Chapter 36
Scarlett
Two hours later and we’re still sailing. I wanted to jump ship the moment Matt over-reacted about the swimsuit. Instead, I’m here—floating on a boat with him. I hope I gave him a dose of reality. He can’t control everything .
I’m at the front of the boat, giving Matt some space. He has chosen to stay up on the top deck, steering. The water slaps against the sides of the boat as I think this through.
Matt seems conflicted, so now it’s awkward staying with him.
Maybe I should go talk to him and ask him to take me to the closest city so I can head back home.
I think we’re both confused with how our relationship is going.
I know I like Matt a lot. The sex was different today.
He doesn’t talk a lot, so I’m thinking he shows his feelings.
Going slow and looking at me like he would never let me go is different from the rough, take-charge man I know in the bedroom.
I also know I want a commitment from him. He’s not ready to be committed; maybe he never was. He might feel something between us, but it doesn’t mean he’ll stay with me. I can’t continue with him. I’ve already put my heart in danger.
This is so stupid. I’m stupid for thinking we could ever have a future. It’s just about sex to him. I need to keep the fact clear in my mind.
“Miss Scarlett. ”
My stomach drops at his greeting. I stay facing the open horizon. I keep my head held high, ready to break it off with him.
Time to let go of him, Scarlett.
I don’t know why I ever agreed to be casual with him.
Dating someone sounded good, but I shouldn’t have had sex with him if I wanted to keep things casual.
I need promise, security, and commitment from my partner.
I have to be honest about that. I’m not like Paige; I can’t be casual, no matter how hard I want to try.
Tears cloud my eyesight. I blink and then turn around to him.
The light from the sun highlights the different shades of brown in his hair, making it look golden brown.
His clothes are back in place, but he left his shirt mostly unbuttoned, revealing his sculpted chest and abs.
It’s not fair how attracted I am to him. It makes saying goodbye hard.
“Hey, Matt. I don’t know the rest of your plan, but maybe you should let me off. I can find my way home,” I say, wringing my fingers in front of my stomach. He seems alarmed and clenches his fists.
“What? No! I’m not dropping you off so you can leave.”
“You’re planning on going back to Texas, Matt.
I don’t know if we’re on the same page there.
Might as well cut the ties now,” I say, trying to act detached.
“This trip is bringing us closer, which isn’t the best idea when we know you’re going to have to go back to your own life.
I can see how a committed relationship would be too hard.
I don’t think I’d ever want to leave my little town. It’s okay.”
“Scarlett, I don’t want you to leave. Please stay with me.” He grabs my hands in his, staring into my eyes.
Why is he making this so hard?
All I want to do is just stay in his arms. I should be mad at him.
I should be trying to get far away from him.
Someone trying to control everything in your life is more than enough reason to get out of the relationship.
I know it doesn’t come from a malicious place, it’s just his way to feel secure.
I don’t think he learned a proper way to express his feelings.
He certainly doesn’t talk about them. It makes me want to stay and see what else he’ll show me about him, but I can’t.
“We had a little argument. It doesn’t mean you need to jump off a boat. I want to stay with you. It’s why I came down to talk to you.”
“I can’t continue whatever this is between us. I know when you go, you’re going to leave me with a broken heart.”
“I don’t want to be with anyone else. I want to be with you. I want to see where else this goes.”
“What happens when you go back to Texas? I’ll still be in Washington.” I slap my forehead. “I’m such an idiot.”
“Hey, hey. Look at me.” He’s holding my hands and staring straight into my eyes, even though I’m trying to look away. “I want to be official. I don’t want to let you go. Say you’ll be mine.”
“Ugh!” I say pulling my hands away and running them through my hair. “That’s even worse! Now it feels like I gave you an ultimatum. I’m not trying to force you into anything. I’m trying to protect my heart.”
“Sweetheart, no one can force me into anything I don’t want to do.” He grabs my face and directs me to look at him. “Please stay with me. I want to be with you. There’s no reason for you to leave right now. Let’s figure this out.”
“Are you sure? I can go right now. Cut any more feelings. You can be a hot, single bachelor again, screwing anything with legs.”
“I want your legs.” He holds my chin with his hand. “Now say you’ll be mine. ”
I nod my head. He wraps me in his arms and just like that, he pulled me into his grasp again. I can’t tell if my stomach is doing flips because it’s excited or about to throw up. I guess it doesn’t matter; my heart was already gone the day I started training him.
Please be careful with it, Matt.