Zaria
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My head lay gently on his chest while my fingers stroked his abs. The boys were sound asleep, and Samara was off to start the spring semester. Rain tapped lightly across the window while June and I enjoyed a moment to ourselves.
“How do you define happiness?” he asked.
I smiled because in this moment, my kids and his love for me were what I defined as happiness. This was an easy answer. I glanced up at him.
“This. Everything we have.”
His eyes rolled from the ceiling to me. “What if I went away for a long period of time or if I died? Would you feel like you got the happily ever after and shit still?”
“I… I—” I paused. “Why are you asking me this?”
His strong arms snuggled me closer to him.
“I’m just asking, Z. I’ve always wondered what defined my happiness, and that has always been seeing others happy.
Of course, I want it, no doubt, but a truly happy person is one who makes sure their house is in order and those around him—” he stopped and stared at me long and hard, “—are happy. I need to know that this house, you, Samara, and the twins, are and will always be good. I’m happy, happier than I ever been, and if I die tomorrow, I want you to know that no matter what it looks like, I got exactly what I prayed for, and that’s this. ”
His words hit me, and I didn’t know if he was mentally going through something or if the gloomy day had gotten to him. My lips pecked at his chest before moving to his lips.
“I love you always and forever. Even in our Calloverse.”
He took my lip between his teeth before closing his eyes, landing the sweetest kiss he could muster up.
“I love you with everything in me. Even in our Calloverse.”
My eyes shot open to an empty store. I glanced around to see if June was coming from the back, but he was nowhere to be found.
I stood from the floor, wrapping myself in the small sheet.
I hurried over to my purse, which sat next to the black box with a black envelope on top.
I stared at it for a second, then decided to open it.
To my forever person,
Zaria Calloway, this will probably be the last letter I write because things aren’t what they seem.
I hope that tonight was special for you because it was for me.
It was something that a nigga would take to his grave.
You have been more than I could have asked for.
However, you met a man who came from a dark place.
I was abused, left to fend for myself, and everything I learned was on my own.
The Zoo is only a part of me, but my past is all of me.
I killed people who did things to me that you can only imagine, and for that, I will pay.
Zaria, your sister has been trying to put me away since California, and the things that went down with her and Preach sparked something in her that none of us could change.
She’s been keeping tabs, and for that, it’s better if I go away for a while.
Not because I have to, but sometimes you have to make a sacrifice for the greater good, and to me, that is you and my kids.
Maybe if I were alone without you, I would have gone down guns blazing, but the truth is, it is no longer about me.
How can I preach to my niggas about sacrifice, humility, and having a heart if I do not take my own advice?
In order to create a better tomorrow, we must face our demons, and this is mine.
I want you to look at this break as a healing moment for me.
Z, the cancer is still in me. That surgery didn’t work.
When I did my follow-up, I found out. I know it hurts, baby.
I know, but know that my not telling you was for a reason.
Your tears broke me, your fight for me made me angry, and your trust in me changed me.
Wipe your eyes, Z. You're strong and have to remain that way.
Baby, know that this time I didn’t let it win; I placed that shit in the back of my mind and did exactly what you told me to do: live.
I laughed, cried, fucked until the sun came up, went on a trip, shot some shit up, made babies, remarried, opened businesses, and most of all, I fell in love.
Zaria, I did something that, when I first found out, I thought I would never do.
You gave me life, baby, and for that I will forever love you.
Stop crying because crying is only going to make you sad, and our boys can’t see you like that.
I want them to see what I saw every day until I walked out this door.
Open the box, Z. In there, you will find a handkerchief for the tears you shed, a candle you can light when you think of me, a picture of the nigga you fell in love with, a succulent to remind you of where we started, a scent that reminds you of us, and a stand to place the journal on so when you want to remember, you know where to find it.
You're going to want to fight, to kill, but if it’s in God’s will, shit will work out. I love you. I love you so much that being away from you is making it hard to breathe. I love you from here to our Calloverse. Kiss my kids, Z, and tell them good things. Tell them everything they need to hear.
You shaped me into the man I am. If by chance a nigga does make it out of this shit, I’ll come home to you just as Chevy promised. Until then, I’m signing off, Mrs. Calloway.
Mr. Fucking Calloway
The paper was soaked by the time I was done reading. My soul felt like it had left my body, my stomach turned, my heart ached, and all I could do was cry. I slowly opened the box to see the journal Samara said she saw, and I cried even more.
I hurriedly got dressed, packed my things into my box, and went to leave the building, but I was greeted by red and blue lights surrounding it. Navi slowly emerged from behind the lights and walked over to me.
“Where is he? The Caprice is right there, so I know he’s in there, Zaria.”
I couldn’t believe her. I wanted to kill her and rip her fucking face off because she knew exactly what she was doing.
She didn’t care that he had gone through hell and back.
She didn’t care that she wanted to take this man away from his family.
All she cared about was revenge for the actions of a nigga who should have never talked to her in the first place.
I moved closer to her. “Where is who?”
She scoffed. “Where is Chevy?”
“Chevy is dead,” I spat before I moved closer to her.
Her stance said she was confident, but her eyes and deep swallow said she was afraid. Navi knew she crossed a fine line. I tucked my box between my arm and leaned in, “Dead, just like you are,” I whispered to her before I walked away.
Although I was sad, I was more angry and ready to paint the town orange, but I knew I had to move smart.
Navanna played dirty, and now my kids were without their father just as she was.
The cycle would only continue because hurt people hurt people.
My sister thought she won, but even lionesses turn on their own blood.
Wherever June was, I prayed like hell that he would be healed and that he wouldn’t be away long because if I had to, I would find him, dead or alive.