Chapter 5 Raya
Raya
Ace’s skin is still damp from his shower. The scent of his soap lingers in the air.
I press my palms against his broad shoulders, then knead my way down his back.
He sits on the edge of the bed, head bowed slightly, tiny water droplets glistening at the base of his neck. My thumbs glide along the hard line where his muscle meets bone, working slowly and deliberately. I love the way he relaxes into my touch. The way his body surrenders before his mind does.
He exhales softly when I sink my fingers deeper. “That feels so good,” he murmurs.
Of course it does. That’s the whole point. Everything I do is for him. To please him. To keep him happy.
“I love you,” I purr, smiling when he mumbles it back to me.
Then he starts talking. His words come slow and nearly slurred, but I understand perfectly.
“So they apologized?” I ask, but not because I didn’t hear him.
“Yeah. For the wedding.”
My mind is working faster than my hands.
What the fuck do they want from him? Because I know those apologies didn’t just come out of the blue.
“And then Jovan invited us to his birthday kickback.”
I knew it.
I fucking knew it.
“He said it could be a chance for everybody to get to know you better.”
Okay, but I don’t want them to know me better. If they knew me better, they’d never show up for Ace again. And that’s not what I want, despite the fact that I hate their fucking guts. My husband likes having them around.
Ace lets out a low grunt. “Damn, Raya. You okay?”
I realize just then that I’m kneading too hard. I ease up, pressing an apologetic kiss to the side of his neck. “Just working out a knot,” I lie.
“I think it could be cool,” he continues. “A clean slate for everybody.”
I swallow hard.
I wouldn’t know a clean slate if it came up and bit me on my ass. I don’t know how to forget things. The memories of things haunt me every day.
All my ghosts are other peoples’ slights and offenses.
But this isn’t about me. It’s about Ace. So I say, “Of course I’ll go. If it matters to you, I’ll be there.”
“I appreciate that, babe.”
Yeah.
We’ll see.
“And if everything goes well,” he adds carefully, “maybe we could see my family over the holidays.”
My hands still.
Just for a second. Just long enough for him to notice.
His fucking family. The pod of orcas.
I knew this day would come eventually, but not this soon.
I force my fingers to move again, a little gentler this time. “Your family,” I echo, my voice measured and controlled.
“Yeah. My mom always goes HAM during the holidays. It’s a tradition.”
“And you don’t wanna miss it,” I finish for him. “I understand.”
I lean forward and rest my forehead against the back of his head. I breathe him in, freebasing and overdosing on his pheromones. He has no idea how much I long for him, or how dangerous longing can be.
“I’ll think about it,” I finally say. “Okay?”
He turns slightly, just enough to glance at me over his shoulder. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. I promise.”
“And this is why I love you.”
I’m glad he’s facing away from me. He can’t see how hard my teeth are gritting.
Later, I listen to him sleep. Each breath he takes is slow and deep.
I listen to him breathe often. I like to picture the oxygen filling his lungs and the blood rushing through his veins.
I worked hard to get to this place, where Ace is a living, breathing man next to me in my bed, rather than a fantasy.
The planning it took. The pain. The perseverance.
I didn’t work this hard just to throw it all away.
Aunt Tori told me I’d have to compromise. She invited me to lunch before the wedding and talked to me about all the things I’d have to do as a wife—as if she's an expert—and that was the one that really stuck with me.
Compromise doesn’t come easy to me, that’s for damn sure. But I love this man. I vowed to love him. So I’m gonna have to get back in the water with the pod of orcas.
I reach for my phone, navigating to my email account. Vanessa likes emailing instead of texting, for some reason.
Her email is warm and polite, just like her. But she’s always been the nice one. It’s Kamryn and her raggedy ass mama who piss me off most.
In her email, Vanessa explained that her ragged ass mama is having her annual holiday gatherings, and she’d love it if Ace could bury the hatchet with the family and come to the get togethers.
She went on to say that she’s emailing me because she understands we’re one unit and she respects my place in his life.
That’s not surprising. Vanessa’s married, too, so she gets it.
I was gonna ignore this, but this is actually the perfect opportunity for me to school these worthless assholes on the new world order. So I hit reply and think hard, choosing every word with care.
I keep it pleasant and reasonable. I need them to really understand how much I care about Ace and his happiness.
When I hit send, I realize how worked up I was. My pulse steadies. The blood stops rushing through my ears. My hands stop shaking.
Then I slide back under the covers and curl against Ace’s side, pressing myself into the space that fits me perfectly. His arm circles me automatically. He possesses me even without consciousness.
I love that for me.
As I drift off, I smile to myself. I think I handled this well. I think I’m getting better at being normal.