Chapter 17 Sadie
SADIE
Kylie’s questions play on loop in my mind.
Do you miss him?
Do you want him back?
Stop running.
I need to focus on today’s rehearsal, but I can’t bring myself to be in the moment.
There are too many questions running through my head.
I walk in and immediately move to the back of the auditorium, blending in with the rest of the cast and crew.
I can’t even bring myself to tell them what’s next.
I nod to the lighting crew when they ask a question and gently push the kids to the front, but other than that, I’m lost. I’m just here, doing my job, trying like hell not to let the man I’m falling for, again, ruin my chance at becoming the go-to event planner.
“Hey,” he says, stepping beside me like nothing’s wrong.
In his eyes, nothing is wrong. We had a great night. I’m the one who’s making it weird. I don’t look at him and respond, “Hey.”
“You good?”
“I’m great.” I sound robotic.
He frowns. “Okay…did I do something?”
“Nope.” I stare at the empty stage. I need to look anywhere but at him. “It’s fine.”
With his same old charming tone, he says, “I left you more than fine the other night.”
I close my eyes, recalling how he brought me to ecstasy. But when I don’t respond, he sighs. I feel that sigh more than just hear it and think to myself, Here we go again.
“You know,” he whispers, “sometimes, it feels like you’re just waiting to be disappointed by me.”
I turn to him, wanting to see his face now to understand if he’s being serious or just trying to pick a fight. I can’t get a read on him, so I shrug and say, “Maybe I am.”
My answer surprises him. I see it written all over his face. I don’t think he expected me to agree with him. But I need to say something to stop this forward motion when I don’t really know what the heck he wants from me.
“It’s just, I don't know. You’re so structured, and I’m not. Sometimes, it feels like there’s a right and wrong way to breathe.”
There it is. Too much. Too rigid. Too Sadie.
I swallow the sting. “Right. God forbid someone wants things to matter.”
He stares at me, and I have to look away. “I want this to matter, Sadie. I don't know why you don’t think I do.”
I want to ask if he means the gala or us. I have so many questions, and when my head spins, I just want to wrap myself in him. I want him to calm me, to whisper whatever it is he does just to keep me grounded. But all I can do is walk away. I walk away fast, despite him calling after me.