Chapter 20
20
‘This is crazy, what was I thinking? I can’t do this!’ Kate remarked, downing a rum and Coke.
She and Joel were sat in the green room waiting for the show to begin. A draw had been made to settle the order and they were on first.
Each couple had to answer two questions and then it was the talent round which was to be judged by a specialist panel consisting of a previous X Factor contestant, a theatre arts drama coach and Judith Chalmers. After those results were in, there would be a final question to determine the winners.
‘We’re going to be fine; we’ve probably practised more than any couple here,’ Joel reassured her.
‘Because we don’t know each other!’ Kate reminded him.
‘And how much do you think real couples know about each other?’
‘Everything.’
‘Like you and Matthew?’
‘That’s below the belt.’
‘I’m just trying to get your confidence up. We can do this; we’ve practised and we know each other. We couldn’t have done much more if we tried,’ Joel spoke.
‘I’m dreading the talent round,’ Kate said, finishing her drink .
‘I can’t wait. I have absolutely no idea what you are going to come out and do.’
‘Neither do I.’
‘You’re going to be fantastic,’ a familiar voice spoke.
Kate turned around to see Lynn and her husband Darren stood behind them.
‘Oh Lynn, you’re here! Hello, Darren,’ Kate greeted as she enveloped her secretary in a hug.
‘Excuse me if I don’t shake hands,’ Darren joked, waving his stump at Kate.
‘Stop doing that, Darren; everyone thinks it’s really freaky,’ Lynn told him.
‘Joel, this is Lynn and her husband Darren. Lynn’s my saviour at work; she does far more than she should,’ Kate introduced.
‘Hello. Nice to meet you both,’ Joel greeted shyly, trying not to look at Darren and his injury.
‘Has Hermione rung? Is Bethan OK?’ Kate asked.
‘I phoned her just before we slipped past the security man on the door. Bethan’s in bed, fast asleep with Mr Crisps. Hermione, Philip and the older kids, I forget their names, are sat in front of the telly waiting for the show to start,’ Lynn informed her.
‘God, I wish you hadn’t told me that,’ Kate replied.
‘So, are you nervous?’ Lynn enquired.
‘Yes! I’ve already had three drinks on top of the drinks I had with the canapés earlier,’ Kate said.
‘You’ll be fine. Just focus on the Lady Dragon. You have got to see what she’s wearing. Think Liz Hurley in that dress, you know, the one with the safety pins, and then mix that image with something Lady Gaga might turn up in,’ Lynn explained.
‘God, I’d better not look. The bikini at lunchtime was almost enough to make the chicken satays reappear.’
‘And Andrew Kent is wearing leather trousers. ’
‘Stop! I don’t want to hear any more,’ Kate shouted.
‘Kate! Joel! We need you backstage! Chop, chop!’ Becky suddenly yelled as she bounced towards them with her clipboard.
‘Oh good luck! We’d better go back to our seats. See you later,’ Lynn spoke, waving a hand at the couple.
‘Bye,’ Darren added, directing the response at Joel.
Joel hurriedly took hold of Kate’s hand and led her towards Becky, who was rushing to the stage door.
‘You’re shaking,’ Kate remarked, feeling Joel’s hand.
‘Nerves,’ Joel replied with a smile.
‘But you don’t get nervous, ever. You told me,’ Kate spoke, looking up at him.
‘First time for everything,’ he replied.
The music began. Larry Rawlins introduced himself and ran through the rules of the show for the audience and the viewers at home. Kate and Joel were introduced to the crowd and then it was time for the questions to start.
Kate could see Miranda in the audience. She was wearing a white dress, tied down the sides with thin crisscross strings and Andrew Kent was next to her, dressed in black, leather trousers teamed with a bright-red shirt and a thin, eighties-style leather tie. His hair was slicked back and he was chewing gum. He didn’t look like a partner in a successful law firm; he looked like a pimp.
Colin Sykes and Dawn the trainee were sat at the same table, all over each other. She was almost sat on his lap and his shirt was half undone.
‘So Kate, it’s you to go into the Booth of Tranquillity while we ask Joel two questions,’ Larry spoke as the Love Dove, now sporting a sequined waistcoat, grabbed Kate’s arm and hauled her towards the booth .
‘Right, Joel, as soon as Kate has her blindfold and headphones on, I will ask the first question – OK, I’m assured she can’t hear us now. Right Joel, Kate has been invited to a party organised by her very best friend but she has a cold and doesn’t really feel like going. What does she do? Does she A, go to the party, she hates to let people down; does she B, not go to the party, she feels too unwell and her friend will understand; or C, does she tell her friend she’s too ill to go but offer to bake something for the party to make up for it,’ Larry spoke.
The audience let out a trickle of completely unnecessary laughter.
‘Well, Kate definitely doesn’t bake so it won’t be C. I will have to say A, she would go to the party and not let her friend down,’ Joel answered.
‘Ah! Kate’s a good friend, ladies and gentlemen, isn’t that nice. OK, question two. Kate finds out that her best friend’s chap is cheating on her. What does she do? Does she A, tell her friend straight away, honesty is the best policy; does she B, tell the guy she knows exactly what he’s up to and order him to come clean; or C, does she do nothing at all, after all, it’s none of her business?’
‘That’s a tough one – but I think she would say A, she would tell her friend straight away,’ Joel spoke.
‘Right, well, without further ado, let’s get Kate back and see if we can get some matches and some Kissing Gates on the board,’ Larry spoke theatrically.
Joel took hold of Kate’s hand as she re-joined them and he gave it a reassuring squeeze.
It was hard to adjust to the bright lights when you had been blindfolded in a plastic tube but as Kate’s eyes regained their focus, it seemed like there were hundreds of people in the audience, all looking at her. It was completely unnerving now, but what was it going to be like when she was dressed up in a skimpy burlesque outfit ?
‘OK, Kate, we said to Joel – Kate has been invited to a party organised by her best friend but she has a cold and doesn’t really feel like going. What does she do? Does she not go to the party, she feels too unwell and her friend will understand or does she tell her friend she is too ill to go but offer to bake something for the party to make up for it, or does she go to the party, she hates to let people down,’ Larry asked.
Kate looked at Joel as if to gauge from his expression what he had answered.
‘Well, I don’t like to let anyone down so I would go to the party,’ Kate said, tentatively.
‘YES! A match and an all-important Kissing Gate on the board!’ Larry yelled, prompting the Love Dove to start flapping its wings and running over to the scoreboard.
Kate smiled at Joel and he squeezed her hand again.
‘OK, let’s not get carried away. The next question, we said to Joel – Kate finds out her best friend’s chap is cheating on her. What does she do? Does she tell the guy she knows exactly what he is up to and order him to come clean? Does she tell her friend straight away, honesty is the best policy? Or does she do nothing at all, after all, it’s none of her business,’ Larry enquired.
‘I would tell my friend straight away because honesty is always the best policy,’ Kate answered confidently, looking at Joel.
‘YES! A match! And a second Kissing Gate on the board! Kate and Joel, full marks, you can’t get any better than that! Let’s give them a big hand, ladies and gentlemen and we will see them a little later in the talent round. Kate and Joel, everyone!’ Larry spoke, directing them offstage.
Kate was beaming when they arrived backstage. It was the best start they could ever have imagined .
‘I can’t believe we got full marks; we couldn’t have done any better!’ Kate exclaimed happily.
‘No,’ Joel replied with a nod.
‘What’s the matter? We’re completely on course for the finals and the money!’ Kate screamed excitedly.
‘Yeah, I know.’
‘Can you believe we got both the questions right? Let’s have a drink. Lager?’ Kate offered, bouncing towards the free bar.
‘Sure,’ Joel replied with a half-hearted smile.
‘Dreading the next bit, though. Wish I’d had time to think of a proper talent; my effort is going to get our marks down for sure. Judith Chalmers is going to absolutely hate it. I mean, she’s been places, she’s seen exotic dancers in every corner of the globe, I am just going to look like some sort of untrained, old-fashioned stripper,’ Kate babbled as the barman gave her the drinks.
‘If it’s any consolation, my song isn’t the best either,’ Joel spoke.
‘No, it’s no consolation! I was relying on you to be a hit with the judges! Where’s your guitar? Did you want to have a little practise?’ Kate suggested.
‘No.’
‘But if you’re worried – do you want to play it to me?’ Kate asked.
‘No, it’s fine, I’ll be fine,’ Joel insisted with a sigh.
‘Are you OK?’ Kate questioned.
‘Yes, fine.’
‘You don’t look fine; you look a bit peaky. Are you ill or something? You should have said if you needed painkillers or something, I always carry Calpol and Ibuprofen.’
‘I’m all right, honestly. It’s a bit warm in here, that’s all,’ Joel replied, taking a swig of his drink.
‘Do you want to go outside?’
‘No. ’
‘OK.’
‘I’m just overcome that we did so well,’ Joel joked with a smile.
‘Me too,’ Kate replied with a happy grin.
‘Now ladies and gentlemen, we are in for an entertainment extravaganza next when our competing couples retake the stage to perform their talent for us. Remember, after the first round, we have Kate and Joel, Hayley and Anthony and Brian and Martha all in joint first place with two Kissing Gates each. But the couple winning this round gets five Kissing Gates and the runners up get three Kissing Gates, so there is a lot to play for in this section of the competition. So then, without further ado, let’s welcome back onto the stage Joel, who is performing a James Morrison number on the guitar,’ Larry Rawlins introduced.
‘Good luck,’ Kate spoke as she waited in the wings, her coat covering her burlesque outfit.
Joel smiled at her and went onto the stage where a stool and microphone had been set up. The audience applauded his entrance and then waited for him to begin.
He took a moment to compose himself and then he started to play.
As soon as his fingers hit the strings, a hush descended over the room and everyone seemed mesmerised by every note. When he began to sing, Kate could see the jaws of every female fall open as they admired this gorgeous former model with the fantastic voice. Joel sang powerfully and with emotion. The audience didn’t seem to faze him at all. He played beautifully, he sang well and when he came to the end of the performance, the crowd clapped and cheered appreciatively.
He accepted his applause and then left the stage to re-join Kate .
‘You were brilliant. I had no idea you could play and sing like that,’ Kate remarked, smiling at Joel as he took the guitar off.
‘It was a bit rough around the edges, especially on the second verse,’ Joel replied with a sigh.
‘Rubbish! James Morrison himself couldn’t have performed it better and Judith was smiling the whole way through, tapping her fingers on the desk in time. She loved it,’ Kate informed him.
‘…please welcome onto the stage, Kate Baxter!’ Larry announced.
‘God, it’s my turn. Here, hold my coat,’ Kate ordered and she whipped it off to reveal the vintage cream and gold dress with a corset-style top.
Kate took a deep breath, thought about the reason she was doing this and closed her eyes. She had to get into character if this was going to work. She walked onto the stage and tried her best to look demure and in control.
Who was she trying to kid? She looked like someone out of Readers Wives or the ‘before’ look of someone from Extreme Makeover .
Some male members of the crowd whooped and cheered and Kate, although focussed, could see Colin Sykes sit a little further forward on his chair. Miranda had a face that looked like it had been sucking lemons and Andrew Kent was starting to perspire heavily due to the combination of spotlights, an ill-fitting shirt and the leather trousers.
The music, reminiscent of a funked-up Glenn Miller, began and Kate tried to remember everything she had learnt from a few evenings on YouTube, a phone conversation with Mental Melanie and a couple of practise runs in front of the mirror. She moved lightly, yet confidently, pulling at her elbow length gloves and removing them as slowly and demurely as she could, much to the crowd’s enjoyment. She used her prop, a chair, swooshing her leg over it, sitting astride it, front to the audience, back to the audience, removing clothing as she went along. She smiled and looked in control, she held her arms high in the air and as the music reached a crescendo she whipped off the front of her dress so she was stood only in the corset and stockings.
The men wolf-whistled and cheered and the whole crowd applauded as Kate felt her cheeks redden. She bowed politely, collected her discarded clothes and then hurried off the stage, grabbing her coat from Joel and putting it on as quickly as she could.
‘Wow,’ Joel spoke, smiling at her broadly.
‘What?’ Kate asked, hugging her coat to her.
‘I’ve never seen anything quite like it before,’ Joel told her.
‘And I doubt you ever will. Was it that terrible? I don’t think any of the judges were particularly impressed. I’m sure I saw Judith purse her lips at one point.’
‘Are you kidding? It wasn’t terrible, it was terrific. I had no idea you did that,’ Joel spoke.
‘I don’t do that and I won’t be doing it, ever again. It was Lynn’s stupid idea and I couldn’t come up with anything else at short notice. So there we go! We’re doomed!’ Kate spoke.
‘After that performance, I’d say we had it in the bag,’ Joel told her.
‘Really? Was I good? It was completely out of character really and I didn’t have a clue what I was doing,’ Kate exclaimed excitedly.
‘It didn’t come across like that,’ Joel assured her.
‘Well, good. I was focussed, I was thinking about Bethan and the reason I am doing this whole insane competition and then I thought about the solicitor’s exam and I realised that without Matthew, the world is my oyster. I can do whatever I want to do and I can be whoever I want to be. If I want to be a burlesque dancer then I will be,’ Kate spoke, beaming.
‘And is that what you want to be? ’
‘I don’t know yet. I think I need to try pole dancing too, just to compare,’ Kate admitted with a smile.
‘Now that I would like to see,’ Joel said.
‘Come on, come on, all back on stage for the results of the talent round, chop, chop Madeline and Michael. Have I got Brian and Martha and Hayley and Anthony?’ Becky questioned as she flapped about in the green room, collecting everyone together.
‘I guess that means us as well,’ Kate said, downing her drink and preparing to join the group.
‘I guess it does. I hope we don’t have to perform again if the judges can’t decide,’ Joel remarked.
‘That won’t happen; they’re on a tight schedule. They have to finish on time for ad breaks and things,’ Kate replied.
‘Thank God for ad breaks.’
‘Right, let’s welcome them all back on stage please, our wonderful Knowing Me Knowing You contestants,’ Larry Rawlins introduced, holding out a sequined arm.
The contestants filed back onto the stage as the audience and judges applauded them.
‘Right, without further ado, the two couples, winners and runners-up in the talent round are…’
Kate held her breath and took hold of Joel’s hand. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed Larry Rawlins to say their names.
‘Gloria and Mark!’
Kate squeezed her eyes shut even tighter and felt her chest contract. She also sensed Joel’s grip tighten on her hand.
‘And Kate and Joel!’ Larry announced finally.
Kate snapped her eyes open and grinned gleefully.
‘And out of those two couples, the judges were unanimous, the winners, with five Kissing Gates to add to their board are – Gloria and Mark with their wonderful acts, the juggling and the aerobics,’ Larry spoke, clapping his hands together as the sixty-year-old Gloria French-kissed her partner for all to see.
‘Oh God, please tell me he did the aerobics,’ Kate remarked.
‘So well done Gloria and Mark, five Kissing Gates and Kate and Joel, three Kissing Gates, which means you are our front runners with one round left to go,’ Larry announced.
‘Don’t be disappointed,’ Joel said.
‘I’m not. Well, perhaps a bit. I’d like to see what fantastic juggling and aerobics they did,’ Kate said.
‘We’re second; we only need to come second to be in the final. We just need to do our best in the last round,’ Joel encouraged.
‘Yes, I know,’ Kate replied, looking out into the audience.
Lynn was waving wildly and whistling, Colin was necking Dawn and Miranda was laughing ridiculously loudly and touching Andrew Kent’s knee. All looked the worse for booze.
The next half an hour didn’t really matter to them, but it was absolutely crucial to Kate. She had to make the final; she needed that prize money. She wanted to get her life back on track. She wanted to give Bethan everything she needed without having to struggle. But most of all, she needed to shake herself free of Matthew. If she could do that financially, then her emotions should surely follow suit.