51. McCarthy
MCCARTHY
Hawthorne raises a glass to me when I walk out onto Salinger’s patio on his private island, Buddy lumbering after me.
Salinger’s girlfriend’s corgi, Pepper, is asleep on her back on the porch. Buddy gives her ear a sniff before continuing after me.
I pick him up and haul him into my lap.
“What’s all that?” I peer at the platter of grilled zucchini on the table. “I thought we were having salmon.”
“You dumped three bags of zucchini on me, so you can fucking eat it.”
“This is actually only like two zucchinis’ worth of zucchini.” Whitman shoves the platter toward me. “Dogs like zucchini. You should bring it to your volunteering job. ”
“You mean his prison labor.” Fitz snickers.
“The only reason he’s going is because he’s trying to get back with that girl,” Faulkner sneers.
“Shut up.”
“You owe me,” he hisses under his breath.
“It’s coming.”
Salinger glares at us over the mounds of zucchini.
“It sounds like you’re making progress if she gave you all this zucchini and made that post about Buddy.” Hawthorne sneaks Buddy some zucchini.
The dog scarfs it down happily then rests his head on the table.
“What firm is Jenna at now?” Salinger asks. “Mandy wants to use her on the port project and is thinking about hiring her.”
“Jenna doesn’t do well working for other people.” I sip my drink.
“You can’t just keep her locked up in your weird-ass penthouse all day.”
“I’m not locking her up anywhere.” I can’t keep the anger and bitterness out of my voice. “She’s staying with her mom and stepdad and refuses to see me.”
“Wait.” Faulkner chokes out a laugh around a stick of zucchini. “She didn’t take you back? After you went to prison for her and got her fiancé charged with fraud and got her money back? I stan her. Love any woman who fucks you over.”
I told you Faulkner was a complete psychopath.
“You did what?” Salinger hollers.
“Aww.” Hawthorne ruffles my hair while Buddy barks happily, thinking it’s a game. “He does have a heart after all. What a romantic sacrifice. It’s Titanic worthy. ”
Whitman whistles a bar from “My Heart Will Go On.”
“Shut up!” I scream at my brothers while they roar with laughter. “I hate all of you.”
“No, I hate all of you,” Salinger snarls. “McCarthy, you went to prison for a girl you barely know? Are you out of your goddamn—”
A barge blares its horn.
“Oh, hell yeah, is that them?” Faulkner’s eyes light up.
“Who?”
“Chill out, Sally.” I slide back my chair.
Our older brother follows us down the cliffside path to the dock where the barge is offloading ten of the biggest bison I’ve ever seen.
“Whoa ho ho!” Faulkner whoops.
“Sign here.” The barge captain, who’s chewing a huge wad of gum, thrusts a clipboard at me, and I scrawl my signature on it.
“How are you going to get them up the slope? Did you bring a crane?” Fitz asks the captain.
“You’re not. You’re taking them back to wherever the fuck you got them from.”
“One-way trip.” The captain jumps back up on the barge.
Buddy, who has waited at the top of the path, barks as the buffalo make a lowing sound.
Salinger is pissed. “What were you thinking?”
I wince as he swears at me.
“Doesn’t it feel like home?” Faulkner is giddy.
One of the buffalo surges against his cage, and it creaks ominously.
“ You. ” Salinger turns on me .
“Don’t be mad at him. He had to pay off Faulkner,” Isaac explains.
“Pay him off for what?”
“Don’t ask questions. Felonies were committed.” Faulkner waves him away.
“Guess you better get Jenna back,” Hawthorne jokes. “Sounds like Salinger’s going to kill both of you, which is going to be a huge PR nightmare.”
My shoulders fall.
After coaxing the lazy corgi to wake up, Salinger prods her, grumbling, to herd the buffalo.
“I don’t know if she’s going to do it,” Fitz says, waving zucchini at the yawning corgi.
“She’s a corgi; she’s bred for herding.”
Faulkner’s opening up all the cages, and the dog digs deep into her breeding and remembers that maybe she is supposed to herd livestock after all.
“Not up there,” Salinger bellows as the corgi starts to steer them in the direction of his house and pristine lawn.
“Shhh! You’ll create a stampede.” Hawthorne grabs him.
“Can’t they go to a petting zoo?” Fitz suggests.
“Can we eat one of them?” I ask.
“They’re pets.”
Buddy barks at the buffalo, helping to turn them away from the house.
We follow along at a distance as my brothers, chirping mildly, watch the two dogs coax the massive animals down the beach. It’s everything I love all in one place.
Well, almost.
“So, she really didn’t take you back, huh?” Salinger matches my pace .
“I just have to keep trying.” I press my lips together. “She’ll cave eventually.”
“Sounds healthy.”
“What am I supposed to do, give up?” I argue.
“I thought you didn’t even like her?”
“I don’t. I can’t stand her. Except all I want to do is be around her. I love her. She’s snarky and funny and doesn’t take my shit. Well, not most of the time, anyways. Maybe she did get tired of me.”
“You’re a lot to handle.” Salinger nudges me. “Maybe now that you have your dog back, you’ll calm down.”
“Maybe.”
Buddy loops back to me, a spring in his step like he’s a puppy again.
I bend down to let him kiss my face and reassure him that I’m still here. Then he lopes back to keep the buffalo moving to the far side of the island.
“You actually love her.”
It’s not a question.
“Did you tell her?”
“I’m not a complete idiot, Salinger.”
“Inquiring minds want to know.”
“Yeah, of course. Over and over. She doesn’t believe me, though.”
“You do have a penchant for lying.”
“Go to hell.”
“It sounds like she gave you the key to your heart. Maybe you can return the favor.”
“I don’t know what she wants,” I admit. “I thought I gave her what she wants. I told her I’d marry her, but—whatever. You don’t care.” I shut my mouth .
Salinger draws an arm around my shoulders. “You’re my little brother. You’re annoying, and you make terrible decisions, but you and the rest of the brat pack are my whole world. I don’t want you to be completely miserable.”
“Maybe I’m delusional. Maybe she’s right, and I just want to win, and I don’t love her, and all I’m going to do is hurt her. I still feel guilty. I should have tried harder to find Buddy. I let him down. If it wasn’t for Jenna…” My voice cracks.
Salinger wraps me in a hug suddenly. “I know how hard you tried. I know.”
“You can let go of me,” I mumble into his shoulder.
“No.” He squeezes me tighter until I can’t breathe, then he ruffles my hair. “For someone who’s a cocky piece of shit, that sure does sound like giving up.”
I sit on the rock wall by the ocean, watching the silhouettes of the buffalo as they nose around.
It’s like being back in the compound, where our father had a few buffalo for meat and they’d wander in and around the compound, too big for you to do anything other than get out of the way and marvel at the miracle of creation.
If Jenna had said she hated me, I could work with that.
I don’t believe you.
How do I make her believe me? How can I show her I’m different from all the other men in her life, that I’m not going to use her or hurt her, that I’ll be hers forever and ever?