37. McCarthy #2
“Salinger let me take him with us when we escaped my dad’s compound.
He didn’t want to, but I cried and cried when my brother said I had to leave Buddy behind.
We jumped a train, went west. We tried to get help.
The shelter didn’t let you bring dogs. The Haven Foundation.
” I nod up to the faded sign hanging on my wall.
“They said they’d find a foster family for Buddy and when the social workers found somewhere for me and my brothers to live, I could get him back. I didn’t want to let him go,” I tell Jenna desperately. “You know, but the lady seemed nice. She promised.” I need her to understand.
“The social worker with the Haven Foundation, she promised Salinger that we all wouldn’t get split up.
But we were. They took my brothers away and said we couldn’t see each other.
That is until me and my two younger brothers acted so goddamn awful to our foster parents.
We went through five of them in two months.
It was a record. Then they finally dumped us at the group home with our older brothers.
The guy running the group home we landed in said I could bring my dog, but when I went back, he was gone. They took my dog.”
“Took him where?”
“ I don’t know !” Jenna flinches when I yell.
“I don’t know,” I say quietly. “But when I went back to get him, they laughed at me and said I couldn’t have him back. I didn’t have paperwork or anything, but he was my dog. He’s mine. And they took him.” I force out the words through clenched teeth.
“I have nightmares of him looking for me.” My breath is coming fast through my nose.
“When I got out of the air force, I finally had some power, and I tore through the city, looking for him. I never found him. So I destroyed the Haven Foundation and everything in a five-block radius and built this. I searched through all the records, but I think they just gave him away off the books.”
I stare out the dark window into the city. “It’s been almost fifteen years, so he’s gone. Dead. You know. Dogs. We don’t deserve them.” I sit there, slumped over next to her.
Beside me, Jenna weeps.
“Why are you crying?” I finally say, staring down at the floor between my knees.
“Because it’s sad,” she warbles.
“Don’t cry over me. I’m not worth it, if we’re being honest.” I shrug one shoulder, feel her hand in my hair. “I failed, Jenna. Fucking… just failed. You have no idea what it’s like. You try so hard then fail.”
“I have three failed engagements and a dad who never cared. It’s not the exact same thing, but the breaks in my heart aren’t completely different from yours.”
I won’t look at her .
She turns my face gently. Her eyes are glossy. She kisses me hesitantly, tenderly.
My heart, my soul are vulnerable and raw beneath her. I cling to her like a drowning man. She kisses me softly, like she cares about me, like she loves me.
I’m completely fucking addicted to her—obsessed, unwound, stunned by her.
How have I never…
I take a ragged breath. “And that’s my villain origin story.”
“You’re not evil, McCarthy. You’re just mean.”
I don’t want to sleep with her, which is strange. Instead, I want to curl up next to Jenna in bed, let her pet my hair, hear her tell me she adores me.
I don’t deserve that. So I sit outside. The air is wet and clammy.
I dial my brother just to hear his voice.
“McCarthy, what—”
I hang up.
He calls back. Salinger always calls back.
“McCarthy, what is it?”
I don’t answer.
“McCarthy, can you hear me?”
“Yeah,” I finally say.
“What?”
“Nothing. I don’t feel well.” I know that will set Salinger off.
“Don’t feel well how? Are you sick? It better not be an STD. I’ll come get you. I don’t trust you to take care of yourself. Do you know how much goddamn money I have invested in you?”
“You can’t come over.”
“The fuck I can’t.”
“Jenna’s here.”
Salinger is quiet.
“The PR girl—the one you don’t like—is at your penthouse at…” I hear him checking his watch. “Ten thirty at night? You better not be sleeping with her.”
“So what if I am?”
“Crawford told me she was there Sunday as well.” Salinger curses under his breath. “I’m hiring a new PR firm. This is ridiculous. What about the girl you were in the photo with?”
“Don’t hire anyone else. I’ll follow Jenna’s plan.”
“I guess sex is one way to keep you on a leash.” My brother is snide.
“Fuck you, Salinger.” I stare at Jenna through the window.
She’s bumbling around the living room then back to the show kitchen.
Truman has been extricated from upstairs with the promise of food.
I can’t stop staring at her.
It’s like she dug her fingers into my chest and broke my ribs to claw out the dead piece of my heart and replace it with part of hers.
She opens the door.
Truman sees me and wags his tail. He heads off to the grass planter I had installed for him .
Jenna gives me a warm, genuine smile. “I’m making you some tomato soup and grilled cheese. Then I’ll rub your back.”
And that’s it. I’m in love with her. Some girl I barely know, and I’m in fucking love with her.
Since I destroy everything I love, that’s going to be a fucking problem.