46. Jenna
JENNA
“ I ’m not even going to wait for HR.” Smugness oozes from Bethany as she stands like a goddess on the stairs, looking down at me.
“You are fired, Jenna. Fired immediately. You can mail your laptop to the office or give it to Hannah.” She points at my friend.
“But I don’t want to see you or that disgusting little dog at the office ever again.
Oh, and if you don’t return the laptop, we will sue you for the costs.
I’ve already notified IT that you are to be locked out of the system. ”
“In all my time as the founder and CEO of this company, I have never seen such a horrible display of bad judgment from one of my employees.”
“I concur wholeheartedly.” The HopeWorks chairwoman is shrill. “This disaster is all her fault.”
“No, it’s not. It was McCarthy’s,” I say in protest.
“Who you’re sleeping with,” Bethany adds pointedly.
“I bet you she’s behind this whole thing. She’s always been attention-seeking,” my dad says, butting in. “Ever since she was a little girl.”
“God, fuck you,” I choke out. “You can’t be serious? You don’t even know me. You never paid child support. You didn’t even come to my graduation.”
“Nonsense,” Devin scoffs. “Don’t believe a word she says. I had her over for wine and cheese just the other day.”
“No cheese. There was no cheese!” I screech, knowing I’m creating my own PR disaster. “There should have been cheese, but there was no cheese .”
People are backing away from the crazy girl.
“And you!” I scream at Nathan. “You horrible, abusive, conniving little worm.”
“You tried to burn down my house. You’re the toxic person in our relationship.
Jenna made up the story about sleeping with your wife!
” Nathan yells at the OmniSoft CEO, who is practically shoving his cheating wife and two teenage girls, who seem to be enjoying the drama a little too much, into the car.
“You need to get off of the premises before I call the police.” The HopeWorks chairwoman raises her head up.
“ The premises? I mean, fuck McCarthy, but why do you all need this fancy venue? It’s not even historic, so it’s not like you’re helping to preserve a piece of history. Where is all this money going? Oh, it’s going to the sex dungeons. Right, excuse me.”
“Young lady—”
“And I told you!” I scream at Rex. “I told you to get rid of it. I told you it was a bad idea. I freaking covered it up when that girl was posting videos about the sex dungeon. I went to bat for you, and I told you to keep your nose clean and then this? Embezzling money?”
“Lies!” Rex shouts to anyone who will listen.
“Why can’t anyone just listen to me? I make terrible choices in my romantic life, but for fuck’s sake, I am good at my job.”
“ …Security! ”
And that is how I find myself—no, not sitting in the back of a police car because apparently, I can’t even be chauffeured somewhere—sitting in the back of a bus as it rolls slowly through Seattle to Glacier Lake, toward the tower with McCarthy’s name emblazoned at the top.
I wish Hannah was there, but she’s going to the office to do damage control for her client because she still has her job, because she didn’t sleep with her client.
I’m exhausted, my feet hurt, I’m hungry, and I want a hot bath. But I’ll sit outside in the freezing cold, waiting for the morning ferry, before I ask McCarthy for help.
He used me, has been using me since the moment he saw me. He knew what I was all along—a chump, a dumb little girl, a walking target with a sign that said “Kick me! I have daddy issues!” on her back.
It doesn’t matter how good-looking he is or how much money he has, McCarthy isn’t capable of being anyone’s one true love.
He doesn’t even love himself.
How can he ever love me?
“I have to pick up my laptop and Truman,” I say, rationalizing to myself when the bus lets me off at McCarthy’s tower.
There’s leftover pizza upstairs and a bath. Bet he just lets you in without too much gloating.
“We are decentering men,” I whisper to myself. “For real this time.”
Anton beams at me when he opens the door. “I know someone who’s going to try his hardest to pretend that he’s not happy to see you.” Anton grins. “Mac fired everyone. It was very dramatic. On the plus side, their food delivery came, and they aren’t here to take it.”
There are several steaming, mouthwatering bags of food sitting on the counter.
“You want to take a couple up for you and McCarthy?”
“Oh, I—”
Yes. Yes, I do. I want to sit in his bed and listen to him complain casually about the YouTube video I’m watching. Somehow, his commentary is better than what’s on the screen—acerbic, biting, hilarious.
I want to let him feed me bites of whatever deliciousness is in the containers then make love to me and tell me he loves me while I pet his hair.
It’s the psychological issues talking.
This is a fantasy version of McCarthy, a construct that my brain made up. It’s not reality. He doesn’t actually love me.
“I’m… I actually have to go… I’m going home.”
“To Salish Island? I don’t think the ferry’s running, but I can have a private boat ready for you,” Anton offers .
“Oh no, that… that’s okay. I’ll just go stay at a friend’s house,” I lie. “That’s actually why I’m here. I need to pick up my things.”
Anton’s heading to swipe me up the elevator.
“Do you think, well, could they just be brought down?”
“Ah.”
McCarthy sounds furious when Anton calls him. He’s unhinged and crazy when he yells my name.
I bite back tears. Screw him. He’s not sorry at all.
I stand and fume in the lobby as Anton goes upstairs to fetch my stuff.
How dare McCarthy act like I’m just going to roll over for him, like he owns me?
Truman wags his tail happily when he sees me. Anton puts him down on the floor. Truman immediately tries to head back to the elevator.
“We’re not going up there.” I call the dog back.
“Your clothes, I believe, are in here.” Anton hands me the quilted tote.
“Thanks.”
“You can change in the employee lounge,” he says kindly, “if you’d like.”
I shed the burgundy dress, the last of McCarthy.
“It means nothing to him,” I say to remind myself. “It’s like buying a girl a stick of gum. Meaningless.”
My ballet flats squeak quietly against the marble floor. I drape the dress over the front desk and set the heels on top.
Outside, it’s raining hard.
“He, ah…” Anton begins as I search in my bag for an umbrella. “Why don’t you take a car?”
“Did McCarthy tell you to give me a car?” I don’t mean for it to come out so sharp .
Anton winces. “He said it’s not for you, it’s for Truman. He doesn’t like the rain.”
Truman is already unhappy to be in his rain jacket instead of curled up on McCarthy’s fancy bed, being petted and fed treats.
“I’m just borrowing it,” I finally say, accepting the keys, because I don’t know where I’m going. I’m locked out of the office, and I can’t get to my mom’s house, and all I want to do is drive in the rain and yell along to old Ashlee Simpson songs until the sun comes up.
The valet has the car pulled up under the awning, and Anton sets Truman and several mouthwatering Styrofoam containers on the passenger’s seat.
“There’s utensils in the bag. I believe this is a Diet Coke.” Big white Styrofoam cups are squished into the cup holder.
“Thanks.” Impulsively, I give him a hug.
“Come back and visit, eh?”
I sob to myself as I sit in the front seat of the fancy black sedan and drive out of town.
How did this happen? This is so unfair. Why did I fall in love with him? Why did I fall in love with any of them? Oh my god, what is wrong with me? I’m never going to be happy. I’m never going to have a family. No one’s ever going to love me.
As I wallow, I’m trying to unwrap another taco one-handed before Truman can eat it, aluminum foil and all.
“And Meadow from the forest school has a pro hockey player husband, and he’s good-looking, and he loves her, and she’s the worst person on the planet and told everyone I had pinworms and to stay away from me.” Snot runs down my face .
I can barely see the road through the rain and my tears as I cry uncontrollably while eating Mexican rice and beans from the container in my lap.
“No, Truman, no! Get out of that. You have a taco, Truman. Truman!”
The dog has his foot in the beans and is going for the carne asada .
I grip the steering wheel. “I’m not crashing this car because of you.” One hand on the wheel, I grab the dog by the back of his raincoat.
“What the shit?” I scream, slamming on the brakes as an SUV speeds past me then swerves in front of me. Truman falls off the seat as the sedan careens into the SUV that’s stopped in front of me.
Metal crunches as I hit the car, screaming.
Hands still gripping the wheel, I take several gasping breaths. The airbag didn’t go off, so it’s not that bad of a hit, right?
I toss the take-out container in the seat and, hands trembling, unclick the seat belt and race out into the rain.
“Hello? Are you okay? Are you okay? I’ll call 911.” I pull at the door handle of the driver’s-side door of the SUV.
“You don’t need to call anyone.”
I’m frozen when I see the man in the car. “What the hell?”
“Why don’t you just give us a ride? We’re heading up to my lake house.”
“Are you following me?” I demand as Bethany’s husband heaves himself out of the car, followed by a heavyset man.
I recognize him from that day McCarthy got into a fight in the middle of the street .
“You said McCarthy would be with her.” The dark-haired man scowls at Stu.
“She’s dating him. He must be in the car.”
“You… you’re from that company, ExoTech,” I stammer, tripping over my feet as I try to get away.
“Your boyfriend ruined me.” The disgraced CEO grabs at me.
“Now, Jenna, we’re going to leave McCarthy for Titus. You won’t get hurt if you just come with me.”
Truman’s barking from the car.
Titus peers through the windshield.
“I have flowers for you. There are flowers in the car and muffins. Bethany said you like muffins.”
I glance back to the car. You legally can’t leave the scene of an accident, but this is more like a kidnapping in progress. I inch toward the car.
Titus grabs my wrist. “Where in God’s name is McCarthy? You just wanted this girl, didn’t you?” The heavyset man snarls.
“I’m your fraternity brother. I wouldn’t lie to you,” Stu whines.
“You are coming with me.” Titus starts to drag me to Stu’s car. My ballet flats slide on the wet pavement.
“Your boyfriend ruined my company. I’m broke. I have creditors after me, and now he’s not even here,” Titus shouts, and flecks of his spit mix with the rain on my face.
He pulls out a pair of handcuffs.
Not today, Satan.
I kick at him as he tries clumsily to attach the cuff to my wrist. “I have already had a terrible day, and I am not getting kidnapped. ”
I knee him in the gonads and sprint back to the car, losing one of my shoes.
“Sorry, you’re going to the shoe gods now.”
Titus and Stu rush after me, screaming and waving the cuffs. Stu slams his hands on the hood of the car while I scream, put the car in reverse, and floor the gas.
Well, I thought I put it in reverse.
It’s one of those fancy cars where you can barely make out the little letters.
There’s a thud as I hit Stu then another as I run over Titus.
“Shit, shit, shit!” I scream.
A car going the opposite direction flies past me. I see it slow down in the rearview mirror as I finally do put the car in reverse and try to back up.
“No, no!”
Far down the road, the car’s hazards are on.
A motorcycle roars in the distance.
“Great, more witnesses.”
The tires squeal as I floor the gas and back up. The car jerks as I run over something.
My hands shake. What do I do? And are those police sirens I hear?
“I’m going to jail.” I sob. “How can my life get worse? This isn’t fair.” I can’t think, I’m crying so hard.
A heavy gloved hand knocks on my window.
I scream. It’s one of Titus’s men. I know it is. I should have stayed with McCarthy.
“Help!” I scream.
“Cupcake.” The handle clicks. “Cupcake, unlock the door. ”
“Oh my god.” My fingers are numb. I scrape at the lock until it unlatches.
The door flies open, and McCarthy is gathering me into his arms.
“I ran over them,” I sob. “My life sucks. I’m going to jail for murder. I should have just listened to you be an asshole and gone upstairs to your penthouse.”
Stu is moaning on the ground. Titus isn’t moving, and yes, those are definitely police sirens.
“I’ll handle it,” McCarthy promises, leaning into the car to turn off the headlights.
In the dark, with the moon dim through the clouds, he pulls off his gloves and sets them on top of the car. “For someone who’s in PR, you sure do know how to create a crisis. Everything just goes to shit whenever I’m with you.”
I can’t read his face through the dark visor as he drapes the motorcycle jacket around me, shaking it so I put one arm through then the other.
“It’s because you drive men crazy.” He slides the gloves on my hands, the right one then the left.
“You drive me completely fucking insane. I can’t stop thinking about you.
You wrecked me, you know that, Jenna? You made me fall in love with you.
You might have said it first, but I fell for you first. I was just too much of a coward to say it. ”
“This doesn’t mean I forgive you,” I choke out.
He gently tugs up the jacket zipper. “I would be offended if you did.”
“Or that I love you,” I add.
He takes the helmet off and leans in to kiss me. “But I love you, Jenna. I love you more than I thought I could.” He kisses me again then puts the helmet over my head .
“Now, just for once, can you please keep your mouth shut?” He hands me Truman.
The wail of the sirens gets louder.
He kneels down in front of me. He’s holding my other shoe.
“Wait, what? Where are you going?”
McCarthy turns the headlights on then stands over the crumpled men on the pavement as the cops roll up in their SUVs.
The lady from the car stopped down the road waves manically from under her umbrella.
“That man”—she points at McCarthy—“ran into that car then ran over the driver and his friend. Ran them over like they were squirrels or something, just hit them then backed up. That motorcyclist stopped him.” She waved frantically at me.
“I saw the car door open. I think there was an altercation—that’s when I was trying to call you. ”
The police officer takes one look at me in McCarthy’s motorcycle gear then McCarthy next to the car. “Can I see some ID, sir?”
No. He’s not supposed to be driving. My heart thuds.
I squeeze Truman as the officer’s partner runs the license.
They come back, batons out. McCarthy puts up his hands.
“Sir, you are in violation of state law by driving with a suspended license. I am placing you under arrest.”