Chapter 39 Ace
Ace
Me and Titus get all the way to the last hole before I spill my damn guts.
I guess I can't hold water either.
“Alright, if I tell you this, you gotta promise—“
“I won’t tell anybody," he cuts in. "You already know."
“That ain’t what I was gonna say.”
“Oh, my bad.” He chuckles. "Got ahead of myself."
“You gotta promise me that you won’t remember this forever and hold it against her.”
His face relaxes in recognition. “Oh, this is about Raya.”
“Yeah. And I’m telling you because you’ve never been the judging type.”
“Aw, shit. What happened?”
I take a deep breath and blow it out slow. “We went to marriage counseling.”
He looks down at his watch. “Already?”
“Fuck you,” I say, laughing. “It was an attempt at fixing some shit.”
He frowns.
“There’s a lotta shit you don’t know.”
“I’m here, man. Gon’ head and get it out. Seems like you’re holding onto a lot.”
I stare at the green from my seat in the golf cart. “Yeah. I don’t even know where to start.”
So I start at the beginning. My sister’s comment. Raya stalking her, then me. My stint as a peeping Tom. The lies. Veronica. My dad.
“Fuck.” He scrubs a hand down his face once I finish. “Yo, you alright?”
“I think so.”
“That’s wild as fuck, bruh. I don’t even know what to say.”
I shrug. “I can't explain it. Sometimes it feels like me and her are locked in a world by ourselves. I like it in there, don’t get me wrong. But then somebody from the outside comes around and I see all this shit through their eyes. That’s when I get to questioning shit.”
“Shit like…”
“Like, is this normal?”
“You already know it ain’t normal or you wouldn't be in marriage counseling."
"Well, we got fired, but yeah.”
He gets a hearty belly laugh off that.
“Sometimes I think, can I do this…for the rest of my life? My body says yes—“
“Oh, I bet.”
I nod. “My head, though.”
“Okay. What do you want?”
“It’s funny, because on the first day of counseling, Raya said she wants us both to be comfortable with the relationship and with ourselves. So I guess I wanna be comfortable with this. Committing was the easy part. Making peace with what I committed to is what’s got me fucked up.”
“Well, first of all, I just gotta say I’m probably the wrong person to talk to about this. Because having a bitch stalk me, hunt me down, and conquer me sounds like the shit dreams are made of. Or porn.”
“Watch out.”
He laughs. “I told you early. You probably don’t even remember. I told you you ain’t built for a woman like that.”
“Yeah, I remember. And that’s the other thing.”
His eyebrows lift.
“I ain’t no angel, man. I done did some shit that…” I trail off, choosing my words carefully. “I could go to jail, nigga.”
“Yeah, don’t do that.”
“The therapist called me abusive.”
“Wait. Hold up. You put your hands on her?”
“Nah. Never that.”
He puts a hand over his heart in relief. “Okay, cuz I think you know I’d have to make some calls and we’d all gather round and beat yo ass.”
“Nothing like that. I…you really can’t tell nobody this part. I got her pregnant.”
“Aww man, congratulations!” His genuine smile makes me feel bad for what I say next.
“Thanks, but I did it…against her will. I fucked with her pills.”
“What the fuck, Ace?”
“I had my reasons.”
He shakes his head. “How does she feel about it?”
“She was pissed, but then…that’s what I’m saying, T. We do shit, we do awful shit to each other, and then we get over it. It’s almost like a game. It’s almost like some kinda twisted fucking foreplay.”
He shakes his head. “Unbelievable. This nigga said kissing and eating pussy got boring so let me go back to the 1800s and breed my bitch ‘til my dick gets hard.”
“I know. I know. It’s fucked up.”
“I mean…but if it works, who’s to say? Most people got shit goin’ on in their relationship that they don’t tell nobody.”
I incline my head.
“Okay, so, we know what you want. Next question; are you happy?”
“Honestly? Yeah. I am.”
“That’s your answer, then. Right?”
Before I can answer, my phone buzzes.
Wifey
My brother passed
And suddenly, the last five minutes seem small and far away.