38. Theodore
Chapter Thirty-Eight
THEODORE
Saying her name pulls Helena out of the stare-down she was having with River. The rapid rise and fall of my wife's chest tells me that Helena isn’t happy to see that River is pregnant.
River clutches the dress she must have been looking at to herself as she continues to give Helena a side-eye. It’s apparent that no one is in danger so they must have gotten into one of those tiffs that Helena always starts. My heart tries to return to a normal rhythm since Helena is the least of my problems.
She studies me, still somewhat surprised to see me. Since Andrea threatened to kill her, it’s been radio silence. I’m not complaining, as I don't want to talk to her. I don’t want any apologies and I don’t owe her any, we’re beyond closure.
While it’s only been a few months since I’ve last seen my ex-wife, it feels like it was an eternity ago. She looks pretty, almost regal, as usual, yet the blankness that she used to hide so well is glaringly obvious. Not for the first time, I wonder how I ever loved her.
I'm not surprised to see her in a high-end boutique. It's always been her style. Helena comes from a well-off family, but mine is in a different tax bracket. I'm not selfish, but I'm glad she got just as little from me as I got from her. Helena barely gave love and I barely lost money.
“Theo?” she finally says as her eyes flicker back over to River. “I was going to ask you what you’re doing here, but I guess…” Her judgmental eyes fall on River’s belly. “You went through with making the homeless bartender your incubator.”
“Bitch, I was never homeless,” River nearly growls, ready to choke the shit out of Helena.
I understand. There were too many times towards the end of our marriage when I felt the same way, she was gifted at pulling the crazy out of someone.
River puts down the dress as she realizes that she doesn't want to shop anywhere Helena would frequent. No outfit worth seeing someone you despise.
“Not that it’s any of your business,” I start as I work my way to my wife. “I’m out shopping with my wife.”
Helena tucks her clutch under her arm and tilts her head in that haughty, uppity way of hers.
“Good. Maybe she’ll look less dirty…” Her words stop and her eyes snap back to me when her brain processes the rest of my sentence. “Wife?”
Her eyes drop down to my left hand, pausing on my all-black wedding band. She’s not wearing pearls, but her hand goes to her necklace as she fights to hide her surprise.
“Wife,” she repeats slowly, and I know she’s calculating. Helena may not want to be a mother, but I’m sure she can tell that River is much more pregnant than she should be. The involuntary flinch preludes her statement. “I knew your love was a lie. You…” She looks around to see if anyone else is nearby. “Cheater!”
The fact that I made the love of my life a mistress even for a second is the only thing that bothers me about this interaction.
"You can see it that way, but I know you never loved me the way I loved you. Your love was the lie. I told you we were over at the cabin, and I meant it. You delayed the divorce even after choosing to lie to me all six years of my marriage."
I tell her for the sake of getting it off my chest. I've learned long ago that Helena sets into an opinion and nothing will change it.
The emotions in her eyes are still blank. I had a feeling that she had a diminished capacity to care about someone who isn't doing anything for her, but her lack of a reaction brings my suspicion back around. My ex might be a narcissist, the clinical kind.
She'll go to her grave with the delusion that I was the subpar spouse and I have no desire to change it.
Helena scoffs like I'm the confused one and folds the clothes she picked over her arm. She's not scared of dying since she was in the boutique before River and I entered. She technically hasn't broken any of Andrea’s rules—her self-preservation is too high for that.
"I'm not the one expecting a baby that's too old to be created after the end of our marriage…"
River walks away, and I follow her. The conversation with Helena is pointless since the only thing we'll accomplish is her pissing us off.
I'm not a psychiatrist, but Helena reacts to being dismissed before her brain could remind her that messing with me could get her killed. River is out of the store and is entering the SUV, when Helena grabs my arm, her nails digging into my skin.
I give her a sharp look before I pull my arm away. She moves back, realizing that she touched me. Helena folds her arms as she starts to complain.
"How dare you? I am accomplished and look good on your arm. I'm a star. I fit into your world. You didn't even try to get someone like me." She shakes her head like I'm pathetic. "The child of a whore will continue your lineage…"
A red, no, black mist takes over and has me in her space quickly. Her once familiar scent only aggravates me further. Helena notices the change and tries to back away, but she cannot escape me.
She stumbles back into the storage door, and I put one hand on the side of her to keep her from getting away.
I've yelled in the past and have even wrapped my hand around her neck, but she hasn't learned to shut the fuck up. Her eyes register the fear she shows for Andrea. I may have not said a word, but the coldness in my eyes and the cold fury feeding my blood must warn her.
Grabbing her jaw, I get near her ear and deliver the last threat she'll ever hear.
"Don't worry about Andrea; say one more thing about my wife or child, and I'll beat you to death like you’re a man." She looks terrified as her lower lip trembles and tears collect in her eyes. "Then I'll chop up your corpse so you can't dance in the afterlife. No one will mourn you because they won't know that you're gone."
Her eyes blink rapidly when I lightly smack her jaw.
"Final warning."
I’ve already owned the things that were in my control. While I would love to make it seem like I didn’t have faults, I know that is not true. We’re all flawed, but it’s the frequency and the intention behind those flaws that make us show people who we are. I didn’t need a medical degree to understand now that Helena is broken in ways I cannot choke out of her.
Good luck getting a narcissist to admit that they have any kind of problem. I could have worked harder to stay faithful until the paperwork was done, but I didn’t need it to know that we were over. Paperwork was just a formality. Helena can try to twist it if she wants, but she has no one to talk to about it other than me and I’m done listening.
I will not apologize for my choices because they’ve made me happier than I’ve ever been. My wife walks in a circle, talking to herself, her anger still radiating off her body. I’m not sure what happened before I arrived, so I’ll need to tread lightly. They could have had one of the normal arguments Helena is known to create or River got upset from just the sight of Helena.
I pull her into a hug, rubbing her back until her body relaxes.
“What’s wrong besides the obvious?”
River sighs and peeks up at me, her expression a mix between anger and worry. The anger I suspected, but I’m more concerned about what has her worried. She hesitates like she always does when she’s grappling with the best way to say something.
“Just say it, River,” I tell her gently.
“You used to love her so much and now…”
I have a feeling where this is going, and I refuse to allow her to finish that thought.
“No.”
River’s brown eyes grow with surprise because I cut her off.
“No,” I repeat. “Absolutely fucking not. I’m not going to stand here and allow you to compare yourself to her for even a split second. Just having this conversation is a colossal waste of our time. Helena is a pathological liar who made me love a lie. There is nothing fake about what we have or how much I love you. I love you like I’ve never loved anyone before.” I tilt her chin so she’s looking me in the eyes. “There is no end to us. Understand?”
She nods as she sniffles like she’s trying to suck up her tears. I drop a kiss on her nose, then lips because hormones are a bitch. There was no trace of a rebound. I fell for River fast and hard. I didn’t need to switch from one woman to another for validation. Had I not met River when I did, I would have been perfectly content just being by myself until I was ready to try again.
Hell, I would have gone through with the surrogacy using a donor egg and became a single parent before I wasted my time with a random woman. I lace our fingers together while she still regains her composure. While I don’t give a fuck what Helena could have said to her, I’ll listen if there is anything she wants to mention, but I will not listen to doubt about us.
“Come on, let’s feed you,” I offer since it’s something to make her happy. “Then we’ll do whatever you want.”
Short of killing her, which she now knows I will, I cannot keep them from running into each other at a random boutique. It's not like I’m going to call my ex and work out a schedule. I send a text once we’re seated at the restaurant.
Me: River and Helena ran into each other
Andrea: Did that bitch break our agreement?
Me: No. She did realize that I cheated on her with River and got her pregnant. Her ego didn’t take that well.
Andrea: Let me guess, she said something dumb and now she’s scared of you.
I smirk since he knows me so well.
Me: Pretty much but River almost went the ‘if you don’t love her anymore, you can fall out of love with me.’
Andrea: Bullshit. It’s not fucking possible. You two have real love.
Me: Yeah, I just don’t want her to think that every time she sees Helena.
Andrea: I’m already taking care of that. No graves needed.
Andrea always has some plot going. He’s not going to kill her because he would have said so. It’s intriguing, but I know he’ll reveal his plot when he’s ready. I know why she gets passes. When Helena rose to stardom, she was a hope to black women and other minorities. It’s a shame that she really doesn’t give a damn about people. Andrea would rather leave her as a false hope who’ll eventually reveal who she really is than kill her off and make her some kind of martyr or saint.
Either way, it’s not something I’ll waste my time considering. I’m happy and my only duty is to make sure that my wife and child remain happy as well.