Chapter Ten Truths in the Snow #2
"I am sure because I have finally realized that living my life to please others is a recipe for misery. I spent years trying to be the perfect Darcy, the perfect nephew, the perfect master. And it made me arrogant, proud, closed-off, and lonely."
He reached out and took her gloved hand. They were in a public park, but he didn't seem to care. "I am done, Elizabeth. Let her come. Let her shout. Let her threaten to disown me. It changes nothing."
"And what..." Elizabeth's voice trembled at the sound of her Christian name on his mouth. "What is it that you are protecting so fiercely? What is it that changes nothing?"
"My hope," he said simply. "My hope that one day, when I have proven myself worthy, I might have a future that is of my own choosing. There is no engagement to Anne. There never will be. That is what I wanted you to know."
He wasn't proposing. He was making a declaration of freedom. He was clearing the path, she realized. She squeezed his hand. "Thank you for telling me. And for standing your ground."
"I would stand against the world for this," he whispered.
A shriek of laughter interrupted them. Henry had thrown a snowball that had gone wide and hit Lord Keathley squarely in the back of his expensive coat.
"Oh, it is war!" he roared, scooping up a handful of snow. "Defend yourselves!"
The park dissolved into chaos. The Viscount and Jane against the children. Mrs Gardiner laughing as she dodged crossfire. Even Mr Darcy, after a momentary hesitation, joined in, constructing a snow fort for Ruth with the seriousness of an engineer.
Elizabeth stood back, watching the scene with a smile, until she felt a presence beside her.
It was Miss Darcy. The girl was flushed from the cold and the excitement, but there was a shadow in her eyes. She wasn't playing. She was watching her brother laugh as he tossed snow at Henry.
"He looks happy," she said softly.
"He does," Elizabeth agreed. "It is a good look on him."
"I haven't seen him like this since... since before the summer." Miss Darcy picked at the fringe of her muff. "Miss Elizabeth, may I tell you something? Something only a few of my relatives know?"
Elizabeth turned, sensing the gravity of the moment. "Of course, Miss Darcy. Anything."
"Can you please call me Georgiana? It would make it easier."
"Of course, Georgiana, gladly. And I am Elizabeth to you, or Lizzy as my sisters call me. Tell me what troubles you."
"Elizabeth, you must think us strange. The way William is so protective. The way he panicked when he thought he might lose control." She took a shaky breath. "It is all my fault."
"I am sure that is not true."
"It is. Last summer, at Ramsgate. I was very foolish. I was lonely, and I wanted to believe that someone loved me. I listened to a man. A man I had known since childhood. He told me he loved me. He persuaded me to... to go away with him."
Elizabeth's heart stopped. She knew. Instantly, she knew.
"An elopement?" she whispered.
"Yes. I was fifteen. I didn't understand.
I thought it was romantic." Georgiana's eyes filled with tears.
"But William came. He arrived unexpectedly.
And I was so confused, I confessed everything to him.
He saved me. He stopped it. He saved me from ruin.
" She looked down at her gloved hands, ashamed.
"Mr Wickham didn't love me. He was only after my dowry. "
What? Elizabeth felt a chill that went deeper than the snow. Wickham? The charming officer in Meryton. The man who had told her such a sob story about Mr Darcy's cruelty. The man she had—heaven help her—flirted with.
She felt a wave of nausea. Mr Darcy hadn't just been jealous or cruel. He had been protecting this girl. He had been dealing with the man who tried to ruin his sister, and then he had come to Hertfordshire and found that same man spreading lies about him.
And she had believed every word. She forced her face to remain calm. She couldn't tell Georgiana that she knew him. Not now. It would shatter the girl to pieces.
"Oh, Georgiana," Elizabeth said, reaching out to take the girl's hands. "You were a child. You were taken advantage of by a predator. That is not your fault. That is his sin, not yours."
"But William blames himself. He thinks he failed me, failed to be a good guardian. That is why he is so severe and absolute with himself."
"He loves you," Elizabeth said fiercely. "That is all I see. A brother who loves you."
She squeezed Georgiana's hands. "Listen to me.
You are safe now. You have a brother who would move the heavens for you.
You have the Colonel. You have your cousin Robert.
" She paused, then added, "And you have me.
If you ever need to talk, or cry, or just sit with someone who isn't a man, you have me. I am your friend, Georgiana. Always."
Georgiana looked up, tears spilling over. "Thank you. I wanted you to know. Because William thinks the world of you. And I wanted you to understand him."
"I think," Elizabeth said, her voice thick with emotion, "I am finally beginning to."
Georgiana drifted back to the group, wiping her eyes, leaving Elizabeth standing alone by an oak tree. Her mind was reeling. Wickham. Ramsgate. The summer.
It explained everything. Darcy's reserve. His suspicion of strangers. His hostility towards Wickham in Meryton.
"Miss Elizabeth?"
Mr Darcy was there. He had brushed the snow from his coat, but his cheeks were ruddy from the exertion. He looked younger, freer. Then he saw her face.
"What is it?" he asked, his smile fading. "You look distressed."
"Georgiana spoke to me," Elizabeth said quietly.
He went very still. "About what?"
"About the summer. About Ramsgate."
He paled. He looked towards his sister, who was now helping Mrs Gardiner build a snowman. "She told you? Everything?"
"She told me about the man. She told me his name." Elizabeth looked at him, her eyes searching his. "Mr Darcy, it was Mr Wickham."
Darcy closed his eyes.
"He told me..." Elizabeth swallowed hard. "His story of woe was that you cheated him of his inheritance. He painted you as a monster, and I believed him. I am so sorry."
"You did not know," Mr Darcy said, opening his eyes. "He is a convincing liar. He deceived my father. He deceived my sister. It is no wonder he deceived you."
"But you," she pressed. "You knew he was spreading these lies, and you said nothing. You let the county think you were cruel."
"I could not expose him without exposing Georgiana," he said simply. "Her reputation was my only concern. I would bear any insult to protect her."
Elizabeth felt a crack in her chest. This man. This proud, silent, difficult man. He had taken the blows to his character to save his sister from scandal.
"I am sorry, I must ask," Elizabeth said. "You arrived in Hertfordshire only two months after it happened, is this correct?"
Mr Darcy looked away, towards the frozen pond.
"Yes. Miss Elizabeth, I was not in my right mind at the time.
I was angry. I was suspicious of everyone.
I looked at the world and saw only fortune hunters and deceit.
When Bingley dragged me to that assembly.
.. I did not want to be there. I did not want to know anyone. "
He turned back to her. "And when he pointed you out, when he suggested I should dance, I had not even glanced at you before..."
"Before you called me 'tolerable'," she whispered.
He winced. "I said the first thing that came into my head to make him leave me alone. It was a lie, as I realized soon enough. It was the stupidest, most regretful lie of my life."
He took a step closer, invading her personal space, his eyes burning with intensity.
"You were never merely tolerable, Elizabeth. From the moment I set my eyes on you, I was lost. You were dangerous. You became vital."
He reached out, his hand hovering near her cheek, though he didn't touch her.
"I regret that comment every day. And I wish to correct the record, here and now."
"Mr Darcy—"
"You are the handsomest woman of my acquaintance," he said, his voice rough with emotion. "You are the only woman I see. And if I was blind in Meryton, I assure you, I see you perfectly now."
Elizabeth stared at him. She saw the snow in his hair, the vulnerability in his eyes, the strength in his jaw. She saw the brother who saved his sister, and the man who remembered the lemon biscuits and played toy soldiers.
"I see you too, Fitzwilliam," she whispered, using his Christian name for the first time in his presence. "I see you."
A shout from Lord Keathley interrupted them. "Darcy! Miss Elizabeth! We are heading back! The children are freezing and I require hot chocolate!"
Mr Darcy didn't move for a second. He held her gaze, a silent promise passing between them.
"We should go," he said finally.
"We should."
But as they walked back to join the others, walking side by side in the snow, Elizabeth Bennet knew that the war was over. She wasn't fighting him anymore. She was fighting with him.
And Lady Catherine de Bourgh didn't stand a chance.