Chapter 35 Raya
Raya
“Why am I so nervous?”
I look over at my anxious husband and shrug. “Got me.”
It’s the first doctor’s appointment for the fucking baby. I don’t even know why we’re doing the whole song and dance. As soon as I figure out a way, I’ll be done with entire ordeal.
We wait at the receptionist desk for about five minutes before the worker finally comes to the window. “Hi, how can I help y—“ she stops abruptly, her eyes darting between Ace and me.
“Raya Taylor. I’m here to see Dr. Bernard. I have a three o’clock.”
She swallows hard, then says, “Just one moment.”
That was weird.
I turn to Ace. “One of your old hoes?” I tease.
“I’m pretty sure you’ve killed all my old hoes by now.”
I elbow him in the side.
The nurse comes back looking just as shellshocked as before. “Please have a seat. Somebody will call you back.”
Ace leads me to the waiting area and we sit.
“It’s freezing in here,” I mumble.
“I don’t know why you didn’t wear a coat. Here, take mine.”
“I’m good. You’ve done enough.”
He shakes his head, and I smile.
He scrolls on his phone, probably checking work emails, while my eyes drift to the tv on the wall and I get lost in a boring daytime talk show.
The door opens.
“Raya?”
We both stand, but the nurse shakes her head. “I only need her for now.”
He nods and takes his seat while I follow her through the door and down a hallway.
She weighs me, takes my blood pressure, checks my pulse, asks the date of my last period.
She’s gentle with me, but there’s an edge to the way she’s treating me, almost like she wants to say something to me, or break some bad news.
“Okay, I’m finished," she says. "You’ll go back out there and wait, and the next time we call you back, you’ll see the doctor.”
“Okay. Thank you.”
“Wait.” She lowers her voice, her eyes darting around. “I have a couple of questions I need to ask.”
I nod.
“Do you feel safe at home?”
I frown at that. “Of course.”
“Is anyone controlling your access to money, birth control, medical care, or friends and loved ones?”
Well, shit. I don’t know how to answer the second one, but the other three…
“Absolutely not.”
This shit is weird. I peer around the small room looking for cameras. The mirror looks legit, but maybe somebody’s on the other side watching.
“Okay, you’re all set,” the nurse finally says. “You can have a seat in the waiting room and we’ll call you when the doctor is ready.”
I’m still confused by the time I make it back, but I don’t say a word to Ace. He’s working, and I don’t interrupt men when they’re working hard.
After about twenty minutes, they call us both back. Dr. Bernard greets me with a big smile, warm like she always is. But when I introduce her to Ace, she goes cold.
After we’re seated, she types a bit on her computer before giving me her full attention.
“Any cramping, bleeding, or spotting since our last visit?”
“No.”
“Nausea?”
“Um, for about a day or two, but I fixed that.”
Dr. Bernard’s eyebrows lift. “What do you mean, you fixed it?”
Ace, too, is curious.
“I saw on Google that half a Unisom and vitamin B6 taken together keeps the nausea away.”
Her eyes shift to Ace, then back to me. “Well, aren’t you resourceful? Those two together absolutely do mimic one of the drugs we prescribe for nausea.”
“Is it healthy?” Ace asks.
“No less healthy than what we prescribe. Cheaper, too.”
She types something on her computer. “How do you feel?”
Fuck. I don’t know how to answer that.
“I’m not sure yet,” is what I say, and it’s the truth.
“That’s fair,” she says. “First pregnancy, I would expect a little anxiety about what’s to come. Before we get to the ultrasound, did you have any questions or concerns?”
How soon can I get this fucking baby out of me? is what I wanna say, but instead, I simply shake my head.
She leaves me to undress, then comes back in and has me lay back.
“We’ll do a transvaginal ultrasound today since you’re so early.”
I nod.
She pulls out the wand, sheaths it, lubes it, and then we’re off to the races. Ace reaches out and grabs my hand, but I don’t need it. If I could sleep through this part, I would.
“Alright, here we go.” She pauses to adjust something on the monitor. “Okay, that there is your uterus. And right there…” she turns the monitor toward us, “…the little bean is your baby. And that little flicker is his or her heartbeat.”
I stare blankly at what looks like a swollen baked bean. Cute, I suppose.
But Ace is really into this. His eyes even look wet.
“Looks exactly how it should look at this stage. I’d estimate seven weeks.”
Ace blows out a shaky breath. “Wow. Babe, can you see it?”
“Mm hm. I see.”
Dr. Bernard’s gaze lingers on me just before she turns the monitor back toward herself. She presses a button, and the machine spits out a CVS receipt’s worth of pictures of the fucking baby. Then, it’s over, and I’m glad.
“After you get dressed, I’m gonna send you down for bloodwork just to make sure all of your levels are right. Check your patient portal over the next few days. Any questions?”
“What kind of vitamins does she need to be taking?”
I resist the urge to roll my eyes.
Doc answers his dumb ass question, then lectures me on smoking, drinking, and eating undercooked foods. Blah, blah, blah, who cares.
She turns the light back on, then says, “Dad, I’m gonna have you step out of the room for just a second.”
“Uh, okay.”
“It’s routine,” she insists.
As soon as he’s out the door, she turns to me and narrows her eyes.
“I need to ask you some direct questions.”
“Okay…”
“One of my nurses recognized you from some video.”
The first thought that pops into my mind is the sex tape. I go to speak, but she cuts me off.
“I haven’t seen it, but apparently you’re at some club arguing, and he has his hands on you.”
I shake my head as the realization hits me. “That’s what this is about? No. My husband isn’t abusing me.”
“Well she was very alarmed by what she saw, and my admin chimed in. Apparently she saw it, too. And I couldn’t help but notice how…subdued you seem today. So my question is, are you safe?”
“Yes. Oh my God, this is insane. Hold on.”
I stand and walk over to the door, yanking it open to call, “Ace! Come back in here.”
“Wait, we don’t—“
“Yall not about to sit up here and paint my husband out to be something he isn’t.”
He rushes back in. “What’s wrong? You okay? Is the baby okay?”
“They seem to think you’re abusing me.”
“What?”
“Somebody took a video of us at the club the other night.”
His face falls, but his expression reads more guilty than surprised. “Yeah, some blog posted it.”
“You knew?”
“Yeah. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you stressing about it.”
Dr. Bernard stands. “Mr. Taylor, you don’t need to be in here right now.”
“I want him here," I snap. "Listen, it’s not what you think. We…it’s a thing we do.”
“A thing?” she says.
“It’s like…foreplay.”
She’s neither impressed nor amused.
“He doesn’t make me do it,” I insist. “In fact, I’m the one who makes him do it.”
Dr. Bernard’s disapproving gaze shifts to Ace.
“It’s true,” he says. “There’s no abuse. Just us matching each other’s freak.”
“I see.” She swallows hard, adjusting her glasses further up her nose. “Well, I wish that was reassuring, but it’s not.”
“This is embarrassing,” Ace says. “I understand why it looks off from the outside looking in, but it’s our thing.”
The appointment kinda limps to an end after that. Dr. Bernard gives me a packet of information and sends me on my way, and I feel like I just got caught fucking by my grandmother or something.
We’re silent until we get to the car.
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” I finally say.
“Don’t worry about it, babe. It’ll blow over.”
“Nope. I can’t have people out there thinking you abuse me. Fuck that.”
“Raya. Just leave it alone.”
“I said no.” I reach for his hand. “I love you too much to let you be judged and humiliated by people who don’t know shit about you.”
“So what do you want me to do about it?”
“Oh, you don’t have to do a thing but stay black and fine, my love. I’ma handle it.”