Chapter 44 Raya
Raya
“Babe! Come here real quick!”
“No. You come to me. I’m pregnant.”
I have to admit, this baby shit is working out for me. Ace dotes even more, and my hips are spreading a little.
I've always wanted wider hips.
It’s so tempting to use this situation as leverage, but I’m trying to move different.
My husband approaches with his phone in his hand. “It’s my mother.”
My lip turns up. “Why?”
“She says she wants to check on you.”
“Did you tell her I’m pregnant?”
“No. It's about your brother.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine.”
He hands me the phone. An instrument of torture, at least for the next few minutes.
“Hello?”
“Raya. Hi. It’s Angela Taylor.”
Bitch, I know. The fuck?
“Yes, hi Mrs. Taylor.”
I hate calling her that. Mrs. Taylor is my name.
“I was just checking in. Ace told me you had a loss. Your brother, was it?”
“Mm hm.”
“Yes, well, I’m very sorry for your loss. I’ll keep you and your family in my prayers.”
Please don’t.
“I appreciate that,” I say. “I’m okay, though. But thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
Silence ensues. I look up at Ace, smiling at the expectant look on his face. He wants us to be close, to be ‘normal’ in-laws, but we’re not there.
Yet.
“Mrs. Taylor, I actually have some news to share with you. Let’s meet for lunch soon.”
Ace smiles.
“Good news, I hope.”
“I think it is.”
“Well, I’ll pick a time and place. I assume your schedule is flexible since you don’t work anymore.”
This bitch just can’t resist.
“Yes, that’s correct. Ace retired me like I’m sure your husband retired you.”
The other end is silent for a few beats, and then she gives a tight chuckle. “I’ll text you details.”
“You do that.”
I hand Ace his phone back, ignoring the questioning look on his face.
“I’m doing it for you,” I finally say. “Don’t make a big deal out of it.”
“Alright. I won’t say a word.” He bends down to kiss my cheek. “I love you.”
“Mm hm. Bring me some Sprite.”
He returns with my drink, then sits on the other end of the couch and puts my feet in his lap.
“I got a question.”
I nod.
“Last night. You thanked me. You said something about working through your fears. What was that?”
I close my eyes. “Can we not make a big deal about that, either?”
“I’m not. I just wanna understand.”
I blow out a breath and bring my eyes back to his.
“Something Dr. Williams said kinda stuck with me. About patterns and our nervous system and what feels safe…” I trail off as his eyebrows raise.
“Don’t freak out. It’s not…I’m just…I'm reclaiming my autonomy. Google says it’s normal. I know that’s your favorite word.”
He looks weirded out, and I lowkey regret telling him that. But then he nods.
“Whatever you need, babe. I’m glad I can help you with it.”
“Good. See how we vibe? See how we give each other what we need? That’s a marriage, babe.”
He squeezes my foot. “That’s a good marriage.”
“Period.”
“That’s some Freudian shit, but I dig it.”
“Williamsian.”
We both laugh at my corny joke.
“By the way, before I go break bread with this woman, does she know about the sex tape?”
“Nah. And I was gonna mention that to you at some point. We need to fix that.”
“I know. We will.”
I meet the head orca at Altitude. Bougie ass coffee joint. I don’t even fucking drink coffee, but whatever.
“Raya, it’s good to see you,” she says as I take my seat at the table.
I don’t bother repeating it back, because it’s not true, and even if it was, her ass doesn’t deserve it.
“How are you?” she asks.
“I’m okay. We got back a couple of days ago. The service was nice.”
She nods. “Well, this place has the absolute best southern limerick.”
“I don’t know what that is. Does it have alcohol?”
“Of course.”
“Oh, I’m not drinking.”
Her eyes narrow, then drop to my belly. I’m not showing enough for her to notice, but I guess this alcoholic hag doesn’t understand that some people truly don’t drink.
I hate that she’s right this time.
But she’s polite, at least. She doesn’t let it slip. She waits for me to say it, which I wait to do until after we’ve ordered.
“So, the good news I have…I’m pregnant.”
I’ve never seen her eyes so bright. She even smiles, but then it feels like somebody shut off the light, and she’s subdued again.
“That’s wonderful, Raya. Congratulations. You must be so happy.”
My eyes narrow. “Are you?”
“What do you mean?”
“Are you happy about it? About becoming a grandmother?”
“My first grandchild? Of course I am.”
“You don’t show excitement, do you? So it’s not even just Ace. You’re like that with everybody?”
Her face falls even further, if that’s possible. “I’m…reserved, I guess.”
“Fair enough, but you should know, it’s killing your son.”
She rolls her eyes. “Can we not do the hyperbole? My son is just fine.”
“Your son is a mama’s boy without the mama, Angela. And listen, I’m not super affectionate either. I’m definitely not chipper. So I’m not judging you. I’m telling you that you being yourself and staying in your stubborn ways has made your son miserable.”
“He told you that?”
“He didn’t have to. I saw it with my own eyes. The first time I met you. Remember the barbecue?”
“Vaguely.”
“Well, that makes sense. You were probably drunk.”
“Watch your tone, Raya.”
“Sorry. But the man walked in and told y’all he got a promotion, and you acted like he told you he went to get the mail.”
She sits back in her chair, staring out the window at the cars driving by like she's in another world. “My family…we weren’t super demonstrative people. And my daddy wasn’t generous with the encouragement.
We didn’t have participation trophies,” she spits.
“We accomplished things because you were supposed to. We didn’t expect praise for doing what we were supposed to do. ”
“Maybe you should have.”
She looks at me. “Did you get that from your parents?”
“No, but I didn’t need it. I needed…other things.” I trail off, staring down at the menu, not seeing the words. “But we’re not talking about me right now.”
“So all this time, he’s been deprived of my love, and he never said a word?”
“He probably didn’t know how to ask. So now I’m stuck dealing with his mommy issues.”
“Stuck?”
“Bad choice of words. I’m never leaving that man, ever. I’m just saying, it affected him. Maybe just take that into account and do better. That’s what I’m trying to do.”
She scoffs. “I didn’t realize I was coming here for a lecture.”
“I’m done. Take it or leave it.”
She nods. “Well, I assure you, I’m thrilled about the baby news. Even if I’m not showing it outwardly.”
Something about her making an attempt makes me smile, especially because she’s so bad at it.
“Is Ace excited?”
“Ace is ecstatic. But he’s also kinda toned down. I think because of…you know. His past."
“Oh. Yes. I understand.”
My loaded avocado toast and her poached egg with hash arrives, and we spend most of the next several minutes digging in. Then comes my confession.
“I hated you when I first met you.”
She has the nerve to look surprised. “Because I asked about your background?”
“Because of the dynamic between you and Ace. I was in tune with him, even back then. I felt how hurt he was, and it pissed me off.”
“Well, considering the fact that you didn’t know me, I’d say you misjudged.”
“I don’t think I did.”
“Get to know me, Raya," she deadpans. "I’m delightful.”
I burst out laughing, while she stares with the most confused look on her pretty face.
“Well, you’re definitely amusing.”
“And delightful.”
I shrug. “Well, your daughter hates me.”
“Yes, that’s true.”
“I’m not delightful, like, at all, but I hope for Ace’s sake that we all can move forward. I want the baby to know his father’s side of the family.”
She stops chewing and stares at me.
I flash a smile back, because this is the order of things, and I think she realizes she’s gonna have to get with the program.
Or not.
No skin off my back either way.
“Question for you,” she says. “Are you happy about the baby?”
I frown at that. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“I don’t know. And you didn’t answer my question.”
Great. She can feel my detachment. That’s not what I want.
“I’m very happy,” I lie. “I can’t wait to be a mother.”
She smiles tightly. She can’t prove me wrong, but I think we both understand each other.