4. Theodore
Chapter Four
THEODORE
I know we’re having issues with our marriage, but Helena is being awfully combative. Andrea volunteered to come talk to River. I’m not sure if it’s to help me since I don’t have time to look too deep into this and make Helena behave, or if it’s because he wants to look at River’s ass, like he is now, while she makes him a milkshake.
Laughing to myself, I nudge him and shake my head. He winks at me, then takes the shake I doubt he wants. Either way, I’m glad he’s helping. He’ll find out more than I will, and faster. He has the resources, and stuff like this could affect his business dealings. Sometimes a chihuahua barks too loudly and disturbs the neighborhood.
“Do you know how much he borrowed?” Andrea finally asks, getting back to business.
River shakes her head sadly. “I don’t know how much he borrowed, but I think he owes ten grand. He yelled ‘ten thousand!’ into the phone the night before he disappeared.” She slides her phone over to him. “I’d awakened to a phone call from him telling me he has to go. Then we had these texts. He knew they were coming over in the morning, but left me to fend for myself after giving out my address.”
I pace for a bit before I move to my stainless-steel refrigerator and get myself some ice water. It’s in my best interest to let Andrea do what he does best, but I want to find Mario and bash in his skull. I hate that he’d make his woman vulnerable and leave her to fend for herself. What kind of man does that to a woman he’s supposed to care about? Oh yeah, a selfish one. While I care about my employees, I should not be this mad, nor should I have the overwhelming desire to want to fix it. River isn’t anyone special to me. Hell, I’ve hardly spoken to her before yesterday.
Helena and I need to fix things. That must be it. My turmoil with my wife has me thinking out of sorts. Pushing back from the counter, I grab my keys.
“I’ll let you two finish your information session. I need to go speak to my wife.”
Andrea’s frown says ‘fuck her,’ but he’s never been in the kind of love that I feel for Helena. I frown when I realize that I’m not referring to her as my Helena, even in my head. He doesn’t stop me because he can tell when I’m antsy.
“Text me your sizes. I’ll pick some stuff up for you while I’m out,” I tell River before the doors close.
Taking her out of my sight gives me clarity on why I felt unsettled. Seeing her in my clothes is sexier than it should be. Plus, I have no fucking idea why my mind is fixating on someone I’ve previously ignored.
It doesn’t take me long to get home. I’d broken some speed limits, and while I’m not usually a ballsy asshole, I used the knowledge that the cops wouldn’t stop me to my advantage. My home comes into view and my blood pressure spikes. I remember buying it thinking it’d be our forever home. We could live here with enough space to raise at least four kids comfortably. We never made it to one. Pushing that aside, I take the stairs two at a time to find her. We cannot bring a baby into the world if we’re at odds. We must fix what’s broken first. I know why my trust in her is waning; I just don’t know why she feels the need to suspect me.
“Go back to your mistress,” she cries when she sees me. Helena turns back to her dresser and pulls out more clothes to put in a bag.
The scene alarms me, but the words infuriate me. “I don’t have a fucking mistress.” I grab her by her shoulders and force her to look at me. “You know that. Why in the hell would I make both of you breakfast and let you listen to her tale of woe if I was fucking her?”
“So you can ask me that question.”
I shake her a little because I’m annoyed, and I need her to hear what I’m saying. “Helena, I’ve never given you a reason not to trust me. There is, however, a saying about a guilty mind. Is there something I need to know?”
Her mouth falls open. “Don’t you dare blame this on me!”
“Blame what on you? Your delusions? This morning is the longest I’ve ever seen River. I love you with everything I have, yet you act like it’s not enough! What do you want from me?”
I didn’t come here to yell at her, but she’s driving me insane. She had been pulling away, yet I’m somehow the bad guy. My breathing is labored from my heart racing. Taking a deep breath, I step back and let her go.
“Talk to me, Helena. You cannot blame our problems on someone you just met.”
“Yes, I can because the writing has been on the wall. I’m not enough for you anymore. You don’t talk about how much you love me anymore. It’s not about me as a person but what I can do for you. You want me to be a fucking incubator, but what about me?”
Her hair is down and shakes with each word. I fold my arms, because if she were a man, we’d fight.
“What do you mean ‘what about you?’ This has been the Helena Show since the moment we met. We do everything in favor of your career. I go to every event for you and am front row at every opening night. I’ve given public speeches about my love for you, and I refrain from talking about myself too much at your events. You haven’t been to any of my events for any of my businesses. There’s always an excuse. I never minded because as a man in love, my goal was to keep my wife happy. I’ve put everything on hold for you. I could have had children with some other woman with half the effort if that's what you’re talking about. I do these things because I fucking love you. Creating a family is supposed to be an EXTENSION of our love, not the only fucking reason I got married. Are you fucking insane? I’ve allowed you to lead this relationship.”
“ Allowed me to lead?” she repeats like I’m the crazy one.
The temper that I’ve worked so hard at keeping at bay begins to seep out of my pores. “Yes. Allow. Fucking ALLOW. Can you beat me in a fight?” I step closer to her with each question. “Do you know how and where to hide bodies? Are you richer than me? DO YOU THINK YOU HAVE MORE POWER?” I’m in her face and I know I’m fuming.
She looks terrified because I’ve never lost my temper like this with her. Helena has been dancing on my patience and playing my nerves like a violin. She took the love I have for her as a green light to do whatever the fuck she wants, but I’ve had enough.
“I don’t talk about how much I love you anymore because you’ve been getting on my nerves lately. It’s my fault, I didn’t set the proper boundaries. Love obviously means two different things to us. You’ve taken my love for you to mean that you somehow caught me by the balls. I’m not some neutered little puppy at your fucking feet. Cut the temper tantrum short. Put your shit back where it belongs, and the next time I see you, you will talk to me like a civilized adult. Am I clear, Helena?”
She bursts into tears with her face turning red. I’m not a threat to her, but I’m over allowing her to think I’m a doormat just because I choose not to engage in unnecessary fights.
“Let me be clear. I want you and our marriage, but if you want to end it, say it like an adult. I don’t need to line up another woman just to say goodbye to you. That’s not how I operate. If you think you’re going to accuse me of nonsense, then pack your bags to leave with the notion that, somehow, you’ve been a perfect wife and I’ve just shitting it all the way, it’s not happening. You can kiss my ass if you think that’s where this is going.” Leaning down. I kiss her forehead. “Good luck at your opening night, but I won't be there. Maybe you’ll understand how I felt all the times you were a no show.”
It’d hurt like hell if she files for divorce, but I’d sign it. I’m not programmed to keep trying to stay where I’m not wanted. Especially not when I’m almost forty-two and still want to be a father more than anything.
Her sniffles fade the farther I walk away from her. There would have been a time when seeing her cry like that would have gutted me, but she is too spoiled with getting her way exactly the way she wants it all of the time. At this point, she’d compete with the kids for presents instead of being my partner.
That sinking feeling that Andrea is right and she’s wasting my time comes back full force. Even if she was and came clean, I’m not sure that our marriage could survive that blow. I hate liars and that’d mean the love of my life is the biggest one I know.