Chapter 21
Twenty-One
Tweetie’s Journal Entry
Ten years ago
Florida
To my teenage self,
I can’t believe I’m about to tell younger me this, but we did the one thing we always said we’d never do—we tattooed a woman’s initials onto our skin. Yeah, I know, we said that was some lame bullshit that doesn’t mean shit, but I kind of like it. Like a brand that she’ll always be mine. I admit, I felt a little pressured, but I’m glad I did it. This is how it all went down…
We were hanging out with everyone, and Cory decided he was going to get a tattoo of Ande’s name on his chest. The guy is next level and makes me look even more like a schmuck who won’t commit.
Ever since I had that conversation with Tedi about never wanting to get married, things have been good. Great, actually. She never brings it up. Now that we’re living together, maybe that’s really enough for her.
Suddenly, Cory saw a tattoo shop, and it was like he was hypnotized, walking toward it and forgetting all of us.
“How romantic,” Tedi said, hitting me. “What about you?”
“I love you, Tedi, but this is other-level shit.”
“Seriously?” She crossed her arms.
I was pissed at Cory for putting me in this position. This was like facing my demons head-on with an audience, and I wanted to stomp my foot and say “fuck you all” and storm out of there.
Tedi gave me the cold shoulder, but her I can deal with.
“You know what? Make that two.” Tedi walked up to Cory’s side. “You might not believe in us, but I do.” She poked me in the chest.
She had me, she knew she did. I wasn’t going to let her tattoo my name on her skin and not do the same.
I ran a hand down my face. “Fuck. Make it three.”
Tedi smiled in Cory’s direction.
Thankfully, it was a slow night, and they were hockey fans because they squeezed us all in.
I settled on getting Tedi’s initials only because it felt safer to me than her entire name. I got it on my shoulder blade because Cory got his over his heart, and I didn’t want to copy that sap. She looked a little annoyed. Especially since she got Tweetie tattooed along her right rib with a heart.
I felt like an asshole.
After we got home and were lying in bed, I knew I had to tell Tedi why I didn’t want to get the tattoo at first. She was curled up on her side, turned away from me, and I was staring at the ceiling with a hand resting behind my head when I took the plunge.
“My dad has five different women’s names tattooed on him,” I said.
Tedi didn’t turn around, but I knew she was listening. And I knew the demons I was still haunted by were chipping away at our relationship once again. She was probably so tired of my shit.
“My mom wasn’t the first tattoo, and she wasn’t the last. He never got one removed and would make these awful jokes that he still loved them all.” I took a deep breath to fight against the tightness in my chest. “I swore to myself I’d never get a woman’s name tattooed on me because it’s not romantic. There’s nothing romantic about how my dad made them feel special, then went on to steal from them, beat them, or leave them. He fooled so many women and left a sea of broken hearts behind. I wanted to carve my mom’s name off his skin, hoping it would free her of him.”
I had such a hard time talking to anyone but my therapist about my issues with a drug-addicted dad who couldn’t get his shit together. A man who was supposed to lead by example but would come in and out of my life without a care for my well-being. The first time I opened up to Tedi about him, she gave me that pitying look I hate, but I was okay with it. But I didn’t tell her all of it. I didn’t want her to see how fucked up I was and have her run away and leave me.
She rolled over and tucked her hands under her chin, staring at me. “You didn’t have to do it.”
I gave her a look because I’m not usually a guy who feels pressured to do anything I don’t want to do, but with her, sometimes I feel as if I’m disappointing her. So for her, I did it.
“Sorry,” she whispered.
I cradled her cheek with my palm, running my thumb under her eye. “I like it, though. And I know it’s not your name, but to me it might as well be.”
“I think I got caught up in the whole thing.”
I smiled at her because I did too. “I don’t want you to think I don’t like it or that I regret it. I love that you’re my girl. I love that you understand me and get me, and I’m honored that I get to be the guy who tattoos your initials on me. But I don’t want you looking at it and thinking that I didn’t want it. I might not have at first, but I was wrong. I’m not my dad, and sometimes I have to take a step back and remember that fact.”
She scooted closer to me, and I wrapped my arms around her, careful of her tattoo.
“I love you, Tedi. So fucking much. And this tattoo is just a symbol of what you mean to me. Of our unbreakable bond and how you’ll always be my girl.”
She nodded into my chest. “I love you so much.”
It turned out to be a great decision. Maybe I need to hang around Cory more.