14. 15 November 1811
ELIZABETH
Why is Papa so…selfish?
Elizabeth had long been regarded by everyone in the Bennet family as her father’s favourite daughter.
Although she had not thought it wise to actually have a favourite daughter, it had seemed obvious to her that in interests and personality, she was most like her father just as Lydia was most like their mother.
Elizabeth was the one Bennet daughter who delighted in reading widely and discussing—often debating—books, poems, and articles in the newspaper.
She was the one who had learnt chess. She was the one who revelled in irony and humour.
But she had always imagined that the special bond she had with her father was more about love than possession. And to her, love ought not be selfish.
For her father to favour a suitor with whom she had nothing in common, a suitor who was dull even when speaking of travel, a suitor whom she could never respect—that was quite shocking. The reason he gave for his preference for Mr Goulding was…
…Entirely selfish.
After her frustrating meeting with her father, Elizabeth decided to soothe her emotions by walking. Oh! And she could visit Charlotte, and tell her how poorly she viewed her father right then; she knew that Charlotte would well understand being upset with a parent.
It had been weeks since she had spoken to Charlotte, and she felt eager to finally do so. She decided that she should ask Charlotte about her activities before relaying her own. But as she walked to Lucas Lodge, Elizabeth ran through her last contentious conversation with her friend.
She hoped Charlotte would feel more cheery and less envious.
It occurred to her that her friend would likely feel far more jealousy than ever. Mr Bingley was still calling regularly on Jane, and now Elizabeth actually had two official suitors….
I will just have to try to be alert to her mood and sensitive to her feelings.
Charlotte was helping cook dinner—the Lucas family did not keep a cook—but she seemed eager to ask permission to walk about with “Eliza,” and her mother gladly approved.
The two wandered through the garden, past the chicken coops, and into the forest area.
Charlotte told her several humorous tales of her younger brothers—even John, the eldest, now one and twenty, was quite the prankster.
She told Elizabeth her worries about her much-younger sister Maria, who seemed to be mad about gentlemen and behaved more poorly than she should.
“She cannot be as bad as Lydia,” Elizabeth said.
“No, but I do believe she is as bad as Kitty.”
“That is a dreadful thought.” Elizabeth belied her words by laughing.
Charlotte stopped walking and perched on the bench in a small glade. “I heard,” Charlotte said, “that you walked to Netherfield Park to nurse Jane back to health, and that you had to stay several days…and that you met Mr Bingley’s dearest friend.”
“Yes, I did. Charlotte, this morning Mr Darcy asked both myself and my father if he could call on me—but you will never guess….” Having told herself that she would be sensitive to Charlotte’s expressions, she slowed her own speech to regard her friend’s stiffening posture and flattening mouth.
“Is there anything wrong, Charlotte?”
“Wrong? I do not know what you mean. Go on, what will I never guess?”
“Well, it is just that Mr Goulding did not ask me or speak to me at all, but this morning he, too, met with my father and asked to call on me. Mind you, these are the first two gentlemen to ever go to my father to express interest in me—and they chose the exact same morning to do so. It was quite unbelievable.”
Charlotte’s expression had slowly transformed from neutral to a deep frown, and Elizabeth stopped speaking.
“Not the first two,” Charlotte said quietly. “My brother John went to your father a year ago.”
Elizabeth was astonished. She said, “I never heard of it from John, or Papa, or you!”
“It was before the assembly when you said that he was like a brother to you.”
“I had no idea.”
Charlotte said, “By my count, that means that you have had at least three suitors. Were you, perchance, going to complain of having all these opportunities?”
“Please, Charlotte,” Elizabeth said softly, “do not hate me. I…I really, truly like Mr Darcy, and I am certain he likes me as well. We can talk for hours about travel and books and all manner of things, but we can also be comfortably together and silent—you know how rare that is.”
Charlotte’s face had lost its frown but seemed expressionless, which was somehow worse.
But Elizabeth said, “The thing with your brother—I had no idea of his interest, having been approached in the middle of a dance, when I was already laughing—and the fact that my father never mentioned it to me makes me feel as if he did not take it seriously, either.
Your brother does not seem to suffer from the misunderstanding—and I certainly hope he has not—and I suppose we can put down the lack of understanding to both his and my age and lack of experience.
“I suppose.”
“As to Mr Goulding—we do not have anything in common, and I resent that he only spoke to my father, not me.”
“So you are complaining?”
Elizabeth stood up and said, “Honestly, Charlotte, you have been a good friend to me for these past five years, but I believe that you do not wish to talk to me about this particular topic. I am sorry to have brought it up and wish you a very pleasant day.”
“Goodbye, Eliza.”
Charlotte’s voice sounded quite final. Elizabeth felt sad for her friend and discouraged for herself. She did not have many friends!
“Goodbye, Charlotte. Give my fond greetings to all your family.”