, Mandy. There’s nothing I won’t do for you and your sisters, nothing you can do to make me stop loving you or make me angry at you.”
“I know. I just didn’t want you to worry.”
My dad sweeps his arm out. “Mandy, that’s my secret power. I will always worry. That’s what the lawn is for. It’s a healthy outlet.” He pats my hair. “You should try gardening. Lauren says you’re moving to a new apartment. You can have a balcony garden. I can help you make one. I’ve started building you a raised bed.” His voice is gruff.
I wipe my eyes. “I think that would be nice.”
He gives me one more hug. “Let me go get you a drink. Not wine. I don’t know how your grandmother is still here. All she does is drink.”
I’m balancing the rake against my shoulder and fishing in my pants for a Kleenex when I notice it—a black car parked across the street in front of the neighbor’s yard.
Apprehension floods me, but I force myself to relax. It’s probably someone visiting a neighbor. Jaxon is never going to hurt me again, right ?
The car door opens. I grip the rake... and there is Salinger, looking perfect in his suit and with his hair neatly combed over his forehead.
I shake my head as he crosses the empty street. “Go away. I don’t want to hear what you have to say.”
“Good,” he replies, “because I didn’t come here to grovel.”
He tips my chin up.
I glare up at him. “Then why are you here?”
His perfect mouth turns down. “Mandy…” He takes a breath. “I’m sorry I scared you and made you think that you can’t trust me or that I don’t love you. Because I do, Mandy. I really love you. I’m not sorry for saving you, though. I’ll always save you. I’ll always protect you, even if you don’t like my methods.”
There’s whining at his feet.
“Dammit,” he swears, “how did that dog get out of the car?” Behind him, one of the car windows is open.
“Pepper!” I scream, bending down to scoop the dog up in my arms. She gives me whipped-cream-covered kisses.
Salinger’s smiling at us softly. “I was going to clean her up before doing the big reveal. I should have saved her whipped-cream shot until after you got your big moment, but she really had a hard time at animal control.”
“You were the one who took her from the pound?” The words are muffled in Pepper’s fur.
“I got off pretty easy. They foisted a bunch of decrepit animals on my legal team.”
“You didn’t want new pet friends?” I smile up at him.
“Hard pass. Pepper is blacklisted from the groomer near my office, by the way, and I think that ban might extend to me too. ”
“You had a hard weekend, didn’t you, Pepper?” I pick grass off of Pepper’s fur then stand and force myself to meet Salinger’s eyes.
His expression is serious. “I swear on my life, Mandy, that Jaxon will not bother you ever again. I took care of it, and please note”—his voice is clipped—“no one is in jail anymore, and his corpse isn’t at the bottom of the bay. Contrary to popular belief, I am able to meet my goals legally, if not immorally.”
I stare down at the black earth. “Is this the part where you tell me I told you so?”
“You’re not stupid. You know the score.”
“I’ll…” My voice is small. “I’ll pay you back. I’m sure it wasn’t cheap.”
“Don’t bother. It’s a tax write-off.” He’s cold now, all business, just closing out a project. “Speaking of.” He reaches into his breast pocket and pulls out a white envelope with my name on it. “Your bonus,” he says in response to my questioning glance.
“For what?” I take the check, confused.
“You helped me win. Linda was profusely apologetic about letting Jaxon manipulate her and offered Rainier the port contract. We’ll be negotiating the terms in a few days.” His fingers flex then relax.
I try to hand him the check back. “I quit, though, before the deal was made.”
He doesn’t accept the envelope. “Yes, we received your resignation. I had HR log the end date for tomorrow.”
“Oh. Thanks.” I dig my shoe into the dirt, very aware that I look grubby and schlubby next to Salinger in his bespoke suit .
He takes a breath, pauses, then puts one hand in his pocket. “I wish you well, Mandy. And I meant what I said—if you ever need anything, I’m here, whether you want me or not.”
Is it bad that I’m leaning toward want ?
“In case I don’t see you again,” he says, “have a good life.”
I wince. “Linda offered me a job, so I’ll be at that contract-negotiation meeting, and we’ll be seeing a lot of each other, I’m afraid.”
His mouth is a thin, hard line. “I will of course assign someone else to the project. You like Dara, or maybe Jameson?”
The thought of not being able to see him is painful.
“Austin, god help me, is one of the top performers since Scarlett was fired,” he adds. “I’m sure he’ll be attending meetings as well.”
I make another face. “Actually, I’m going to hire him.”
“Hire him?” Salinger barks.
“Jess and I need an assistant. We have a lot of work to do. It’s a big project with lots of moving pieces.”
“Jess? You’re stealing my employees now?”
“And you left me in jail over the weekend, so fair’s fair,” I snap, since that’s really one of the few things I have left to hold over his head at this point.
“The locking-you-in-the-penthouse trick wasn’t going to work again, because I was afraid if I kissed you, you’d cut off my balls. Jail was the safest place for you to be while I dealt with Jaxon.”
“Oh.”
Pepper pants in my arms. I shift her to one side.
“That was all,” Salinger says finally. “I wanted to update you and drop off your dog. I’ll have your things packed up at the office and sent to your parents’ house.” He spins on his heel abruptly and heads back to his car.
Is this it? After everything, this is it?
Pepper wags her tail and barks at his retreating back.
Do I really want him to walk away out of my life just like that? After he said he loved me, not just after we had sex but right now, and I didn’t say it back? And now it’s too late?
“Salinger,” I whisper.
He doesn’t hear me. His hand is on the car door handle, but he pauses then strides back across the street.
Pepper is giddy in my arms at his return.
“I know I said I wasn’t going to come here and grovel, but I am, Mandy. I’m going to grovel just a little bit.” His eyes search mine.
“My entire life, I’ve been so focused on winning the prize that I sacrificed a lot for it, more than I should have. Important things, important people. But I’m not doing that with you.” He cups my face. “I thought I was fine being alone, thought I was better when I don’t have attachments, stronger, but it turns out I’m really attached to you, and I just can’t live without you.”
He sighs. “You were right when you accused me of being with you because I wanted to win. I did. I wanted to win you . You’re the best prize there is. I know you’re angry, and you think I just left you and forgot about you, but I didn’t. The port contract was the consolation prize for losing you, for fucking up what we had. I love you, and I want to marry you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you and raise a family with you.”
“You do?” I croak, hardly able to believe it .
His mouth quirks. “I’m a terrible person, and I don’t deserve you, but I’ll donate money to the dog pound people and go to charity dinners with you so I can show you off. You make me want to be a better man, something I didn’t think I would ever want.”
“Salinger, I don’t know. I’m not sure…” Not sure you really want to be with someone like me, not sure you really love me or want me.
But that was the insecurity talking—and maybe a lingering bit of Jaxon’s poison. Salinger rescued my dog, and now here he is, begging me to take him back.
“Mandy.” He drops to his knees in front of me, his hands on my wrists, which are still holding Pepper. “I’m sure of you and me. Please give me another chance. I can give you everything you deserve and more.”
“I don’t need you to give me things.”
He looks crestfallen, like I’m about to reject him.
“I already told you,” I add, “I don’t need someone to buy me fancy things or be my big strong protector—”
“Actually…”
“Fine. Recent events notwithstanding. I want someone who’s going to put in the work and build a life with me. I want a partner. I want someone to laugh with and raise a family with, someone who’s not—”
“An asshole?” he offers.
“I don’t need a whirlwind romance. I need dependability.”
“And does that mean I’m disqualified?”
“No. I mean, you are an asshole, but I’ve seen you turn it off when you’re motivated. I know you like to think you’re a villain, Salinger, but I think there’s a heart of… maybe not gold, but at least sterling silver.” I smile down at him. “You said you loved me earlier. ”
“I meant it. I’ll always love you.” There’s sincerity in those gray eyes.
“I didn’t get to answer. I love you too. Probably against my better judgment.”
“No, it’s excellent judgment.” He stands up and wraps me in his strong arms. Then he’s kissing me like he never wants to let me go. “I love you, Mandy,” he whispers.
“I’m covered in dirt,” I murmur against his mouth. “I’ll ruin your suit.”
“I don’t care. You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Pepper yelps as she’s smushed between us.
“You won’t regret this,” he swears, stepping back. “I’ll be supportive and not an asshole unless it’s work related, so if I make you cry during contract negotiations, don’t hold it against me.”
I snort. “Okay, but if I make you cry, you can’t hold that against me, either. After all, I’m not going to be impressed by your charm because I can get the whole cow at home.”
“I’ll be very wholesome.” He presses a hand to his broad chest. “Well.” He smirks. “Not that wholesome.”
“Boo! Ignore her!” Gran calls from behind me.
“Mandy wants nice gifts and flowers and fancy vacations!” Amy calls.
“You don’t marry a man like that just to have a boring life!” Gran adds.
“Don’t let him fool you—he gets mad if you step on his grass,” I call back.
“As he should, Mandy. You can’t step on a man’s grass,” my dad says.
“She wants a nice house with a guest suite,” Lauren shouts out the window .
“And buy her some new clothes.” My mom jostles my grandmother out of the way. “Let Salinger take you shopping, honey. All the elastic is broken in your pants. I’ve been handwashing the underwear he bought you. He has very good taste.”
“Oh my god.” I lean against his massive chest. “Will the nightmares never end?”
Salinger smiles in my hair. “Your family loves you.”
“And they adore you.”
“Come inside. You can’t spend that much time doing yard work,” my mom insists. “Come in. I made punch.”
I set Pepper down, and Salinger takes my hand.
“Let me see the ring!” my sisters exclaim when we’re standing in the foyer.
“You couldn’t have gotten proposed to wearing something nicer, Mandy?” My mother is appalled.
“No one proposed.”
“He was on his knees,” Lauren argues.
I roll my eyes. “He’s overly dramatic.”
“You need to propose.” Gran grabs Salinger’s hand. “My granddaughter is too old to do this date-for-three-years nonsense. Go to Vegas.”
“For the love of god, do not elope.” My mother throws up her hands. “I will not have the first wedding in this family be an elopement.”
“If you really want to get in good with the fam,” Lauren tells Salinger, “go ahead and knock her up. Then she can beat Amy in the maternity ward.” Lauren leans over to me. “Learn from my mistakes,” she whispers in my ear. “Lock him down.”
I bat her away .
“I’m sending you a Pinterest board with ring ideas, Salinger. You’re welcome.” Lauren takes my phone to text Salinger.
“Lunch will be ready soon,” my mom trills. “I’m making BLTs and pasta salad.”
“Fix you a drink, Salinger?” my dad offers as we head into the sunken living room.
“Holy shit.” Salinger whistles.
“What? Oh geez, Mom, you couldn’t take that down?” I groan as Salinger regards his shrine.
“He’s my new son-in-law. We can talk about the holiday schedule for the future grandchildren over lunch, Sal.”
“We cannot stay for lunch,” I say. “I’m sure Salinger has to go to work.”
“Actually.” He smiles. “I worked all weekend and got control of a huge trust and a port contract. I was thinking of taking the afternoon off.”