Chapter 40
Over fifteen years of silent pain, vexation, and turmoil were thrown off in a momentary outburst that made Elizabeth feel, if not better, certainly lighter.
She found refuge in her chamber and lay on the bed, closing her eyes.
How had she endured her stepmother’s constant abuse, especially since she had begun to contribute to the expenses of the household?
How could her father have endured her behaviour for so long without censuring her?
Lydia and Kitty had grown up to be very much like her, and only a complete and profound change in their lives would bring improvement.
Reprimanding her stepmother in such a way would certainly break her bond with the family, but was that bond important to her, in any case?
She did love her father dearly, and she loved Jane; for Lydia and Kitty, she had a genuine affection and would gladly help and support them — if they proved worthy of such favours.
As for her stepmother, her latest shameless abuse in mentioning Thomas Crawford and her late mother had overstepped any decency and had closed a door that Elizabeth was not willing to open again.
Some time passed until she heard the first knock on her door, and the Gardiners entered.
Each of them embraced Elizabeth silently, then Mr Gardiner said, “We shall leave now, my dear. When Mr Darcy returns, please kindly ask him to send me a note, though I imagine he will do so in any case since he is always so considerate.”
“I am eager for his return, and I hope his journey has settled this dreadful matter once and for all,” Elizabeth said.
“Let us pray for that,” Mrs Gardiner agreed. “May I ask…I noticed that you and Mr Darcy seem to have grown closer. Am I wrong?”
“You are not wrong, Aunt. I am quite pleased with how things are progressing between us.”
“Mr Darcy speaks very highly of you every time he has an opportunity,” Mr Gardiner added.
“I speak highly of him every time I have an opportunity, too, except that I do not leave the house as much as he,” Elizabeth said in an attempt to lighten the mood.
“May I assume the marriage contract is not required any longer?”
“It is certainly no longer needed, Uncle,” she answered, smiling at them.
“My dear girl, you cannot imagine how happy this news makes me,” Mrs Gardiner replied, embracing her again.
“This is everything I hoped and prayed for when we first discussed this union. I knew that, regardless of the reason for it, once two excellent people like you were placed together and allowed some time to get to know each other, they would recognise each other’s worthiness. ”
“You were right, Aunt. I must thank you both, truly, for insisting on this marriage. I entered into it reluctantly, trusting your judgment and your opinion of a man who was a stranger to me, and it proved Mr Darcy was precisely the sort of man best suited to me.”
“And he insists you are the best Mrs Darcy he ever imagined. Your aunt and I have good reason to be very proud of ourselves,” Mr Gardiner joked. “And of you, my dearest girl,” he added in all seriousness.
The conversation was sweet palliation to Elizabeth’s turmoil and an invaluable help for regaining some composure. How could she complain about her family when she had such wonderful people by her side?
Soon after the Gardiners left, more discussion followed, as Elizabeth expected. Her father and all her sisters approached her with apparent embarrassment.
“Lizzy, do you want me to leave too?” Jane whispered.
“Not at all. We have already settled this matter. Mr Darcy and I both invited you to stay as long as you like. That will not change.”
“Lizzy, I am very sorry about the misunderstanding—” Mr Bennet attempted to say.
“There is no misunderstanding, Papa. Quite the opposite. Everything is clear and in plain sight. You know too well why I left Longbourn and decided to live with the Gardiners — precisely for this reason. If I had not married, I would have asked my uncle to purchase me a small house in town, somewhere near them in Gracechurch Street, and I would have made a suitable arrangement and settled there.”
“But, Lizzy, you have to forgive your mother. You know how she is…”
“I do not have to do anything, Papa! Not even my husband forces me to do anything against my own will, and you certainly will have no success. And before you mention forgiveness, you should first speak of apologies.”
“I apologise for everything you have suffered, Lizzy…I am truly sorry…”
“I know you are sorry, Papa, and you are forgiven.”
“We are sorry, too, Lizzy,” Lydia and Kitty whined. “Would you please allow us to keep what we bought? Papa said we should give everything back to you.”
“Of course you may keep your purchases. But you should both understand that it is proof of a weak character to apologise for such a shallow reason. Apologies should be heartfelt and the regrets genuine. You should keep in mind that I owe nothing to either of you. I am no more obliged to support the family’s expenses than you two are.
My favours will never be taken for granted or demanded again. ”
The two girls listened and nodded with apparent humbleness, but Elizabeth knew better than to take their feigned humility too seriously.
“I love you dearly, but I cannot help wondering whether you should spend at least ten minutes a day doing something useful for your future improvement. Reading, studying, practising an instrument, drawing — anything at all. If you were ever to live with me for a longer period of time, I would require that.”
“Mama said we do not have to study, since Papa cannot afford to hire us a governess!” Lydia said.
“You have the liberty to do as you please, Lydia, just as I am free to act according to my own expectations. Now, excuse me, I shall order dinner. You may join Georgiana and me in the dining room, or I can send a tray to your chamber, as I suggested earlier.”
“I shall come to dinner and will then have a drink in the library, if that is agreeable to you,” Mr Bennet said quietly.
“As you wish, Papa. As Mr Darcy said, you are welcome to do as you please.”
“I shall eat with Mama, if you do not mind,” Jane whispered, her eyes lowered. “She is upset and ill, and she will leave tomorrow morning.”
“Very well.”
“Lizzy, can Kitty and I come to dinner, please?” Lydia begged.
“Of course. Papa, I shall ask for the carriage to be ready to depart at first light. Lydia, Kitty, you may tell your maid what sort of food you prefer, and they will pack baskets for you.”
The girls cried out joyfully, proving one more time how little consideration they gave to the serious circumstances surrounding them.
The rest of the evening passed as calmly as could be expected; with Mrs Bennet stuck in her bedchamber with only Jane to keep her company, and the others in the dining room, there was no more drama.
Dinner was served, a little inconsequential conversation carried on, then trunks and hatboxes were packed ready for departure. Before everybody retired for the night, Mr Bennet requested a private moment with Elizabeth.
“Lizzy, I wish to tell you that I am sorry…and to thank you for your kindness towards your poor father. I am very proud of you, my child. You finally have the place you deserve, in society and in a family worthy of you.”
“Thank you, Papa. I was happy to have you, and please know you are always welcome to visit us. But do not expect me to forget and to simply forgive certain behaviours that were allowed for too long. In everything I said tonight, I shall stay loyal to my word. It was long due.”
“I know, Lizzy…”
“May I ask, why did you allow her to take control of your entire life? Why did you not impose some boundaries?”
“What can I tell you, Lizzy? Things progressed gradually, during a time when I had little interest left in life itself. My only concern was to find someone to take care of you. For me, I wanted nothing more after your mother died. Upon a recommendation, I found a woman with a daughter of your age, with whom you became close friends. When things…well… After a while, you know…I thought, why not marry her, when I did not wish to marry anyone else, in any case?”
“Papa…I am so sorry…” Elizabeth whispered, embracing him tenderly.
What else could she say? His sorrow sounded sincere, and he looked utterly diminished, as though life itself had left him behind, hopeless, and suddenly older than his years.
After Georgiana’s turmoil and her own anguish over her husband, she found she understood her father’s grief better than she once had and blamed him less.
“Perhaps when we are at Pemberley, you should pay us a longer visit, Papa. Aunt and Uncle Gardiner will come to stay for the summer. Perhaps Mama would benefit from a little time alone at Longbourn. She has her sister, Mrs Phillips, in Meryton, so she will have company.”
“We shall see, Lizzy. You do not need to fret about us — take care of your new family. Now let us go to bed. We have a long drive tomorrow.”
The conversation with her father left Elizabeth unsettled, and she turned it over in her mind until late that night.
She had expected so much from him; she had been disappointed in him every time he failed to check his wife and had never considered the struggle he had endured all those years.
As a child, she had expected him to be more present, more protective.
He had failed her, and yet she still felt it was her duty to protect him.
The restless, distressing night passed eventually, and the morning brought considerable noise and commotion to the house.
Elizabeth oversaw the preparations quietly and calmly, while a small army of servants marched down the passages with hatboxes and trunks to load into the carriage.
To her stepmother, she did not address a word, but she embraced her father and sisters and gazed after them with a heavy heart; the last page of that particular chapter had been turned.
***