Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Darcy
I knew I was screwed, just like any other woman would know she was screwed, literally and figuratively, with a man like Sebastian Aster, who was decidedly and most assuredly never going to enter a relationship with me.
When I told him I wasn’t the type to fuck and move on, I was basically saying it out loud to remind myself how screwed I was. I wasn’t a physical person like that, able to push aside my feelings. I wished I was, though, because this was the best sex of my life.
I looked into his eyes more than once, seeing a man who’d been starved for love and affection for too long, and he was finding it with me. I saw more in his eyes and felt more in his touch and gentle kisses and caresses while he conquered every part of my body. I had my mom to thank for this shit—reading more into someone than I should—and what I could tell by how Sebastian gently made love to every part of my body this morning was that he was finding love with me in his own way.
We matched souls on a whole other level that I don’t even think my mom’s yoga and spiritual class sessions could understand. This was entirely new to me, the feelings, the passion, and that damn look in his eyes that he gave me as he found ultimate pleasure while inside me.
I had to stop thinking immediately. I allowed this shit to happen because I was fucking horny and hadn’t had sex in forever. Now, here I was, getting ready alone after Sebastian had left to meet the guys for golf on the resort’s private course. I needed to hurry my ass up to meet the girls for lunch. Natalia would probably end up reading me like an open book and knowing a new heartbreak was on the horizon.
I needed to talk to the woman alone because she was the only one who knew the truth. I was so done with this shit. I wanted the auction to be over, Sebastian to be gone, and me to get back to focusing on life before I allowed him into it. His goodbye kiss told me he wanted to continue to explore what was happening between us. Still, knowing that his parents were with mine in all their disapproving and unforgiving glory, the exploration could go no further than the privacy of this villa.
I needed to call Nat. I had to talk to her before we met with everyone. I wouldn’t be right in my head today if I didn’t speak to someone about this. I wasn’t overreacting, either. I could feel my heart falling for this man.
“Hey,” I said when Nat answered the call on the first ring.
“Do not tell me you’re canceling lunch,” she immediately said before I could speak.
“I’m not, but you need to get over here so I can talk to you before lunch.”
“Sure, I’m in the boutique around the corner from your villa. I’ll be there in a couple of minutes. Is everything okay?”
“No,” I answered truthfully.
“Oh, fuck,” she said, most likely knowing the issue at hand. “I’m on my way, honey buns. See you in a sec.”
I used the short time between the call and Nat’s arrival to throw on a sundress. Today would be humid, given we had some type of tropical storm coming in, and as I waited for Nat, I saw the large clouds billowing on the horizon, the waves becoming angrier with each roll as they pushed against the shoreline.
It was beautiful, but it reminded me of what was on the horizon for Sebastian and me.
“Hey, sunshine,” Nat said with a smile. Her huge, white-rimmed sunglasses blocked her blue eyes, and her hair was pulled into a sleek, fashionable bun to match her million-dollar silk shirt and pant jumpsuit.
I smiled, watching her walk toward the back gate of our villa like she owned the entire resort. “Every time I see you, you look like a Dolce I know I have no business being intimate with him. I knew it before you confirmed it.”
“Right,” she confirmed. “So, let’s ease your mind because you look like you’re about to have a stroke, and I think I know why. I need to emphasize, here, that it’s okay to fuck a man whether you like him or not.”
“I know you might see it that way,” I answered, frustrated because this wasn’t as easy as Nat insinuated. “But my emotions always get involved, and I’m afraid that’s happening. Unfortunately, I know how it all ends: neither of us can allow this to become a real relationship.”
“You’re letting your mind take over and fuck with you,” she said. “Okay, so fine. You’re more of an emotional woman, and you see fucking as more than just the physical act.”
“Exactly. I think maybe a lot of women are like that. It makes me laugh because the way you’re saying this to me makes me feel like I’m some crazy alien for feeling this way.”
“I know every woman is different, but some women, like me, can keep their emotions in check and just enjoy a casual fuck here or there with no expectations or hope of commitment.”
“God, I feel like?—”
“Stop, and just follow me for a moment,” she said, interrupting me and sensing my rising frustration. “You fucked the man, and I’m sure it was delightful. I can only imagine how beautiful it was to be the first woman he enjoyed sexually in a very long time,” she said in a cute, sultry voice. “So, getting back to the basics to help calm your mind that you’re not committing emotional suicide with him, I have to ask,” she paused, and her eyes locked with mine. “Have you and Sebastian had any personal conversations?”
“Personal conversations?” I was confused. “Like talking about our likes or dislikes?”
“Yeah, that, or him confiding things that make him appear vulnerable. For example, how exceptionally horrible his parents are and how he’s captive to their wishes and his family money? Or perhaps, the death of his wife? His daughter, and how he feels about her?” She relaxed some, “Things of that nature. Intimate details of his life that would make you feel he trusted you?”
“Not really,” I answered. “And I haven’t really done that with him, either.”
“Then you’re already safer than you think,” she said. “If you believe you’re getting attached to the man simply because of his amazing ability to fuck you over the moon, you’re wrong. All of that is just lust, and when you and he part ways, you’ll get over those lustful desires quickly,” she affirmed. “So long as you two aren’t confiding the intimate details of your lives and becoming vulnerable together, you’re just enjoying good fucking. I say while in Mexico, enjoy the delicious food, weather, and amazing sex with a completely gorgeous man who will most likely not keep his dick out of you until everyone leaves to go home.”
“Maybe you’re right,” I said. “I mean, I haven’t been with anyone since my last boyfriend, and we broke up over two years ago. I was horny, too.”
“See. You are both just sex deprived and gorgeous with hot bods, and you’re merely enjoying the fact that you have the privacy of this villa to fuck and get it out of your systems.”
“Okay,” I sighed, feeling a little more relieved. “Just so long as we don’t go there with private details of our lives, right?”
“Look at you,” she chuckled. “You’re like a scared little virgin teenager. You already know what is dangerous with men. Getting close to a man who is not emotionally available is dangerous. You already know Sebastian Aster is not emotionally available, or else he’d be crying over your shoulder, getting the grief out of his system. He’s not doing that. He’s just enjoying the company of a woman he finds tempting and ravishingly gorgeous.”
“If I keep it together, I’ll be safe with him, correct?”
“Only you know the answer to that,” she said. “But if you’re asking for my opinion , then yes. Keep it to casual fucking and light conversation, and keep your emotions pulled back. The trouble will come if you start believing he wants more. Unless he confirms that’s what he wants, do not go into your head about it.”
“Exactly,” I said, cringing at how stupid this made me look to Nat, “So, just keep my guard up.”
“Unless he proves that the rest of the world can go fuck itself because he wants only you, with or without anyone else’s approval, yes. Otherwise, keep everything guarded up.”
“Okay. I feel so stupid,” I said, “but I’m scared because I feel like I’m going to fall for him.”
“You’ve already fallen for him, sweetie,” she smiled. “We can all see that, but just keep yourself protected from falling any further.” She paused for a second and then looked at me sternly, “ However, if he explicitly says that he wants more with you — and I’m emphasizing this because I saw something in him last night, too—don’t be afraid to explore that. Sebastian Aster is the type of man to tell the world to go fuck itself if it doesn’t agree with what he wants. And I get the feeling he wants you, but until he proves that, don’t get ahead of yourself emotionally, okay? And don’t worry because you will be fine. I hope it all works out.”
“The last thing we need is for me to create fantasies of things working out in my head.”
“Honey, who needs to create a fantasy? I see that man making fairytale eyes at you. And you are positively glowing. Put those two together, and I know the sex had to be hot as hell last night.”
“Exceeded my expectations.”
“Explosive orgasms?” she questioned with an arch of her eyebrow. “Oh, you don’t even have to answer. I can tell that man had you climbing the walls, and I love to see it,” she chuckled and stood, looking down at her petite gold watch. “Are you ready to go? I’ll text the girls and let them know we’re on our way.”
“Yes,” I stood following her. “Let me grab my purse, and we’ll walk up together. None of them know the truth about me and Sebastian?”
“None. They’re all buying the lie since you couldn’t keep your eyes and hands off each other last night.”
“Sebastian knows that you know the truth,” I said, almost forgetting to tell her.
“Good, then he’ll know I have my eye on him.”
I flipped off the bathroom light and gathered my things. I felt much lighter and better, knowing I didn’t go too far over my head with Sebastian. I was concerned something may have started that would hurt me in the end, but Nat was right. We weren’t emotionally attached at all. We were just two horny humans enjoying that we were given the opportunity to have sex, and so we took it.
No harm done.