Mr. February (Spicy Holidays with the Geeks #1)

1. Chapter 1 Nobody Should Have to Put up with Mediocre Sex and Crappy Behavior

JENNY

“Save me, Obi-Jen, you’re my only hope.”

Jenny Nelson snorted at the chat message from her best friend.

“That makes me sound like a gynecologist.”

Inside her small office, she couldn’t hear Gloria’s response, but she knew Gloria would love her reply.

“Break time? Maybe a caffeine jolt will help me figure out this problem.”

Two minutes later, Jenny smiled at another co-worker, Kyle, who exited the break room as she entered. After processing expense reports all afternoon, she needed a pick-me-up. Since it was Monday, baked goods were freshly delivered from the bakery that came twice a week.

It was one of her favorite perks of working at In-Tech. Jenny didn’t have the technical acumen of her colleagues, but she appreciated working in a smaller company with a good group of people.

She tucked her long brown hair behind her ear as she focused on the pastry display case near the coffee station. As she debated between an over-sized blueberry muffin and a cheese Danish, she heard a squeal of happiness behind her. Even if she hadn’t been expecting it, she’d recognize that sound anywhere.

Jenny turned with a grin towards her best friend, Gloria. They sometimes ran into each other by accident, but they usually had to coordinate their workplace get-togethers since they worked in different divisions.

As her friend bounced towards her with a smile, Jenny cataloged their physical differences. Jenny was average height, average hair color, average looks. The only thing above average about her was her weight, but her love of sweets was greater than her desire to be skinny.

In contrast, Gloria was a tall, thin dynamo who was always in motion and plotting something. Her conventionally attractive appearance hid a wicked sense of humor and a brilliant, if off kilter, mind.

She was also one of Jenny’s favorite people in the world even though they couldn’t have been more different if they tried. Gloria was a social chameleon, a tech genius, and a sexually liberated flirt while Jenny… wasn’t.

“How are you, gorgeous?” Gloria asked as they leaned against the counter to chat. “I haven’t seen you since last week. We missed you on Saturday.”

“Sorry I bailed on coming. Between the rain and the cold, the idea of going to a movie wasn’t as appealing as curling up with the new Lydia Marchesse book.”

“Ooh, I didn’t realize that was out already. Did you finish it? What did you think?” Gloria leaned forward as she awaited the answer.

“Of course I liked it. I’m not a huge fan of romances where the two main characters are frenemies with benefits who fall for each other, but it was great.”

“What’s not to like about that? That sounds like the perfect situation.”

“How so?” Jenny asked.

“What’s not to love about fighting, flirting, and fucking? I’m happy to skip the falling in love part, but the benefits sound good.” Gloria winked.

“I get what you’re saying. I’m just no good at”—Jenny dropped her voice even though no one else was in the break room with them—“sex without a relationship. I get too anxious and can’t relax.”

“What do you mean? Oh,” Gloria’s eyes lit with understanding. “You mean you can’t come?”

“Shh! Yes, that’s what I mean, but we don’t need to advertise it.”

Gloria was more open about sex and her physical needs than she was. She was also far more comfortable in her own skin. Jenny usually liked how she looked, but a series of less-than-stellar boyfriends undermined her confidence.

“Did Chad make you anxious?” Gloria asked.

Jenny flushed with embarrassment. Gloria must have remembered when she drunkenly confided about her inability to orgasm with Chad.

“Yes and no. I’m always a little anxious, but we were together long enough that I thought I got pass it. Subconsciously, I must have known something was off, but he never paid much attention to me once he came.”

“Ass. He always struck me as someone who’d be selfish in bed,” Gloria tossed out as she perused the bakery case.

Jenny snorted.

“You could tell? I should have you pre-screen all my dates from now on. Not that I’m going on dates any time soon, but you know what I mean. He said all the right things, and I ignored that they didn’t match his actions.”

Jenny sighed, resigned to rehashing her pathetic love life.

“I feel like such an idiot for staying with him for so long. In hindsight, it’s obvious he was just using me.” Her words were bitter in her mouth.

Jenny blinked her eyes rapidly to hold back her tears. She was not crying any more over that jerk. He didn’t deserve the tears she’d already shed, though most of those tears were for the loss of the idea of him more than the reality.

“You’re not an idiot,” Gloria retorted. “Some people are good at saying the right things. He acts like he’d expect you to go down on him all the time but would be grossed out by reciprocating. Or he’d do it half-assed, but then he’d want to be rewarded with something you didn’t want to do.”

“Yes, that’s it exactly.”

As embarrassed as she was to talk about it, she was grateful for Gloria’s snarky reminders of his character. Jenny doubted she would let Chad weasel his way back into her life, but it was easier to think like that when she felt confident and secure, like at work. Not when she was bored, horny, and lonely at home.

Tonight, she’d order a new battery-operated boyfriend, so she wasn’t tempted by any of Chad’s infrequent, but well-deployed, charm. Unaware of Jenny’s epiphany, Gloria continued in her usual brash way.

“Plus, there was his nasty habit of subtly criticizing you in front of other people while making it sound like he cared. God, what a scumbag. I’m so glad you dumped his sorry ass,” Gloria said as she handed Jenny a coffee cup.

Gloria knew full well that Chad was the one who initiated their breakup. In her unwavering support, she gleefully rewrote history to make Jenny the victor of their relationship war.

“Speaking of Chad, you’ll never believe what he did,” Jenny said, the words escaping before she thought better of it.

“What?” Gloria set her empty coffee mug down on the counter with a thunk. “Please don’t tell me that asshole is sniffing around again. He didn’t try to get you back with some Valentine’s Day crap, did he?”

“Um, no. It’s not like that.”

“Does he have an STI then? Or was it part of a twelve-step program?” Gloria poured her coffee and looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

“What?” Jenny huffed out a laugh. “No! He messaged me Saturday night to ask if he could come over.”

Gloria’s mouth fell open.

“Is that why you bailed?”

“No, no. I swear, I canceled before I got his message; it had nothing to do with him.” Gloria moved to the bakery case, and Jenny poured her own coffee. “I wanted to curl up on my couch with a good book on a cold day.”

“Well?” Gloria demanded as she grabbed a croissant. “What happened? Did he come over? Was there begging involved? You should have made him grovel, turned him on, and then kicked his ass out for being bad in bed while also being an asshole. Guys only get to be one or the other, not both.”

Jenny snickered. Gloria could always make her laugh and boost her ego at the same time. She grabbed a blueberry muffin, and the women moved towards one of the small tables to enjoy their afternoon snack.

“Don’t leave me hanging,” Gloria prompted when they sat down. “What did he say? Did you respond?”

“He texted to ask if he could come over. I didn’t want to deal with him, so I told him I was getting ready to go out and didn’t have time to talk. He offered to meet me wherever I was going so we could talk.”

“Why? What’s there to talk about? He was an ass, and you guys broke up. What’s left to say?”

“It was a booty call.”

Gloria’s eyes widened comically.

“Shut up! He did not call you for sex after being such a dick when he broke up with you.”

Jenny picked at the blueberry muffin on her plate, pulling chunks off and tearing them apart instead of eating it. She was seldom comfortable talking about her sexual experiences, and she didn’t like to focus on negativity.

“Well? What did you say?” Gloria’s question brought her out of her reverie, and she sent her friend a grateful smile.

“Of course, I told him no. The sex wasn’t that good when we were together when I still thought he was attracted to me. After all the mean things he said when we broke up, I’m not desperate enough to want to get naked with him again.”

“I can’t believe that guy,” Gloria said as she chewed angrily. “It’s like he’s trying to win an award for being the biggest douche. He is such a fucking asshole.”

“It gets worse,” Jenny added with a wry expression. “He said he knew I couldn’t get laid, on account of being so fat, so I might as well do it with him so I wouldn’t have to go the whole year without having sex.”

Gloria’s chair fell to the ground, she jumped up so fast, rage easy to read in her expression.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Calm down,” Jenny soothed. “I should have waited to tell you after work.”

“No, you should have told me this before. I’m so sorry you had his poison in your head all weekend. Oh my God, I hate that guy!”

“It was… useful to hear from him. I had been feeling a little despondent. Trust me, I didn’t miss him per se, but there were parts of being a couple I liked. But he wasn’t very good at doing couple-y things anyway.“ She fluttered her lashes at Gloria. “You’re much more fun to cuddle.”

Jenny tore the wrapper off her muffin as she spoke.

“I think I’m going to stay single for a while,” she said while her eyes remained on the muffin wrapper. “It’s too hard to find a guy who’s interested in being a partner, in and out of the bedroom. I haven’t had the best luck dating, but it hasn’t been all bad.”

She fought to keep a smile on her face. “My life is full. I have a job I love and wonderful friends. I don’t need some jerk making me feel bad about myself because I’m not a size two. There’s more to me than my measurements.”

“If I were into women, I would totally hit on you,” Gloria assured her, and they both giggled.

“Of course, with Valentine’s Day coming up, my single status is a big deal. Even my mom tried to set me up on a blind date, and she’s divorced. Everywhere I turn, there’s a barrage of ads for dating apps, speed dating, matchmaking, ladies’ nights, singles events. All these companies profiting off making you feel like crap if you don’t have a Valentine.”

“Society views a single woman on Valentine’s Day as a travesty,” Gloria seethed. “I hate that shit. My battery-operated boyfriend is the only date I need. Most men can’t figure out what to do. The only good thing about Valentine’s Day is the half-off candy sales the next day.”

The two women smirked, and Jenny relaxed enough to take a bite from her pile of mangled muffin.

“I wonder how many people go out with someone horrible just so they won’t be alone on Valentine’s Day?” Jenny mused.

“I know what you should do,” Gloria said with a wicked grin.

Jenny glance at her suspiciously. That smile and tone of voice always signified an outrageous plan. Her ideas were often wild and pushed Jenny out of her comfort zone. She’d still go along with it because Gloria truly was brilliant and always had her best interests in mind.

“You should get on one of those hookup apps, not a dating app. That way, you’ll be too busy rolling around in bed with other guys when Chad comes sniffing around again, and you won’t accidentally fall back into bed with that loser.”

“Ugh, no. The very idea of those apps makes me uncomfortable. How do you know you’re not meeting a serial killer or a rapist?”

Jenny shuddered, and it was only partially theatrics. Being a woman was hard.

“Besides,” she continued, “the last time I used a dating app—this was before I started dating Chad—I got some ugly messages about my weight. I’m not ready for strangers on the Internet to tell me I’m too fat to fuck, again. I’d rather be single.”

“What the hell? You didn’t tell me that!”

“Of course I didn’t. It’s embarrassing. No one wants to be told that mouth-breathing neckbeards who’ve never seen a naked woman in real life find you too repulsive to get it up.”

“Wait, what?” Gloria’s coffee cup clattered onto the table. “Did someone actually say that to you?”

“Well, he didn’t call himself a neckbeard, and he didn’t admit to never having sex with another person before,” Jenny said with a wry grin, “but, yeah. Some random guy I matched with messaged to tell me he couldn’t whack off to my pictures because I was too fat for him to imagine fucking me.”

Gloria’s mouth firmed. “What a bastard.”

“That was much my reaction. Yes, I’ve got extra curves, but I’m not ugly or hideous. In fact, I think I’m pretty, despite being overweight. They’re not mutually exclusive. I like how I look for the most part.”

“Plus, you’ve got a great rack,” Gloria interjected, and Jenny laughed.

“There’s that, and I’ve got good hair, and I smell nice. What more does a neckbeard need?” Jenny huffed out a breath and rolled her eyes. “It’s not like I’m house-bound and can’t leave my bed. I’m overweight because I like food more than I like working out, but that’s not everything I am.”

“You’re beautiful, and I’m sorry that some anonymous asshole thought it was okay to say shit like that to you.”

“It’s annoying, but it’s not the worst. Yeah, it hurt my feelings at the time, but then I got a bunch of dick pics in that same in-box, so apparently not everybody was repulsed by me.”

Gloria snorted the sip of coffee she had just taken, and Jenny tossed her long, shiny hair over her shoulder in a flirtatious manner.

“Yeah, I got it going on.” The two women tittered before Jenny continued.

“I’ll pass on the hook-up. I’d rather be single. Besides, I’ve got my own BOB; that’s all I need. If a guy’s not going to take the time to figure out what I like and what gets me off, relationship sex is just masturbation with extra steps. I’ve never had an orgasm with a guy, and I don’t think a hookup is going to change that.”

Gloria held up her coffee cup, and Jenny tapped it with her own.

“Amen. Nobody should have to put up with mediocre sex and crappy behavior, but I still think a hookup app is a good idea.”