Chapter 12
Twelve
Tweetie’s Journal Entry
Twelve years ago
Florida
To my teenage self,
We did it. We opened the door and allowed her in. Tedi knows all about our fucked-up past now, buddy, but it’s for the best because trust me, she’s the one. The one we can trust with our heart. Just wait until I tell you how great she was when I told her what a piece-of-shit Dad was.
It was a lazy Sunday morning. I got home from a late game the night before to find Tedi already asleep. I showered, crawled into bed, and cuddled up to her. I really tried to let her sleep, but I’d missed her.
She must have felt the same because she was responsive to my roaming hands. Her back arched into me, offering herself. We had some of the best sex we’d had in a while. Our schedules had been hectic, only seeing one another for a few hours here and there.
She and Saige had been having to travel for work too. I always felt a little territorial when she’d have to go entertain other professional athletes in hopes of being hired for their social media. I didn’t want some other guy to steal my girl. Not that I don’t trust Tedi—she’d probably kick them in the nuts if they ever tried anything. I just don’t like to think about her having to deal with some guy making advances at her.
The next morning, she was sprawled halfway over my back, her arm around my waist and her cheek on my shoulder blade. We were both stomach sleepers.
The sheets rustled, and I felt her roll over and get out of bed. I was still so out of it, I fell back to sleep. I’m not sure how long I stayed asleep, but when I woke up, she was kissing my shoulder and running her hands over my back.
“Breakfast, babe,” she whispered.
I tightened my hold on my pillow and groaned. I’d taken some pretty bad hits the night before, and I was sore as shit. But the smell of bacon and eggs was enough to rouse me. I’d had a late snack on the plane last night, but I was starving now.
Rolling over, I sat up in bed and kissed her. “Good morning.”
“Good morning. Great game last night.” She snuggled closer to me, the tray at the bottom of the bed.
“Thanks.”
“That pass to Ford in the second couldn’t have been more perfect.”
One thing about Tedi was that she always complimented me after a game. Even after a shitty game, she’d find something I’d done right to comment on.
Leaning forward, she brought the tray up to rest between us. Watching her ass in her silk pajama shorts teased my morning wood.
My phone vibrated next to us, and I reached for it as Tedi turned on the television. It was my mom, and if I didn’t answer it, she’d just call me again.
“Hey, Mom,” I answered, putting it on speaker. “Tedi’s here too.”
“Hi, Tedi.” But I heard it in her tone. She wasn’t calling me to tell me, “Good game last night.”
“Hi, Melody.”
We exchanged a look, and Tedi nodded. I loved the way we could speak to each other without words.
I took the phone off speaker and got out of bed. “What’s up?” I asked my mom, walking into the bathroom.
“Please tell Tedi that I’m sorry for not chatting, it’s just… um… Georgia is here too.”
“Hey, JD,” my sister said.
My mind went to thinking about how quickly I could get home, because something was very wrong.
“What’s going on?” I asked again, hoping one of them would stop being so vague.
“Your dad died last night,” Mom said, and my phone almost slipped from my grasp.
It felt like a blow to the chest. But he wasn’t in my life anymore, so it shouldn’t matter. Plus, I’d been preparing for this day for a long time. In some ways, I felt how I did when I was a kid and he’d flake on me, and I’d tell myself I didn’t give a shit.
I cleared my throat. “And?”
“JD,” Georgia said.
“I don’t give a shit what happened to him.” And I didn’t. Maybe some small part of me did a little, but I would never admit that to anyone. Because I shouldn’t care. He’d never cared about me.
“Don’t be like that,” Georgia said.
Tedi came into the doorway, silently asking if I was okay. I waved her over to me and widened my legs so she could sit in my lap as I sat on the edge of the tub. She laid her head on my shoulder, offering me the silent comfort she thought I needed.
“Fine. How’d it happen? Although I can guess.”
“Suspected overdose.” Mom’s voice didn’t crack. “They called Georgia since she’s next of kin.”
“All right, well, thanks for calling. I gotta go. Love you both.”
My mom sighed, and Georgia called my name, but I still clicked End.
I placed the phone on the side of the tub and wrapped my arms around Tedi. “I’m starving. Come on.” I patted her hip, and she rose, walking into the bedroom without asking me anything.
We’d touched on our pasts before, but I hadn’t told her about my dad. When she met my mom and sister, I explained his absence by telling her he just wasn’t part of my life, and she’d never pried for more.
I barely ate any of the breakfast Tedi made, and she kept stealing glances at me. I knew I could trust her, and it was time she knew how fucked up my dad was. I wasn’t sure if there was a funeral for the son of a bitch or who’d have to pay for it. I wouldn’t go for him. I’d go for my mom and for Georgia, but not for him.
Since it was only a matter of time before Tedi would be privy to the fact that my dad had died, I might as well get it over with. She was the woman I’d fallen in love with, and she deserved to know everything.
“Hey,” I said, running my hand down her arm until her hand was in mine.
She looked over and squeezed my hand, giving me encouragement and confirming silently that whatever I told her would stay between us.
“I’m going to tell you why my mom called, but I don’t want you to be upset or sad for me because I’m not, and I’m going to tell you why. Just don’t hug me or feel like I need to be treated with kid gloves, because I don’t.”
She pushed the tray back to the end of the bed and turned to face me, her tanned and toned legs crossed and my hand tight in hers in her lap.
“My dad died last night.”
She schooled her reaction. She didn’t hug me or tell me she was sorry.
“Probably overdosed, but I don’t really care.” I shrugged.
She made it easy for me to open up because she didn’t make me listen to bullshit excuses or platitudes about why my dad never chose me over drugs, how addiction is a disease, and so on and so forth. When you’re a kid and your dad constantly disappoints you and puts you last, none of that matters.
“My dad was a drug-addicted asshole who weaved in and out of my life at his own convenience. He only ever thought about himself and never cared if we had food or a roof over our heads. He’d tell us he was coming to visit, coming to one of my games, whatever, and almost always left us disappointed. Then he’d show up out of the blue and ruin a perfectly good day. I love my mom, and she was trying to save us from him in her own way, but she never denied him a visit whenever the urge struck him, even when he was strung out.”
She scooted a little closer, and her knees brushed my ribs. I slid my hand out of hers and wrapped my arm around her, wanting her close. She was my future, and I was no longer that kid looking for love or validation from him.
“You know how I only go by my initials on the rare times anyone calls me anything other than Tweetie?”
She stiffened and lifted her head. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. Honestly.”
I stared at the woman who held my entire heart in her hands. I had no idea if kids were in our future, but if they were, I didn’t want any secrets between us. “I want you to know.”
She nodded.
“My dad was adamant that I was named after him. My mom said when he found out I was a boy, he really wanted a junior. Mom got to name Georgia, so she felt it was only fair. But good ol’ Dad wasn’t around when she went into labor. He was off on a bender or something, and she couldn’t get a hold of him. When it came time to fill out the birth certificate, rather than putting in the full name, she just filled it out as JD Sorenson. Sure, the J stands for his name, but no one has ever called me that but him.”
She kisses my shoulder. “And now everyone calls you Tweetie.”
“Which I made sure of. As soon as I was given that nickname, I started introducing myself as Tweetie to get rid of JD altogether.”
She picked up her head. “And what do you want me to call you?”
“Anything but…” I told her what the initials stood for. The name I shared with my dad. “Please don’t ever call me that.”
She nodded. “Okay. I promise.” She sat up, straddled my lap, and placed my head in her hands. “I’m not pitying you, but I am sorry you had a shitty role model for a father. Thank you for trusting me with that knowledge. I’ll never betray that. Your secret is mine to hold just as close as you do.”
My hands rose from her hips and up her back, urging her to come down and hug me. As she sat on top of me, I buried my head in the crook of her neck and tried to center myself. I’d moved on from him, and he had been dead to me long before his heart stopped.
Tedi was my future. She represented everything good I’d done after I’d freed myself from him. And a huge weight was lifted off me from sharing it with her.
“If there’s a funeral, will you come with me?” I whispered.
“You don’t even have to ask. You know I’ll be there.” She kissed my cheek, and we went back to hugging.
After I demanded that we didn’t give my dad any more room in our happy life, we went back to eating, and Tedi told me about her own upbringing with a mother who’d left her family in search of another one.
We already had a fucking great relationship, but that morning, it turned and shifted, making me even more afraid to ever lose her.